My name was called and I stood on slightly wobbly legs. The shot of Jack Daniels was starting to do its damage. I probably should have told Faith I’d already popped a two milligram tablet of Xanax before the appointment and the alcohol mixed with the drug to calm me completely though it left me a little sleepy.
“I’m Loire…like the Valley in France,” the young dark-haired woman said when she introduced herself. “I’ll be doing your tattoo. I did Faith here and she will attest my work is flawless.”
My best friend looked at me and nodded her head. “Yes, it is.”
Loire had gorgeous olive skin which was smooth and silky. Her arms were bare but as she turned away from us, her backless top revealed a detailed rose vine with roses and stems with sharp barbed-wire thorns. It was beautiful because this was the only tattoo she seemed to have though I didn’t know what her legs or torso below her stomach looked like.
We both followed her into a clinical room where she told me to take off all my clothes except for my panties. I’d purposely worn hipsters so they wouldn’t get in the way of her work.
I stripped and looked at Faith as I got on the bed-like table. It was soft and warmed so I wouldn’t freeze due to the air conditioner which was turned up quite high.
“Let me just get my equipment ready and then we can start. Kaz was nice enough to drop off the specs this morning so I know exactly what the tattoo is supposed to look like. Do you want some color in the ink or would you prefer just black ink?”
“Get black ink only. Color ink can be tricky and do you really want to come back in for touch ups?” Faith cut in as she studied herself in the vanity mirror.
I agreed with her and it was my first thought because I wanted my tat to match Kaz’s and he didn’t have any color tats. All his had been done with black ink. Plus if a tattoo was able to look classy, it looked better in black ink as opposed to color.
Loire turned to consult me. “Black ink only.”
She smiled before she continued to prepare herself.
“I can see why Kaz likes you so much and is in such a rush to ink you up. A young woman reared in high society with impeccable manners who seems to understand him and doesn’t judge him. There is a certain symbiosis that exists between you two and I have yet to see you two interact with one another. Not like this one and Cocky. He is extremely possessive but he doesn’t understand she needs her freedom and can’t be tied down.”
I could feel Faith roll her eyes though I couldn’t see her. “Will you stop it all ready, Loire? Jeez. Why haven’t you and Nil got together yet? What are you two waiting for?”
“Nil and I are colleagues only. He’s Seth’s brother for God’s sake and although he, technically, isn’t a rock star, it’s not the kind of life I want. Too close to my previous life that I led and I never want to go back there.”
I hated to admit it but being with Kaz had taught me a deep sense of empathy for other people I didn’t have before we’d met. I could actually feel the hurt and tremble in her voice. What ever had happened to her wasn’t pretty and I could understand why she wouldn’t be so gung ho to risk her heart again.
I opened myself up to Kaz completely and it scared the shit out of me. Any day now, he could just ask me to leave and I would be all alone and left broken beyond repair. I would be a carbon copy of my mother because she never managed to get over my father’s betrayal. Sure, she had lovers but I knew she never loved a man as deeply or as passionately as she loved my father and this nightmare scenario scared the crap out of me.
There were no half measures with me and it was the reason why I’d held on to my virginity for so long, not because I considered myself a lady of virtue. I knew who ever took it would claim a part of me and just as I was about to be tattooed, Kaz’s imprint was already tattooed on my mind, heart and soul. There was no going back and I had to continue to move forward because something inside of me would never let this go. He was the one for me and I was determined for him to see that whether he was ready to go there or not.
Loire finally began to work on my tattoo after ten more minutes of intense anticipation. It hurt like a son of a bitch and mid-way through, I had to take a break and down another shot of Jack Daniels so she could finish up her work.
By the time Loire was finished, she rubbed down the tattoo, she made sure it was bandaged thoroughly and cautioned me about not getting it wet until the skin was perfectly healed. Then she gave me a booklet and specific instructions on the caring of my tattoo until it would be ready to be exposed.
Faith and I left The Black Rose about an hour and a half after we arrived and decided to get something to eat at Xandros Greek Restaurant on North La Cienega Boulevard in Beverly Hills, roughly five miles from the tattoo parlor.
We were seated and immediately ordered a carafe of the house white wine.
My best friend smiled at me before she breathed deeply. “I do believe you should spend some time with Laurel. She’s missed you like mad and has accused me of monopolizing your time.”
“Well, you have,” I replied as the waiter set down the wine and poured us each a glassful before he walked away.
“I have not. I’ve just been trying to show you the ropes is all. Laurel’s relationship with Will is just as new as yours is with Kasper except she’s playing hard to get. The man is a complete and utter bastard because all she will tease him with is blow jobs. She told him she wanted their first time to be meaningful.”
I laughed out loud at this. “Well, she’s been around the block and then some, Faith. I think every woman comes to a point where she wants to know that a relationship is going to progress in a way where both parties get something out of it and I admire her tenacity. I could never do that with Kaz but what ever floats her boat.”
My best friend smiled before her teeth glided against her bottom lip. “So, are you going to spill the goods or what? How is Kaz in bed?”
I smiled and I knew my eyes had taken on a far-away look because what that man could do with his hands was without compare to anything I’d experienced in my life. He was so fucking talented at everything he did and that included sex.
“He’s amazing. That is all you’re going to get out of me because I don’t kiss and tell.”
We both laughed again as I looked to my left and my heart almost came to a full stop. In the far corner, Kaz and a dark haired, olive skinned woman were talking quietly. They looked friendly enough but something about their conversation seemed strained and unnaturally cool.
Faith’s eyes followed my direction and she turned toward me again. “You do know that’s his ex-wife, right? They are probably just discussing their son or something. It’s not like he’s cheating on you, Syd. Their conversation barely looks cordial let alone anything approaching the realm of intimacy.”
I swigged from my wine. “I know…I just didn’t expect to have that kind of reaction seeing her and…of all the goddamn restaurants in L.A., why did they have to choose this place?” I whined out loud.
“She loves Greek food and probably chose the restaurant.” My best friend grabbed my wrists and held them in her hands. “Calm down, Syd, or this is how you will lose him. He doesn’t like overly jealous women and when we go on tour, you will see some shit you’ll wish you could unsee. Women pulling up their shirts like they’re in a fuckin’ Girls Gone Wild blu-ray, women throwing themselves at them, and doing just about anything they think will get them one step closer to the band.
“You have to ignore all that shit and keep your dignity otherwise you should stay here in L.A. and just tell him you won’t be able to handle the tour. Their first stop is the San Bernardino Music Festival—and girl, that gig is insane. I went to a couple and you have regular people and celebrities mingling about. It can be a lot of fun but I am telling you now it is no place for an insecure girlfriend who can’t control her temper.”
I took some deep breaths before I smiled at Faith. “Thanks and you’re absolutely right…what would I do without you?”
> My best friend smiled and rolled her eyes. “Gee, I don’t know.”
The black mood lifted and I found myself in good spirits again. “Then where’s the waiter? I want to order so I can eat. I’m starving…what about you?”
Faith glanced at me wickedly. “Ravenous…but not for lunch.”
It took me a few seconds before I got the joke and we both burst into girlish laughter.
Chapter Thirteen
With You
I managed to get home at a decent time and was surprised to find Kaz on the sofa in the game room. He watched television while drinking a Beck’s. On the art deco black magazine table was a bottle of Jack Daniels and a shot glass.
“Hey, babe, how are you doing?” I greeted as I strolled over to him and sat beside him on the sofa.
“I’m good.” He finally met my eyes and his were red-rimmed as if he had been crying. His pupils were dilated and he didn’t look “good” at all.
My hand settled on his left thigh though there was nothing sexual in my suggestion. “What happened? I saw you in Xandros with your ex. I thought it would be tacky to come over and say ‘hello’…I was with Faith.”
“How was your tattoo appointment? Did Loire take good care of you?”
Now I knew something was definitely going on because he didn’t usually change the subject unless he really didn’t feel like talking about something.
“My appointment was fine.” I removed my hand from his thigh and reached to touch his gorgeous, chiseled face. His jaw and cheeks were rough with a five o’clock shadow. “Baby, what’s going on?”
Kaz remained tight lipped until he reached over, poured another shot of JD and swallowed the contents in one go. “Listen, my wife is trying to get full custody of our son and today, she filed the paperwork in Los Angeles County Federal Court. I know why she’s doing it but it isn’t fair. I barely see him as it is and now she wants to take him away from me? I could kill that bitch sometimes.”
I sat up, poured myself a shot of Jack in the same glass he used and tossed it back. The liquid burned my throat but it was a pleasant burn. I then proceeded to get comfortable on the sofa as I lay my head in Kaz’s lap.
“What right does she have to take away your son?”
“His name is Xander and I love that kid to death. Before you, I dated another woman and she seemed normal enough. She was a receptionist at The Black Rose and she was really cool and great to be around. Knowing my ex, she did some digging into the young woman’s background and then asked me out to lunch.
“Damira—that’s my ex-wife’s name—is like that. She is very vindictive and she just needed to bring me down to size. It makes no difference she is dating yet another rock star and supposedly, they are very happy together…it gives her great pleasure to cause misery to me.”
I locked my right hand with his and together, we squeezed our fingers together. “What did she discover that was so earth shatteringly bad?”
“The young woman had a rough past. She was a former coke head and porn star. She did about one hundred films while she continuously fed her drug habit and her stuff is readily available to buy. All she did was dye her hair and get a nose job to cover up her former life…and use her real name but…Damira knows everyone and that meant nothing.
“When she approached me with this information, I was crushed because it meant I had to leave this woman. I couldn’t have Xander around an ex-drug addict and ex-porn star. That alone would give her enough in her arsenal to gain full custody and I always thought we should share our son. He belongs to both of us and I don’t want him growing up calling some other son of a bitch ‘Daddy’.”
I sat up and our hands slipped from each other’s grasp but I positioned myself in his lap and placed my arms around his neck. “Here’s what you are going to do…you’re going to fight her with everything inside you. If you have a past then she has one too. I know you don’t want to play dirty because she is the mother of your child but I don’t see any other way. You are going to have to dig up some dirt about her.”
I paused and sighed out loud. “I don’t want to see you like this and I know how much your son means to you. I can assure you now I don’t have anything unsavory in my past and even if I did, our family attorneys’ would shut her down so fast, it would make the Airbus seem slow. I know you love your son and when you love someone, you do everything in your power to protect them and keep them safe.”
“What did I do in my former life to end up with a gem like you?” Kasper moved my hair out of my face and gripped my ass between his hands because he didn’t want to touch the bandage that covered my freshly inked tattoo. “Never in a million years did I ever think you would advise me to fight for my son. I expected some kind of snarky answer about how eventually we might have kids and that should satisfy me.”
I shook my head. “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard, Kaz. No other child can replace Xander and if we got to that stage in our relationship, I wouldn’t want them to either. He is your son you had by a woman at one time you were deeply and helplessly in love with yet I am going to pretend because you’re divorced, all that time you two spent together meant nothing? That your son means nothing?
“I look forward to meeting the little hellraiser and I know we probably won’t hit it off right away, I want you to know I am willing to make the effort. I am the adult here and I am the one who should show myself to be proper and mature. No, separating you from your child so that bitch can get fatter child support checks is a philosophy I just don’t buy into. Sorry to disappoint.”
Kaz stared deep into my eyes and I could practically feel his eyes like a tattoo needle, inking the very essence of my soul. “Is it because of what you went through with your own father?”
I tried to look away but something inside those blue-green eyes had me frozen in place. “You could say that. Perhaps it’s my mother’s fault for being in love with a married man…maybe it was my dad’s fault for being so careless and not giving a shit whether I am in this world at all. It isn’t so much about my dad anymore. I would really like to know my half-siblings and I will probably never meet them. I don’t even know if they are aware of my existence.”
“It’s a small community…believe me your two brothers know all about you. You might have a chance with Drew…he’s the youngest and pretty wild himself…but Brad won’t be too happy to see you. It’s mostly because they are a political family and he is a Senator in the Massachusetts’ State government. I’m pretty sure he has aspirations for Washington like my two siblings…I don’t know how they do it but then again, both have become quite heavy drinkers over the years,” he explained in a glib tone.
“I forgot you’re the youngest…like me. You never wanted to be a politician?”
Kaz smiled and shook his head. “Nope. I always knew I was a showman but not that kind. My all-time favorite heroes were Jimi Hendrix, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins, James Brown and Mick Jagger. There’s no rush like getting on that stage and wooing a crowd with my voice.”
He paused and swigged from his JD. “I know it should be old by now—we’ve been doing this for almost six years and with the fifth studio album about to come out, I should be a complete fucking cynic but I still adore my fans and the frenetic pace and atmosphere of touring. There are so many bands that looked like they were going to be hot shit and then they kind of fizzled out. I am very grateful we have the kind of fans that didn’t let that happen to us.”
I slid out of his lap yet he followed me onto the sofa and spread my legs to accommodate his body between them. “Perhaps you underestimate your talent.”
Kaz’s lips met mine and I kissed him deeply, my mouth opening to him and loving the feeling of his velvety, JD soaked tongue against mine. His hands roamed up and down my body and I knew I would rather be here than anywhere else in the world at the moment.
As we separated, he stroked my hair with careful hands and sighed. “God you are so beautiful and vibrant. How did I get so lucky w
ith you? It’s so funny because five weeks ago I didn’t know you except as a spoiled rich, society brat and now I can’t imagine you not being in my life. I feel centered and stable when I am around you.”
“You do the same for me too. I wasn’t the person you see in front of you five weeks ago. I was a selfish, spoiled brat who cared only about beautiful clothes, the next shopping trip and the next luncheon with my best friends. You know neither Laurel nor I noticed Faith was missing for weeks at a time because we were too caught up in own personal lives? I didn’t even know she and Jaden were dating.”
“They had to keep it hush-hush—record company’s orders. Our tickets sell better if we all looked unattached. You had no idea what it was like when I divorced Damira. There were parties on Facebook and Twitter celebrating our demise and how I was a free man again. When our concert dates were announced with Winter’s Regret as our warm up act, the tickets literally sold out within minutes of them going on sale. It was insane…and what I find so crazy is most of those women out there won’t ever meet us so why do they care who we date and fuck? It’s almost because we are super stars that means we are public property and we belong to everyone yet no one.”
“Well, in a way you do. Fans can be brutal and I don’t know if I am ready for the horrible stuff I will read about me and how your female fans will tear me apart. I’m actually a bit scared and hope the record company makes us keep our relationship hush-hush.”
Kaz wrapped his hands in my hair and his fingers massaged my scalp. “There is only one problem with the scenario you just mentioned. The management at Introspect Records doesn’t control what we do or who we date anymore and to be honest, I don’t want to hide you like some kept woman. I want everyone to know we are a couple so your best bet is to get ready for what’s comin’ because everyone will know you are mine and you belong to me.”
Falling Into Lust Page 8
