Endless December (Sleepless November Saga Book 2)

by Kelsey Clayton

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath, before letting the words flow from my lips. "I think I'm pregnant."

  Chapter 19

  Holden stares at me, his eyes wide and jaw slacked. My heart pounds inside of my chest, begging him to say something, anything. The silence may as well be someone screaming in my face, the way it's triggering my anxiety at an alarmingly fast rate.

  "Okay, I'm going to go." I mumble, unsure of anything coming out of my mouth.

  Just as I'm about to get up from the bed, Holden grabs my wrist. "Don't, don’t leave. I just need a minute."

  I sigh, nodding and sitting back down. I place his pillow in my lap and mess with the fabric to distract myself. When the quiet becomes too much again, I look up at him with tears building.

  "I'm sorry."

  His looks at me, confused. "For what?"

  "This... situation?"

  He closes his eyes and exhales. When they reopen, they hold a kind of softness I've missed. "Come here." Extending his arms, I go willingly – snuggling into his side and allowing him to hold me. It's exactly what I've needed. "You have nothing to apologize for."

  "I feel like I do."

  Shaking his head, he places a kiss in my hair. "Not at all. I just wish you told me sooner, instead of trying to take this on by yourself."

  I peek up at him through my lashes. "Have you met me?"

  "Yeah, I know." He chuckles. "Wishful thinking."

  I lie my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It’s the perfect sound to soothe me. He runs his fingers up and down my back, just taking the time to show me that he's here for me. I was silly to think he wouldn't be.

  "Have you taken a test yet?" He asks.

  "No. I wanted to be with you for it."

  "Okay. Let's get some rest, and we'll go get one tomorrow. For now, I just want to enjoy this. I've missed you."

  "I've missed you, too." I reply honestly, and the feeling of his warmth lulls me to sleep.

  I WAKE IN THE morning to Holden standing in front of me with three boxes of pregnancy tests. I rub my eyes to make sure I'm seeing clearly, but that's definitely what it is.

  "Did you leave some for other potentially pregnant women?" I ask sarcastically.

  He rolls his eyes and drops them on top of me. "I didn't know what to get, so I got three kinds."

  I smirk as I sit up. "You could have just waited for me to wake up. I would have gone with you."

  "And you would have known what to get?"

  My head tilts to the side. "Touché."

  Reaching over to grab my phone, I see it's already 10:30 in the morning. I'm supposed to be at Dolce in three and a half hours. I groan and flop back down on the bed. Holden chuckles softly and climbs in next to me.

  "How do you feel?" He inquires, running his fingers through my hair.

  "Scared."

  Nodding, he uses his other hand to hold mine. "Don't, um, take this the wrong way, but if you are… you're sure it's mine?"

  The question catches me off guard, but I understand his concern. "Yes. I haven't even kissed anyone but you, let alone slept with someone else." He hums, happy with that answer, but it gets me thinking. "Have you?"

  He hesitates for a moment, and my stomach sinks. However, he recovers quickly. "No. Just you."

  I sit up and look at him intently. "Even over summer?"

  He swallows thickly, but turns to me and grabs my face. "Not even then. I couldn't. All I wanted was you. All I still want is you."

  Between the look in his eyes, and the words coming from his lips, I'm mesmerized. How is this the same man who infuriated me a little over a year ago? The way the emerald in his eyes reminds me of spring, and his silky-smooth voice speaks to every fiber of my being – he could get me to do anything he wants.

  I WATCH THE TIMER count down on my phone, and feel my anxiety building with every second that passes. Peeing on the test was interesting to say the least. I never thought it would be so messy, but my shaking hand probably didn't help. I sit in Holden's lap, waiting for the test to develop on the bathroom counter.

  The timer sounds, signaling it's time. Holden presses to stop it, and squeezes my hip before pressing a kiss to the back of my head.

  "Whatever the outcome, we'll figure it out together. Okay?"

  I nod and get up to follow him into the bathroom. He picks up the instructions, but I've watched enough movies to know that one line means negative and two mean positive. I walk up to the counter and glance down at the test.

  Not Pregnant

  Relief washes over me, finally allowing me to breathe again. Holden notices and looks up at the ceiling, exhaling loudly. I run my fingers through my hair and can't help the laugh that bubbles out of my mouth.

  "I'm so glad you find this funny." He teases, poking my side.

  I squeal and giggle into my sleeve. "It's a little funny."

  He rolls his eyes playfully and pulls me toward him. "Come here, wench." Hugging me tightly, he kisses my hair. "You're going to give me a heart attack one of these days."

  "You are getting old."

  Throwing his head back, his laughter echoes through the room. "You going to dump me for someone younger?"

  "Potentially. What's the kid's name who has your old room? Riley?"

  "Very funny."

  "I thought so." I smile up at him, and he bends down to place a quick kiss on my lips.

  After taking a picture of the pregnancy test, I send it to Bree and Skylar and toss the stick into the trash. I slip my phone into my back pocket and go into the bedroom to find Holden. When I don’t see him, I decide to brush my hair instead. He didn't tell me he was leaving, so I'm sure he'll be back in a minute.

  Sure enough, a few moments later, he comes back into the room holding two packages of Pop-tarts. He hands one to me and watches me carefully.

  "Dawson told me you haven't been eating much. I know you've been stressed, but I hope now you have more of an appetite."

  I take a deep breath and nod. He's right. Now that my stress has lessened significantly, I feel like I can tolerate food again without vomiting. Taking the package from him, I sit down on the bed and open it.

  "I'm going to take another test tomorrow morning, just to be sure."

  He nods while he chews, swallowing what's in his mouth before speaking. "Probably a good idea. I'm going to go buy condoms today."

  "Apparently, we get them for free in the clinic."

  "We have a clinic?"

  I throw my hands in the air. "That's what I said!"

  Finally, we're back to a good place, and I've really missed this.

  I FINISH MAKING THE customer's coffee before turning back to Dawson. Ever since I told him Holden and I worked it out, and that I'm not pregnant, it's like he's just as relieved as I am. Bree and Skylar both replied to my text with celebration gifs, making me laugh.

  "Okay, my anniversary is coming up and I have no idea what to get Sky."

  I pull myself up to sit on the counter. "You could propose. Oh, wait. You did that already. You could move in together. Oh, wait. You did that, too. Yeah, I've got nothing."

  He lightheartedly glares and shakes his head. "You're so helpful."

  "I try."

  The bell dings, signaling the door opening and causing Dawson to cringe. The broken bell only lasted about three days before the owner had someone come fix it – meaning all his hard work was basically for nothing. I laugh at his reaction as I hop down, but the smile is quickly wiped off my face when I see the person standing at the counter.

  "Jade, um, hi." I greet her.

  Memories of cocaine filled nights run through my mind like a movie reel. It's overwhelming and has my whole body on overdrive. Dawson's head lifts as the sound of her name, and before I know it, he's next to me. I take a minute to compose myself before faking a smile.

  "How've you been?"

  She flips her hair over her shoulder and grins widely. "Good. Really good, actually. Surprised I haven't heard from you tho
ugh. It's been a while."

  "Yeah." I break eye contact and look down at the counter. "I've been busy, with classes and work and stuff."

  "Right, of course." Her tone screams that she doesn't believe a word I'm saying.

  Dawson places a hand on my shoulder. "Kay, I'll handle this. You need to go unload the dishwasher."

  I give him a half-smile, grateful for the excuse out of this situation, before turning my attention back to Jade. "It was great seeing you again." I lie.

  "Yeah, you too. We should catch up soon."

  "Definitely."

  I walk into the back room and as soon as the door closes behind me, I start to hyperventilate. Thankfully, Dawson knows exactly what I need. No more than ten minutes later, I'm sitting on the floor with my knees to my chest, when Holden bursts through the door.

  "Kayleigh." He breathes, diving to the ground in front of me. "I'm here. Look at me. I'm right here."

  I scramble into his arms and nuzzle my head against his chest. "I didn’t relapse, I swear. I haven't touched the stuff."

  "I know you haven't. Dawson told me. You did so well, baby. You did so well." He rubs his hand up and down my back and places kisses in my hair. After a few minutes, when I finally calm down, he pulls me away and looks into my eyes. "I'm proud of you. You're so strong."

  I wipe away my tears and pout. "I don't feel strong."

  "But you are. You're the strongest woman I know. It's just one of the many things I love about you."

  My breath hitches as I realize what he just said. He bites his lip to conceal his smile, but it doesn’t work.

  "You love me?"

  He nods shyly. "I never stopped."

  The butterflies come alive in my chest and everything I was worried about dissipates. "I love you, too."

  Chapter 20

  The room is cold and sterile as I sit on the table and wait for the doctor. The gown that covers the lower half of my naked body does nothing to help ease my discomfort. I stay very still, afraid to touch anything or make any sudden movements – that is, until a knock at the door startles me.

  "Kayleigh Jacobs?" The doctor asks as he enters the room, extending his hand to shake mine. "I'm Dr. Leighton. I see here you've been experiencing a missed period?"

  I nod. "Yeah, it's a little over a week late."

  "Okay, and you've taken a home pregnancy test?"

  "Mhm. It was negative."

  He makes a couple of notes in his computer, and then pulls up another page. "The test we gave you here was negative as well. Have you been under any stress lately?"

  "Does the stress of missing my period count?"

  "It definitely can. I'm going to order an ultrasound to make sure everything's alright. Are you on any kind of birth control?" I look down and shake my head. "Are you interested in any? We have plenty of options."

  We spend the next twenty minutes going over the many different types of birth control, before he walks me down to another room to get an ultrasound. Thankfully, it all goes well and within an hour, I'm leaving the office after getting the depo shot. The thought of not having another pregnancy scare any time soon is relieving. Holden and I could use a break from the drama.

  MY CLASS LETS OUT right on time, and the only thing I can think to do is find my boyfriend. We've been apart so much lately, that the only thing I want to do is spend every waking moment with him. As I walk out the door, I'm focused on my phone and composing a text to Holden.

  "Kayleigh!" A voice calls out. I look up to see Jade coming toward me. Shit.

  "Hey. What are you doing here?"

  She smiles. "My next class is in this building. I've actually been trying to get in touch with you, but your number changed or something."

  "Oh, yeah. My parents got a new phone plan over the summer." I lie. I can't bring myself to tell her that I blocked her number.

  Nodding, she looks me up and down. "Well listen, would you want to...."

  "Hey babe." Holden interrupts, looking between Jade and me. He wraps his arm around my waist and it brings me solace.

  I exhale as the tension washes away. "Hey. I was just texting you."

  "I figured I'd surprise you." He turns his attention to Jade. "I don't think we've met. I'm Holden."

  "Jade." She answers. "Listen Kay, I'm running late but I'll see you later?"

  Not trusting my voice, I simply nod. She smiles once more at both Holden and I before walking away. As soon as she's gone, I relax fully.

  "Thank you." I whisper as I reach up and kiss his cheek.

  He doesn't take his eyes off Jade until she's completely out of view. Once he can no longer see her, he looks down at me, concerned. "Are you alright?"

  "Yeah. I mean I guess I was bound to start seeing her sooner or later."

  I can see the gears turning in his head, but he doesn't say anything. Instead, he just smiles sadly and starts walking me back to his car. As much as I'm wondering what she wanted, I decide to put her exactly where she belongs – out of sight, out of mind.

  THE NEXT TIME I run into my former friend, is the following day when I'm leaving my creative writing class. This time, however, I'm completely alone. I spot her before she notices me, but before I can get away, she calls my name.

  "Kayleigh! Wait up!" She shouts, causing me to stop as she jogs over to me.

  I take a deep breath to compose myself before turning around. "Hey Jade. What's up?"

  She runs her fingers through her hair and looks around quickly. "I was actually wondering if you'd want to go get lunch. Maybe do some catching up?"

  "Oh, uh, I don't know. I'm supposed to go meet someone..." I try to think of a quick lie, but my mind doesn't want to cooperate.

  "Please? You used to be my best friend, and I miss you. I just want to see how you've been."

  As much as I want to say no, the thought of how close we were last year makes me sad. If it wasn't for the drugs, we would probably still be good friends. I take out my phone to send a quick text to Holden.

  Me: Going to lunch with Jade.

  Don't worry, I'll be okay.

  I love you.

  "Sure, why not. Let's go."

  She grins happily, and grabs my arm as we start to walk towards the deli on campus. We don't talk about much on the way there – other than what classes we're taking and how things have been since school started back up. It isn't until we get our food and sit down that the conversation turns more serious.

  "So, what happened to you last summer? You basically fell off the face of the earth."

  I move my salad around with my fork, not really having much of an appetite. "Yeah, um, I went to rehab."

  Her jaw drops and her sandwich falls onto the plate. "Seriously?!"

  Nodding, I try my best to avoid eye contact with her. "Holden found out and told my parents. I spent 8 weeks in a facility back home."

  "That's crazy! So, you're clean now?"

  "Yeah. Have been for a little over 5 months now."

  Her eyes widen for a moment, but she coughs and changes her expression. "That's great, Kay. I'm clean too, but I didn't go to rehab or anything."

  "You quit on your own?"

  "Mhm. I guess I just got bored of it."

  I exhale audibly, feeling so much better about sitting here with her. "Thank God. I have to admit, I was trying to avoid you because I was afraid of relapsing – but if you're clean too then I have nothing to worry about."

  "Understandable. So, we can be friends again?" She questions.

  Her words cause me to stop and think. Is that really a good idea? We used to be so close, and it was nice to have someone who understood me the way she did. Maybe things will be different this time. I fake a smile and nod, hoping it'll buy me some time to think about this.

  We spend the rest of lunch catching up and talking about how her summer went. By the time we're finished, Holden has sent me six text messages and called twice. As much as I understand his worry, he's a bit overbearing. I don't bother responding, knowing I'm headi
ng there now anyway. I'll deal with him when we're face to face. In the meantime, I hug Jade goodbye and we head our separate ways.

  HOLDEN SITS ME DOWN on the couch and looks me up and down, trying to find any sign of harm or drug use. I roll my eyes as he grabs my wrist and feels my pulse. When he goes to check my pupils, I scoff and pull my arm away.

  "I haven't done any drugs if that's what you're looking for."

  He sits down next to me, rubbing his hands over his face. "I'm sorry. I just don't know what you were thinking."

  "I felt bad. Her and I used to be really good friends."

  "I'm not sure getting high together constitutes as being friends..."

  Lightly smacking his arm, I shake my head. "That's not all we did." He gives me a knowing look and I cave. "Okay, that's most of what we did, but she's clean now."

  "Is that what she told you?" He asks suspiciously. I nod, wondering where he's going with this. "I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but babe, she lied."

  "What?" I narrow my eyes at him. "No, she didn't."

  "Yes, she did." He pronounces every word as if I'm a child. "I can prove it."

  I cross my arms as he stands up. "Oh, this should be good."

  Holden calls Caleb and Jason into the room, and I immediately wonder why he's getting them involved in this. The two of them come in from the kitchen laughing until they notice the looks on mine and Holden's faces.

  "Kayleigh had lunch with Jade Evans today, who claims she's not doing drugs anymore." Holden explains.

  They both look as if they don't want to get involved, but Caleb smiles at me sympathetically. "She's still getting high. I'm lab partners with her dealer."

  "Well, that doesn't mean she still does it. She has no reason to lie to me about that."

  "I was with him yesterday as she was texting him about picking some up." He murmurs sadly, moving to sit on the couch next to me. "His name is Jordan. You can ask him yourself if you don't believe me"

  I groan, running my fingers through my hair. "I really can't listen to this right now. I'm going to Skylar's."