Poison & Wine

by Melissa Toppen

  And together we fall.

  Chapter Seventeen

  OAKLEY

  * * *

  It’s been two days since I slept with Jace. Two days since I slipped on my nightgown and ran out of the garage apartment like someone had lit it on fire.

  In the moment it was everything. But as I came down from the most intense high I think I’ve ever experienced, reality started to sink back in and regret was the first thing I felt.

  As if sleeping with him wasn’t bad enough, I did so without protection. How I could ever be so careless I’m not sure I’ll ever understand. And while yes, I am protected from pregnancy after getting an IUD shortly after Ellie was born, it’s not the pregnancy aspect I’m worried about.

  I have no idea who he’s been with over the last four years. Not to mention how many diseases can be spread through the use of needles. And let’s be real, how many drug addicts make sure they’re following safe practices before injecting themselves with heroin?

  I’ve had a sick knot in the pit of my stomach ever since then, and while a part of me thinks maybe I’m just being paranoid, the other part of me is really concerned about where my poor choices could lead me.

  It’s not fair to him. He asked me to stop him. Hell, he practically begged me to. And what did I do? Certainly not what he asked of me.

  Instead, I acted like a reckless teenager with no thought about the consequences of my actions.

  “You okay?” Keira pulls me from my thoughts as I work to strap Ellie into her car seat. “You seem quiet today.”

  “I’m fine. Just got a lot on my mind.” I kiss my daughter’s forehead before standing upright, closing the car door seconds later.

  “A lot on your mind?” She studies me for a long moment. “Wouldn’t have anything to do with the guy you have living in your garage, would it?”

  “Unfortunately,” I mutter, shuffling my feet.

  “What happened?” She leans against the driver’s door, her keys dangling from her fingers.

  Because Keira worked late tonight, she offered to swing by and pick up Ellie on her way home so that I didn’t have to bring Ellie over. I’m thankful too, because given how late it’s getting, I would have been pushing it to get to work on time.

  “Wait,” she continues before I have a chance to answer. “You slept with him, didn’t you?”

  I have no idea how she hit the nail so squarely on the head.

  “What?” I balk like it’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.

  “Oh my god. You did. Didn’t you?”

  “Keira.” I blow out a breath.

  She bites her bottom lip, likely to silence herself from saying the first thing that pops into her head.

  “Oakley.” She gives me a disapproving look.

  “I was drunk, okay.” I toss up my arms in frustration. “I know that’s not an excuse, but there it is. He came home the evening of Tommy’s funeral. He was so torn up. I was feeling bad for him. It was a moment of weakness.”

  “So what, are you two getting back together?”

  “What? No, of course not. It was a one-time thing.”

  “I hear what you’re saying but I can’t say that I believe you. You’ve never seen clearly where that man is concerned. And what about Lance?” she hammers on. “He’s still holding out hope that you two will be able to work things out.”

  Of course she would choose now to throw Lance in my face.

  He’s tried to call me a couple of times, but I have yet to answer. I don’t know if it’s because I don’t want to talk to him or because I don’t want another person lecturing me about how skewed my decision making seems to be these days.

  “I didn’t cheat on him,” I bite, feeling like this is what she’s implying. “We broke up.”

  “I know that. But seriously, Oak. You have an amazing guy that’s walking around like a lost puppy because he’s so in love with you and here you are, sleeping with your ex, who happens to be a drug addict, might I add.”

  “Recovering addict,” I correct her.

  “Yeah, for now.” She scoffs.

  “Listen, I get that you want things to work with me and Lance, but it’s not going to happen. At least not right now. I need some time to figure all this out.”

  “You mean you need time to see if things are going to work out with Jace.”

  “No.” I shake my head. “Things right now are just… complicated.”

  A noise from the backyard pulls both of our gazes to the side. My stomach does a full flip when I see Jace round the garage and start down the driveway toward us. He looks even more handsome if that’s even possible.

  He’s got a ball cap pulled low on his forehead. Dressed in faded jeans and a gray Ole Miss shirt that I instantly recognize.

  When we were younger, Jace wanted to go to the University of Mississippi. Not that he had any real aspirations as far as careers or anything. I think it was more about the experience. Shortly after I started my first job, I went shopping with some friends and came across this shirt. So I bought it for him. I’m honestly surprised he still has it, and that it’s not riddled with holes.

  “Well, they’re about to get even more complicated,” Keira mutters under her breath.

  “Hey.” A hesitant smile passes over Jace’s face as he reaches us, his eyes bouncing between me and Keira.

  “Hey.” I try to see normal but really, what is normal at this point?

  “Hi. I’m Keira.” My cousin turns, extending her hand to Jace.

  “Jace.” He takes her hand, giving it a brief shake.

  “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

  “Not very good things I’m sure.” He switches his weight from one foot to the other.

  “Well, it’s nice to finally put a face to the name.” She purposely avoids commenting on his statement.

  I refrain from pointing out that she’s seen pictures of him from when we were teenagers, so technically she already had a face to put to the name.

  “Yeah, you too.” He leans to the side when a loud squeal comes from the car. A smile crosses his lips when he sees Ellie bouncing impatiently in the backseat. “Your daughter is beautiful, by the way. I saw her the other day when she was here visiting.”

  I watch Keira’s eyebrows shoot up, her gaze sliding to me for a brief moment. Clearly she reads my expression right because her features smooth and she nods. “Thank you. She’s a handful from time to time.”

  “Redheads.” Jace chuckles, his blue eyes meeting mine. “I apologize for interrupting; I was hoping I could talk to you for a minute.” His gaze meets mine.

  “Actually, I’m getting ready to leave for work.” I gesture down to my dark blue scrubs.”

  “I see that.” He rocks back on his heels. “It won’t be long. Two minutes.”

  “I should get going anyway,” Keira interrupts before I can answer. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah, see you tomorrow.” I step away from the car, giving Ellie a wave through the window.

  “Mama!” she calls for me when Keira opens the door, but luckily my cousin is fast on her feet and covers it quickly.

  “I’m here. We’re going, little Miss Impatient.” She smiles in the rearview mirror before closing the door. Seconds later, Keira’s backing out of the driveway, waving at me as she drives away.

  “So, that’s Keira.” Jace pulls my attention back to his.

  “It is.”

  “She seems nice.”

  “She can be. But don’t let her fool you. She can also be a major pain in the ass.”

  “Can’t we all.” He laughs, a nervous twitch to his voice.

  “So you said you needed to talk to me?”

  “Yeah, I um, I hate to ask you this, but do you think there’s any way you could give me a ride over to Tommy’s apartment? I need to get my things before Tuesday or they’ll end up tossing them out.”

  “I’m on my way to work.”

  “No, I know. Not right now, obviously. But tomor
row, maybe?”

  I think over my schedule. I’m off for the next three days after tonight, so as long as Gianna is okay keeping Ellie an extra hour tomorrow I could run him over after I get up.

  “It’s just, well, I kind of need my clothes. Especially since I’m going back to work in a couple of days.”

  “Yeah, no that’s fine. I should be able to run you over tomorrow afternoon.”

  “Tomorrow afternoon would be perfect. I would walk but it’s a few miles away. Getting there wouldn’t be a problem but walking back with all my things might be.”

  “It’s no problem.”

  “Thank you.” He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “So, um, are we going to talk about what happened the other night or are you going to continue to avoid me?”

  “I’m not avoiding you. I’ve been working.”

  He gives me a look that says he doesn’t buy my excuse. “I know you, Oakley. This doesn’t have to be weird. We had sex. It’s nothing we haven’t done a thousand times before.”

  “But this time is different.”

  “How so?”

  “Because I don’t want to lead you on. Because I don’t want to give you the wrong impression about what’s happening here.”

  “Right, because you have a boyfriend.”

  “Actually, I don’t.”

  “Oh.” He seems surprised by this news. “What happened?”

  “I don’t want to get into that right now. I just think if we want to make this living arrangement work, then we need to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. Friends. Nothing more.”

  “If that’s what you really want.” He tries to act unaffected by my words, but I can see the disappointment he’s trying to hide.

  Was he hoping we’d be more? That we’d pick back up like nothing had happened over the last four years?

  “It is.” I nod. “But, I do have a question…” It takes me a moment to gather the strength to say the words. “We, uh, we didn’t use protection.”

  “We never have. Why? Are you not on birth control?”

  “No, I am. But back then I had only been with you and you had only been with me.”

  “Is that what you’re worried about? That maybe I gave you something?” His shoulders go tight and I can tell he’s offended. Hell, I would be too. But it’s a legitimate concern.

  I crinkle my forehead in apology. “Can you blame me?”

  He thinks on that for a moment.

  “No, I guess I can’t. But I will say, I don’t recall a time that I’ve ever slept with someone without protection.”

  The confirmation that he’s been with other women is like a sucker punch to the stomach. Of course I knew he had, but hearing him say it? It hurts a lot more than I thought it would.

  “That you recall.” I swallow past the hard knot in my throat.

  “Look, I get why you’d be concerned. But rest assured, I’m clean.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because there’s a lot that can be contracted through needles. I had a full panel done while I was in rehab. Other than some useless veins and a mildly damaged liver, I received a clean bill of health.”

  I blow out a sigh of relief. I knew I had been worried, but I didn’t realize just how worried until this exact moment.

  “I’m sorry. I wasn’t…”

  “Don’t apologize. I get it. I’d be worried too if I were you.”

  “You still have it.” I completely change direction, pointing to his t-shirt.

  “Of course I do. You gave it to me.” My heart does a little flip in my chest.

  “Well, I should probably get inside and finish getting ready. My shift starts in twenty.”

  “Okay.” He steps to the side to let me pass. “Hey, Oak,” he calls just as I reach the front porch. “For what it’s worth, the other night… I don’t regret it. Not a single moment of it. Well, except maybe for the part where you ran away right after.” He smiles up at me and I swear it’s like I’m looking at the old Jace.

  Something inside of me swells, making me feel full and weighted.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say before turning around and heading inside the house.

  “Knock, knock.” I tap lightly on the apartment door before pushing it open. “Jace,” I call, stepping inside.

  “I’ll be out in just a sec,” he calls from the bathroom.

  I close the door behind me, looking around the small space. It’s weird, how even though I own this it feels like I’m walking into a stranger’s house.

  I turn, visions from the night of Tommy’s funeral flashing through my mind. Jace’s hands on my body, his thick length inside of me as he took me against the door. Just thinking about it makes my skin flush.

  “Hey.” I jump at the sound of Jace’s voice, turning to see him exit the bathroom in dark jeans and no shirt.

  It’s the first time I’ve gotten a good look at his body and I’m stunned by how in shape he is. Then again, he did spend three months in rehab. I’m sure he had a lot of time to exercise while he was there.

  He looks almost as I remembered him, only a little more filled out. Plus a small stretch of ink going down his side that wasn’t there when we were kids.

  “Hey.” I force my eyes up his face.

  “I’m almost ready.” He turns to grab the shirt off his bed. He slides it over his head before turning back to me. “Thank you again for doing this.”

  “It’s really no problem.” I force a smile.

  “How was work last night?”

  “It was work.” I shrug. “A pretty quiet night to be honest.”

  “Well given your line of work, I would say a quiet night is a good night.”

  “Yeah.”

  “I still can’t believe you’re a nurse. You said you were going to do it and you did, despite everything.” Something passes over his face but it’s gone before I can pinpoint what it is.

  “It wasn’t easy,” I admit. “But I love it.”

  He smiles as he takes a seat on the edge of the bed, sliding his shoes on. His hair is still wet from the shower, but based on the scruff on his face, it’s clear to see he didn’t shave. A little part of me celebrates. I always loved him with a beard. Though I wouldn’t say he has a beard per se. But it’s definitely filling in.

  “We won’t be gone long. I’m sure this isn’t how you want to spend your day off.”

  “It’s okay.” I shrug. “I could think of worse ways to spend it.” My admission brings a small smile to his lips.

  “Welp, I’m ready.” He stands and walks toward me.

  “Awesome.” I turn, opening the door and trying to keep my mind from going back to a couple of days ago when my back was pressed against it. I still have marks on my skin as evidence, as if I need a physical reminder. I’m pretty sure that night will be embedded in my brain for the rest of my life.

  I step out into the warm afternoon heat, Jace not far behind me. He pulls the door closed as he exits the apartment and follows me silently to my car.

  Dropping into the driver’s seat, I wait until Jace is inside and has his seatbelt latched before starting the engine.

  His head turns toward the backseat as I pop the car into reverse and back out of the driveway.

  “For Ellie?” he asks as I switch into drive and slowly take off down the street.

  “Huh?” I question.

  “The car seat.”

  “Oh.” I glance behind me before turning my focus back to the road. When I brought him home that first day, and then for the funeral, I’d removed it. I’d figured that was easier than answering unnecessary questions. But now that he knows about her, I didn’t think to take it out again. “Yeah. It’s easier than having to swap when I, uh, babysit her.” It feels weird saying that, considering she’s my daughter.

  “Makes sense.” He nods, not questioning it further.

  We make the short drive in silence, the radio playing softly in the background. Jace already told me what comp
lex the apartment is in, though when we pull into the lot he has to direct me on which way to go.

  After pulling into a vacant spot outside of building 400, I slide the car in park and kill the engine.

  “You can wait here,” Jace tells me, shoving open the car door.

  “No, I’ll come up and help you.” I unlatch my seat belt and climb out of the car.

  “I don’t need a babysitter,” he tells me as I join him on the sidewalk.

  “I’m not babysitting you. Just thought maybe you could use a friend.”

  “A friend?” He eyes me curiously. “Oh, that’s right. We’re friends now,” he says more to himself than to me.

  Without another word, he turns on his heel and heads to the door, punching in a passcode before tugging it open. He waits until I step inside before following me in.

  The apartment complex isn’t the nicest in town, but it’s not the worst either. The buildings are a little old and weather worn, but for the most part have seen proper up keep. It’s not a bad neighborhood either.

  I don’t know why, but the thought makes me sad. I knew Tommy was doing well before he relapsed but seeing just how far he had come to lose it all in one moment of weakness, really does go to show that no one is ever out of the woods. At least not when you’re an addict.

  As I follow Jace up the staircase to the second floor, I wonder what that means for me and Ellie. Will it always be like this? Us waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for Jace to give into temptation and fall back into his old habits? Or worse, have him end up dead.

  I know what a risk this is. Trust me, I do. But there’s something inside of me that keeps whispering in the back of my mind that I need to try. That I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t.

  Jace stops in front of a door with 2E bolted on the front. Jamming a key inside, he turns the knob, and pushes the door open, hesitating in the open doorframe.

  “You okay?” I ask after several long moments have passed.

  “What?” he questions like he doesn’t understand why I’m asking. As if in that moment he realizes that he hasn’t moved, he steps forward. “Let’s make this quick.” He flips on the light which illuminates the bare apartment.