Waiting For Ethan

by Diane Barnes

  On the other hand, what if he wrote, “Why, yes. I’m in love with you, Gina”? When it comes right down to it, isn’t he better for me than Ethan? He has no ex-wife who still owns his heart. He wants children. He notices me. He looks out for me. He makes me laugh. I can’t stop thinking about him. Should I rule him out solely because his name isn’t Ethan? Maybe this is the one time Ajee got it wrong.

  I delete my response and replace it with “Thanks for seeing me home safely last night. Gina, the booze bag.” Then I send a message to Luci imploring her to return my phone and take me to my car.

  She shows up two hours later. “I’ve never seen you look so bad,” she says. She, of course, looks like her perfect self. Her eyes scan my apartment. “I thought maybe Cooper would spend the night.” She winks. “You two looked pretty cozy last night.”

  I glare at her. “Did you spend the night with Peter?”

  Luci laughs. “I never kiss and tell, Gina.”

  “Seriously, what’s going on between you two? Is it serious?”

  She plops down on the couch and sighs. “He makes me laugh. He’s a distraction, and right now I need to be distracted.” She stretches her legs across the coffee table.

  I sit next to her. “What do you need to be distracted from?”

  She exhales loudly. “Do you think this is how I planned my life? Do you think I want to be forty years old and single again? I’m supposed to be living in the suburbs with Kip and our kids, and now that prick is living my life with someone else.” Tears spill from her eyes. She lets them roll down her cheeks without wiping them away. “He knocked up his ghetto gal pal. That’s why he’s marrying her.”

  I try to make sense of what Luci is telling me, but my head is pounding, making it hard to focus. He got his wife pregnant and divorced her; he gets his girlfriend pregnant and marries her? “Luci, that makes no sense. Are you sure?”

  Now she glares at me. “Yes, I’m sure.” She springs to her feet. “I’m starving. Let’s go to that place around the corner.”

  The thought of food causes my stomach to churn, but I want to support Luci.

  Fifteen minutes later, Sal Senior is leading us to a table. “So the beautiful girl has a beautiful friend,” he says after I introduce him to Luci. “I’ll send Tory over to wait on you. He always likes to see you, Gina.” He pats me on the shoulder and then bellows Tory’s name across the restaurant.

  Tory races out from behind the counter. He’s wearing a button-down shirt and dress pants instead of his usual T-shirt and jeans. Sal wraps his arm around Tory’s shoulders. “He just came from a memorial mass for his mother, God rest her soul. He looks good, doesn’t he?”

  “Mmm,” Luci says. “Handsome.” She kicks me under the table.

  Some other customers enter the restaurant, and Sal leaves to greet them. Tory remains where he is, with his hands in his pockets staring at me. “How have you been, Gina? I haven’t seen you here for a while.”

  “I’m good. We’re going to split a small pizza with peppers.”

  “I put it in the oven as soon as I saw you walk in.” He moves to another table.

  Luci watches him walk away. “You could work with that,” she says. “Get him a decent haircut. Trash some of that jewelry. He’s got potential.”

  “Can I have my phone?”

  Luci unzips her purse, pulls out my phone and hands it to me without saying anything else. I push the On button, and the familiar music of the phone powering up fills the silence. After a few minutes the voice mail icon lights up, indicating that I have three new messages. The first is from Ethan. “I’ll be home Tuesday night. I’ll cook you dinner.” It sounds like a dog barking in the background, but Ethan is on Nantucket and Brady is home. “Call me.” He ends the message quickly.

  The second message is from Neesha. As I listen, Tory returns to the table with our drinks. “Hey, soul sister, Ashley’s transfer has gone through, and the Murphys accepted our offer. Westham, here I come.”

  “Oh my God.” Luci and Tory both look at me. “Neesha is moving back. Ajee’s third predictions are right.”

  “What does that mean?” Tory asks.

  “It means Gina will be getting married soon,” Luci answers.

  Tory nods. “I could tell that guy really liked you. You two didn’t stop laughing the whole time you were here.” As he walks away, I realize he’s talking about Cooper, and then as if to confirm this, Cooper’s voice comes out of my cell phone. “Hello, Gina, I just realized you might need a ride to your car. I’m around. Call me if I can help.”

  Luci looks at me expectantly. “Cooper offering to give me a ride to my car.”

  “I’m sure he wants to give you a ride.” She winks.

  I put the phone down and look at Luci. “I think he kissed me last night.”

  “Finally! That’s great!”

  “It’s not. I’m with Ethan. And Cooper has a girlfriend. Who has kids.”

  Luci uses her index finger to trace one of the squares on the red-and-white-checkered tablecloth. After several seconds, she looks up at me. “If Ethan had a different name, do you think you’d be with him or consider marrying him?”

  I know I’m supposed to say “of course,” but I can’t make the words come out, especially knowing he doesn’t want kids.

  “Do you think that maybe because of Ajee’s prediction, you’re forcing yourself to be interested, forcing him to be the one?”

  Tory arrives with our pizza, saving me from having to respond. I look up at him. “I’m sorry about your mom. I didn’t know she had passed.”

  Tory blinks fast, places a piece of pizza on a plate, and slides it to me. “Thank you. We lost her five years ago. She would have liked you, Gina.”

  “Everybody likes Gina,” Luci says, reaching for a slice as Tory turns to leave.

  I take a bite of my pizza. The cheese burns the roof of my mouth. I immediately return the piece to my plate and grab my water.

  Luci puts a napkin over her pizza and presses down on it so it soaks up some of the grease. “Look, Gina, just because some crackpot old lady told you that you would marry a man named Ethan doesn’t mean that you have to do that.”

  “If Ajee’s such a crackpot, how do you explain Neesha moving back to her childhood house?”

  Luci peels the napkin off her pizza and wads it into a ball, which she pushes to the side of the table.

  “What are you doing to that pizza?”

  “I explain it the same way I explain your interest in Ethan. Neesha thinks that’s what she’s supposed to do. These predictions have become self-fulfilling prophecies for the both of you.”

  Chapter 36

  Ethan’s Jeep is in the driveway, but no one answers when I ring the bell. I try the door, but it’s locked. Maybe he’s in the shower? I sit on the stairs next to a whiskey barrel of lilies that wasn’t here the last time I visited. I try to figure out whether Ethan or Jack is responsible for their appearance and decide on Jack. Frankly, though, I can’t imagine that either of them is a flower guy.

  I know Ethan didn’t forget about our dinner because he called this morning to remind me. The woman whose kitchen he renovated gave him a Crock-Pot recipe for ribs, and he said that’s what he’s making me tonight. “You have a Crock-Pot?”

  He laughed. “I’m borrowing Amber’s.”

  Five minutes have passed. I get up and ring the bell again, thinking that maybe Ethan was in the shower when I first got here. Again there is no answer.

  I sit back down. A few minutes later I hear a car driving down the road and then the rumbling of the garage door opening. Jack turns into the driveway and pulls into the garage. The car door slams, and he pokes his head out the overhead door. “What are you doing out here?”

  “Ethan didn’t answer.”

  “He’s probably walking Brady.” Jack motions for me to come in through the garage. As I make my way across the walkway, Ethan and Brady come into view down the street. A short, pudgy woman walks beside them. From w
here I’m standing, it looks like her body and Ethan’s are touching. Ethan says something, and the woman smiles and playfully pushes him. He grabs her wrists. She tries to twist away. They are both laughing. Ethan lets go of the woman, and she shakes her frizzy blond hair over her shoulder.

  Brady sees me and barks. Ethan looks up at the walkway. “Gina, you’re early.”

  “Not really.” I walk to the edge of the grass to where they are now. I glare at the woman.

  “This is Amber,” he says. “The dog walker.”

  “I didn’t realize you walk with her.”

  “Sometimes,” Ethan answers.

  “We had a good time today, didn’t we?” Amber looks at Ethan while she crouches so that she’s eye level with the dog. Brady licks her face. She giggles while Ethan watches them with a stupid grin on his face. Finally she pushes Brady off of her and brings herself to her full height.

  “See you soon,” Ethan says.

  “You’re not rid of me so quick,” she says. She places her hand on his arm and runs her index finger down toward his elbow. “My sweatshirt is inside, remember?” Her voice is two octaves lower than just a moment ago. Ethan looks at me, but glances down when we make eye contact.

  When she’s out of sight, Ethan pulls me into his arms. “Missed you, babe.” He kisses me hard. He tastes like a cigarette, and I pull away quickly.

  “Were you smoking?”

  He wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. “The guy I was with on Nantucket. Always had a cigarette in his mouth. Realized I missed it. The only reason I stopped was Leah.”

  I didn’t know he used to smoke. I guess that explains why his teeth are so yellow. “Well, you should stop again.”

  His only response is a frown.

  By the time we arrive upstairs, Amber and Jack are sitting in the kitchen, and Jack is speaking in a harsh tone. He stops speaking as soon as he sees me. Amber’s open purse sits on the table in front of her. I can clearly see a pack of Marlboros. Ethan breezes by me and fills Brady’s water dish at the sink. I remain standing at the threshold of the kitchen door facing Amber. Her eyes travel up and down my body. I stand perfectly still, feeling awkward and wishing I were wearing a more figure-flattering outfit or were more like Luci, who would definitely call Amber out for this.

  Ethan turns from the sink and heads downstairs with Brady’s bowl. Amber rises from her seat. “I’ll just get my sweatshirt,” she says. I watch her walk down the hallway. She looks at me over her shoulder as she saunters into Ethan’s bedroom. A moment later she comes out carrying the sweatshirt. I swear to God, she smirks at me.

  The smell of the ribs simmering on the counter is overpowering. I feel nauseous. My legs shake, and I lean against the wall to steady myself. I feel Jack watching me. I lift my head to look at him. I think I see sympathy in his expression. Amber struts back into the middle of the room, pauses, turns the sweatshirt right side out, and pulls it over her head. The sweatshirt looks new. It is red with big white letters that say NANTUCKET.

  Ethan appears at the top of the stairs. Amber kisses his cheek. “See you soon,” she says in the same low tone she used with him before. He turns and watches her descend to the front door.

  I make my way to Ethan’s room. The bed is unmade. A musty scent fills the air.

  Ethan appears in the doorway. “What are you doing?”

  “Why was Amber’s sweatshirt in your room?”

  Ethan crosses his arms across his chest. “What?”

  “Amber went into your room to get her sweatshirt.”

  “So?”

  I walk toward him. “What was she doing in your room?”

  He unfolds his arms and rubs the stubble on his jawline. “What exactly are you asking, Gina?” He grits his teeth and leans toward me.

  I hold my ground. “I’m asking what she was doing in your bedroom.”

  He punches the door frame. “I can’t believe this,” he shouts. “Jack doesn’t like Brady in the house. You know that. The only places he’s allowed are the garage and my bedroom. When Amber got here, I had him in the room with me.”

  I look away from him. Am I being paranoid? His explanation makes sense. Then I think of the way Ethan and Amber were playing around as they walked down the street, the way Ethan watched, practically aroused, as Brady kissed her face, the way Amber touched him, her smirk as she emerged from his room, her inside-out Nantucket sweatshirt, the stench of cigarettes on his breath and the pack in her purse, the way he watched her as she descended the stairs. I look back at him. “Where did she get that sweatshirt?”

  He shakes his head. “I got it for her for watching Brady. I got one for you, too.” He stomps across the room, pulls a similar sweatshirt out of a bag, and throws it at me.

  I fling it on the bed. “When did you give it to her?”

  He bites his lip. “Last night. When I picked up Brady.”

  “So she wore it over here today. Why did she take it off?”

  He lets out a deep breath and takes a step toward me. “Why don’t you just ask me what you want to know, Leah?” I stare at him with wide eyes, waiting for him to correct his mistake. “Go ahead, ask me. Ask me if I banged her!”

  I shake my head and push him out of the way. He grabs my arm. “Don’t,” I scream.

  Jack appears at the end of the hallway. “Everything okay?”

  I shake my arm free. “I was just leaving.”

  I calmly walk down the hallway. I don’t look back at Ethan. When I get to the stairs, I hear his bedroom door slam. “I’m sorry, Gina. Really, I am,” Jack says. And somehow I think his apology is for the answer to the question that I wouldn’t ask Ethan.

  I shake with rage on the drive back to Clayton. It’s one thing to put up with Ethan’s unresolved feelings for his ex-wife, but his cheating, or at the very least flirting, with the dowdy dog walker, no way. Did he really cheat, or am I being paranoid? My cell phone rests in the cup holder. I keep glancing at it as I drive, expecting him to call. “Sorry, I lost my temper, Gina. I understand it looked bad, but of course nothing happened between Amber and me. I would never do that to you.”

  I turn onto my street. My cell phone has been silent. A landscaping truck is parked in my spot, and two deeply tanned men are loading mowers into the back. I wait for them to finish. It’s like they’re moving in slow motion. I beep my horn. The larger of the two men puts his hands on his hips and stares at me. I step on the gas and drive around the block. By the time I return, the pickup is pulling out, and I take the vacated spot.

  Once inside, I call Luci. Peter answers. I hang up without saying anything, which is really stupid because Luci has caller ID. Sure enough, two minutes later, Luci calls back. “Why did you hang up on Peter?”

  “I didn’t want to interrupt.”

  She laughs. “Don’t worry. We weren’t doing anything uninterruptible.”

  “We could be,” I hear Peter yell in the background.

  I plop down on my couch and stare at the urn with Ajee’s ashes. I notice a bunch of DVDs strewn across the coffee table: Goodfellas, Saving Private Ryan, My Cousin Vinny. They are all Ethan’s. “I think Ethan is cheating on me with the dog walker.”

  “Why would you think that?” she asks me, and she whispers something to Peter.

  I explain why. The line is silent. I hear Luci swallow. “I’m sorry, Gina.”

  “So you don’t think I’m being paranoid?”

  She breathes loudly as I stack the DVDs into a neat pile. “Is that what you want me to tell you?”

  “I want you to tell me what you really think.”

  “In a minute, Peter,” she yells. “I think you should trust your instincts.”

  I look at the urn and then the stack of movies. “All his stuff is still here. How will I get it to him?”

  “Just throw it away,” she answers. “You don’t owe him a thing.”

  “She’s not even pretty.”

  “Who?” Luci asks.

  “The dog walker. She’s
short and fat. Has a flat face.”

  Luci says nothing.

  “I mean, I could understand if she was pretty, maybe, but . . .”

  “Gina, don’t try to understand. It doesn’t matter why he did it, or who he did it with. What matters is that he did it.”

  I pick up the urn with my free hand. “I know you’re right.”

  “Do you want me to come over?”

  I smile. “No, but thank you.”

  After Luci and I hang up, I go into my bedroom. Ethan’s Patriots sweatshirt hangs over the back of the rocking chair in the corner of my room. I pick it up and bury my face in it. It smells like pine and sawdust. I march to the kitchen, get a paper bag, fling the sweatshirt in it and then the DVDs. I head to the bathroom. His razor, shaving cream, and toothbrush sit on the corner of the sink. I dump them into the bag. I lean into the shower and remove his soap and all-in-one shampoo and conditioner. I head back to the kitchen. I place the bag next to the garbage can.

  I walk past the coffee table on the way back to my room. I glance at the urn, and an image of Ajee nodding pops into my mind.

  I can’t sleep that night. Maybe I’m overreacting. Maybe it really happened like Ethan said it did. On the other hand, maybe he’s been cheating all along. I think of all the times they texted each other when we were together. Does he love Amber? Did he ever love me?

  Somehow I manage to fall asleep, because I wake up to my alarm buzzing. I like waking up to music, but Ethan needed the buzzing sound to get out of bed so I changed the setting. Now I change it back. I will not start my day with an abrasive sound ever again.

  When I get to work, there is a vase of sunflowers on my desk and a card. Luci is not in the room, but her computer is on and the office smells like hot sauce so I know she’s around. I hold my breath as I tear the small envelope open. Ethan is apologizing. The card will explain that nothing happened between him and Amber. I pull out the card and read: “Sorry, I got it wrong about Ethan. Ajee from Beyond.”