My heart pounded in my chest with an animal intensity as his lips crushed mine in a bruising kiss which I knew would leave my lips swollen. He fisted my hair and pulled us closer together. His passion was so all-consuming, I felt myself respond to his rough treatment and when he finally pulled away, my breath was heavy and my voice, husky.
“Do you think we should take this into the bedroom?”
“Absolutely not. The staff have the night off.” He rolled off me and stood up, pulling me with him. “Take your fucking clothes off now but leave on your lace thong.”
Although a part of me wanted to his fight his authoritative manner, I unbuttoned my jeans and let them fall to the floor before I stepped out of them and then took off my peasant blouse. My nude lace bra—which naturally matched my hipster lace panties—came off with slightly trembling fingers before I discarded it on the Persian rug covering the marble tile.
“Undo my pants and take my cock out,” he whispered in a seductive voice.
I got down on my knees and undid his jeans which were the kind that buttoned all the way up as opposed to having a zipper and discovered he went commando as usual. My right hand barely wrapped around the girth of his manhood and I held it in my hand before I massaged him up and down the way I knew he liked it.
His breath came fast and raspy but he didn’t have to tell me what to do next. Just holding him in my hands and breathing in his clean scent was enough to drive me over the edge. I licked the pre-cum off the tip of his mushroom head with my talented tongue before I allowed my lips to wrap around his cock and slowly work his length in my mouth.
“That’s right, you sexy bitch, fucking suck my cock.”
It was so easy to do when he gave me instructions like that. One hand steadied how much of him I took into my mouth while the other massaged his balls and played with them before two fingers slipped past his balls and caressed his perineum. He clinched his buttocks in an intense reflexive manner though I had never ventured past his perineum before and I didn’t plan to experiment that night either.
With deliberate and aching precision, I took the full length of his cock into my mouth and relaxed my throat muscles to receive him. He grabbed my hair and fisted it again before he pulled me back and joined me on his knees. He pushed me back onto the carpet and spread my legs before he tore my La Perla lace hipster panties and exposed my wet, aching sex to his view. I had soaked my clear through my panties I was so turned on..
I never got tired of the anticipation of sex with Kaz. His right hand reached down and his fingers spread me like a flower before he bent down and inhaled deeply.
“You smell so fucking good. Like flowers in the spring time and honey nectar. Every time I see that perfect pussy of yours, I just want to devour your snatch.”
His mouth slid over my clit before he teased it with his tongue and I moaned out loud. I didn’t care about the pain from my tattoo as he ate me out with such ferocity, I thought I would pass out from the sensations my body was feeling alone.
He tongue fucked me before his tongue swirled around my clit over and over again. Two fingers were buried in my soaked sex and he stroked my G-spot and I gasped out loud as an orgasm poured over me so deeply, I could barely remember my own name let alone his.
Kaz didn’t give me time to relax before he grabbed his cock and slid it all the way into my slippery wet depths. I felt like I was being tattooed all over again as he moved inside me with slow, deep strokes. The irony was not lost upon me he still wore his jeans and I was completely nude beneath him.
He began to pound himself inside me and I breathed harshly, an orgasm very near yet again after I’d just had one and I couldn’t help but wonder why he made my body feel like one giant sex organ. My skin tingled, just having his naked chest against mine and my sex responded willingly to the rough treatment. I would be sore the next day but it was worth it just to experience such pleasure at this moment in time.
“Turn over,” he commanded after he withdrew from me and began to take off his jeans.
I did as he commanded me to do and got on all fours.
Kaz didn’t re-enter me yet again but teased me with his mouth and his fingers wandered from my perineum to the soft tight opening of my anus. He merely traced his fingers around it while I panted like a dog in heat.
“I can’t wait to get into this hole. The only one on your body I haven’t experienced yet and believe me, I will. You are a virgin there too, aren’t you?”
“Yes,” I whispered, “you know I am.”
“Good, this beautiful ass belongs to me and so does your pussy, do you understand? No one is to use your mouth, your snatch…your ass but me.”
I turned toward him, my curtain of honey hair covering one side of my face. “That goes without saying, baby.”
He smiled before I looked forward again and he thrust his cock inside me again and I pushed against his body with an aggressiveness I didn’t know existed inside me. I wanted him to fuck me hard and fast all the while teasing my clit. His cock would hit that ever elusive G-spot and drive me absolutely crazy.
Kaz continued until my body erupted in pleasure, my arms giving out from underneath me and as my vaginal muscles squeezed around his manhood, he cursed and came violently as he held my waist possessively.
I laid on my stomach, trying to breathe and slow my racing heart while he laid next to me on his back, both our bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat and sin.
There were no words exchanged between us because none had to be and it was a perfect silence. Instead, he grabbed my outstretched right hand and squeezed it within his own. That was the most freakish and intimate gesture he’d ever done and I realized not for the first time that my feelings for this man went beyond lust and like.
Kaz was hot and he had a smokin’ body. He was easy on the eyes, possessed tats and was certifiably considered a bad boy and alpha male but I had never seen him so incredibly naked—physically or emotionally—as he was when he’d discussed his son with me.
I suddenly realized how there could be a hole in the earth because Kaz was there and he was pulling me into it with him. I was falling and there was nothing to brace my impact or slow me down.
For the first time in my life, I knew the feeling of being helpless and it was the most frightening feeling in the world.
Chapter Fourteen
Decisions
The next two weeks passed by much too quickly. Scarlet Fever finished their album and it was ready to go on sale. The premiere date was a couple days away and pre-sales on both iTunes and Amazon were “insane” according to the record executives at Introspect Records. The tour with Winter’s Regret was due to start in a month though both bands would go on the road and start off playing small, intimate crowds in places like here, Las Vegas, Miami, and Dallas.
While the guys had gone out to celebrate with Winter’s Regret whose album was finished and had been released several weeks prior, the girls and I decided to have our own celebration at Faith’s massive home.
Faith had a beautiful setup in one of the most expensive communities in Calabasas. Her parents had bought the home next to theirs as a twenty-first birthday present. The neighborhood was exclusive, gated and home to many extremely celebrities.
She had the party catered despite the only people in attendance were Laurel, her sister Sasha, Faith and I. The food was delicious and the Cristal champagne was even better. We talked, laughed and discussed a situation that was long overdue. Would we or wouldn’t we go on tour with the guys?
I thought it a bit odd how they all had found one of us to hook up with at the same time—with the exception of Faith and Jaden who had dated one another previously—but everyone’s relationship seemed genuine so I took that judgmental part of myself out of the picture altogether.
For Sasha, it was a no-brainer. She had to go since she was their Press Manager and had happened to hook up with Grant, the drummer. We teased her and she held out as long as possible before she rolled her eyes a
nd gave in to our questions.
“Fine, what do you want to know? Whether we have fucked yet?”
Laurel and I looked at one another with wide eyes before I replied, “That’s your business. I don’t think any of us wanted that much detailed info.”
“Well, we have and he’s great in bed but there is so much to our relationship than that. He just got me into bed last week if it makes any difference.”
Laurel laughed. “Ha! I held out longer than any of you bitches!”
Faith glared at her with annoyance. “I didn’t need to hold out for anything because Jaden and I were a couple previously so it wasn’t like he’d never seen me naked before.”
“Well, I just gave Will a piece last night and the man was in heaven. To be honest, it was kind of cool. I mean, he’s a world famous rock star and there he was at my mercy. However, he really is very sensitive. He reminds me of Kurt Cobain, minus the heroin addiction, but there is just so much sensitivity there and I can appreciate that. There is no way I could not go on tour.”
“Syd, what about you?” Sasha wondered out loud as she ate another crab-stuffed mushroom.
I stood and walked to the glass French doors that led out to an art-shaped pool and a large backyard. “I’m undecided still…”
“How can you possibly be undecided?” Faith questioned in a cold voice. “Kaz is crazy about you and he wouldn’t be able to survive without you yet you could really do that to him? I thought you’d changed but you’re still that selfish little girl worried about what people will think of you.”
I turned toward my best friend. “We are also talking about my life here. I don’t know where we are going—”
“—and if you don’t go on tour, you might as well start packing your bags because your relationship is guaranteed to go nowhere. Do you honestly think he is going to wait for you while he is on a six month tour? Are you on crack? Go home, Sydney.”
“Faith, what’s wrong with you?” I questioned in a placating tone. “One minute we’re having fun and the next moment, I am told to go home?”
She strolled over to me, my handbag in her hand, grabbed me roughly by the arm and frog-marched me to the door. “Go back to Kasper’s, pack your shit and take your ass back home to Mommy and Granddad because you have no place here. You aren’t a woman, you are stuck in arrested development and act like a fucking teenager. I won’t see you destroy Kaz’s life or fuck around with his heart. He’s been through enough. Now get the fuck out of my house!”
Faith opened the door, threw my handbag on the ground, pushed me out and slammed the door behind me.
I wasn’t expecting her to act like that and although I shouldn’t have been driving, I hopped into Kaz’s borrowed, silver Range Rover and drove back to his place which was quite a ways from her home. Somehow or another, I made it home in one piece all the while crying and driving rather erratically.
I did want to be with Kaz, more than anyone could know but was I not allowed to be scared or show a sign of weakness because that made my behavior that of a child? I resented her comments but sadly we were both too stubborn and I would not call her and she wasn’t going to call me. There would be no apologies from Faith, this I knew for certain. It simply wasn’t her style.
As soon as I closed the front door, I began to sob again. Gut-wrenching, aching cries that sounded more like the throes of passion than hurt or mere anger. I was pissed at one of my best friends and I didn’t even know if we had a friendship at this point. Maybe she would forgive me eventually but if I didn’t go on this tour, I knew the chances of her wanting to continue our relationship were next to nil.
It was so easy for her to cut people out of her life and that scared me more than anything because Faith didn’t have anything to lose. She still had Laurel and now that Sasha was on board, she’d found the woman who could still make them the three musketeers, so to speak. I needed her a lot more than she would ever need me. That wasn’t just my emotions talking, it was the simple truth.
And Kaz?
He was a different story all together. He’d introduced me to sex, branded my soul and tattooed my heart in a way no man had ever done in the past. Could I really be apart from him for six whole months? Without his touch and warmth; his embrace and kindness; his never ending lust and domination?
The simple answer was no.
I would probably become an out and out whore and sleep with God knows how many different men searching for what we had together and never find it. That frightened me more than losing Faith’s friendship.
I slipped off my stilettos and threw them in the corner before I walked up to the bedroom I shared with the man who had become my life for such a short time. I opened my own personal closet and looked at my clothes and that was the closest I got to packing a single item because I closed the double doors, stripped out of my clothes and crawled into bed.
My head swam from too much champagne and all the decisions swirling around my head. I finally buried my face in Kaz’s pillow, his scent still there. Ed Hardy’s Love & Luck clung to my nostrils and his scent quietly sedated me.
I didn’t know what time it was when I was shaken awake. Kaz leaned over me and admired my naked form, my tattoo on display since I laid on my stomach.
“Fuck, what a beautiful sight to come home to after the night I’ve had. I’d fuck you senseless, you know that, right? But I’m too drunk and it would be lousy and neither one of us would get off. Shift over.”
I crawled over onto my side of the bed as he stripped his clothes and got in beside me. I spooned him from behind and tucked my arm around his stomach. He threw his arm over mine as he yawned and closed his eyes.
I closed mine again too because there was nothing to talk about. He was drunk, happy and couldn’t wait for the tour to get started. I couldn’t tell him about the colossal argument I’d had with Faith so I tried to go back to sleep.
“Oh yeah,” he began, his voice slightly slurred, “you passed the test with flying colors so are you coming on tour with us?”
“Can we talk about this in the morning?” I demurred instead of answering the question. It was just too hard and I wasn’t ready to think about the implications of my decision just yet.
“Okay. Good night, honey.”
“Night, babe.”
Sleep finally washed over me again but it didn’t last for long and when I awoke at five-thirty in the morning, I got up, showered and dressed in a pair of expensive jeans and silk babydoll blouse with Chinese print and spaghetti straps.
I made coffee and sat outside on the sun deck and watched the pool as the water flickered in the gentle breeze. I could go on tour and prove I could handle dating someone famous, the rumors, the innuendo, the endless Internet chatter and the hate mail or I could go back to my old life.
Life before Kaz was safe because I controlled every aspect of my destiny and I was safe in my cocoon of friends and family members. My mother and grandfather loved me with all their hearts but what would I do without Laurel? I would surround myself by a bunch of frenemies who would jump at the chance of a single Kaz Gillian on tour and half my so-called friends would end up bedding my boyfriend.
The thought disgusted me and caused me to go through two additional cups of coffee. I was working on my fourth when Kaz came out to join me. It was a quarter to seven in the morning and he held his own cup of coffee.
“Fuck, I have a hangover from hell and I know I am going to spend most of today laying down so I thought I would check on you,” he greeted cordially. “You look like hell. What happened last night? Faith called me and told me to send you back to Mommy. What the fuck was she talking about?”
“We had a fight about the tour and she isn’t exactly happy with me right now. I wouldn’t give her a firm answer whether I was going or not and she got really pissed off. It’s worse than it sounds. We’ll patch things up and be fine, honestly.” I smiled and tried to sound upbeat but my tone belied my words badly.
“It’s not rocket
science, Syd. Either you want to go or you don’t but I am not going to hold it against you.” He turned toward me, his aquamarine eyes bloodshot yet still beautiful in the early morning sunlight. “You can stay here and fly out when ever. You don’t have to be there. We can make this work because I demand we make it work. I am not losing you over a six month tour that is only a fraction of my life. I want you here…in my bed…my life. Somehow you’ve worked your way under my skin like all these tattoos and you can’t leave me. I won’t let you.”
The tears came though I tried to stop them. “She told me you wouldn’t want me if I didn’t go and all I could imagine was losing you and not being able to be with you. I hate you have become the center of my universe yet I love it at the same time. I despise how much I miss you when you’re gone yet when you’re around, my whole world feels complete. Baby, I adore you and I didn’t want you to think if I said no to the tour then I was saying no to us because I’m not.”
Kaz swallowed harshly and looked me dead in the eyes. “So, you’ve made up your mind, huh? You don’t want to go?”
I finished my coffee, stood and sat on his lap. “Never give this woman a challenge because I can’t say no to them. The answer is yes…I am going on tour with you because infrequent sex in random cities doesn’t do it for me. Personally, I wanted to tell you first and that is why I told Faith I was undecided. I wanted you to be the first to know.”
He smiled and kissed my lips before his tongue worked its way inside my mouth and I opened up to receive him. We must have spent a great deal of time embracing and necking because by the time we were finished, my lips felt bruised and I was in pure heaven just because his arms were wrapped around me.
“Thank you but I just want to say something first.”
“What’s that?”
Falling Into Lust Page 9
