When I'm Gone

by Abbi Glines

  “Please, baby. Let me take care of that pussy. It’s so wet I can smell you, Reese. It’s driving me crazy. I’ll even kiss it if you’ll let me. Anything, baby. I’ll do anything for you. Fucking anything.” He sounded desperate.

  I loved him.

  I didn’t want to lose him to some woman who didn’t need to be begged.

  I wanted to make him happy.

  I pushed the fear back and opened my legs just enough so that his hand slipped between them. He gently pulled my legs open more, and I held my breath as his hand slid down my thigh.

  I fought the panic. I tried to keep it back. This was Mase. He was good to me. I loved him.

  Then a finger slid inside my bikini bottoms, and the ache vanished as the memories crashed over me. I was going to be sick.

  I couldn’t do this. Oh, God, I couldn’t do this.

  I shoved his hand away and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. I couldn’t get sick.

  Turning on the faucet, I splashed cold water on my face several times and told myself over and over that I was OK.

  Mase

  I had never hated anyone as much as I hated myself at that moment. The only man I hated more was her goddamn stepfather. Afraid to touch her, I stood behind her as she splashed cold water on her face and chanted in a soft voice, “You’re OK. It’s OK. You’re OK. It’s OK.”

  With every “OK,” my chest felt like it was being ripped wide open.

  My head had been telling me to stop. I was pushing for too much. But I couldn’t stop touching her. She felt so fucking good. Seeing her face as I gave her pleasure was like crack. I wanted more and more of it.

  I had scared her in the end, though. I was asking for too much.

  But I wasn’t willing to lose her. I’d do whatever the hell she wanted me to. I just didn’t want to lose her.

  After what seemed like an eternity, she turned off the water and reached for a towel to dry her face. She took several deep breaths before dropping the towel and turning to face me.

  I had started to apologize when her mouth puckered up into a pout, and then she burst into tears. Shit!

  Without waiting for her, I pulled her into my arms. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know if she was crying because of me and what I’d done or if she was crying because of her own reaction.

  “It’s OK, sweetheart. I got you. It’s OK,” I said, trying to soothe her. I hated the sobs that caused her body to shake in my arms.

  “I’m so-o-o-orry,” she cried loudly.

  Fuck that. I picked her up, carried her to the bed, and sat down with her still in my arms. I leaned against the headboard and held her like a baby, cuddling her to my chest. “I told you not to apologize to me. Ever. It’s me who’s sorry, Reese.”

  She grabbed my T-shirt in her fist and cried harder.

  “I’m br-r-roo-o-ken,” she sobbed. “You do-o-on’t ha-ave to se-e-ttle for br-r-r-ooo-oken.” She let out a loud wail like she was mourning a death.

  God, I swore, if I ever found the man who did this to her, he would pay.

  I tucked her head under my chin and tightened my hold on her. “You are perfect. So perfect that you take my breath away. I’m completely obsessed with you. You’re all I see anymore, Reese. Nothing about you is broken. Please, don’t let me ever hear you say that again. I want you to see yourself the way I do. This breathtaking beauty who has me so completely fascinated. She’s a fighter. She’s strong. She’s fun, and she is kind and honest. She doesn’t judge others. She accepts people for who they are. She doesn’t expect anything but gives beauty to the world around her freely. That is who I see, Reese. That is who you are. See that, too, sweetheart. Please, see that, too.”

  Her crying dissolved into little hiccups, but her grip on my shirt only intensified. I watched as she finally tilted her head back to look up at me with red, swollen eyes. Even now, she was still amazing.

  “You think that . . . about me?”

  I pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Yes, I do.”

  She started to say something, and her body tensed. I knew she was just now realizing that she was still topless. I shifted quickly, pulled my shirt off, and slipped it on her. I didn’t want her to move. Not yet.

  She helped by putting her arms through the holes. It was too big on her, but seeing her covered up in my shirt stroked my possessive beast.

  “Thank you,” she said, wrapping her arms around her stomach like she was cuddling with my shirt. I liked that, too.

  “I asked for too much tonight. This was my fault. I will be more careful in the future. I swear. Please, don’t stop trusting me,” I said, needing her to believe me.

  She frowned. “You always asked me. I could have said no. It isn’t your fault.”

  But it was. “Next time you want more, you will have to ask for it. I won’t push again. I swear to you.”

  Then we would both know she wanted it.

  She sighed and covered her face with both hands. “I wish I wasn’t like this.”

  I did, too. But for different reasons. I wished she had no nightmares in her past. I hated that she suffered from something so horrific. Hell, I hated that she suffered at all.

  “Will you hold me tonight while we sleep again?”

  “You never have to ask that, Reese. The answer is always yes.”

  Late the next morning, I left Reese standing at the door wearing my shirt. It was the hardest thing I’d had to do. I didn’t like leaving her. I wanted her with me.

  “Wear my shirt at night. I like knowing that you have something of mine when I’m gone.”

  She had nodded and let me kiss her before I took my duffel bag and headed back to Texas.

  Reese

  Jimmy was at my door with two cappuccinos on Monday morning. I was so glad to see him that I hugged him tightly before taking my java goodness from him. “You’re back. Are you better? Can you sleep?”

  He beamed at me. He loved the attention. “Yeah, I’m good. I had a few rough nights, but I’m better. I see they took the tape down.”

  I nodded. I tried not to think about the shooting. From the little I had seen on the news, I knew that Jacob was being held without bail. He would be tried for murder. And Melanie’s parents had come to take her body back to Iowa to bury her.

  “I’m glad you’re back.”

  “Missed me, did ya? Good. I heard you broke Thad’s heart while I was gone. But since it was over Mase Manning, I’m gonna say that was a smart move, sugar. Thad might be pretty, and his ass might be the tightest thing I’ve ever seen, but he likes to dip his dick in a new woman every damn night. Not your type at all.”

  I frowned, then laughed at his description of Thad. “More info than I needed, but OK.”

  “Drink that cappuccino, darling, because you’re gonna need it. I heard that the wicked witch of the beach is back. She arrived from Paris late last night. Prepare yourself for this. Nannette is an evil, evil bitch. She’s also gonna take one look at you and get pissy. She doesn’t deal well when there’s a female hotter than she is, and baby, you are smoking.”

  I would be lying if I said I wasn’t curious about Nan. She was Mase’s sister. But I also had to tell her about her mirror. Mase hadn’t brought it up again, but I knew I had to tell Nan what had happened. Every time I cleaned that room, I saw that empty space and dreaded having to tell her what I had done.

  There was a good chance Nan would fire me. I was preparing myself for that, too. But I was going to call Blaire Finlay this afternoon and see about cleaning her house. If I was fired from Nan’s, then at least I wouldn’t hurt from the pay cut.

  I grabbed my backpack and slipped it up my arm and followed Jimmy out to his car. “How did you hear about Thad?” I asked.

  Jimmy grinned like he knew the best secret in the world. “I got a call from Mase last night. He wanted to make sure I was home and I would be picking you up for work. He also explained that he’d need to know the next time I was out of town or couldn’t take you to work. He didn’
t want Thad to be my first call. He said he would make arrangements.” Jimmy wiggled his eyebrows. “So naturally, after that very intimidating call, I called Blaire and asked her what the scoop was. She didn’t know the details, so she called Harlow, who, of course, knew. Then Blaire called me back and filled me in.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. “I can’t believe you called Blaire Finlay and asked her what she knew.”

  Jimmy laughed and cranked the car. “Blaire was my girl before she was a Finlay. Even married to hot, sexy-as-hell, dome-now Rush Finlay, she’s still my girl.”

  The way Rush looked at his wife, I couldn’t imagine he would like anyone calling Blaire “my girl”—even Jimmy, who apparently lusted over Rush’s body regardless of his friend being married to him.

  “Now, tell me, any yummy deets you can share about Mase?”

  I thought about last night and how good he had made me feel. Even after I lost it and messed up the moment, he had been so gentle and sweet.

  “I love him.” There, I’d said it. I had to say to it someone.

  Jimmy slammed on the brakes and looked at me. Thank God, we weren’t out of the parking lot yet. “You did not just say that.”

  I shrugged. “I can’t help it. I won’t tell him. But he makes it impossible not to love him. He’s just . . . just what every girl dreams of. He makes everything right when it all seems wrong.”

  Jimmy laid his head back against the seat and groaned in frustration. “Baby girl, what are you thinking? You can’t fall in love with Mase Manning. He doesn’t even live here, for starters. Long-distance relationships don’t work. He’s a grown, very healthy man. He’s gonna need to get his groove on, and he’s gonna have women throwing themselves at him over in Texas. You can’t love him. He’s the kind you enjoy and appreciate. Not love.”

  My good mood evaporated. A sick knot formed in my stomach.

  Was Jimmy right? Probably. He knew so much more about relationships than I did.

  Did Mase have to have sex? I hadn’t given him sex. Oh, God.

  “He’s probably got a woman in Texas, maybe even a couple he gets his goodies from. You gotta know that, sweetie. And I’m betting you didn’t have sex with him, did you? Don’t answer that, I know you didn’t. I would have seen it all over your face if you had. So that means he went back to Texas horny. He’s gonna get it somewhere, Reese. Those are the facts, and I don’t want you hurt.”

  Hurt? I was devastated. “But I love him,” was all I could say.

  Jimmy reached over and squeezed my thigh. “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to be upset. But you don’t need to be blind to this. Has he told you he loves you?”

  I shook my head no.

  Jimmy sighed. “Girl, what am I gonna do with you? Love is one of them things you gotta be careful with. Guard yourself. I still got that friend we can double-date with.”

  Mase had said I was his. He didn’t want anyone else to see me in my swimsuit. I didn’t know if that meant we were exclusive, because apparently, I didn’t know a lot. But I didn’t want to go out with someone else. And I didn’t think Mase would want me to.

  If I was his, he wouldn’t sleep with someone else . . . would he?

  The Mase I knew wouldn’t do that. I didn’t believe he would have sex with someone else. He hadn’t told me he loved me, but he had said things that made me feel like I belonged to him . . . and like he belonged to me. Like he wanted to be mine.

  “He said I was his,” I told Jimmy.

  Jimmy’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? He said that? Like how did he say it? Give it to me word for word. I mean, I know he didn’t want Thad taking you anywhere, but I figured he was protecting you from the man-whore who had his eye on you. I didn’t think it was because he was laying claim just yet.”

  I didn’t want to share my private time with Mase with anyone else. But I also didn’t want to make a mistake and end up so completely broken that I couldn’t ever recover. “He said he was glad I hadn’t worn my swimsuit in front of everyone at the party, because he didn’t want another man looking at what was his.”

  Jimmy let out a low whistle. “Maybe you better not date anyone else right now. Maybe I misjudged this. I don’t want an angry cowboy coming to Rosemary Beach ready to kill someone. Let’s just be careful, OK? Try not to love him too hard. Guard your heart, if you can.”

  I had given Mase Manning my heart already. I didn’t have anything left to guard. But I didn’t tell Jimmy that.

  Mase

  Cordelia’s truck was in my drive when I got back from eating lunch with my parents. Not what I wanted to deal with today, or ever. I needed to get my wallet and head to the stock-yards. I was already running late.

  I opened the door to the house and cursed myself for leaving it unlocked. Apparently, I was going to have to start locking up, because my neighbor was refusing to listen to me and go away.

  “Cord, where you at?” I called out, when I opened the door to an empty living room.

  “Come find me,” she called out teasingly.

  Shit. Not good.

  I threw my work gloves down and toed off my boots to keep from tracking mud into the house. Then I headed to the bedroom to kick out my visitor.

  Sure enough, there she was, naked on my bed. I was going to have to wash the sheets to get her smell off them. I was tired and done with this shit. She had taken it a step too far this time.

  “Get your clothes on and leave.”

  “Don’t, Mase. Look at me. You wanted this once. We were so good together. I want you. So bad,” she said, opening her legs and slipping her hand between them and playing with herself.

  “You’ve gone too far, Cordelia. I want you out of my house. If I need to call my momma to come get you to leave, I will,” I threatened. I figured the idea of my momma finding her naked in my bed was enough to get any woman up and moving.

  “Mase, don’t do this. Please. I miss you. I need you so bad. I want you to fuck me however you want me. I’ll give you anything you want. Let me suck your dick. You can gag me with it like you love to do.”

  “Stop!” My angry shout finally shut her up. “I’m in love with someone. She’s all I want. All I’m ever gonna want. So I need you to get your clothes and get out of my house, Cord. Now.” I turned and left her there, not liking the image of her on my bed. That should be Reese there. Sweet, sexy Reese.

  I would need to get new sheets and a new mattress before I brought Reese here. Get rid of what I’d fucked Cordelia and a few other women on. Reese was too good to be where they’d been. She was special.

  Cord’s footsteps finally alerted me that she’d given up. When I looked up, she was carrying her clothes and strutting naked through my house. Damn, did she not have any shame at all? I turned my back to her so she wouldn’t think I was looking at her in any way and enjoying this shit.

  When the door slammed behind her and I heard her truck start up, I finally let out a sigh of relief and headed to my bedroom to strip my damn sheets. Luckily, my mother made sure I always had two sets of sheets. She said you always needed a backup. Like always, my mother was right.

  Once I was done, I knew I’d wasted too much time. I would have to go to the stockyard first thing the next day. I had a man coming at four to look at a horse I was selling. I needed to get things cleaned up from our morning routine before he got here.

  Major was walking up to the house from my parents’ place when I came back outside. “You not going to the stockyards?” he called out from down the hill.

  “No, I’m waiting until tomorrow morning. Got that quarter I’m selling that I need to get cleaned up from her run this morning.”

  Major nodded. “I’m headed out, then. Got to be in San Antonio tomorrow. Dad wants to meet with me.”

  I didn’t envy him. His relationship with his dad had been shit ever since he slept with his stepmother last year. “Good luck,” was my only response.

  He shot me a bird and headed back toward my parents’ house.

  G
rinning, I went to my truck and climbed inside.

  I still couldn’t believe the stupid fuck had slept with his stepmom. Even if she was only three years older than him. Last I heard, she wasn’t his stepmom anymore. And the pre-nup she’d signed left her high and dry.

  Reese

  I had been very careful to stay downstairs and be quiet while cleaning. I didn’t want to wake up the woman all of Rosemary Beach had taught me to fear. But today I actually had something to clean; she was messy.

  I spent more than an hour cleaning up what looked like a bottle of wine that had exploded all over the kitchen floor. Shards of glass littered the floor, and dry, sticky drink was all over the place. The cabinets, floors, counters—everywhere. Once I managed to get that mess cleaned up, I was able to clean the dishes and glasses I found littered around the downstairs.

  Then I found piles of clothes on the laundry-room floor. Most of them looked clean, and I was sure most of them needed to be dry-cleaned. It looked like she had just dumped the contents of her luggage onto the floor. It took me another hour to sort the dry-cleaning from the regular laundry, and then I began washing a load of whites.

  Once the downstairs was sparkling and I had the washing under control, it was past noon. I decided I could keep quiet and work on the rooms farthest from hers on the second floor. She would be asleep on the third floor. I knew which room was hers.

  The bedrooms that had remained untouched were easy. I just had to dust and sweep and mop. Same routine. When I got to the game room, I cringed, thinking of the mirror I would have to tell her about. There were empty glasses in here, too. It looked like she might already know her mirror was missing. She must have had people in here. Scraps of food were scattered on plates, and the dregs of different alcoholic drinks were left in glasses. Garbage littered the floor.

  The worst was the used condom in the corner beside the leather sofa. Gross. I put on the gloves I had bought when I had stitches and got a large wad of toilet paper before picking it up and disposing of the condom. At least the user had tied it off.