Falling Into Lust

by Selene Chardou

  I stared at him and he seemed so calm and reassuring though he was covered in tats, some hidden by his black wife-beater, and a pair of comfortable indigo jeans that were neither too tight nor too loose. They fit him perfectly and all I could think about was how it would feel to finally give myself over to a man and how wonderful and what a lucky coincidence it was the man in question happened to be Kaz.

  “No, I want to sleep in here with you,” I said out loud before I shyly smiled at him again.

  He laughed before he walked over and kissed me. It was a gentle kiss at first that quickly turned deep and passionate. I wore a pretty yet expensive spaghetti-strapped sundress with a Picasso-painting like pattern all over and he slowly slid down the straps to reveal my breasts. He cupped them lovingly before he bent down and began to lick and suckle at the right breast while the fingers on his left hand fondled the nipple on my other breast and it grew hard beneath his touch.

  I suddenly wanted him to take me at that moment. Not because I wanted it all to be over but because I didn’t know how much more my body would be able to handle. We’d played with one another yet I was ready to have his cock inside me, moving with me. Raw, unprotected sex because we both had copies of paperwork which proved we were both disease free and I was on the pill.

  How would that feel? I could almost imagine as my breath caught in my throat and then he pulled away without warning and slipped the straps of my dress back onto my slender shoulders.

  “Dinner is ready. I told Hector we would be dining on the terrace. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “Oh I’m hungry all right but it’s not for food,” I replied in a sensual voice.

  “Well, everything prepared is light so you won’t be stuffed. Cream of asparagus soup for appetizer, shrimp cocktail with a small spinach salad for the main course and Crème brûlée for dessert. There will be wine of course and you are not obligated to eat any more than you want to but what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn’t feed you before we come back here, I take your clothes off and fuck you?” he explained in a casual tone.

  “Of course you’ll be gentle at first, won’t you?”

  “Perhaps but we both want this and I am a rock star so not really a gentleman. I want you to enjoy yourself but unfortunately, you have no say in what our sex will be like. It is the one aspect of this arrangement I will always control…is that clear?”

  “Crystal.” I smiled again as he slid an arm around my waist and we began to walk out of the master bedroom suite and down the hall which led to yet another massive set of stairs that would lead us to the first floor and the terrace.

  Neither of us spoke again until we were seated. The pool lights had been lit and soft lighting courtesy of dozens of candles kept us in a warm, ambient glow. It wasn’t quite summer yet and although the sun had almost descended completely from the sky, I felt like I was in another world. Perhaps I was because whether I wanted to admit it or not, I’d gone home with a complete stranger. None of my friends were around and it was just us and Kaz’s servants.

  I ate my cream of asparagus soup paired with a lovely Pinot Grigio. After I sipped from my wine, I inquired, “What did you mean our sex life is the only aspect of our relationship you’ll control? Is there something you’re not telling me? Are you heavily into sadomasochism? Should I have inquired about your tastes in the bedroom before I so readily agreed?”

  Kaz sipped from his wine before he set the glass on the table. “I am not into S&M per se but there will be light play between us. I will tie you up on occasion and blindfold you. I also plan to take your virginity in both ways…vaginally and anally. I love anal sex and I will make sure you learn to enjoy it too.

  “We will play with toys every once and awhile and you can do things to me the same as I can do things to you. It is a give and take but just understand your body belongs to me sexually and I am not a meat and potatoes guy. I like to experiment with all types of sex acts but no, to answer your question, I am not a Dom and never will be. I don’t require a submissive but a woman who will do as she is told, sexually speaking. And I am, however, dominant in the bedroom.”

  “So in other words I get no say and I can never question you about anything we do in the bedroom?” I wondered incredulously.

  “You can say no. Just understand I am not a swinger and I will not share you with anyone—I’m too selfish. But if that is a lifestyle you would later like to indulge in then I know a group here in L.A. made up of very beautiful, attractive people. I have swung before with my former wife but it isn’t something I need to do. It can be fun but it can also be dangerous and very tedious at times.”

  I held the spoon midway to my mouth before I set it in the soup. “What do you mean when you say it can be dangerous?”

  Kaz wiped his mouth with a linen napkin and placed it on the table. “Well, think about it…you might end up falling in love with someone else and we can’t have that.”

  “No, we certainly can’t.”

  The rest of dinner seemed to fly by and afterwards, we shared a bottle of Cristal. The champagne was the perfect aphrodisiac and we were both happy to share it in his plush sitting room that was much less formal than the living room downstairs. It had a comfortable wrap around sofa and I was more than happy to cuddle with Kaz as we sipped on our champagne.

  “Listen, I know you are probably wondering why I am back in L.A. at all. I’m sure a society woman like yourself has much more pressing issues than to be worried about a rock star’s schedule but we have a few more tracks that we need to redo, then comes the premiere of our newest album, Love & Hate, and then comes the tour. The tour will kick off about a month after our album is released and that happens in six weeks when our album premieres in July.”

  “Well, first off, I don’t consider myself a society woman because I am rather young and still like to hang out with my friends but…what happens between us when you go on tour?”

  Kaz swigged from his champagne. “That is why I brought you here because it all depends what happens between us in the next six weeks. I realize a lot of stuff is still up in the air until we cement our deal by sleeping with one another but then after that, I want to see how you adjust to living here. It’s different from the East Coast but it’s hardly the same as living in another country. If you can handle the next six weeks then I will gladly invite you on tour with us. If you can’t then at least you have some great memories and you get to continue with your life and meet a man that is right for you.”

  The finality of his words shook me to my very core. Could he truly let me go that easy and did I want him to? My mind was all the over the place and we had yet to have sex. What would the situation be like then? I decided to play the only card left I had in the deck, not because I was playing hard to get but because I needed some advice from someone who was much more in the know than me.

  I turned toward him and kissed his lips passionately. “Please don’t take this the wrong way but is it all right if we waited until tomorrow to…fuck one another? I don’t want you to think I am running away but there is a lot I need to contemplate realistically. If I don’t think I can handle the next six weeks then I would rather just leave now. I have no interest in wasting your time.”

  “Of course, you can have all the time in the world. I am not some teenage horn dog who can’t control my hormones. I want you to be relaxed and fully ready when we do fuck for the first time.”

  My face lit up as he smoothly switched to another topic and soon it was time for bed. We walked to his bedroom and his maid had set out a simple white cotton nightgown for me. It hit mid-thigh and was expensive but understated. I took a shower because I desperately needed one in the women’s bathroom suite he had while he took a shower in his own master bathroom suite.

  I could do this but I needed encouragement and there was only one person who could give it to me: Faith.

  Chapter Ten

  Good Advice

  Faith and I met at the Beverly Center where she browsed c
lothing shops while sipping on a tall, mocha Frappuccino light. I explained my dilemma to her and she listened patiently without interrupting me once. When I could finally come up for air, she glanced my way and smiled.

  “Listen, Cocky and I have a very strange relationship few people can understand. I am in love with him and he is love with me but so much of their life revolves around living up to a certain image and Cocky—sorry, Jaden—enjoys looking like the man-whore with plenty of women hanging off of him, the drugs, the booze…it’s the reason why he became a rock star in the first place,” Faith explained in an acerbic tone.

  “What broke you two up to begin with if you don’t mind me asking? He is obviously in love with you.”

  We entered a small boutique store and Faith began to look at the dresses. “He may have loved me but he loved the drugs more, specifically cocaine and snortable heroin. It was a nightmare to be around him because it was like dealing with Jekyl and Hyde. I got scared and decided I didn’t need that kind of aggravation in my life. ”

  “Okay, so now that he is off the drugs, are you getting back together with him?”

  Faith held up a lilac dress and studied the stitching carefully. “That’s still up in the air. We did more fucking than talking last night so I will have to broach the subject gently. I desperately want to avoid a huge blow up between us two of us yet again.”

  I took the dress from her hands and placed it back on the clothes rack. “You have great style, babe, but has anyone ever told you there is just way too much black and purple in your wardrobe?”

  My best friend pouted before she glared at me with those dangerous gray-green eyes. “Hey, I happen to love black and purple—shoot me already. Cocky doesn’t mind so it’s good enough for me.”

  I rolled my eyes as we walked out of the boutique. “Jaden doesn’t mind because as long as you’re wearing something sexy which shows off your assets in the best light then it’s all good. Besides, we all know that as women, we don’t dress for men but other women.”

  Faith playfully hit my arm. “I’m tired of window shopping, how about we go get something to eat?”

  “Definitely!” I exclaimed.

  Since we had use of a limousine, my best friend took me to one of her favorite hangouts in the city, Calienté, in Century City. It was the type of see-and-be-seen place which was frequented by industry insiders, celebrities and the mega-rich in general, including the “stupid girls” crowd, as they were called. They were basically the young adult children of the rich and famous who had nothing better to do with their time but shop and pose for shitty photos in magazines like US Magazine, Okay!, and Society Magazine. They were a waste of space and simply vapid, usually bleached blonde and perma-tanned with clothes that left little to the imagination not to mention melodramatic and attention-seeking loud.

  We were seated by a group of four and were only too glad they couldn’t bring their little rat dogs in the restaurant. A waiter soon came by and both Faith and I ordered the Caribbean salad with all sorts of exotic dried fruits and tilapia fish over a bed of raw spinach and a pineapple vinaigrette dressing. A chilled bottle of Chardonnay went perfect with the selection we’d made.

  Although Faith and I had been hanging out all late morning together, the only breakfast we’d consumed had consisted of coffee. I was starving and couldn’t wait to dig in to the delicious food she raved about non-stop.

  We waited until the waiter was out of ear shot before Faith finally said, “I can’t tell you a lot about Kaz because he’s so different from all the members in the group. Don’t get me wrong, I mean, he makes Scarlet Fever what it is but he is very much into self-control. He never really got tied up heavily in the drug scene and although he drinks, he doesn’t do it to get drunk. No one but him could have held this group together as long as they have been and there is absolutely not a soul who could be lead singer other than him. Not only is he cunning but he’s incredibly business savvy.”

  I sighed quietly. “I pretty much thought that is what you would say. I really like him…a lot. More than any other man I have ever known and it scares me because I don’t feel like I have that control I have always possessed. Don’t get me wrong, I like a strong alpha male as much as the next woman but he is still such an enigma to me and if I could understand why he makes me feel the way I do, perhaps it wouldn’t bother me so much.”

  The waiter interrupted us as he brought out a bottle of vintage Chardonnay and turned our wine glasses over before he poured us each a half a glass and left.

  Faith sipped from her wine and relished the taste with her eyes closed before she opened them and stared at me with a serious look on her face. “All I know is his ex-wife messed him up in a major way and he’s never been the same. He has never really been the type to go for groupies very often so they always kind of head off with the other members but…I have a feeling this upcoming tour is going to be completely different.”

  “That’s the whole point. There is absolutely no guarantee I am even going on this tour.” I picked up my wine and downed it without tasting and for liquid courage alone. “Listen, he wants us to agree to a…contract—nothing in writing mind you—that if I can get through the next six weeks with him then he will take me on tour. Otherwise, it’s a no-go type of situation.”

  Faith refilled my wine glass before she set the bottle of Chardonnay down between us. “So, what is exactly the problem? He wants to make sure you can handle the late nights when they are re-cutting tracks at the studio and you’re not gonna freak out because you’ll think he was with some chick. They need to finish this album so they can get it on the shelves and a couple weeks later, they are heading out on tour. No one said being the girlfriend of a rock star was easy but seriously, if you can’t handle the next six weeks then the two of you shouldn’t be together.”

  The wine had begun to have its desired effect as I replied, “I’ve already agreed but I’m still frightened—”

  “You know why you’re still a virgin?” Faith questioned in an aggravated tone. “It’s because you don’t know how to relax and go with the flow. Enjoy the moment and stop psychoanalyzing this situation so much. Either you’re gonna be with Kaz or you won’t, end of story. This isn’t rocket science.”

  I thought about her words and how much they stung but she was right. I did overanalyze everything and for the first time in my life, I wanted to let go of the power to control and witness what happened. What kind of transformation would take place inside of me if I allowed someone else to be in charge for once?

  Lunch was a long, drawn out affair with a lot more conversation but I allowed the focus to be on Faith since she actually was in a relationship and incredibly torn about what she should do in terms of Jaden.

  Two bottles of wine later, she stated carefully to prevent her voice from slurring, “I really do love him, Sydney. He is the only man I have ever been head over heels for and I am just so scared he will break my heart yet again. To be honest, I don’t know what I am going to do.”

  I smiled as I slipped my platinum American Express card in the discreet leather-bound folder the bill came in and handed it to the waiter as soon as he appeared.

  “You’re going to go home and sleep off this feeling of being extremely drunk at the moment and then you are going to sit Jaden down and let him know what the ground rules are, Faith. You have been here before with him so you know what to do and what not to do. This isn’t something I should have to explain to you when you’re already aware of what the issues are and have been in the past.”

  “I got it but you should be happy because you’ll never have this as an issue with Kaz and don’t you realize how jealous I am? I wish Cocky didn’t need to be high to have a good time and I know he isn’t using right now but I also know what a tour is like and how the guys get out of control with the groupies, the drugs, the alcohol…I can’t do it again.”

  It was my turn to dispense the wise advice. “Then promise yourself you won’t. Tell him he has one more
shot to prove he can be the man you want and if he messes up then you’re gone. Simple, right?” I grabbed her hands and held them in my own. “Besides, you have no reason to be jealous of Kaz and I…every couple has their issues and we’ll have our fair share too.”

  Faith pursed her lips. “I suppose you’re right. I just need to sort this shit with Jaden and I’ll feel a lot better.”

  The waiter came back with my card and I made sure I gave him a twenty percent tip before I tucked my card back into my wallet and stuck it back into my royal blue Hermès Birkin before we both stood and walked out of the restaurant to the limo that awaited us.

  It had been a great day but I couldn’t wait to get home to Kaz and finally seal the deal. I’d waited too long. That night, I would definitely allow him to fuck me.

  Chapter Eleven

  Sealing the Deal

  I arrived back to Kasper’s house shortly after four in the afternoon and I couldn’t believe how happy I felt. I knew I was making the right decision and he didn’t have to bother with any of the pre-requisites. I didn’t want dinner and intelligent conversation, I just wanted him to take me into his arms and devour me.

  Kaz turned out to be in his bedroom after I had searched the sitting room, living room, outside terrace and the game room. He had recently showered and was drying his hair with a hand towel. The luxurious black towel he had tied around his waist showed off all of his tattoos and my heart began to race. I didn’t know what to do—should I allow him to make the first move or should I just be bold and go for it?

  I never wanted him to think I thought of him as my personal fuck doll and nothing else. I loved his brilliant mind and the great conversations we’d enjoyed in the past. I liked hearing about past tours and his musical experiences and influences. I suppose lust was still what I was feeling but it was slowly turning into so much more.