When I'm Gone

by Abbi Glines

  “When he was nineteen, he found out his little sister had gotten her heart broken at school by a boy who only cared about who her daddy was. He asked me if he could go visit her, and I let him go. That boy who broke his little sister’s heart found his truck just out of town, completely immersed in water.”

  She stopped and chuckled. “Mase Colt Manning fights for those he loves. It’s what he does. And I know he tried to fight for you. He wanted to conquer your battles. And from the little research I’ve done, I found out he sends a monthly check to a Dr. Astor Munroe that costs more than I care to share. He gets weekly reports from this professor on a Reese Ellis’s progress. He’s fighting your battles. Which means he loves you, too. Problem is, my baby goes big when he does anything. And when he decided to fall in love, he did it in a massive way.”

  She stopped and pointed her finger at me. I could see her son now in the determined gaze she leveled on me. How had I not seen it before?

  “He needs someone to fight for him now. Because he’s lost himself. He’s a shell of the man I raised. He’s walking through life with no joy, because he tells me he left it with his heart. He left it with you. So if you love him even a tiny smidgen as much as he loves you, then fight for him. He deserves it more than anyone. It’s time someone fought his battle.”

  A drop fell on my arm, and I reached up to feel my face wet with tears. My heart was back, and it was twisting in pain listening to Mase’s mother tell me how he needed me. He was hurt because of me.

  I didn’t care anymore about the text. Or the other woman. If Mase needed me to fight for him, I would. I’d fight whoever the hell Cordelia was, too. I would fight until I couldn’t fight anymore.

  “Where is he?” I asked.

  “He’s at home. He thinks I’ve gone to visit my sister in San Antonio.”

  “How do I get to him? Where is his home?”

  A smile spread across the other woman’s face. “I can take you right to him.”

  I closed the lid on the cooler. “Let me go tell my boss I’m leaving. Then I’ll be ready to go.”

  “I’m Maryann Colt, by the way,” she said, holding out her hand for me to shake. “And it is a pleasure to meet the woman my son loves. I was worried, but I can see he chose well.”

  Her approval sent the first warmth through me that I’d felt in ten weeks, two days, and five hours.

  Mase

  “OK, I’m a douchebag. I have to ’fess up, because this shit is eating me alive,” Major said, as he stepped into the barn with a saddle thrown over his shoulder.

  I continued rubbing down my Appaloosa, Kryptonite, and ignored his comment. I had to get the stallion’s stall cleaned out next, and I didn’t have time to deal with Major and his drama.

  “I’m fucking Cordelia. I’ve been fucking her for like two months. She’s really good at sucking my dick. Sorry, but I’m a man, and she came on to me, and I let her blow me. Then I turned her over the sawhorse and fucked her. It was a weak moment. I was horny, and she came strutting in wearing these cutoff jeans shorts that showed part of her ass and a little top that barely covered her tits. She’s hot, man. I asked you if you were still fucking her, and you didn’t answer. I figured it meant she didn’t matter.”

  That was why Cordelia had left me the hell alone. I should be giving Major money for this. “Glad she’s servicing you well.” I patted Kryptonite, then turned to lead him over to the stall I’d already cleaned.

  “So you don’t care that I’m tapping that ass?” he asked.

  “You did me a favor. She wasn’t taking no for an answer.”

  Major let out a sigh of relief. “Thank God. I was worried you’ve been in this sour mood because I took your go-to fuck.”

  I didn’t even respond to that. There was no point.

  “The day she came to get her panties, I was close to fucking her then. She was dressed in a little short skirt, looking like a damn porn star. But I called and texted you, and you didn’t answer. I let her go then. But the next day, when she showed up in the barn, I fucked her. You weren’t coming out of your house that week. It was that week you were in such a bad mood.”

  Right on time. He started things up with her when I really needed everyone out of my face. No telling what I would have said to her if she’d started that shit up then. I didn’t want her, but I didn’t see any use in saying anything hurtful. She didn’t deserve that.

  “Where were you that weekend, anyway? That time I texted you? You came back here angry at the world. And you’ve been fucked-up ever since. Was it Rosemary Beach? That girl you were going to see?”

  I wasn’t talking about this with him.

  Wait. What text?

  The world around me stopped, and my empty chest suddenly felt heavier than lead. Please, God, no. Don’t let this be what I think it is.

  “Major,” I said, almost afraid to ask. Did I want the answer? Could I live with this?

  “Yeah?”

  “What text?” I asked, before I could stop myself.

  “The one I sent you about Cord getting her panties under your bed and asking if you were still fucking her.”

  No . . . no . . . no . . .

  “Major, I never got that text. When did you send it?”

  “I told you—”

  “No. I need to know the date and time you sent that motherfucking text!” I shouted. The horses whinnied, but my head was pounding, and the heaviness was taking over my lungs.

  “Shit, dude. I’ll check. Calm down,” he grumbled, pulling out his phone and scrolling through the text messages.

  “Uh . . . June 29 at nine a.m. Called twice before that, too. No answer or response.”

  I dropped the supplies from my hands and walked out the door. I kept walking. I just fucking walked. I walked until I was as far away from Major as I could get, until my house vanished from sight.

  Then I tilted my head back and let it all out in an angry roar.

  She’d seen that text. That was what had sent her to the corner, looking at me as if she had shattered. A fucking text had taken her from me.

  Reese

  Maryann Colt had talked the whole way on the drive from the airport. She had slept for the entire flight. I hadn’t been able to do anything but stare out the window. My thoughts had been on Mase and the boy she’d described. He sounded exactly like the man I had fallen in love with. One text had made me doubt everything. All he had done to show me how much he loved me, and I hadn’t even let him explain.

  I hadn’t been a charity case. He wasn’t trying to fix me. He was fighting my battles because he loved me.

  He didn’t even know about the text. I had deleted it before putting his phone back. He had no idea what had changed that morning. I was now going to show up at his house unannounced. I knew that just because his mother said he wanted me, that didn’t mean I wouldn’t have to fight for him.

  He could have moved on in other ways. Cordelia could be keeping him warm at night. I wouldn’t think about that.

  I listened to Maryann talk instead. I had to focus on her words, not on what I could be facing soon. But no matter what it was, I would fight. He had fought for me once. I was going to fight for him now.

  “His house is up the road a bit. He might be in bed by now. It’s late, and he’s been going straight to sleep after dinner. But knock on the window to the left side of the house if he doesn’t open the door. I’m gonna let you walk from here. I don’t want him to see my truck. It’s all on you now. You go show my boy he’s worth fighting for.”

  I opened the truck door and jumped down.

  Maryann pointed to the dirt road lit by moonlight right behind her house. “Follow that trail. It’ll take you right to his door.”

  I started to walk that way, then stopped and glanced back at her. I caught her wiping her eyes. “Thank you,” I said. “I know you did it for him. But you saved me, too.”

  I didn’t wait for her response. I headed up the hill toward the rooftop I could barely see in the
distance. The metal roof caught the moon’s rays, and I followed them. My heart was racing for the first time in months. I was going to see him. I was going to see Mase.

  If Cordelia was there, I had to keep my calm and not claw her eyes out. But the closer I got to his cabin, the more I realized I couldn’t not attack her if she was touching him. If he had touched her.

  I was going to make myself sick. I couldn’t think about that.

  There was a black truck similar to the silver one his mother drove parked outside. It was the only vehicle, and I wanted to sigh in relief. I could fight the Cordelia battle later. Right now, I was going to focus on getting him to forgive me.

  I stepped up onto the front porch and stopped. Now that I was here without Maryann coaching me, I was frozen in fear. But I had come this far. Flown for the first time in my life and left the only safe place I’d ever known to come here. To face a man I had thrown out of my life.

  The last time I’d heard his voice, he’d been shouting through my door that he loved me.

  Did he still? Had I waited too long?

  The door swung open before I even got close enough to knock, revealing a shirtless Mase. The shadows covered his face, but I knew that chest. I also knew those boxer briefs. I had to say something. My entire body seemed to freeze up on me. “I came to fight for you,” I blurted out, and then I burst into tears.

  Mase

  Reese was here. At my house. On my porch. And she was crying.

  I stepped out into the darkness, still wondering if this was a dream and if I had somehow managed to get some sleep tonight after all.

  “Reese?” I asked, afraid that if I touched her, I’d wake up.

  “I’m sorry. I . . . seeing you . . . I was going to be strong and tell you I love you and I messed up and I love you and—”

  Fuck the dream. I reached for her and pulled her into my arms.

  She was here. She was here. She was here.

  Her arms wrapped around me and held on tightly. Just the way I remembered. The sweet cinnamon met my nose, and I knew my imagination wasn’t that good. I’d tried to imagine her smell more than once and couldn’t. This was my Reese.

  “I love you. I won’t leave. I’m here to make you take me back. I’m empty without you.” She sobbed in my arms.

  Was she trying to persuade me to let her stay with me? Did she seriously think she had to beg for me to keep her?

  “Reese, I—”

  She pulled back and looked up at me with wide, panicked eyes. “No. Don’t say anything. Just listen to me. I was wrong. You’re worth fighting for. I was . . . I am a mess. I have to overcome a lot, but I will make it worth it. I will love you more than she ever could. More than anyone ever could. I’ll spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m worth the hassle. I won’t let a day go by without showing you how much I love you. I’ll move here. I’ll get a place and a job. I will cook you meals, and I’ll—”

  I covered her mouth with mine and stopped her adorable, rambling argument. Her surprised cry was followed by a whimper, and she kissed me like she needed the taste of me to live. Her sweetness seeped into me, as those plump lips pressed against mine. I cupped her face and pulled her back so that I could look into her eyes.

  They were still watery from her instant breakdown when she saw me. But they were beautiful. My beautiful baby-blues. The ones that I dreamed about. The ones that would always hold me.

  “I’m worth fighting for?” I asked, wanting to hear her say that one more time. She had looked so damn determined when she’d said it the first time.

  “Yes!” she said, the fierceness coming back.

  “And who do you think you have to fight against for me?”

  Pain flickered in her eyes. I didn’t want that. I started to assure her that there was no one, but she spoke first. “Anyone . . . I’ll fight anyone,” she said finally.

  She was talking about Cordelia. That motherfucking text.

  “Baby. From the moment those lips of yours touched mine, I was yours. No, scratch that. From the moment I walked out of the bedroom and saw your sweet ass in the air and heard you singing off key, I was yours. No one else. Ever. Before you, yes, there were others. And there was one girl I had a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship with. Nothing else. But the moment you walked into my life, that ended. She didn’t take it well, and she tried to get me to change my mind. But all I saw, all my heart saw, was you. No one else.”

  “Cordelia,” she said softly.

  “Yes. But the text you saw from Major was because I came home from work to find her in my bed. I ordered her out and threatened to call my momma if she didn’t get out of my bed. I even washed my sheets to get rid of her smell. Hell, I’ve even bought a new mattress since then and new sheets. I didn’t want to sleep on anything that had anyone but you on it. Ever.”

  “She left her panties that day,” she said softly, her eyes shining with new tears. “That was what the text meant.”

  I nodded. I tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “If I’d known that was what had you looking at me like I was a monster, I would have stayed and fought for you. But I thought it was the past, the demons that haunt you. I thought I had pushed too hard and you needed space.” I stopped and took a deep breath. “I thought you would call. I waited. I was waiting. I was going to wait forever.”

  She puckered up again, and I started kissing her face. I didn’t want her to cry. I had her here. With me.

  “I’m not letting you go back. You’re staying with me. I can’t let you leave me. I’ll go crazy,” I told her, as I kissed her cheeks and nose, then pressed a chaste kiss to her mouth.

  “I don’t want to leave,” she said.

  God, I loved her. “Come inside,” I said, slipping my hand over hers and leading her into the house. “Lie down with me. I want to hold you.”

  Reese stopped, and I looked back at her. “No. Tonight I want to hold you,” she said, her face once again determined.

  “If that’s what you want,” I agreed.

  I took off her boots and pulled down her jeans. She let me undress her without question. When I unhooked her bra, I didn’t touch or look, I just grabbed my discarded T-shirt and slipped it over her head.

  She buried her nose in it and inhaled, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. I loved it when she cuddled with my clothing as if it were me.

  Then she crawled up onto my new king-size bed and put her back against the headboard and held out her arms to me.

  Emotion battling with amusement, I was able to keep the tears burning my eyes from breaking free. I moved over her and laid my head against her chest so I could listen to her heartbeat.

  She ran her fingers through my hair as we lay there like that. I wrapped my arms around her waist and basked in her scent. The sound of her heart sped up every time I slid my hand down toward her bottom, then back up again.

  “Every step I’ve taken in life has led me to you,” she said in a whisper. “And because I’m here now, I don’t regret one thing. For every bad thing that happened, I’ve been rewarded something even more beautiful than all of the bad in return. You made it worth it. You’re my gift in life. I lived through the bad and survived. My reward was that God gave me you.”

  I no longer cared about holding back tears.

  I cried in her arms.

  Reese

  Today we were both going back to Rosemary Beach to pack up my things. Mase hadn’t been OK with me going anywhere without him, so for two days, I wore clothes that belonged to Harlow from when she had stayed at his house a couple of years ago. They were all too short and snug, but I managed to make do.

  However, Mase wouldn’t let me out of the house dressed in her clothing. He was worried about someone looking at me. Major had seen me the first morning in a pair of Harlow’s shorts and a tank top and offered Mase his left nut for me. Mase had punched him in the face. It had been a fiasco.

  When Maryann had come up to the house, upset and asking Mase why he had
broken Major’s nose, he told her, and she’d started laughing. Then she’d turned right around and left.

  I woke up to an empty bed that morning, which, after the way Mase had held me in a vise grip the past two nights, surprised me. I got up and walked toward the bathroom to hear the shower running and Mase singing. Unlike my singing, his was beautiful. His voice had a raspy edge to it, but it flowed in a way that gave me goose bumps. I’d never heard him sing before. With a father like Kiro, it only made sense that he had a voice to match his gene pool.

  I didn’t recognize the lyrics, but they drew me in. I opened the door and stepped into the steam. He didn’t notice me, but his head was tilted back under the water, and he was still singing.

  I’ll take your demons if you’ll let me in. Don’t hold it back, baby, because all I want to give is more.

  His head turned, and his singing stopped when his eyes locked with mine.

  It wasn’t one of those things I needed to think about and plan. This man loved me, and I knew I’d never love anyone the way I loved him. He was willing to take anything I threw at him, as long as he could hold me in the end.

  Grabbing the hem of my shirt, I pulled it up and over my head and tossed it to the floor. Then I quickly slipped off my panties and went to open the shower door. Mase stood frozen as his gaze trailed down my naked body.

  Stepping into the hot stream of water, I looked down at his thick, corded thighs and trailed my gaze up to see that he was hard and ready. Feeling brave and safe, I reached for the soap and began lathering my hands as Mase stood still. He didn’t move or even flinch. Only his eyes followed my every move. I moved closer and slid both hands over his hard, smooth length.