Unsteady in Love: Fairlane Series #3

by Layne, Harlow

  Alex admitting she cried every night was a huge step. She hated crying in front of anyone. She didn’t even talk about crying.

  “Did Luke know you cried all the time?”

  “Oh, hell no.” She laughed, shaking her head. “Well, not until Mason told him. Luke only knew of a few times when I was at my weakest. Now, I don’t let that man out of my sight, so no more crying for me,” she joked.

  “And where is Mr. Sandström?”

  Alex sat up from her lounge chair with a smile. The next thing I knew, I had a view of the ocean with a sun-kissed Viking throwing a black-haired, equally tanned boy into the water. “He went down to play with Mason when you called. You should have come here instead of heading home. We’d be happy to have you.”

  “I didn’t even think about it. I was on autopilot after Holden asked me to leave. I know I’m being stupid about this, but I thought once he finally let me see him, we’d be together. Does Luke have some weird male pride thing?”

  Deep down, I understood Holden wanting to do everything on his own. He wanted me to see him as the strong man he was and not the one stuck in a hospital bed. It still didn’t hurt any less being apart from him.

  Alex tilted her head to the side as she thought about it. “Not really. He’s more chivalrous. He opens doors for me, carries stuff for me, and whether he’s there or not, he likes to pay for things. That’s his pride. He’s pretty mellow.”

  “Holden used to do that. I don’t even know what he’s like anymore in that sense. I only know the man on the other end of email and Skype.”

  Alex smiled assuredly. “You will, just give it time. I know you’ll hate to hear it, but maybe this time apart will be good for him. He can get his head screwed on right before he comes home.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  “What?”

  “That he won’t come home. What if he starts thinking crazy thoughts and decides he’s better off without me and disappears again?

  “Oh, honey, maybe you should talk to him about your fears. I think that will alleviate a lot of your problems.” How had I never realized how wise she was? If it weren’t for Alex, I’d be a mess.

  “Probably, but I hate to put more pressure on him to make me feel better when it should be the other way around. I mean for Christ’s sake, the man lost part of his leg, and I’m worried he’s going to leave me in the dust.” Embarrassed, I looked down at my hands to pick at my nail.

  “Hey,” she called, and when I looked back at the screen, I was met with her soft smile. “You can’t help how you feel, and the only way to feel better about it is to talk to Holden. I have an idea. Why don’t you talk to him about how you’re feeling, and then ask if you could come visit him on your way here?”

  “You don’t give up.” I laughed.

  “Wouldn’t it make you feel better to see him again?” she asked with a knowing look.

  “It would,” I agreed. “I’ll talk to him tonight when he calls.”

  “And then you’ll come visit?”

  “You act as if you’re moving there. Is there something I should know?” I asked, alarmed. As my only friend, I would be devastated if she moved away.

  Alex threw her head back as she laughed. “You’re bored out of your mind, and there’s no reason for you not to visit. You have plenty of money now. Use it!”

  “We’ll see. It kind of feels wrong to be hanging out on the beach while Holden is working his ass off to learn how to walk again.”

  “When you put it like that, it doesn’t sound so great. Seriously though, talk to him. About everything. You’ll feel better.”

  “I will,” I agreed and promised myself I would talk to him tonight.

  “Okay, call or text me to tell me when you’re coming. I’ll show you around, and we’ll soak up the sun for a few days.”

  “Hey, Prue, how’s it going?” Luke asked from the sidelines.

  “I’m doing okay. How about you?”

  Luke’s face appeared from the top of the screen as he hung over it. “I’m doing great. Hanging out with my family today while I’m off work.”

  Swoon.

  I loved that he considered Mason and Alex his family.

  “You got a good one, Alex. Enjoy him, and I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “I know,” she said with her hand to her heart. “Talk soon.”

  After disconnecting, and with the sun setting, Atticus and I played in the backyard. During the day, it was too hot, and I had to get his doggy energy out as best as I could with the little amount of time I had before I made a lonely dinner for one. Not long after eating dinner in front of the TV, Holden FaceTimed me.

  “Hey,” I answered, trying to be chipper and failing miserably.

  “Hey, back. What’s going on?” His mouth turned down at the corners.

  “I want to talk to you.”

  “Great because I called to talk to you,” he tried to joke.

  “You look good.” I smiled because he did look good. He had a little color in his cheeks after being so pale since the accident. “How are you?”

  “Well, I’m a little worried after seeing your face when you answered. Cut the chitchat, Prue, and talk to me.”

  “Well, you’re certainly bossy tonight. Fine, I talked to Alex, and she encouraged me to talk to you so you can tell me I have nothing to worry about,” I chuckled miserably.

  “Okay, I’ll try, but I’m not going to lie to you,” he answered.

  “That does nothing to make me feel better, Holden.” Jeez, couldn’t he lie to me even just a little bit? I shook my head. I had been calling this house my home, but it felt weird to call it his home too. Maybe that was part of it. “Do you have another house?”

  He blinked his wide eyes. “First, no I don’t have another house. Only the one you’re living in.” He sighed heavily and ran his hand through his short hair. It was getting longer, and I couldn’t wait to run my fingers through it. “I can understand you being afraid I’ll disappear again. I did that to you once, and all I can do is promise I’ll come home to you no matter where you are. It nearly wrecked me to lose you once. I’m never going to do it again.”

  Tears streamed down my cheeks with abandon. “I’m sorry, Holden. I feel like a bitch…”

  “You’re not a bitch. I want you to tell me how you feel.” His voice was a soft caress. “I knew it wouldn’t be easy for you to go back home, but I didn’t think you would still worry I might not come back.”

  I bit my lip, unsure if I should say what I said next. “If you want to talk about anything, you know I’m here. I might seem a little unstable right now, but I promise I’m not. I’m here for you in any way you need.”

  He looked off for a moment, but when his gaze came back, he was determined. It was a different determination than before when he’d shut down on me. This one gave me hope. “I got fully checked out today, and the doctor said I’m healing quickly. He thinks they’ll measure me for a new leg next week.”

  “That’s great news.” And it was in more ways than one. Holden had finally opened up to me and mentioned his leg. It was a step. A big one.

  “He said it shouldn’t take too long for me to start therapy. They have something that’s like a crutch but not. I don’t know, he said a lot of words I didn’t understand. We’ll start with that and then my new leg.”

  “I know you’re going to kick ass. It’s just like working out, so you’ve got this.”

  “But what if I don’t have it?” he asked quietly, his brow furrowed.

  “You will. At first, it will be tough, but I know you can push past it.”

  “I know you’re right, but…” He looked down, unsure.

  “It’s going to hurt, and at first you might have to do only a few minutes at a time, but you haven’t lost much muscle. You’ll be up and going before you know it.”

  “I’m glad I’ve got you in my corner.” He smiled sweetly at me.

  “Always,” I vowed. “So,” I drew the word out, �
��when I was talking to Alex, she was trying to persuade me to visit her in Hawaii. I was thinking I might go for a few days.”

  “You should. I know you miss her.”

  “Yeah, I don’t know what I would have done without her help. It will be nice when she’s back.”

  “When’s she coming back?”

  “I’m not really sure. She’s getting married around the middle of August, and then they’ll go on their honeymoon. I think they plan to be back before Mason starts school though. Probably sometime in the beginning of September.” I shrugged. I knew once she was back, she’d be busy with Mason’s school and Luke.

  “Go see her. You deserve some fun in the sun and to see your friend.”

  “I was wondering if I could come see you on my way there.” I threw it out there and internally cringed at the thought he might turn me down. “It would just be for a little while. I’d have to check flights and all that. I promise not to overstay my welcome.”

  Holden leaned forward almost touching the screen. “Prue, you know that is not how I saw you being here.”

  “I know, but I just want to see you for a couple of hours. I won’t camp out in the waiting room or anything.”

  His face softened. “Even though I didn’t want you here, knowing you were close made me feel better, even if I didn’t want to admit it at the time.”

  I knew I had a huge smile on my face, and I didn’t care. It felt beyond wonderful to know that he hadn't hated me during that time.

  “Book your flights and let me know when you’ll be here and get a hotel for a night or two.”

  “Really?” I gushed.

  “Fuck, Prue, you make me feel heartless.” He closed his eyes with a groan. “While I didn’t plan to see you until I was ready to get out of this joint, I do miss you. FaceTime isn’t enough.”

  “I agree. I’ll try to get one of the first flights out there, so I won’t interrupt your therapy or anything like that. I know you don’t want me there for that part, and even though it’s hard, I understand.” I watched as a multitude of emotions clouded his handsome face. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Hit me,” he shot back, leaning back in his bed with one arm behind his head. His bicep muscle bulged from the action; an ache formed between my thighs.

  “Do you still have your wedding ring?” I’d been wondering if it had gotten lost or was somewhere else, but I wanted him to wear his ring.

  “Yeah, I’m wearing it.” He flashed me his left hand with one side of his mouth tipped up.

  “You know I love you, right?” I asked, tears stinging the backs of my eyes. My insecurities about Holden not coming home to me evolved into happiness. I was ready to tackle this one last battle to be with my man.

  “More than anything. I know you love me just as I love you. I couldn’t have gotten through any of this without you. You know that, right?” My heartrate jumped at his sincere smile. “Now, go book your flights and let me know when I can expect you.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I disconnected and stomped my feet in a happy dance on the floor.

  I’d never been so glad to let him go. I was going to see him soon. I couldn’t contain my joy as I squealed and hugged Atticus to my chest.

  29

  HOLDEN

  Closing my eyes, I waited for Prue to answer her phone. I wasn’t sure if she’d have it on her or not, but I desperately needed to talk to her. It was my second day of therapy, and it had been brutal. My leg was rubbed raw in places from the prosthetic and throbbed from use.

  I needed to see her smiling face to remind me what I was fighting for because, after the day I’d had, I was ready to stay an invalid confined to my bed. Technically, I knew I wasn’t confined to my bed. I could get around with crutches and the iWalk, but I knew I wouldn’t feel as if I’d succeeded until I could walk properly with my prosthetic. Even though I felt like giving up, I knew I needed to fight because I had Prue waiting for me to finally start our life, and I couldn’t let her down. I’d done that enough in the past.

  “Hey,” she answered with a bright smile, “I didn’t expect to hear from you yet.”

  Rubbing my hand down my face, I croaked out. “It’s good to see your face.”

  She tilted her head for a moment and then said something to someone else before she walked for a few moments and then sat down under an umbrella. Her sweet face scrunched up in worry. “Tough day?”

  “What makes you say that?”

  “Uh, maybe because you’ve got a scowl on your face.”

  Fuck. I guess I hadn’t been doing a good job of masking the pain.

  “Maybe I just like seeing your pretty face.” I tried a different tactic.

  “That may be the case, Holden Montgomery, but you can’t bullshit me. I’ve known you for too long. Spill,” she demanded.

  “Where are you?” I deflected, hoping it would work.

  She gave me a look that said she knew what I was doing but let it slide. “I’m at the beach sitting under an umbrella. Alex was right; this place is paradise.” Her smiled faded. “I wish you were here.”

  “Me too.” I sighed as I took her in. Her cheeks were bronzed from the sun she’d already gotten. Her eyes were bright with happiness. The change was notable, and I realized she’d been alone for far too long.

  “Once Mason goes to bed,” she whispered and then looked over her shoulder, “and Luke comes home, I have to make myself scarce. They are all over each other,” she giggled. “I didn’t know what to do with myself last night. I ended up outside by the pool listening to the ocean. Isn’t it weird to have a pool right next to the ocean?”

  “Never really thought about it, but I guess.” I laughed quietly, already feeling lighter listening to her voice and giggle.

  “Well, it was actually quite peaceful. I didn’t want to go down to the beach and get abducted or anything, so I got into the pool and was shocked I could hear the waves. It was nice and soothing. I think you’d like it.”

  “I’d like anywhere you are.” I wasn’t sure about getting in the ocean or pool. Maybe someday at home, but definitely not in public. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever be ready for that.

  Her face softened, and her smile grew as she cooed. “You can be so sweet.”

  “It sucks they’re making you uncomfortable. Maybe you should get your own place to stay.”

  “The point was to be with people. What good is me coming here if I’m holed up somewhere by myself? Their hotel didn’t have any rooms available because of the movie, and I don’t want to have to spend all my time going back and forth. I’ll be fine. I’ve got my headphones, and I can go down to the pool.”

  “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” I could feel my brows pull tighter.

  She shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad, but I wanted to give them their privacy.” Her eyes grew wide. “It’s kind of crazy that I’m staying in a movie star’s hotel suite. He seems so normal.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I’m sure he is. Just because you get a big paycheck doesn’t mean you turn into someone else.”

  “I guess so. He’s just so…never mind,” her cheeks flushed pink. “Tell me about your day. Did you have therapy?”

  What had she been about to say? “Do I need to be worried?” I half joked. It wasn’t the first time the thought had occurred to me.

  Her face turned red for the opposite reason. “Don’t you start that shit with me, Holden,” she growled. Jumping up she took off down the beach.

  I put the hand not holding up the phone up in surrender. “I was joking. Why are you getting so defensive?”

  “Maybe because I’ve loved you and only you forever.” She stopped and glared at me. I knew her hand was on her hip even though I couldn’t see it. “I just told you about how Luke and Alex can’t keep their hands off each other. That was a shit thing to say.”

  “Prue, calm down. It’s fine if you’re attracted to him.” And I had just said the wrong thing. Again.

  “Reall
y? Is it?” she fumed. “Are you attracted to someone else? Do I need to worry about a nurse there putting moves on my husband? Or you falling for one who’d taking care of you? Is that why you wanted me gone?” Prue had always had a jealous streak in her, and I had added fuel to the fire.

  Looking down, I took a deep breath, scrubbing my hand down my face. I had gotten myself into this mess, and now it was time for me to try to dig myself out of it. “Baby, you know none of that is true. I’ve only ever had eyes for you. I saw what that Luke guy looked like that first day at your house, and I can’t blame you if you think he’s attractive. That’s all. I know you’d never act on it, and neither would he. I’m sorry.”

  Her eyes glistened, and I knew it wasn’t from the sun reflecting off the water. I was such an asshole. “Prue, I love you and only you. I’d never break our marriage vows. You know me better than that. Take a deep breath and clear your mind for a minute.”

  Prue could be so docile most of the time, but if she had an inkling that some woman had been interested in me in high school, she'd turned into a badass ready to kick ass and take names.

  “You take a deep breath,” she sassed back, but I saw the fight leave her eyes. “I don’t like the fact that you can still bring out the insecure girl in me,” she whispered with a frown marring her face.

  “I’m sorry. It shows that you care, and I do like that.” My voice softened as I tried to calm her down.

  “You’re sick, Holden. It should be enough that I married you and love you.”

  “It is,” I assured her. “I didn’t do it on purpose. I promise.” I told her the truth and turned away so I wouldn’t have to see her face. I laid it out there for her to hear. “I do worry that you’ll realize I’m not enough for you and that a simple attraction to someone else could become more.”

  “Holden,” she called my name softly, “that’s never going to happen. I think if we spent more than a day here and a day there with each other, we’d feel better. You’ll feel better once you’re out of the hospital and realize that life isn’t as hard as you thought it was going to be, and that I’ll be there every step of the way if you let me.”