Somebody Love Me (Journeys)

by Michelle Sutton

  "I'll introduce you to Dave, but remember chick, he's mine." Cathy pointed in my face like she was threatening me.

  Like I'd take him from her? Seriously, I'd learned my lesson about getting together with boyfriends of friends. It simply wasn't safe. "Believe me, you can have him," I muttered.

  Cathy smirked the rest of the way there, and Mary bit her fingernails like she worried about who she might see tonight.

  I couldn't wait to check out the new guys. After James's rejection, I was ready to meet a different guy and see what might develop between us.

  A few minutes later, the bus turned down Westcott Street and Mary pulled the cord to let the driver know we wanted to get off. We stepped off the bus single file and I took a deep breath. The beautiful night sky made me smile, and to complement its mesmerizing effect, the temperature was perfect. How I loved the fall weather in Central New York.

  School had been in session for about six weeks, but I really didn't care. I had nothing in common with my classmates. Though I got decent grades, I didn't have plans for the immediate future, and I lived for the here and now. Didn't most teens live for the moment? I just wanted to be like everybody else.

  In a little over three months I'd be sixteen, and if I wanted to drop out of school, no one could stop me. But I doubted I'd do something that dumb when I knew my future solely depended on me. I couldn't count on my parents to help. I'd learned that about them this past summer. So it was up to me to sink or swim. I was a swimmer after all. Sinking wasn't an option.

  *****

  My introduction to Dave the drummer that night was completely unexpected. I sensed a man standing behind me before I felt arms circling my waist and the warm breath invading my ear as he whispered, "Ooh, I want this one."

  The glare Cathy shot my way told me the man from her fantasies held me in his arms. I frowned and turned to face a man who smelled entirely too good. The moment our eyes connected, I felt my stomach flip at his heated gaze. He was very handsome and looked kind of like David Lee Roth from Van Halen, only better.

  The moment he started singing "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, though slightly off key, he'd stolen my heart . . . for all of two seconds. Wresting my way out of his hold, I said, "Excuse me," as I backed away from him.

  I couldn't let him pull me in with his charm. Not when Cathy and I were friends. Though I tried to reassure her with my smile, she looked ready to come at me with claws outstretched. Not good.

  Dave the drummer advanced toward me again but Cathy slipped between us. Dave's breath smelled like he'd had one too many beers, but I couldn't help being flattered that he'd found me attractive enough to serenade, though not very well.

  Mary grabbed my arm and pulled me away from them. Cathy had looped her arms around Dave's neck and said something to him that made him laugh. "That was a close call," Mary muttered as she pulled me into another room.

  "You aren't kidding. I don't even like the guy." With a sly grin I added, "Though she has great taste. That is one wicked stud."

  She snickered. "I think he just likes her ta-tas, but she doesn't care."

  I glanced down at my own. True, Cathy had a nice figure, but mine wasn't bad.

  Mary gave my arm a gentle shove. "That's so cheesy, checking yourself out like that. I mean, really lame girl."

  My face heated. I didn't mean to be so obvious about it. Maybe I needed something to help me relax so I wouldn't act like a total airhead. Though if I had too much to drink tonight, rather than being chilled out, I'd be a mess.

  The trick was finding the balance.

  "Let's go out there and get us some guys to get horizontal with." Mary opened the door and pulled me into a crowded room that now had an additional twenty people stuffed inside.

  If I didn't watch myself, I'd end up hyperventilating. Crowds tended to set off panic attacks if I lingered too long. Plus, it was getting hot in there and I didn't want to remove my coat, or it might be stolen. Not to mention people would see my bandages and freak out. I needed to get some beer and chill fast.

  As Mary and I stood there checking out the newest partygoers, a guy who looked a lot like my fantasy man leaned against the wall and stared me down. He was tall, muscular, and his eyes were dreamy. I could fall for a guy who looked like that.

  Mary and I slipped into a side room to get out of the heat created by all of those bodies. Cathy could have her drummer boy. This sexy guy was the mint of all man-flesh. Too bad I didn't have the guts to approach him. I needed something to boost my courage. "Did you see that tall guy in there?"

  "There were a lot of tall guys in that room."

  He must have sensed my interest, because he followed us into the less crowded room. He strolled up to me with a confident swagger and offered me his cup of beer with a lazy grin. He wanted me to put my lips on the same cup that he'd been sipping on? Well, who was I to say no to that?

  I held his gaze as I looked at him over the rim of the cup. I took a big gulp, and then another, until I'd finished it off. "Grab me another one?"

  A broad grin covered his face. The gleam from his eyes spoke of his approval and warmed me to my toes.

  "Absolutely. Stay right there." He winked at me and left the room.

  Mary approached me the moment he stepped away. "That dude is gnarly."

  "Ain't he though?" I couldn't help feeling a bit proud that he was excited to be hanging out with me. "Do you know his name?"

  "Yeah, it's Andy. He has a lot of female admirers, but maybe he'll do the nasty with you tonight. If you get lucky, that is."

  "Do the nasty? But I just met him."

  Mary glanced over my shoulder and sighed. "Trust me. You want to do it with him. He's amazing."

  Her tone sounded a bit breathless, like she had a personal experience she savored.

  "Have you and he done it?"

  Mary sighed and stared off in the direction he went. "In my dreams. He's very selective. If he wants you, you should jump on his joystick."

  What was up with all of my sex-crazed friends and their mindsets? While it had been a number of months since the rape, I had yet to get it on with a guy. Part of me figured I was already ruined, so why not catch up to my girls? The other part of me worried that having sex with a new guy would bring the trauma back from that night and scare the crap out of me. I needed to have feelings for a guy before I'd ever go there.

  Attraction was a good place to start, though.

  Andy returned with two cups of beer and handed me one. "What do you say we party hardy, you awesome lady?"

  "Sounds like an awesome plan." I took the cup from him and we stared each other down as we polished off the next beer. By the third drink my legs grew weak. Andy was ready for me though. He held me up and walked me to an open corner in the room. He found us a spot on the couch and plopped me down on his lap.

  Before I could say anything, his lips collided with mine. They coaxed and tugged and he beckoned my lips to open further as he slipped his tongue inside. One thing about Andy that I could tell right away was the guy knew how to kiss. It was a heavenly experience. Even half-drunk he'd managed to set my body on fire with his touch.

  As we kissed and explored each other's bodies, we lay beside each other on the couch. He placed my hand on his jeans and unzipped them. I marveled at his size. I didn't know guys could be so big. Dirk was tiny in comparison. I winced as a flash from that night invaded my memory and cooled my fervor.

  Would I ever be normal again? My reaction to a random, unbidden thought told me it would be difficult to overcome the anxiety thanks to that sick man who ruined me. Part of me wanted to fight and overcome the fear. From what I could tell, Andy was more than willing to go there with me if I told him I wanted to.

  "Let's get a room," he breathed in my ear, his voice tense and full of passion.

  "Okay," I said and gave him another lingering kiss. Then I pulled back and smiled as I scanned his body. "I hear you're awesome in bed."

  A wry grin pulled at his mouth as he
zipped up his jeans. "They're just playin'. How old are you anyway?"

  "Old enough to know what I want, Andy," I whispered against his lips as I moved to sit back on his lap.

  He stiffened and leaned back so he could see my face. "Whoa. You didn't answer me. Are you jail bait?"

  "I'll be sixteen in a few months." I shrugged. "It's no big deal."

  "Shit! I can't do it." He pushed me off his lap and left the room, leaving me stunned. Why did my age matter so much? I should've lied.

  After several long minutes of wondering where he'd gone, I realized he'd totally rejected me. Maybe Mary had heard something about what happened to him.

  I found her surrounded by a mixed group of potheads and alkies. She was smoking a joint when I slid beside her. She coughed and handed me the roach clip because it was getting too short to hold with her fingers.

  "Here," she snorted and tried to contain the smoke in her lungs.

  Mimicking Mary, I did the same. When I passed the joint to the next person, I told her about Andy. "He freaked out when I told him my age."

  My friend covered her mouth and giggled. "Whoops, I almost forgot. He was sent to jail last year for boinking with a minor. I'll bet that's why he dumped you."

  "He didn't dump me. He just ran off." I studied my nails for a moment. "Now what am I gonna do? I was having such a good time with him."

  Margie and Sharon entered the room and waved. I was surprised to see them at a party, but Mary and Cathy said sometimes they'd show up just to check out the guys. A nice looking man with coppery brown hair and light freckles stood beside them. He introduced himself as their brother Clay. Ah, yes, he was the one who liked me from seeing my picture. Things were already looking up.

  After a shy introduction, he took my hand and led me outside. We sat on the porch swing and talked about a variety of neutral subjects. He finally paused and captured my attention by touching my cheek. "My step-sisters tell me you haven't had any experience with a guy and you wanted someone safe to get horizontal with."

  I nearly choked on my own saliva. "They told you what?"

  "You said you wanted to do it with someone. They thought we might hit it off."

  "Wow, I can't believe they told you that." I glanced away from him, my cheeks on fire. What were they doing telling him my personal business anyway?

  "Since you know my sisters, you know I'm a decent guy, right? I don't use girls."

  "I guess." His eager expression told me that while he might not use girls, he would have sex with me if I wanted him to. "I could see you again if you want."

  His shoulders drooped a bit. "You're not ready now?"

  "We just freakin' met."

  Were all guys so dumb that they thought girls didn't want a relationship with a guy, but figured a quick bang with a stranger would do just fine?

  "And your point is?" His charming smile warmed my insides.

  A flush of heat pulsed through me. So I kissed him. He responded with a bit more excitement than I expected. Like he didn't have much experience himself. His kisses weren't that great either. But he was safe, right?

  "I'm not ready yet. Maybe next time?"

  "Sure. We can get together again." He tipped his head toward me again and I heard someone shout from inside. "The cops are coming."

  Clay and I stood and glanced around. Sure enough, sirens blared a few blocks away. He took my hand and led me to the car he had parked down the street. He opened the door. "Quick, climb inside."

  People streamed out of the house including his sisters. Margie and Sharon yanked opened the back door and slipped inside. Mary and Cathy were nowhere around.

  "Get down!" Clay shouted at us while leaning down himself so his head rested on my lap. I leaned toward him and we ended up tangled together.

  "Why don't you just drive us away from here?" I whispered.

  He turned to face me and smiled. "We'll wait until they run inside."

  A few seconds later, he peeked over the dash. He sat up and turned the key. After starting the car, he took a deep breath and whispered something that sounded like a prayer. I think we all held our breath until he'd turned the corner and crossed the intersection without being followed.

  He spoke first. "That's why it always pays to park half a block down. They can't assume you were at the party if you aren't too close when you take off."

  "Then why did you have us get down and hide?"

  Clay grinned at me. "I just wanted to stick my face between your thighs."

  A gasp escaped me and I slapped his arm. "That's sick."

  "I was just kidding." He laughed and said over his shoulder. "Tell her I'm harmless, will you?"

  Margie spoke first. "He wouldn't mess with you like that."

  "Not at all," Sharon agreed.

  Why had he wanted his sisters to tell me that about him?

  Just thinking about his comment had me a bit creeped out.

  Chapter Eight

  Over the next week or so I hung out with Margie and Sharon three times. We watched movies and I spent the night at their house the following weekend. I even helped them with some of their moving the following week. They'd canceled the party anyway.

  Mary wasn't talking to me because Cathy was still mad about Dave hitting on me, and Mary didn't want to set her sister off. Or so her step-sisters had said. The first time I went to hang out and spend the night at their new place, their brother was there. Apparently their mom had gone out of town, so they had the house to themselves.

  He gazed at me with a hungry look in his eyes and said, "Hey, it's been awhile."

  "It has." Glancing at Margie and Sharon with a questioning gaze, I hoped to find out what they'd planned for the overnighter, but they both avoided eye contact with me. Not a good sign, and something was definitely up.

  Margie said hastily, "Clay I need to borrow your car. Sharon and I need to get a few things at the store. How about you stay here and get reacquainted with Missy?"

  "Sounds good to me," Clay responded, his gaze fixed on mine.

  I shrugged and sat beside him on the couch. "I guess I'll stay here then."

  The moment we were alone my palms grew sweaty. He didn't have to say anything for me to know what he had in mind for entertainment. I could practically hear him panting beside me, but he kept his distance. Part of me liked the fact he wanted to be with me so much that he practically hyperventilated, and the terrified part of me wanted to split right out of there and take cover.

  "I brought something." He glanced at me, his face turning a shade of pink as he held out his hand to show me a square packet.

  It said Trojan on the outside of the wrapper. The content confirmed my worries, but a part of me wanted to see if it was possible to get past the fear of what happened with Dirk. I couldn't help feeling conflicted about my options. But he seemed like a decent guy, and from what I could tell he was almost as nervous as I was.

  At least I knew his sisters were decent people. Unlike Mary and Cathy, Margie and Sharon didn't drink, smoke, or have sex. Yet they still seemed cool.

  "How long do you think they'll be gone?" I glanced up at his eager face hoping he'd say not long, but hearing, "Long enough," instead.

  My body stiffened and I stared into his eyes. No malice lingered, only a boyish hunger, and something that resembled anxiety. The crease in his forehead and the slight moisture on his skin told me that much.

  Though not sure how long we sat in silence studying each other, Clay finally ended it by leaning close and covering my mouth with his. I responded and kissed him back. The lazy caress of his kisses pulled me into the "no going back" zone. Since our last meeting he'd somehow gotten better at kissing. He grabbed my hand and stood.

  His lids were heavy, and he smiled as if to reassure me things would be okay. We went into the bedroom and I came out about thirty minutes later wondering what I'd been so afraid of. It hadn't hurt at all. In fact, it felt pretty good. The only thing that worried me was he used the same condom twice and it broke th
e second time. I was pretty sure that meant I could get pregnant, but I sure hoped I was wrong. From what I could tell he seemed a bit worried about that, too, though he didn't say anything at first.

  Finally, after several minutes of silence, he spoke.

  "I didn't think it would break," he said as his gaze darted around. "I hope you're on the pill. You are on the pill, right?"

  His worried gaze captured mine, and I couldn't lie to him. "No. I've not had a reason to get on the pill."

  "You really need to do that. In case this happens again."

  I swallowed hard, not sure I wanted it to happen again. It wasn't all that great. It felt good, don't get me wrong, but Clay was a bit small and it wasn't nearly as amazing as I'd thought it would be. Then again, I didn't have feelings for Clay. Didn't I tell myself I'd wait until I had feelings for a guy to sleep with him? What a letdown.

  A few minutes later the step-sisters returned. Margie and Sharon both glanced over at Clay who gave them a slight nod. Then they glanced at me and things got awkward between us really fast.

  "So what did you guys buy?" I tried to act unflustered despite the fact I had no doubt they were aware I'd just had sex with their brother.

  Margie and Sharon gestured for me to follow them into the kitchen. Clay followed us and glanced at me several times from the corner of his eye. I tried to act natural, like I hadn't been intimate with him, but it was hard to pull off. Finally I couldn't stand it anymore and said, "I can't do this. Can someone give me a ride home?"

  Margie glanced at Clay. He said, "You can use my car."

  I closed my eyes, relieved he wouldn't be the one driving. "Thank you."

  We drove in silence, and after pulling into my driveway Margie said, "You don't want to see him again, do you?"

  I shook my head to indicate no. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."