Letting Loose

by Joanne Skerrett

  “I know.”

  “Isn’t that a huge responsibility?”

  “I don’t want to be him so I don’t see it that way.”

  “Why not? I thought you said he was a great leader.”

  “He was a great leader for his time. A lot of people got left behind during his administration.”

  “And you think you can help those people better than he could?”

  “Maybe. Can we talk about something else? I feel like I’ve just been interviewed by Dan Rather.”

  “Dan Rather retired.”

  “Oh, right. Peter Jennings?”

  “He’s gone, too.”

  “I really need to watch more American TV.”

  “No, you don’t.”

  As we drove back into town, my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number nor the male voice on the other end. It was for Drew. I handed him the phone, confused.

  “I’m great,” he said. “Got here fine. Everything worked out well. I’ll call you if I need to.”

  “Who was that?” I asked as he handed the phone back to me.

  “My lawyer.”

  “Your lawyer?”

  “Yep, we’re working on a financing deal for another project; he just wanted to make sure he could find me. In case something comes up.”

  “Oh.”

  “You don’t mind, right?”

  “No. No, of course not.”

  That night we had dinner at Stephanie’s, and he just had to go and do it.

  “I’d like to meet Grace,” he said. “If you don’t mind.”

  “You would?” Stalling. “Why?”

  “Because she’s your mother. And you’ve met my mother.”

  “If I’d known that we were engaging in some kind of quid pro quo…”

  He looked at me. “Are you ashamed of me?”

  I snorted, loudly enough that a trio of girls at the table next to us looked on in distaste and then whispered to each other. I was positive that they were saying: “That’s how she conducts herself on a date? Bet he won’t ask her out again.” I know because that’s what I would have said.

  “Why would I be ashamed of you?”

  “Okay. Then why can’t I meet her?”

  “I didn’t say you couldn’t.”

  “Fine. Good. We’ll go tomorrow then.”

  “I’ll have to check with her.”

  He looked at me squarely as if to say that he was not backing down. “Sure.”

  The next day I worried from first period to last. This could be a disaster waiting to happen. Grace Wilson wasn’t the kind of person to oooh and aaah over some strange person in her house. She wouldn’t offer to have anyone over for dinner or anything like that. She liked her solace, except for the occasional “male friend,” and that was that. When I told her about Drew the next day, she was skeptical.

  “Why he want to meet me?”

  “He’s just curious.”

  “About me?”

  “Can you just be there, Ma? I’ll bring takeout, and we can all eat together.”

  I picked up some Thai food from Bangkok Basil in Brookline. I got her some shrimp fried rice—I knew she’d eat that.

  I was nervous as we drove the ten minutes from the apartment to her house.

  “You gonna be all right?” Drew asked for the third time.

  “I’m fine.”

  “I’m not going to judge you or her, so relax. Besides, you know my mother is not perfect.”

  But did Vanessa know that? Of course, I said nothing.

  Grace let us in graciously. She was wearing a white sweater and jeans and she’d let her hair down about her face. She looked beautiful. I noticed that he appraised her the way guys look at women they think are attractive. It was a quick yet appreciative once-over that made me want to smack him really hard. I bet he thought that I didn’t notice. Now, I had one other reason to resent Grace Wilson.

  I got busy setting up the food in the dining room while they talked in the living room. She’d smiled at him shyly and shook his hand all ladylike when I introduced them. That pissed me off! All of a sudden she was being cute?

  When we sat down to eat it got worse, she talked about herself nonstop.

  “I wish I still could work, but my asthma…” She clutched her chest dramatically.

  He nodded. “That’s understandable, Ms. Wilson.”

  “Oh, you are too much! Call me Grace, honey.”

  Oh, gag me with a rusty spoon!

  “You know, I wanted to cook dinner tonight but my daughter doesn’t think I’m sophisticated enough….”

  “Ma!”

  “This is fine. You didn’t need to go to any trouble….”

  Why was he falling for her little act after all I’d told him about her?

  “I’d love to go to the Caribbean someday,” she said wistfully.

  She didn’t even want to go to the grocery store!

  “You should come down and visit. You’d have a good time.”

  “Are all the men down there as good-looking as you?”

  He laughed. I cringed.

  After dinner, we sat in the living room. She had to show him pictures of me from infancy, childhood, adolescence and on up. I didn’t mind. I’d been a cute kid. It’s when I got older that it all went downhill.

  “This is my husband,” she pointed to a picture of my dad—tall, brown, and smiling in a gray suit on our front porch. “He was a very handsome man,” she said proudly.

  Before it could get more uncomfortable the doorbell rang. I silently hoped it wasn’t one of her boyfriends come calling.

  I went to go get the door because she gave me that expectant look.

  It was Gerard. “Who invited you?”

  He brushed past me into the living room. He didn’t smell as if he’d been drinking, thank goodness.

  “Gerry, I didn’t think you’d show,” Ma said, standing up so she could hug and kiss her favorite child. It so irritated me the way they fawned over each other. He held out a hand to Drew, who stood up and introduced himself.

  “Nice to meet you, man,” Gerard said. “Ma, ya’ll got any food left?”

  And just like that he stalked out of the living room and into the kitchen, rubbing his belly.

  She shrugged. “I have to apologize for my son….”

  “It’s all right,” Drew said.

  I followed Gerard into the kitchen.

  “Can you be any ruder?”

  He was foraging through the refrigerator and did not answer at first. Then he looked at me, a carton of leftover Thai in his hand.

  “All I can say is, at least he ain’t white.”

  “What!”

  “I’m just sayin’ he ain’t the realest cat in the world. But I always expected you to bring home a white boy.” He shoved some noodles into his mouth.

  “You’re an idiot, Gerard.”

  “Yeah? ’Cause I don’t talk like Colin Powell out there?”

  “Whatever,” I said. “And we’re just friends. I didn’t bring him home.”

  “Yeah, right! Since when you bringing your friends to meet Ma and me?”

  “For your information, I didn’t bring him to meet you, Gerard. You’re only here for the food.”

  “And? Your point is?”

  My brother got on my nerves sometimes. I left him stuffing his face and went back to the living room. They were laughing at something. I noticed that she had her hand on his arm.

  “What’s so funny?” I sat close to Drew and put my hand on his leg. My brain didn’t have to tell me how pathetic my behavior was, but where did she get off acting like she’d known him all her life?

  “I was just telling him about how you used to walk in your sleep when you were young and how we found you in the middle of the street one night….”

  “Ma!”

  Drew laughed. “You never told me that.”

  “I think that’s actually a disease. Not a laughing matter.” I think I’d read that somewhere. Or saw it on
Oprah.

  But she had more jokes. She told him about when I lost a citywide spelling bee and wouldn’t leave the house for days until my father promised to pay me twenty dollars to go back to school. And the time I got bit in the ankle by a squirrel and had to get rabies shots. I just sat there and endured it, keeping one eye on the clock. Mercifully, ten o’ clock landed quickly. I had to be up early for school the next day.

  “Ma, we need to get going.”

  Gerard came out of the kitchen, looking thoroughly satisfied. I was pretty sure that there was probably not a trace of food left.

  “I gotta bounce, ya’ll,” he said.

  “You gotta what? Gerard, why do you talk like that?” Ma looked at Drew apologetically.

  “See you later, Ma.” Gerard kissed her on the cheek.

  Drew stood up and held out his hand. Gerard gave him the black handshake.

  “Good to meet you, bro,” Drew said.

  “Aiiiight,” Gerard said.

  I walked him to the door.

  “At least he knew the handshake,” Gerard half whispered.

  “You like him. You know you do.”

  “I don’t like nobody,” Gerard said, then closed the door.

  But he did. I could tell that he did. If Ma liked Drew, then Gerard would like him, too. They were two of the same.

  Later in bed, relief and pure happiness flooded my body from head to toe. The night had gone well. Drew had gotten along well with Grace—better than I did. And he’d passed Gerard’s test, whatever that was. Now there was only one more hurdle. I wanted him to meet Whitney. But who knows how she would be these days? I still would go by there tomorrow. If tonight had been any indication, maybe it would go well. Maybe she’d say more than two words. Maybe it might cheer her up to see someone new, besides me. Maybe seeing me so happy would boost her mood. But then what if it didn’t? I wouldn’t worry. If I’d made it through tonight, then everything else would turn out just fine.

  I held on to Drew as he slept. I wanted this to last forever. But we only had a couple more days before we went back to the e-mails and telephone calls. How was this going to work, Amelia? I liked this so much better than the long-distance shenanigans. Someone’s going to have to move.

  Chapter 21

  “You’ve been running out of here all week. What’s going on?” Lashelle asked as I packed up my stuff.

  “Oh, I’ve got a friend in town.”

  “Oh, yeah? Male friend?”

  I stopped shoving papers into my bag. “Yes.”

  “Your friend from spring break?”

  Boy, she had a lot of deductive powers, didn’t she?

  “Yes.”

  “You go, girl.” Lashelle poked me in the arm. “A sister finally getting some.”

  Finally? Had it been that obvious? Or was she just conjecturing that I hadn’t gotten laid in…in…forever? What business was it of hers anyway?

  “You gonna have to show me a picture sometime.”

  I started packing up my stuff again. Yeah right, Lashelle.

  “See you later.”

  “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  What the heck was that supposed to mean?

  “You’re too much, Lashelle,” I said. Too nosy was what I meant.

  As I drove home, I realized that I hadn’t been to spin class all week. But it was just one week! Damn. And I’d been eating like a hog, too. I’d been cooking these elaborate meals for Drew, complete with dessert. And that was when we didn’t go out. I could feel the weight on my stomach. Ugh. Man, it was going to take another whole month to lose the three or four pounds I was sure I’d gained.

  He was watching television when I walked in. “You ready?” I asked.

  “Someone called from the hospital,” he said.

  “What? Did something happen?”

  “No, they said Whitney wouldn’t be taking any visitors today.”

  “Are you serious?”

  I wanted to hear it myself. I called McLean, and sure enough one of the nurses said that Whitney was having a “bad day.”

  What in the world? I’d go up there right away, I decided. I had to find out what was going on with Whitney.

  “Do you think that’s a good idea?” Drew asked.

  “Yes! I’ve never heard of her having a bad day before.” I grabbed my pocketbook.

  “I was hoping we could go see a movie or something.”

  “Drew, she could be having some kind of crisis.”

  “Don’t you think they would have told you if she was?”

  “You don’t have to come.”

  “I wasn’t saying that at all. I just thought if she didn’t want to have visitors, why throw yourself on her?”

  “I’m not throwing myself on her. I just want to make sure everything’s okay.” I was surprised and a little bit angry that he would be so insensitive, that he wouldn’t understand.

  “I think I’ll stay here,” he said. “Maybe you two need to be alone. And I need to make some calls.”

  I looked at him for a second. He seemed unperturbed, certainly not as angry as I felt. “Fine. I’ll see you when I get back.”

  “Yeah, maybe we can go to a movie.”

  What was it with him and the movie? Couldn’t he see I was worried about Whitney?

  Once I had slogged through the traffic and gotten to the hospital, I walked quickly to Whitney’s room, expecting the worst. But all I saw was Whitney laying on her bed reading.

  “What up, chica?”

  She didn’t even look up. “I thought I told them no visitors today.”

  At least she was talking.

  “I was worried about you.”

  “Why?”

  “They said you were having a bad day. I thought something was wrong.”

  I sat at the foot of the bed.

  “I wanted you to meet Drew.”

  “Maybe some other time.”

  “He’s leaving in two days.”

  “Oh, well.”

  “Whitney, did I do something wrong?”

  “Sure, Amelia. It’s always about you.”

  “Not really. I just really wanted…”

  “Exactly what I mean, Amelia. It’s always about you.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “I didn’t want you to come here today. I don’t feel like seeing anyone today,” she said, still not looking up from her book. I noticed it was some scientific thing on intelligent design.

  “Is that book any good?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll go now then, Whitney.”

  “Okay.”

  “Bye.”

  “Bye.”

  But I sat there for a couple more minutes.

  “I’m leaving here in a week,” she said.

  “You are! Whitney…Good. I’m so happy….”

  She put the book down. “Amelia, what made you think that I’d want your man to see me in this place?”

  “I didn’t…I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

  “See what I mean? You never even thought that I might be embarrassed. That I might not even want him to know that I’m in this place? He’s a total stranger to me!”

  “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I just didn’t think…”

  “Yeah,” she said, still not looking at me. “You never think.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  She shook her head and went back to shielding her face with the book.

  “I’ll leave you alone.” I walked out of there feeling lower than dirt. I was such an idiot. If it had been me, would I want her bringing Max to see me in a place like that? God, Amelia. Can you be any more selfish? I’d gotten so caught up in wanting to show off Drew that I didn’t even think of her and what she was going through.

  I got home feeling dejected. Drew was on the phone with Vanessa. I could tell from the submissive tone in his voice. That woman sure had a hold on him. I waved at him. He put his hand over the receiver. “Mom says hi,” he mouthed.

&
nbsp; “Right back at her,” I said.

  He got off the phone, probably sensing my mood.

  “What’s up with Whitney?”

  “She’s okay. Listen, I shouldn’t have told you about her situation.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, it was private.”

  “What’s the big deal? It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone.”

  “Yeah, but she doesn’t feel comfortable about that…that you know all this stuff about her and she doesn’t even know you.”

  Drew sighed. “Why do I feel like I’m in the middle of a soap opera?”

  “Drew!”

  “Okay, fine. I won’t…We won’t talk about Whitney and her problems anymore.”

  I fumbled around in the kitchen, still feeling guilty about Whitney. What kind of a friend was I?

  “So what are we doing tonight?” He came up behind me. “Going out or staying in?” He rubbed himself against me.

  “I don’t know.” I tried to wiggle away. “I’m kind of upset about Whitney.”

  “Amelia, I’m only here for two more days….”

  I turned to face him. I let him kiss me and tried to respond, but I was faking it. It was the first time I’d faked it with him. But I just wasn’t into it.

  Saturday came screeching toward us. Kelly and James would be back on Sunday, and I’d be back to planning my lessons and trying not to overeat. Blech! Drew hadn’t left yet, but I hated my life already.

  “I wish you didn’t have to go back,” I whined as I drove him to the airport.

  “But I’ll see you in a few weeks, won’t I?” he said.

  “You will?”

  “Yep, you’re spending the summer with me.”

  What???

  “When did we decide this?” I asked, immediately warming to the idea.

  “Somewhere between me knowing that we need to be together.”

  “Oh. But…”

  “But nothing, Amelia,” Drew said. “You have six or seven weeks to prepare yourself.”

  “I’ve never been away from home that long.”

  “Now’s a good time to start. Besides, you like new experiences, right?”

  “I do. I’m just…I’m sure it will be fun.”

  I slowed down as we neared the airport exit. The traffic sure was busy for a Saturday midmorning. That was the only thing that could ruin an otherwise perfect spring day. Everybody and their mother came out of the woodwork, to joyride, shop, or whatever, just to get out of the house because the sun was shining. Before you knew it, a gorgeous day would turn into a horn-blowing, finger-giving mess, and every other driver would show his or her Masshole colors.