Ana

by E. R. Wade

  I wish she wasn’t on the pill. I still as l realize what crossed my mind. What the fuck am I thinking? I don’t want a kid . . . or do I? An image of a smiling blonde-haired, brown-eyed little girl pops into my head. She’s a miniature version of Ana. Love rushes through me, almost knocking me over. I want that child with Ana. And that’s when I know I’m in much bigger trouble than I previously thought. A kid? I don’t know a damn thing about kids.

  “Luke?” There’s a note of concern in her voice.

  Feeling shaken, I force the image of what our child could look like out of my mind and clamp down on my unexpected desire to create a life with her. I suddenly realize that my hands are gripping her hips tightly. I relax my hold, and place soft kisses on her shoulders and back, and then slowly pull out of her.

  “Don’t move,” I say, putting my dick back into my boxer briefs and zipping up my trousers. I look longingly at her bent over on my desk. Her skin is flawless and smooth, and her ass is perfectly shaped. God, she’s beautiful.

  An unfamiliar feeling of possessiveness settles over me. I want my juices to stay in her for as long as possible. I resist the urge to kiss her, and turn to look for her panties. It’s hanging on the arm of my chair.

  I move closer to her and murmur in her ear, “Don’t clean up.”

  “I’ll smell of sex,” she says softly.

  “No, you’ll smell of me,” I tell her.

  “Okay.” Her voice is so sweet.

  I pick up her panties and help her put it on.

  “You can move now,” I say gently, taking a few steps back with the faint hope that the distance would make me stop feeling so much.

  Ana dresses up with a small smile on her face. I have no doubt that she knows the effect she has on me.

  “I have to get back. Rae is waiting.”

  I nod. “I’ll call you.”

  She smiles at me, kisses me softly on my lips and walks to the door.

  “Ana?”

  She turns to me, one hand on the door handle.

  “Yeah?” She has a pleased look on her face.

  Have dinner with me. Tonight. Tomorrow night. Every night.

  Date me.

  Bring your stuff over to my house and leave them there.

  I’m crazy about you.

  Our child would be so beautiful, just like her mother.

  “I’m glad you stopped by,” I say, unable to say all the things I really want to.

  Her smile widens. “Me too.”

  I don’t take my eyes off her as she walks out the door.

  NINE

  Ana

  My heart is thudding as I leave Luke’s office. I make my way down the hallway on unsteady legs. I can still feel him all around me, inside me, possessing me. My lips are still swollen from his kisses. I press a hand to my stomach willing the flips of excitement to stop.

  When Rae told me she wanted to get lunch for Cole and drop it off at his office, I was ecstatic. There was no way I wasn’t going to go with her. I wasn’t going to pass up a chance to see Luke. And I was glad I was wearing one of my favorite dresses today. All I had to do before we left the office was freshen my makeup and get rid of the ponytail, leaving my hair to fall loosely around my shoulders.

  When he walked into Cole’s office and stared at me with those intense and gorgeous green eyes of his, I wanted nothing more than to go to him and wrap my arms around him, but Rae and Cole’s presence stopped me. I know Luke was happy to see me and the way he was looking at me when I was leaving his office was like he didn’t want me to leave. And he looked affected. I know he didn’t just want to say he was glad I stopped by. I don’t know why he didn’t say what was really on his mind. But I’m pretty confident that we’re going to move to the next level of our relationship very soon. I have no doubt that he has strong feelings for me. As for me, my feelings for him are deep, very deep. I’m in love with him, and I want nothing more than to get closer to him. I know he’s never had a girlfriend and this is all new to him so I’m willing to be patient.

  “You look happy.”

  Startled, I turn to my right and find Rae sitting in a comfortable and spacious sitting area. I try to wipe the smile from my face but I don’t manage it.

  “What are you doing sitting here?” I ask.

  “Cole has a meeting. I decided to wait and see you do the walk of shame.”

  I laugh a little. “I’m not ashamed. I’m happy.”

  “I can see that,” she says. “Come on. Let’s go back to the office.”

  ***

  The rest of the day passes and I don’t hear from Luke. The next day, I’m itching to hear his voice but I repeatedly stop myself from calling or texting him. By the third day, I’m more than a little frustrated and distracted. Why the hell hasn’t he called me? Rae says everyone at Enton has been very busy, but I’m not buying it. How can he be too busy to send a text? Just one little text. Surely, it can’t be that hard. And because I’ve waited this long to hear from him, and there’s been nothing but silence from his end, I’m reluctant to make the first move. I won’t handle any rejection well. I hate the way I’ve been constantly keeping one eye on my phone no matter what I’m doing. My asshole boss, Colin, asked me this morning if he was disturbing me since it seemed like I had more important things to do than the job I’m being handsomely paid to do. The word asshole was created solely for him. The man truly embodies the word. It doesn’t matter that I consistently put in long hours and I’ve grown our revenue from advertisers significantly every year for the past five years I’ve been working at Raynier. Also, the asshole has no compunction about taking the credit for my work. Okay . . . I admit I shouldn’t have been staring at my phone willing it to ring while he was speaking to me.

  Dammit! This is Luke’s fault. He’s succeeded in turning me into the type of woman who yearns so much for a man that my entire focus is on him. Luke has had me longing for him from the first day I saw him. I found his previous attempts to avoid me puzzling and frustrating, but now that we’ve spent a lot of time together and he’s had me in every way, I’m doubly frustrated with the way he makes me feel like he has feelings for me and then acting like I don’t exist. The truth is that I want him but not on his terms anymore. I want the emotional and physical connection. I want to be the most important person – not just woman – in his life. I want him to love me. I want it all. I don’t want to settle for less.

  Sighing, I know I need to get back to work. The page layouts for the New Year issue need to be signed off and I need to take a look at some of the mockups my team created.

  Hours later, I decide I’m done for the day. There’s still no word from Luke. There’s no point going home to my empty apartment. I need something to take my mind off him. I call Mia and ask her if she’d like to get a drink with me, and maybe some dinner. She says yes, and then I call Rae. After speaking with her, I’m more annoyed with Luke than ever. Rae already has plans with Cole. Fine! Since Luke has decided to pull away from me, I’m not going to waste another second thinking about him. He can do whatever the fuck he wants, I think to myself as I unseeingly dump some items into my bag and grab my phone from my desk. Mia is already at the lobby when I get there.

  She takes one look at my face, and asks, “What’s with you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “He still hasn’t called.” It’s not a question.

  “Who the fuck cares?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant and failing.

  “Obviously, someone does,” she responds, amused. “Ana, you should call him. You don’t have to wait for him to call first,” she adds as we enter the elevator. Thankfully, we’re the only ones in it. “Has it occurred to you that he may not know that you’re upset he hasn’t called? Don’t forget that he’s never been in a relationship so this is all new to him. And anyway, he’s done a lot of firsts with you.”

  Some of my anger fades. Mia is right. I didn’t consider that he isn’t used to this. I know we’re not officially a couple but I’m hopi
ng we’ll get there eventually. I felt like we were on the right track before the past few days. My mind flashes to the times we spent together – watching TV at his place and mine, having meals together, watching Tottenham at the stadium, spending nights and weekends together, and making love. With Luke, it isn’t just sex. It’s never been just sex. Every time we’ve been intimate, I’ve given him a part of myself. I’ve never been that way with any other man. Maybe that’s why I’m feeling too vulnerable to make the first move this time.

  “I made the very first move,” I mutter. We’re walking to the bar a few blocks away.

  “Yes, but he’s made every first move since then. He’s the one that’s taken your relationship this far,” she points out.

  “I don’t know . . .” I say, my words trailing off.

  “Ana, when did you start doubting yourself? This isn’t you. Stop second-guessing yourself and call him. We both know he’ll be happy to hear from you.”

  “Yeah. Okay. I’ll call him.”

  “Good.”

  “Not tonight. I’ll call him tomorrow.” I have to think about what I’ll say to him and I intend to practice sounding casual.

  “Whatever makes you happy,” she says. What would make me happy is if he turns up right now and takes me in his arms, kisses me passionately and apologizes for not being in touch since Monday. I smile imagining him doing that.

  “You’re smiling. Thank goodness. I was on the verge of calling Luke to tell him to call you. I was tired of seeing you sulk,” she teases.

  I give her a sharp look. “You wouldn’t,” I say confidently.

  “Don’t be so sure. I was getting desperate. I didn’t like seeing you mope, like your favorite kitten had run away from home.”

  “I don’t even know if I like cats,” I say.

  She smiles. “Imagine that.”

  She’s clearly mocking me so I don’t bother saying anything else. I pull open the doors to the bar and walk inside.

  TEN

  Ana

  A petite dark-haired hostess greets us and asks if we’d like a table for two. After we’re seated, we place our drink order. Since there’s a two-for-one deal on all margaritas today, we order two pitchers.

  We talk about work and Mia tells me about the on-going social media campaign she’s spearheading to boost subscription. Zadie’s subscription rate has been increasing steadily especially in our target market – young professional women. Mia and her team have been doing a fantastic job with the digital content. We’re about halfway through the first pitcher when we decide that we’d better order our dinner. I’m suddenly feeling really hungry. The appetizers I’ve had didn’t make a dent in my stomach. As soon as my dinner of grilled chicken and sweet potato fries arrive, I dig in. Mia is having a beetroot and avocado salad but I have no doubt that she’s going to help herself to at least half of my fries.

  After I finish my meal, I glance around the now full bar to see if I can spot our waiter. I’ve been looking forward to a slice of their dark chocolate pecan cake with mint chocolate frosting since I walked through the doors. That’s when I see him. Sitting at the bar. With a woman. I can’t take my eyes off them. I almost don’t believe it’s him I’m seeing. The slender brunette he’s with smiles up at him. She looks young, maybe twenty or twenty-one. She’s pretty, but I think she’d be a lot prettier without all the makeup she has on.

  The woman – girl may be a more appropriate way to describe her – slides down from her bar stool. It looks like she’s leaving but she stands right in front of him talking animatedly. The jeans she’s wearing looks like it was sprayed on her and her red shirt is showing damn too much cleavage.

  Someone touches my arm and I turn to see Mia’s concerned face.

  “Are you okay? I called you three times but you didn’t seem to hear me. What were you looking at? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  I don’t answer her. I turn back to see Luke has placed his arm across the brunette’s shoulders. The sick feeling at the pit of my stomach I’ve been trying hard to ignore intensifies. They look too familiar to be just friends.

  Now I know why he hasn’t bothered to call or text me.

  “Ana, you’re trembling. What’s going on?”

  I turn back to Mia. Yes, I’m trembling. I’m also trying to get oxygen into my lungs. And my heart feels like it’s being shattered into a million pieces. I’d like to say that I’m trembling with anger but there’s no point lying to myself. Yes, I’m angry but it’s hurt, soul-crushing hurt, that’s affecting me so badly.

  I grab my bag from the floor. “I have to go,” I say, pulling out my wallet and pulling out some cash. I have no idea if it’s too little or too much. I don’t count it. I just drop it on the table.

  “Okay. We’ll leave now,” Mia says, looking very concerned. She takes out a twenty from the notes on the table and pushes it into my bag while picking up her bag and standing up.

  As I stand up to leave, I can’t resist taking one last look. At that precise moment, Luke turns and looks straight at me, our gazes colliding. Surprise flashes across his face.

  “Oh my god,” Mia murmurs beside me. Now she knows what the problem is. The brunette turns to see what’s taking Luke’s attention away from her. She glances at Mia and I, and then turns back to him. She says something to him but he doesn’t respond, his gaze is still on me. He starts to stand up. It’s obvious he wants to come over. I have no desire to talk to him so I tear my gaze away and hurriedly push through the crowd, not bothering to check if Mia is behind me. I’m relieved when I push open the doors and step out into the cool spring night.

  A hand grasps my arm and from the tingles that shoot up my arm, I know it’s him.

  “Ana?”

  I wrench my arm away from him and turn around. “Don’t ever touch me again,” I say vehemently.

  He looks stunned, but quickly recovers. He raises his hands, his palms facing me. “I’m not going to touch you,” he says gently.

  I should walk away but I can’t. My legs feel like they’re glued to the floor. Hurt vibrates through my entire body. I just stand there and stare at him.

  “What’s wrong?” His voice still has a gentle and calm tone.

  What’s wrong is that I’ve obviously been a fool. I’ve been hoping . . . truly hoping that he’d feel at least a little of what I feel for him. In his office, I thought that he must have felt something stronger than affection and much more than the potent sexual attraction between us. He told me he trusts me. Doesn’t that mean something? And I thought that having unprotected sex was his way of showing me he didn’t want to be casual anymore, he wanted to be serious. With me. I was wrong about everything. I wonder if he’s had unprotected sex with the brunette in his office. Maybe that’s what they were doing before they came here. I feel sick, so fucking sick.

  “Ana?” There’s an unmistakable note of concern in his voice. His hands are now in the pockets of his charcoal gray trousers, and his stance appears casual but his eyes tell a different story.

  “Why don’t you go back to your little girlfriend,” I say in the coldest voice I can muster.

  He furrows his brows, looking genuinely puzzled. If I didn’t see them with my own eyes, I would have been swayed by his acting.

  “Who? Amber?” he asks. “She’s not –”

  “I don’t care,” I interject.

  “Ana,” Mia says in a very firm voice. We’ve been best friends long enough for me to know that she doesn’t approve of the way I’m handling the situation.

  She turns to Luke. “I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” she says softly.

  What?! She’s supposed to be on my side. I glare at both of them, and then turn on my heels and walk away. Mia follows me asking me to slow down. I ignore her and walk faster knowing that she won’t catch up with me because of the six-inch heels she’s wearing. I quickly flag down an empty taxi and jump in. Seconds later, my phone starts ringing. It’s Mia.

  “What the hell is wrong
with you? Why did you run off like that?” she asks angrily. Mia rarely gets annoyed.

  “Look, I’m sorry. I couldn’t just stand there and listen to him lie to my face.”

  I hear her exhale, possibly trying to push down her anger. “Ana, what makes you think he’s lying?”

  “I saw them, Mia. They looked too cozy. He had his arm on her shoulders.” Jealousy and hurt sear my heart.

  “So? Friends put their arms on each other’s shoulders all the time. We hold hands and hold each other all the time. It doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.”

  She has a point but I’m not willing to admit that I could be wrong. “I saw them,” I insist stubbornly.

  “You saw them doing nothing inappropriate,” she points out firmly. “It’s not like you saw his hand on her ass or his tongue shoved down her throat.”

  I’m glad I didn’t see that.

  “Mia –”

  “No. You listen,” she says, cutting me off. “I get that you’re upset he didn’t call you, and seeing him at the bar with a woman no doubt got you jealous and even more upset but, Ana, this isn’t the way to handle it. She could be a friend’s girlfriend or a cousin. You should at least have given him a chance to explain.”

  Okay, so it’s possible I may have overreacted a little. I close my eyes, lean back on the seat and take a steadying breath. I hate that he was in a bar having a drink with some woman – friend or not – while I’ve spent days wanting and waiting to hear from him. It hurts.

  “He couldn’t even call me,” I murmur.

  “I know,” Mia murmurs back. “Ana, it’s obvious to everyone that he has feelings for you. I’m sure he has a good explanation. Just hear him out, okay?”

  I nod, forgetting for a second that she can’t see me. “Okay,” I say, opening my eyes.

  “He’s on his way to your apartment. You’re going home, right?”

  Thinking of Luke on his way to see me makes me a little breathless and fills me with anticipation. Maybe I can finally put these horrible past few days behind me. “Yeah.”