Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2)

by Kelsey Clayton

  "You guys should stay for the fire." He suggests while walking backwards.

  My friends look to me for approval. I shrug and the four of us walk over to the Adirondack chairs. With only a few left, Carson takes one and allows Bree to sit on his lap. Dawson takes the other, and I sit on the arm of it – leaning toward him so I don't fall off.

  "Why don't we play never have I ever?" Jason suggests.

  Everyone seems to agree and Holden goes off with Caleb to grab the cooler. When they get back, they pass around cans of beer to everyone who is lacking one. When Holden reaches me, he hands me a bottle of water. I thank him quietly as my mind goes haywire.

  How did he know I wasn't drinking? Does he still talk to my parents? Has he been watching me?

  Dawson nudges me, pulling me from my inner turmoil. "You okay?" He mouths and I nod.

  Stop overthinking everything.

  The game starts off light and easy. We go around the circle clockwise, starting with some kid that was in my psychology class last year. People say stupid ones, like never have I ever had a threesome and never have I ever sent naked pictures. When it gets to Bree, she smirks at me.

  "Never have I ever cheated on someone."

  My eyes widen as Dawson snickers. Holden takes it like a man though, nodding and taking a sip of his beer. Dawson's turn is next.

  He hums. "Never have I ever broken a bone."

  Almost everyone takes a sip, including me. As we all finish, everyone looks at me. Shit. I'm next.

  "Uh, never have I ever kissed someone of the same sex."

  Everyone chuckles as Holden smiles at me. A few people drink, including Bree. It surprises me, but she rolls her eyes playfully.

  A few people go, naming things that a lot of people either have or haven't done. When it finally gets down to Caleb and Jason, they have devious looks on their faces.

  "My turn!" Jason yells excitedly. "Never have I ever been in love."

  My heart stops as I instantly make eye contact with Holden. He smirks as we both bring our beverages to our lips. We drink, along with a few other people, Dawson included. When we're done, Jason nudges Caleb.

  "Your turn, bro."

  Caleb looks at Holden and a small laugh bubbles out of his mouth. "Never have I ever wanted someone in this circle."

  Holden laughs, flipping him off as he takes a sip. The girl next to him drinks too, a smug look on her face. I keep my water bottle on my lap. Dawson squeezes my hand, making sure I'm alright. I squeeze back. When I make eye contact with Holden again, something is off about him.

  "And on that note," He says, standing up. "I'm going to bed."

  His girlfriend stands with him, but her smile falters when he asks Jason to get her an Uber. I don't think they like her very much, because Jason nods quickly while Caleb can't contain his laughter. Dawson, Bree, and Carson snicker at the sight of them.

  Just as Holden is about to walk by me, he stops. Bending down, he puts his lips right next to my ear.

  "You look good." He whispers, quiet enough for only me to hear.

  He doesn't wait for me to respond, standing back up, and walking away. His girlfriend glares at me, shooting invisible daggers with her eyes. Meanwhile, my friends look shocked. I don't pay attention to any of them though. I'm too wrapped up in the way my heart still yearns for him.

  Chapter 3

  The sunlight pours in through the window, landing directly on my face as my alarm blares into my ear. I groan, slamming my hand on the snooze button before shoving my head under the pillow. Bree chuckles from across the room.

  "You're such a morning person." She quips.

  I slide my hand out from under my pillow and flip her off.

  Four snooze buttons later, I finally get out of bed – grumbling about what kind of idiot signs up for a 7 AM class. The answer? Me, apparently.

  By the time I get dressed, I'm already running late. I grab the cup of coffee from the Keurig, fumbling to put the lid on it. I rub my eyes with the back of my hand to try to wake myself.

  I shouldn't have gone to bed at 2:30 in the morning.

  "Alright, I'm leaving." I mumble to Bree.

  "Have fun." She chuckles. I flip her off again before walking out the door. "Love you too!"

  Rolling my eyes playfully, I head toward the elevator – thoroughly considering dropping this class.

  I HOLD THE PHONE to my ear as I walk into the coffee house. I walk around the counter before leaning against the wall and sliding down to sit on the floor. Dawson watches me curiously.

  "Mom, I can take the class next semester. You know, at a less torturing time."

  "I didn't send you to college so you could stay out all night. I sent you there to get an education."

  I sigh, her mother of the year act is already getting on my nerves. As I look at Dawson, an idea comes to mind.

  "But the early time is triggering to me. I don't want to be tempted to do coke again in order to stay awake."

  Dawson's jaw drops as I hear my mom gasp.

  "Okay, honey. I understand. You can drop the class. Just make sure they refund my card."

  I smile brightly, thanking my mom and getting off the phone.

  "Did you really just use the recovery card?" Dawson asks me.

  "I did."

  He chuckles. "You have no shame."

  I smirk. "Well, it's got to be good for something."

  I go into the bathroom to change into my uniform and when I come out, I realize how empty it is in here. I hadn't noticed when I arrived. I was too engrossed in getting out of taking 'Intro to Philosophy' at the ass crack of dawn.

  "Where is everyone?" I question.

  Dawson looks up from his phone, glancing around the room before shrugging. I walk over next to him and pull myself up to sit on the counter - kicking my feet as I wait for him to finish texting Skylar. When he's done, he pockets his phone.

  "So how are you feeling?"

  I frown. "Confused."

  He coos, pulling me into a light hug. "Have you talked to him?"

  "No." I answer. "I don't even know what to say."

  Dawson sits on the counter across from me. "Well, do you want to get back with him?"

  His words make me stop and question things. Do I? I mean, it's not like the idea hasn't crossed my mind. He was everything to me at one point. That was months ago though. Could we get back to how we were? Is it even possible?

  "I don't know." I respond.

  He sighs. "Well, if it helps any – I'm totally team Kayden."

  "Kayden?"

  "Kayleigh plus Holden equals Kayden." He answers, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

  I can't help but laugh. "You're ridiculous."

  "Yeah, but you love me."

  "So, what are you and Skylar then? Dawlar or Skyson?"

  He ponders it for a moment. "Skyson, definitely."

  A FEW HOURS LATER, Dawson and I are throwing a roll back and forth, when the door opens.

  "Woah. Why's it so dead in here?" Caleb asks while looking around.

  "Dawson, did you piss in the coffee?!" Jason quips, causing the three of us to laugh.

  I walk around the counter to give them each a hug. "What are you guys doing here?"

  Caleb hugs me normally, while Jason picks me up and spins me around. I squeal in surprise, running my fingers through my hair when he puts me down.

  "Well I didn't get a chance to talk last night, so I figured I'd come see you." Caleb answers. "He just came along for the free coffee."

  "Free coffee, huh?" I say, eyeing up Jason. He gives me puppy dog eyes, causing me to chuckle and walk back behind the counter. It's not like anyone will notice anyway.

  I get all four of us coffee and we move to sit on the couch. If business is this slow, we may as well be comfortable. Besides, it's nice getting to see these two idiots again. It’s been way too long.

  "So, what have you guys been up to?" I question, lightly blowing on my drink.

  Jason shrugs while C
aleb answers. "Killing myself at soccer practice. I’m captain this year.”

  "Congratulations!" Dawson and I say in unison.

  "Thanks. I'm pretty pumped about it. I'm also Vice President of Kappa Delta Phi."

  Jason hits him in the arm with his eyes wide. "Dude. Ick'shnay on the Holden'ay"

  I chuckle as Caleb whacks him back playfully. "That’s not Pig Latin.” I tell him.

  “That’s not anything Latin.” Dawson corrects.

  Jason waves us off and changes the subject, turning his attention to Dawson. "My friend Hannah thinks you're cute. She was at the party last night."

  "He's engaged." I point out.

  Jason and Caleb look surprised. "Seriously?" Jason asks.

  Dawson nods, taking his phone out of his pocket and showing them a picture of him and Skylar in Aruba, right after he asked her to marry him.

  "Damn!" Jason yells. "She's fucking hot."

  Dawson laughs, knowing he has nothing to worry about. He stopped getting jealous when guys hit on her in grade ten. It's probably why their relationship is so solid.

  The four of us sit around, talking about random things. Dawson tells them the story of how he proposed – a story I've heard at least three times but never get tired of hearing. Caleb and Jason talk about how cool it feels to be the big men on campus now. It isn't long before the subject of my ex comes up again.

  "Holden said he feels like a king because he's President of Kappa." Caleb jokes.

  I smile sadly, looking down at the cup in my hands. "That doesn't surprise me."

  Caleb opens and closes his mouth a few times, before finally speaking. "What happened with you two?"

  Dawson reaches over and squeezes my leg, making sure I'm okay. I take a deep breath, trying to compose myself before answering.

  "We broke up." I reply simply.

  "Yeah, I know that, but why do you seem so sad?"

  "Why wouldn't I be?" I ask, confused.

  Caleb and Jason share a look. "Because you broke up with him for being a douchebag."

  "What?!" Dawson and I practically shout.

  "Hold on." I breathe. "What did he tell you?"

  Caleb shrugs. "Not much. Just that he was being a tool. He fucked up and you broke up with him for it."

  Oh, my god. He's taking the fall, instead of telling the truth. He's making himself seem like the bad guy when I was a total bitch. All he's ever done is care and try to protect me.

  Shit. I fucked up.

  I turn my head toward Dawson, tears building in my eyes. It only takes him a couple seconds to figure out what's going through my mind. He reaches in his pocket, taking out his keys and handing them to me.

  "Go." He says, nodding toward the door.

  I smile, wondering what I would do without him. "Thank you." Standing up, I speed walk toward the door.

  "I'm so lost." Jason murmurs, but I don't stop.

  Dawson can handle them. I need to go find Holden.

  Chapter 4

  Ijump into Dawson's car, putting the key in the ignition and starting it. I check for traffic before quickly pulling out onto the road. I'm not even sure what I'm going to say. All I can think about is how much I messed up.

  Pulling up to the frat house, I realize I got here in record timing. I rush in the door, immediately running up the stairs and into what I thought was Holden's room.

  "Uh, can I help you?" A guy, who I think's name is Riley, asks – looking at me as if I'm crazy.

  "Isn't this Holden's room?" I look around and notice I'm in the right room, but his stuff is gone.

  "Ah." He chuckles, nodding in understanding. "He's in the master bedroom. It's down the hall. Last door on the right."

  I thank him, quickly exiting the room and heading toward his directions. I reach the correct room, and before second guessing myself, I barge in. Holden is sitting on his bed with earbuds in. When he sees me, he pulls them out immediately.

  "Kayleigh?" He gets up, coming toward me and looking me over. "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"

  "You took the fall for me." I breathe. "You said that you were the reason we broke up."

  A tear escapes and slides down my cheek. Holden sighs. "Come here."

  He opens his arms and steps closer. I go willingly, instantly loving the feeling of being close to him again. He rubs up and down my back, pressing a light kiss to the top of my head. The butterflies erupt in my stomach for the first time in months.

  We stand there for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness we've both been missing all summer. Neither of us pull away until someone clears their throat.

  "I'm sorry, am I interrupting something?"

  I turn my head to find Holden's girlfriend standing in the doorway. I can tell from the look on her face, she's not happy. I partially expect Holden to come up with an excuse, but he doesn't.

  "Abby, this is Kayleigh. Kayleigh, Abby."

  I fake the best smile I can manage, feeling insanely uncomfortable. "It's nice to meet you."

  "Yeah, you too." She mumbles, blowing me off and turning her attention back to Holden. "Are we still going to lunch?"

  He looks to me and then back at her. I focus my eyes on the floor. I really should have thought this through before showing up at his house. Now he's going to pick her over me and I'm going to be left heartbroken.

  "No, Kayleigh and I have some things we need to talk about. Rain check?" He replies, taking both of us by surprise. She laughs dryly before giving me a dirty look and walking out the door.

  I look up at Holden to find him staring right back at me. The tension between us isn't exactly awkward, but it's not the comfort that I'm used to. Still, he manages to make me feel things in a way that no one else can. Three months away from each other and he can still render me speechless.

  "Want to sit?" He asks, gesturing towards the bed.

  I nod, leading the way. I sit down and lean against the wall, while he sits with his back against the headboard. He takes out his phone and turns it off before putting it on the end table. I don't know what I expected coming here, but having his complete attention feels nice.

  "How have you been?"

  I smile sadly, the reality of our situation is evident. "Been better, been worse. You?"

  He nods, looking down at his hands. "Same."

  "Your girlfriend seems nice."

  He looks up at me and chuckles. "Abby? She's not my girlfriend."

  "Oh." I reply, slightly relieved. Then it occurs to me, I wasn't his girlfriend for a while either.

  "No." He says, reading my mind. He places his hand on mine then pulls away after he realizes what he’s doing. "She's just one of my sister’s friends. She doesn't know anyone here so I'm just helping her out."

  I can't fight the smile that comes from his words. Does that mean all the times he was looking at me, were because he misses me? Was I not overthinking that hug last night?

  "So, no girlfriend?"

  He shakes his head. "No. It's not the right time for one. I need to focus on hockey and the fraternity."

  "Oh." The disappointment brings my mood down immensely. I do my best to mask it. "I heard you're captain and president. That's great!"

  He smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "Yeah."

  "What's wrong?"

  He shrugs slightly. "I don't know. I’m just not sure if I'll be any good at it."

  "Why not?"

  "It's a lot of responsibility. If we lose a game, it's my fault. If some of the guys here get in trouble, it's my fault. I have to be a leader all the time and there's a lot of pressure on me."

  Now it's my time to place my hand on his. "Hey." I breathe, getting his attention. "You'll be great at it. You're so caring and always do what's best. Just look at what you did for me."

  "Betrayed you by telling your secret and then dropped you off somewhere against your will?"

  "Is that really what you think?"

  The look in his eyes tells me it is. "Isn't that what happened? Hell, you even broke up wit
h me for it."

  Oh shit. It's all becoming clear. He told Caleb and Jason he was being a tool, fucked up, and I broke up with him for it. He wasn't covering for me. It's honestly what he thinks. I have messed up his entire view of himself and our relationship. What is wrong with me?!

  "No." I tell him sincerely. "I needed help. I was addicted to cocaine and starving myself. I was severely underweight."

  "I should have helped you through it, instead of passing you off on someone else."

  I sigh. "You tried. Remember? You tried for months before summer. I just found other ways to hide it from you." When he doesn't respond, I move – placing my hand on his cheek and turning his head to look at me. "You did the right thing."

  He half smiles, a tear escaping his eye and sliding down his cheek. "I'm really glad you're okay."

  "Me too."

  The two of us sit around, talking about everything that has happened this summer. He tells me about the week he spent camping with Brandon and a few of their friends. I've always enjoyed hearing about times with them. His eyes light up and he laughs while telling the stories. His genuine happiness makes me smile.

  "So, not to kill the mood, but how is your recovery going?"

  I exhale. "It's going well. I mean, it's rough, don't get me wrong. Some days are easier than others, but overall I'm good."

  "Good. I was really worried about you." He says with pure honesty.

  For the first time in months, I tell him exactly what I've been thinking since I got through the withdrawals. "You saved my life."

  He shakes his head. "No. I just got you the help you needed. You did all the work."

  Leave it to Holden to downplay his actions. A few weeks into rehab, I realized how hard it must have been for him to do what he did. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to see or talk to me much, on top of knowing how angry I'd be. I can only imagine what he went through when he realized he couldn't fix me on his own. If it wasn't for him, I don't know where I would be.

  We don't dwell on the depressing topic of my drug addiction for long. At one point during our conversation, I get up and start looking around his new room. It has a walk-in closet and a bathroom attached – perks of being president.

  Being Holden, though, he still has tons of pictures over one section of the wall. Some of them I recognize, carried over from his room last year. Others, however, are new. There are a few from his camping trip with Brandon, and some from last year. When I notice how many there are of him and I, I turn to him.