Amish Christmas Twins

by Patricia Davids

  “Ten years, I think. How are you, Miriam?” Willa saw the sheriff step out of his vehicle as a tour bus pulled up beside him. He waited as a dozen tourists got off.

  Dear God, please don’t let him take my babies.

  “It’s been a hard month so far. My mother passed on a few weeks ago. Did you know that?” Miriam asked.

  “I heard. I’m sorry.” Please go away. Stop talking to me.

  From the corner of her eye, Willa saw John pull up in his wagon. No, no, no. Take the girls home, John.

  Willa wasn’t sure she wasn’t screaming the words aloud. Miriam turned and pointed out the door. “That’s my husband. He’s the sheriff. I never joined the Amish, but I guess you can see that for yourself.”

  The back door opened and Rebecca came in. “I see John is here. I’ll take over for you, Willa.”

  “Danki.” How could this be happening? John lifted Megan out of the back of the wagon. He hadn’t seen the sheriff. Willa stripped off her apron and grabbed her coat from behind the counter. She couldn’t meet her cousin’s eyes. “Good to see you, Miriam. I have to go.”

  “We’ll see each other again. My daughter lives here.”

  Willa wanted to run to the wagon, but she forced herself to walk. She passed the sheriff on his way into the building. He stepped aside and tipped his hat. “Good day, Frau Lapp. Nice to see you again.” After what seemed like an eternity, she reached John’s side. “I have to take the girls with me. Lucy, Megan, get in the buggy.”

  “I thought I was taking you to the midwife.”

  “My plans have changed. I have to go home.” She untied the horse from the railing at the side of the building.

  “Willa, what’s wrong?”

  “I can’t talk.” She got in her buggy, and as soon as she was out of sight of the gift shop, she whipped the horse into a run.

  * * *

  John got home as fast as he could. Willa’s sweaty horse stood in front of the house. He had no idea what was wrong. He moved through the house calling her name. She didn’t answer. He stopped at her bedroom door and saw her bundling clothes together.

  “Willa, what are you doing?” John stared at the purple backpack on her bed.

  She emptied the pegs on the wall and the drawers of her bureau and stuffed everything into her bag. “I have to go. They are going to find out where I am if they don’t know already. I have to protect the girls.”

  “Who do you have to protect them from?”

  “From Glen’s parents. They will know where I am soon if they don’t already.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She closed the bag and faced him. “My cousin Miriam came into the gift shop. She recognized me. She will tell the sheriff and he’ll come for me and take the girls away.”

  “You aren’t a bad mother. We will show Nick the truth.”

  She turned her back to him. “You don’t understand. I once did something very wrong.”

  He stepped close behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. “What are you saying?”

  She leaned back into his arms for a brief instant. Then she straightened. “I have to go.”

  He turned her around. “Go where?”

  Cupping his face in her hands, she shook her head sadly. “You can’t help me. I can’t tell you where I’m going. They will come here looking for me, and I don’t want you to have to lie for me. But I want you to know that I do love you, John. Please forgive me. If you love me, you won’t try to stop me.”

  “That’s not fair.”

  “I do love you. Never doubt that. No matter what you hear about me, know that I love you with all my heart.”

  “You’re coming back, aren’t you? When these people find you aren’t here, they will go away.”

  “I wish it were that simple. They won’t stop looking for us.”

  “What about Megan and Lucy? How will you explain this to them? They have grown to love me as I love them. They have grown to love my mother. She adores them. Taking them away will break her heart.”

  “Please, John, this isn’t easy for me. Don’t make it any harder.”

  He caught her hand. “I don’t want it to be easy for you. I want it to be impossible for you to walk away from me.”

  Willa’s heart ached for the pain she was causing him. “If only you knew how close to impossible it is. I’m sorry.” She barely choked out the words.

  Picking up her suitcase, she pressed past him and into the hall. Her daughters were playing with their dolls on the living room floor. “Get into the buggy, girls.”

  A sharp pain cut across her abdomen. Willa gave a muffled moan and leaned against the chair back. “Not now.”

  “Where we going?” Lucy asked.

  “We have to take a little trip.” When the contraction let up, she knelt and helped Lucy button her coat.

  Megan touched her cheek. “Mama is sad.”

  Willa sniffled once and wiped away the tears that slipped down her face. “I’m not sad. I was just out in the cold too long.”

  Megan looked over her shoulder. “John sad. Need hug, John?”

  “Yeah, I need a hug.” He dropped to one knee and drew both girls to him.

  “You’re squishing me.” Megan pulled back in protest.

  Lucy wrapped her arms around his neck. “Love you, Johnjohn.”

  “I love you, too.” His voice trembled. He kissed the top of her head and then kissed Megan. “Gott be with you.”

  Willa pressed her hand to her mouth to keep from sobbing. Why had God brought her to this wonderful man only to tear her away from him? It was so unfair.

  “Let’s go, girls.” She struggled to her feet and swung her backpack over one shoulder. If she waited another minute, she wouldn’t have the strength to walk away from him.

  She opened the door but didn’t look back. “Tell your mother goodbye for me.”

  He didn’t say anything. She stepped out and closed the door behind her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  John wanted to smash his fist into the door. How could she do this? How could she turn her back on what they had? On her vows to the church? What had she done that was so terrible?

  He sank to the floor as tears rolled down his face. Why did she make him love her and then leave?

  He couldn’t imagine life without her or her wonderful children. He was starting to think of her baby as his own child. In his mind they were his family. It had been a foolish daydream and nothing more.

  He was sitting alone at the kitchen table when his mother came in half an hour later. She pulled off her coat and bonnet and hung them up. “I’m sorry I’m so late. I was talking with Belinda at the store and the time just slipped away. Where is Willa?”

  “She has gone.” Saying the words aloud made them even more painful.

  “Gone where?”

  He looked up and met his mother’s puzzled gaze. “She wouldn’t tell me.”

  “John, what are you saying?”

  He drew a deep breath and sat up straight. “Willa has taken the children and has left us. She won’t be coming back.”

  “Nee, that can’t be.”

  “I wish with all my heart that it wasn’t true, but it is.”

  “Why?”

  “Miriam Bradley recognized her. Willa fears Nick will take the girls away.”

  “And you let her go?”

  He stared at the floor. “What could I do?”

  “Anything but sit alone in an empty house.”

  He rose slowly to his feet. “You’re right. I will be out in the smithy.”

  His mother took hold of his suspenders with both hands. “Nee, you won’t!”

  “Mamm, stop it.” He tried to free her grip, but she held on.
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  “I won’t stop until you hear me. You locked yourself in your smoldering world of grief and hammered away until you had a shield of iron around your heart—until Willa and her children broke through it. Your great regret was letting Katie drive away that day after your argument without trying to stop her.”

  “It’s not the same.”

  “You’re right. It’s not. You can’t change the past, but you can find Willa and the children before she disappears with them forever.”

  “How am I going to find her? She wouldn’t tell me where she was going?”

  “Use your brain. She will need a car to get far away quickly. Who would drive her? She has no money.”

  His mother might actually be right. “The public health nurse and the midwife both have cars. They might help her.”

  “Debra Merrick doesn’t have a well-baby clinic today. She won’t be at the school.”

  “Willa had an appointment with the midwife this afternoon.”

  “Go there. If you fail to find her, at least you will know you tried.”

  He bent and kissed his mother’s cheek. “I’ll find her and I’ll bring her home.”

  John didn’t bother with a buggy. He bridled Clover and swung up bareback. The shortest distance to the midwife’s was through the woods by the river. He nudged the mare to a gallop and prayed his mother’s guess was right.

  Twenty minutes later, he saw two cars in the driveway along with Willa’s buggy.

  Please, God, let her be here.

  He jumped off his horse, charged through the front door and skidded to a halt in the midwife’s living room. Willa sat weeping on the sofa with Debra Merrick holding her hand.

  Debra smiled at him. “Willa, I think you know this man. Lucy has mentioned you a lot, Johnjohn.”

  His racing heart slowed as he gazed at Willa’s puffy eyes and tear-streaked face. He took off his hat, dropped to one knee in front of her and took her other hand. “No more running away, no more secrets. I’m here. I’m going to stay no matter what you tell me because I love you and I don’t want to live without you.”

  * * *

  Willa swallowed hard as she stared at his beloved face. “You won’t feel that way when I tell you everything.”

  Janice came in from the other room. “The children are watching TV. You must be John Miller. Thank you for coming. Willa needs all the support she can get. Unfortunately, Dr. Marksman had an emergency.”

  John squeezed Willa’s hand. “I’m listening.”

  She looked into his eyes, knowing the love she saw there would soon die, but he deserved to know the truth. “Two weeks after the twins were born, I developed what the doctors call postpartum psychosis. I started hearing voices. They weren’t real. I know that now, but they were as clear to me then as your voice is today.”

  He raised one eyebrow. “Narrish?”

  “I was crazy, yes.”

  “We don’t use that word,” Debra said. “You had a psychiatric illness.”

  Willa didn’t take her eyes off John. “It’s rare, but this illness happens only to new mothers. I never knew such a thing was possible. I was tired and depressed. The girls were fussy all the time. I felt like a failure as a mother. Glen said it was just the baby blues, but it turned into something much worse.”

  “Go on,” John urged gently.

  Willa drew comfort from his acceptance so far. “The voices told me to take my infants to the river and hide them in reed baskets so Glen couldn’t hurt them. That shouldn’t have made sense. He would never have hurt them, but I believed the voices. I don’t remember what happened after I reached the riverbank. I was told I waded into the water with the babies strapped in their car seats, not in reed baskets. If I had let go of them, they would both have drowned. Do you understand? They would have died if a stranger hadn’t stopped me from dropping them into the water. I was going to kill them, and I didn’t even know it.” She buried her face in her hands and started sobbing. Every day she gave thanks for the woman who had saved the lives of her daughters.

  Debra spoke again. “Postpartum psychosis is caused by hormonal changes in a woman’s body after she gives birth. It affects about one out of a thousand women. Sadly, we know little about how the brain is affected. We do know that approximately half of women who have had one episode will have another episode with their next pregnancy.”

  “But half of them will not be crazy again,” John said.

  “As I said, crazy isn’t a word we use, but that’s correct. The good news is that this condition can be treated. As I have been telling Willa, now that you and she are aware of the possibility of a reoccurrence, you can take steps to minimize the risks.”

  “What kind of steps do we take?” he asked.

  Willa’s gaze snapped to his. “We?”

  His troubled expression faded. “You are not alone. You do not have to face this without help.”

  “You heard what I said. What I did.”

  “I heard you, and I have heard these women. The burden God has given you to bear is beyond my understanding, but not beyond my love.”

  Janice laid her hand on Willa’s shoulder. “John is right. You aren’t alone. That is the beauty of belonging to an Amish community. The incidence of postpartum depression is lower among Amish women. Studies suggest the reason is because Amish women have so much help after a new baby is born. Family members and mother’s helpers arrive to take over the new mother’s chores and leave her free to rest and focus on her baby. Getting adequate rest is one way to decrease the risk of a psychotic episode occurring. Another way is the use of antidepressant medication. The third step is to decrease your stress. Part of that means accepting help. This isn’t something you have to hide. We will all help you.”

  Willa wiped her cheeks with both hands. “I can’t stay. My husband’s parents are trying to take my children away from me. They claim I am an unfit mother. They may know where I am by now. I have to get away.”

  Janice pulled up a chair and sat beside Willa. “You are not an unfit mother. I had no idea you were dealing with such an emotional issue. You must be terrified. Have you spoken to an attorney?”

  Willa shook her head. “My husband didn’t trust them. He said we had to keep moving so that his parents couldn’t find us.”

  Debra patted Willa’s hand. “I’m not one to speak ill of the dead, but he was wrong about that. It is difficult for grandparents to gain custody of their grandchildren in this state. Our courts are very reluctant to remove children from their biological parents. It is unlikely that your in-laws have been granted custody without an investigation and documentation of abuse or neglect.”

  The first bit of hope sprang to life in Willa’s heart. “Are you sure? Glen said they have the money and influence to take the children from us.”

  Debra sat back. “I can’t be positive, but I am certain of one thing. You are not an unfit mother and you should welcome the chance to prove it. I know several child welfare workers in this county. They can assess the children’s home situation and prepare a report for your attorney. You do need a lawyer, and I can recommend a fine one. She’s a friend of mine. With your permission, I will speak to her about your case. I’m sure she will help.”

  Willa looked to John. “Is that acceptable?”

  He nodded. “It is to me.”

  Debra and Janice exchanged pointed looks. Janice said, “There is a way to make certain they can’t remove the new baby after he or she is born.”

  “How?” John asked quickly.

  Janice glanced from Willa to John. “In Ohio, when a woman marries, her husband is recognized as the legal father of her unborn child even if he is not the biological father. Your in-laws would not have a claim on the baby when he or she is born. Adoption is the only way you can gain legal rights for the twins.”

 
* * *

  John rose to his feet and paced across the floor as he considered Janice’s words. If he proposed to Willa now, would he be placing undue pressure on her to wed him? He wanted her to marry him because she loved him, not because it would put her baby beyond the reach of her in-laws. He turned to gaze at her. God willing, they would have many years to sort out their feelings on the subject. “Willa Lapp, will you marry me?”

  John didn’t wait for her answer. He closed the distance between them and took her hands in his. “Let me do this.”

  She pressed a hand to her forehead. “I don’t know what to say. I need to think.”

  “Nee, don’t think.” He wrapped his arms around her and gently kissed her, savoring the feel of her in his embrace. A rush of love for her pushed away his doubts and left him overwhelmed with tenderness for the courageous woman he held.

  She pulled away. “I love you, John, but I can’t let you do this.”

  “I love Lucy and Megan. You know that. I couldn’t love them more if they were my own. Your babe is already the child of my heart. Why not let me give him or her my name?”

  “I don’t want you to marry me in haste and regret your decision for years.”

  “I won’t regret it.”

  “What if I become ill again? What if I say terrible things and do terrible things each time I have a baby? You would soon learn to hate me.”

  “Never.” He gripped her hand. “Marriage is for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. We don’t know what God has planned for us, but I want a future with you if He allows it. A future we’ll face together. I can speak to the bishop right away. We have both been married before, so we may wed at any time. This must be your decision, Willa. Place your trust in God and in me, and do not allow fear to rule your heart.”

  He watched the struggle going on behind her eyes. She closed them and bowed her head for so long he began to lose heart.

  Chapter Sixteen

  “I don’t deserve your love, John.” Willa looked up and smiled at him. “But I have never been more grateful for anything in my life.”