Secret Exposure_a bad boy new adult romance novel

by London Casey

  I should have never kept the letter from Ava’s parents.

  I put the letter on the dresser and shut my eyes.

  I miss you, Ava. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I couldn’t see what was happening to you. I was too busy looking into your eyes and trying to find your heart when I should have been looking on the outside. I’ll never blame you for jumping, and I’ll never be mad at you. I’m just so sorry it happened the way it did.

  My hand curled around the letter, and I hurried from the bedroom.

  The words on the letter started to ring through my mind.

  Maddox - and everyone else,

  I don’t want to blame you for this, I really don’t. I don’t want to send my pain to the ones who get to keep living. I want to take all this pain with me. I want to do this the right way. That’s why I’m doing this. This isn’t for attention. This isn’t for a message. I can see beyond that. I can see what the reality is for me. And this…this is right. This is making me whole. I know it’s going to break some of you but this is making me whole! You need to know that. I get to take all of this pain with me and it will never come back again.

  The truth is that-

  I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper.

  I let Ava’s words fade away, and I started to write my own words.

  I made a promise to your daughter when I was too young to make promises. But I did it anyway. And that promise was to love her. To care for her. To protect her. I did what I thought I could but I couldn’t protect her. I failed her and I failed you. I failed you again after her death by not giving you this letter. The truth is that night she passed away she left this letter. She dropped it to the ground and then whispered she was sorry and she opened her arms and she was free. I’m sorry to paint that image for you, especially all these years later, but I’ll take your anger if you need to give it. I took away closure from you and for that I apologize. My hopes then were that you would somehow find comfort and move on. This letter contains the truth of Ava. That she felt she had no choice but to do what she did. I should have known and I should have been there to save her. But I wasn’t. When I showed up she was already on the edge. I spent the entire night there wanting to find her, save her, calling for her, crying for her, willing to sell my soul to hear her voice one last time.

  I ask you one thing and that’s to never stop loving Ava and her memory.

  I folded up the note. Then I put Ava’s letter into mine.

  I would send it to her mother and stepfather.

  I then sat there alone. Staring across my apartment. I had lived in some world of comfort. Tattooing people. Enjoying the world of St. Skin. Just living in my own bubble. Until the flash of a camera lens popped that fucking bubble.

  Hazel with the green eyes.

  I had no idea how long I was going to sit at the table. Maybe until morning. Maybe not.

  My thoughts were cut short when I heard Hazel cry out my name.

  I was at her side in an instant, stroking the hair out of her face again.

  “Sugar, if you need to get sick, it’s okay,” I whispered.

  Her green eyes locked to mine. “I’m sorry, Maddox.”

  “Sorry?”

  “I let it happen. I let him do that to me. I let him feel empowered so that he could do it to her. And she died because of him. She didn’t commit suicide, Maddox. She was murdered…”

  I swallowed hard.

  I touched Hazel’s face.

  Then I kissed her.

  She began to cry.

  I scooped her up again and held her, pulling her from the bed to the floor. I cradled her in my arms.

  And for the first time in a long time, I felt safe and comfortable enough to be vulnerable.

  I began to cry too.

  42

  HAZEL

  YEARS AGO

  I stood up. I looked at the wreckage before me. I looked down at my hands. For all I knew, there was blood on them. I had grabbed the wheel. I had fought the wheel. I had managed to get the car off the road.

  I had taken care of Lance.

  I had done it.

  He would never hurt me again. He would never call me a name. I wouldn’t have to be afraid of him anymore.

  The moment should have been good. I should have celebrated the moment.

  But there was no celebrating.

  Had I just murdered someone? Did I kill Lance?

  Was I going to go to jail?

  I started to shake.

  I took a step back. Then another.

  My stomach flipped.

  I was going to be sick.

  I gagged for a second, but nothing came up.

  Then something came to me.

  What if Lance was just hurt?

  That meant I definitely wouldn’t be a murderer. But I could still get in trouble. He would tell the police what I did. But then, I’d just tell the police what he did to me. I had no choice. I had no fucking choice. If I didn’t do something, he was going to do something to me. He was going to keep hurting me. I’d defend myself. Unless he got out of the hospital and came after me.

  The fear took control, and I had no choice.

  I took the biggest risk of my life.

  I ran…

  I sat up in bed all night. I chewed my nails until I was biting tender skin, and my fingers started to throb in pain. I looked at the window and waited until the sun started to come up. Someone would have found the accident scene by then.

  Ohgodohgodohgodohgod…

  My phone buzzed right around seven in the morning.

  I looked to the screen, fearing it was going to be Lance’s name. That he was calling me to tell me that he was alive. That he only had a few bumps and bruises. That he was going to put me into a car and drive me off a cliff.

  It wasn’t Lance.

  It was someone I called a friend, but we never really hung out. We were passing acquaintances, bumping into each other at the grocery store or when we were getting coffee at the same time. We’d chat for five minutes, agree to make plans, but never make plans.

  Her name was Angela.

  I answered the phone as though she had woken me up.

  Look at me…covering my tracks…

  “Hazel? Did I wake you?”

  “It’s okay,” I said, not actually answering the question.

  “I have to tell you something.”

  “Okay…”

  “My boyfriend is an EMT. It was, uh, kind of a crazy night last night.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “Yeah. I…I don’t know how to stay this. And I’m sorry to tell you this over the phone. But there was an accident last night.”

  “Accident?” I asked.

  “You were dating Lance, right?”

  “Yeah. You could say that. We were together.”

  Lance always wanted to keep me and him a weird secret, but we were seen together a few times, and that was that.

  “He was in a car accident last night,” Angela said.

  “What hospital is he in?” I asked.

  There was a pause. A long pause.

  “No, Hazel, he…he didn’t make it.”

  I shut my eyes.

  I had a sick sense of relief wash over my that was quickly followed by guilt.

  “Are you okay?” she asked.

  I was finally able to answer truthfully. “No.”

  43

  HAZEL

  PRESENT DAY

  I woke up, but the headache wasn’t just from too much drinking the night before. I looked around the bedroom and grabbed the covers. I wanted to curl up and never get out of the bed ever again. The connection…the truth…and yet there was more left to tell.

  Maddox thought he knew it all, but he didn’t.

  I looked at the nightstand. The glass of water. The pills. The trashcan on the floor with a towel.

  He had brought me back to his place to take care of me.

  I forced myself to sit up in bed. The smell of coffee tickled my nose,
perking me up. I pulled the covers off my body. I was fully dressed, even still wearing my shoes. I stood up and put my hands out to keep my balance. I made a quick stop by the mirror to try and make my hair look a little less messy than it was.

  When I walked toward the dining room, I heard the sound of bacon sizzling.

  No, no, no…he can’t be doing all of this for me…

  But he was.

  There was Maddox in a muscle shirt, standing at the stove, cooking bacon and eggs. Before I could say a word, the toast popped, spitting out an English muffin. He grabbed it, cursed that it was hot, and went back to the bacon as it popped in its own grease.

  I admired the tattoos on his shoulders and arms. The muscle shirt hugged his body in an unfair way. Totally unfair. It made my head hurt even worse. He was just so fucking sexy.

  Maddox turned and spotted me. “Hey. Good morning, sugar. Coffee?”

  “Yeah,” I whispered.

  “Have a seat,” he said.

  Maddox brought me coffee. Then he kissed me. He touched my chin and grinned.

  I forced a grin back at him.

  Then he went back to breakfast.

  He served me a plate of food, but I couldn’t eat.

  “Sugar, you need to eat,” he said. “The grease will help you. Then grab a shower, and we’ll hit the day. Whatever you want to do.”

  “Maddox, stop,” I whispered. “Stop everything.”

  He froze and raised an eyebrow. “O…kay?”

  “You and I are seriously connected here,” I said. “I mean, how did we not realize…”

  “I don’t know,” he said. “It was a fucked-up night for both of us.”

  “Last night or years ago?”

  “Both,” he said. “I’m sorry but I had to get you out of there. Things were falling apart. And fast.”

  “I know. I owe Tate an apology.”

  “Nah. Shit happens. You took your pictures. Forget that. If you want to talk about that night…”

  “How do we get past that?” I asked. “I feel connected to her. To Ava. I feel guilty.”

  “Guilty. Why?”

  “That I was so fucking weak.”

  That’s when Maddox pushed away from the table. He stood up and walked around to me. He crouched before me and grabbed my hand, placing it to my chest.

  “You are not fucking weak,” he whispered. “You’re a fighter. Your heart is still beating.”

  “Does that mean Ava was weak?”

  I saw the pain spread across his face. “Sugar, I’m not calling Ava weak. She made a judgment call. I can’t speak to it. It was her decision. And I’m-”

  “I made a judgment call that night too,” I blurted out. “That’s what you don’t get.”

  “Okay, so, make me get it.”

  The words were on my tongue. My throat went dry. I reached for a piece of bacon and took a bite. It tasted so good. My stomach felt soothed almost instantly.

  “Hazel,” he said. “What happened that night?”

  I looked Maddox in the eyes.

  I had to confess it all.

  A secret nobody knew about.

  “I…I killed him that night.”

  The look of confusion came with a question. “What did you just say?”

  “I killed him,” I said again. “I killed Lance.”

  It was easier to say it.

  “You killed Lance…I don’t understand.”

  “That night. He called me and demanded I go with him. Where? I didn’t know. That’s what he did. He would call me. Demand me. Once he got comfortable with me, the darkness showed up more and more. So, I hurried to let him pick me up. As we were driving, I noticed he had a cut on the corner of his mouth. And that there were scratches on his arm. That meant…well, Ava fought back, Maddox. She tried to fight back against him. Of course, I didn’t know that. I thought it was just from someone else he was sleeping with. I got angry. I felt myself getting to my breaking point. I couldn’t take it anymore, Maddox. Not from him. Not from my mother and father. They were already gone by then, but growing up with it. Hearing my father hurting my mother and my mother doing nothing about it. And then to be living the same thing…”

  I choked on my words as fresh tears came to the surface.

  Maddox didn’t hug me, though. He didn’t pull me close. I wanted to smell his skin. Kiss his neck. I wanted him to give me the strength to continue.

  I just stared and watched as he reached back for a chair and sat down.

  “Go on,” he said.

  “Right,” I said. I felt cold. I felt alone. I was exposed now. There was nothing to do about it. “He started to attack me. Hitting me. I lost my mind and made a decision. I had to grab the wheel. I had to crash the car. I wanted to hurt him back. In my heart, I wanted to kill him. So…I did it, Maddox. I grabbed the wheel. I pulled it hard. I wrestled with him as he tried to hit me. But I was winning. The car lost control. He was drunk. He couldn’t regain control…”

  “Wait a second,” Maddox said. “How did you get out of there alive, then?”

  “I jumped out of the car. Right before it hit the tree. It was like I was in some action movie. The car hit like a crack of thunder, and then there was silence. This intense silence. I shut the door and panicked. Either he was dead or he was alive…alive meant he’d come after me. So, I ran. I ran home and waited. I waited until I got the call that he was…gone.”

  Maddox just stared at me. His mouth hung open. His eyes were just as wide. “Holy shit.”

  “I’m a murderer,” I whispered.

  “Hazel, you defended yourself.”

  “I killed him.”

  “If you killed Night, then I killed Ava.”

  “You didn’t push her, Maddox.”

  “But I let her get there,” he said. He stood up. “Christ, Hazel. What the fuck…”

  Maddox made a fist and punched the table.

  Our plates and food jumped. Our coffees spilled over the edges of their mugs.

  I let out a cry.

  “Maddox…I didn’t want to say anything…”

  “But you did,” he said. “And you should have. There’s nothing left. And we’ll never actually get closure from what happened.”

  “We have each other,” I said. “Maddox, we have each other.”

  I slowly stood up.

  Maddox looked back at me, the hurt on his face.

  “Don’t hide behind breakfast,” I whispered. “Be yourself.”

  “Myself?” he growled. “Myself? Before you…I was okay with all of this shit. I could live. I could do my fucking job. I didn’t need a fucking camera in my face…”

  I moved toward him. “Don’t get angry at me, Maddox. I was just doing my job.”

  “And look what that ended up!” Maddox yelled.

  I froze. I was a couple steps away from him. I stared at his back, watching him breathe heavily.

  Then he turned, facing me.

  “So, what now?” I whispered. “Is the truth going to destroy us?”

  “No,” Maddox said. Then he made a move at me. He scooped me up into his arms. “I’m going to destroy you, sugar…with my love…”

  44

  MADDOX

  PRESENT DAY

  I needed her. I needed her in a way that words could not do justice for. If I didn’t take her right then and there I would have lost my mind. The pain was so real and still so raw. We were nothing but open wounds trying to navigate while trying to pretend we were scars. But together, we could find a way to heal each other. Or at least just keep colliding in pain.

  But I didn’t want pain.

  I wanted pleasure.

  The breakfast in the kitchen and on the table was nothing compared to the breakfast I wanted to have.

  I took Hazel to the bedroom and went right to work. I had to strip every piece of clothing off her from the night before, which I gladly did. I did it with force and speed. When he shirt went over her head, I bent my knees to kiss her. A kiss to let her kno
w that I was going to be aggressive, but I fucking loved her. I grabbed her pants, and she let out a cry. As I stripped them down, I pushed her back to the bed. I had to rip her shoes off to get her pants off. My hands ran up her legs, feeling her smooth skin, stopping at the edges of her panties.

  Hazel lifted herself off the bed, and I shook my head.

  I set her ass back down on it.

  I had other intentions.

  I came forward and kissed at her inner thigh. I made a line of fresh kisses all the way to her sweet center. Through the thin cloth of her panties, I could smell her sweet honey, ripe for me.

  My hands came together at the top right of her panties, and I took a tight hold. I nuzzled my nose against the warm center of her panties and felt her thrust herself at me. That’s when I ripped her panties, tearing them like they were a piece of fucking paper.

  Hazel grabbed my hair as she cried out.

  “Maddox!”

  Before she could say anything else, I yanked the ripped panties down, exposing her slit to me, and I went for her. My tongue was not going to be calm, gentle, loving. No. My tongue was fierce, thirsty, demanding of her pleasure. I licked down and up, curling against her clit, applying just enough pressure to make her hips buck at me.

  Her hand spread wide and clawed against my head.

  She needed me as much as I needed her.

  She let out a wild groaning sound and kept her ass off the bed. She rocked her hips up and down, matching what I was doing with my tongue. I felt a strong pulse of anger and grief surge through me. Thinking about everything that had happened between me and Hazel. Going back years to a time when we didn’t know each other, yet we were connected. What life could have been like if I had just met her then.

  My hands slid to her ass, and I squeezed tight.

  Hazel cried out my name—Maddox!—and then she grabbed my hands.

  I pulled away from between her thighs and looked at her for a second.