Saving Grace

by Merry Farmer

  “Where did you get the flour?” Grace asked the first question that popped into her mind.

  “We got lucky.” Julia smiled at her. “There’s a field on the other side of the woods that way.” She pointed over her shoulder. “It’s a long trip, but there’s a huge patch of wild grain there, sort of like wheat. I mixed that with some nut meal from the trees we’ve found. We found a few bee hives in some of the trees that we harvested honey from, and the plains are full of these sort of sheep-like creatures that you can milk. Do you have those on your side?”

  Grace swallowed, fighting not to weep. “I think we do.”

  “We’ve got eggs from those duck-like birds near the river,” Julia went on, “and one of the scouts found a salt deposit upstream. There’s no telling how long any of it will last, though.”

  Her answers begged more questions. “How? How did you find all of this? How did you….” She stopped her questions, rubbing her forehead.

  “Kinn said there are only thirty of you in your camp?” Julia smiled at her with such compassion that Grace felt like a heel for being ungrateful.

  “Thirty-eight.” She rubbed her eyes with a sigh.

  “That’s not very many. And, well, when you run a military operation, like we have here, you tend to get things done faster.”

  Grace opened her eyes and glanced at her. “You’re one of the civilians?”

  Julia nodded with a smile. As much as she didn’t want to, Grace liked her. The last thing she wanted to see was that Kinn’s people were not only prosperous, they were nice.

  “I have so many questions,” she said in defeat.

  “I’ll be happy to answer whatever you want.” She blinked over to Kinn for approval. Kinn shrugged and nodded.

  Grace leaned closer and lowered her voice. “The men. Are they…abusive?”

  Julia laughed. “No. Far from it. But I do feel sorry for them. This is a whole new lifestyle for them.” She leaned closer. “Soldiers aren’t trained to think for themselves these days, and it’s been hard for them to adjust. They’re learning, but it’s a good thing they had the lieutenant with them to assume command as superior officer. Although Kinn wasn’t part of the same unit.”

  “He wasn’t?”

  Julia shook her head. “Do you want a glass of water? You must have had a long walk.”

  “I don’t know.” Grace sighed.

  Julia’s kindness hurt. Everything hurt. There was no point anymore in denying how helpless Grace was. Not even the astounding hope of all of Kinn’s advancements could soothe her despair. She’d been a complete, blind fool. She’d fallen for Kinn’s ploy and come face-to-face with everything that she wanted for the future.

  “My people….” She broke off, lost. “I thought we were doing so well. This makes us look like children playing in the woods.”

  Kinn strolled back over to them, shoveling a spoonful of steaming stew into his mouth. “This is good, Jules. Try some, Grace.”

  She shook her head and refused the bowl he shoved at her. “No, thank you.”

  “Hey, Jules, you seen Heather?”

  “Um.” Julia rested her weight on one ample hip. Something about the motion connected the dots in Grace’s mind. Julia was one of the ones who was pregnant, although she was hardly showing yet. “I think she took her bow and went off that way.”

  Kinn rolled his eyes and jabbed his spoon into his lunch. “Goddammit. Did she go off alone again?”

  Julia gave him an apologetic look. “Probably.”

  He took one last huge bite of stew, tossing his empty bowl on the table. “Come on, Grace.” He clamped a hand over her wrist like a shackle. “Sorry I don’t have time to help clean up, Jules.”

  “No problem.” The cheerful woman went back to her work, either ignoring the fact that Kinn was now dragging Grace across the camp or not caring.

  “Let go of me.” Grace struggled out of his grip. “Don’t drag me around like I’m your pet.”

  He stopped and let go of her wrist, eyes wide in surprise. “You need to stop giving me lip.” His expression calmed. “I just want to show you something.”

  “I’m sure you do,” she snapped.

  He let out a breath and rolled his eyes at her. “Will you get over yourself already?”

  She balled her hands into fists, her face flushing crimson.

  He shook his head and turned to continue on. “I want your opinion on something that some of my guys found when they were scouting up toward the mountains.”

  “When you say ‘guys’ do you mean the men or the women?” she asked tartly, trailing behind him. Her feet and legs were beginning to hurt from so much walking without a rest.

  He shrugged. “Does it matter?”

  She scowled at his back.

  He took her to the far side of the camp where a massive formation of rocks jutted out of the side of the hill, much like the caves in her own camp. It too contained a variety of openings that led into caverns. Kinn ducked into the doorway of one, crouching to avoid bumping his head on the ceiling. She walked in easily behind him.

  He took her around the corner. In the dim light she could see bundles and containers of various sorts, some that were from his emergency ship, but most made since then, and what appeared to be piles of jagged rocks. He reached for the closest of those rocks and handed it to her. It was heavier than she expected and cool to the touch.

  “We found a cave up there, a couple days’ journey out, that’s loaded with that stuff.”

  She turned the cold rock over in her hands and moved toward the entrance to the cave to get a better look. In the sunlight the chunk had a dull red-gray gleam.

  “It’s iron ore,” she said in awe, leaning against the rocky wall.

  “I thought so,” Kinn replied with a smug grin.

  She should have been excited about the discovery. It opened a whole new world of possibility. If they could figure out how to extract the iron, smelt it, and make it into tools and more, it could change their lives. They could advance through ages of human development in the blink of an eye. Danny would be beside himself at the possibilities. It was all within her hands, within Kinn’s hands.

  Kinn took the rock from her, tossing it back into the cave like it was nothing. She stared out at the village, the houses, the well, smoke rising from chimneys. Kinn’s men could teach hers to do this, teach them how to advance. They could give her people what they needed to make it through the winter and beyond. This was what she had wanted all along.

  “Hey, will you stop it already?” He shook her out of her hopeless thoughts, smoothing his large hand over her hair and tilting her face up to look at him. “What’s gotten into you?”

  “You wouldn’t understand.” Her throat was tight and her words came out rough.

  He frowned and let out a breath. “Yeah, I’m too stupid to understand. I get it. Come on.”

  He took her hand and marched her out of the cave, feelings clearly hurt. Grace cringed. Everything about her mission was an aching disaster. She should have let Danny come with her after all.

  But no, even Danny wouldn’t have been able to save her this time. He would have had to admit how powerless they were, and then he would have had to watch the forfeit of that powerlessness.

  This time as Kinn escorted her across his camp his eyes were alert, darting from side to side to make sure they weren’t being watched. His people were busy. Grace was grateful for it. He hurried her to the far edge of the camp, to a cabin that looked exactly like all of the others, door, small windows, chimney. The door opened with a creak on hinges made of wood. He led her inside and shut it behind them, dropping a thick latch to lock them in.

  As Kinn stepped across the dirt floor to grab a stick and poke at the banked fire in the small stone hearth, Grace stared straight forward. Panic a thousand times worse than what she had felt during the crash seized her.

  “I’m not doing this,” she said.

  “It gets a little hot inside,” Kinn ignored her, �
��but it’s easier to keep a fire going than it is to start one all over again. And fires are the best source of light right now, even though Frank is working on these lamp things with oil.” He added two logs to his hearth from a neatly stacked pile against the wall. “It’s just too bad the solar lamps from the ships stopped working.”

  “I said I’m not doing this.”

  She turned to grab the handle on the door. He lunged after her, slamming his palm against the door to keep it shut.

  “Don’t,” he said, low and threatening.

  “Would you really force me?” Her voice trembled.

  He stared at her, eyes dark and hungry. The silence between them was sharp.

  At last he let out a breath and shrugged, leaning away from the door.

  “Fine. I’ll just go find Caitlyn.”

  Grace winced. She let go of the door, body going numb. He may not have been holding the door anymore, but there was still no way out.

  She took a deep breath and turned to face Kinn. Between the firelight and the sun coming in through the small windows, she studied the interior of the cabin. There was no furniture, only a pile of skins against one wall and a row of baskets against the other. The dirt floor was uneven in places, but it was dry and packed hard. There was no feeling of damp, even with last night’s rain.

  “Sit down.” Kinn pointed to the furs. It wasn’t an order so much as an offer, as if he’d invited her to tea.

  Grace held her ground. “Why don’t you wait and take one of Brian’s women to be your…your mate? I’m sure a dozen of them would want the job. I don’t.”

  “I told you, I want you. Now sit.” He left the fire and moved to the great bear skin that took up half of the room, sitting and patting the spot beside him.

  She pivoted to face him, but continued to stand. “Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you in return?”

  If he was hurt by her question he didn’t show it. “You’ll want me all right, Grace.” He grinned. “Once you see what I can do, you’ll want me a lot.”

  She crossed her arms to hide the trembling that rushed through her. “What’s that supposed to mean? What can you do?”

  He stared at her, his smug grin faltering. “You’re kidding, right?”

  “I never kid.”

  His expression collapsed into confusion. A beat later it shifted to sly understanding.

  “I get it. You ain’t been with a lot of men before, have you?”

  “No.” The sensation of being in Danny’s arms came back to her, bittersweet. She pushed it away.

  If Kinn looked any smugger, Grace would slap him.

  “Come here. We’ll take it slow.” He extended a hand to her.

  Grace hugged herself tighter, jaw clenched over her shaking. Her eyes flickered to the door.

  Kinn sighed in exasperation. “Jesus, Grace. It really pisses me off when you make me threaten you, but it seems like that’s the only way I can get things done.” He waited a beat then said, “Sit! Sit down here now or I’ll go out there and find Caitlyn and drag her in here and make you watch.”

  “You’re a bastard,” Grace seethed, throat tight.

  She sat. The pile of skins was softer than she thought it would be. It wasn’t a pile, it was two skins that had been sewn together and stuffed with what felt like grass or straw. Her heart sank further. Kinn had a mattress. It was another innovation she should have thought of earlier. She was sick over how oblivious she’d been.

  Kinn slid his arm around her, lowering her to her back and half covering her. His huge hand stroked across her side. “That’s better,” he rumbled. “I’d rather have you than a twelve-year-old any day.”

  Grace squeezed her eyes shut, feeding her scorn for the stupid line instead of her fear. Kinn was a bastard, an absolute jerk. She focused hard on those thoughts as he kissed her. He was an idiot and a clod. She could do what needed to be done and remove Caitlyn from his clutches, get everything out of him that her people needed, if she kept those thoughts up. He was a brute, a tyrant, a bully. She’d been a fool to waste so much time on him when she could have been building a settlement and a life with Danny. Danny was ten times the man he was.

  A groan of despair escaped her before she could stop it.

  “What?” Kinn stopped, his hand clamped around her breast.

  “Nothing.” Grace cleared her throat, swallowing her grief. “Just get on with it.”

  “Yes ma’am.” Kinn grinned and carried on where he’d left off.

  Grace held her breath, trying to ignore everything. She’d played the game badly and she’d lost. Danny would never forgive her. She would never forgive herself.

  Chapter Eleven – The Wildcard

  The afternoon sun streamed through the window in Kinn’s cabin, making a patch of light on the dirt floor. Grace had watched that spot of light inch toward the fireplace as Kinn napped. Whether he’d been asleep for ten minutes or an hour with his arm draped around her, holding her against the wall of his bare chest, she didn’t know and didn’t care.

  She focused on what she could see, studying the cabin, guessing at its design and construction. She turned over the corner of the bearskin mattress, attempting to puzzle out how it had been made. She even reached for Kinn’s vest and handled the leather, theorizing about how they had managed to make it so soft and pliable. Someone in her camp should be able to figure these things out. Someone.

  She thought about the people she had available: Danny the geneticist, Sean the lawyer, Beth the horticulturalist, Dave the computer systems specialist, Gil the astrophysicist, Stacey the logistics manager, Carrie the…she still wasn’t quite sure what Carrie did in spite of all her carrying on. They were intellectuals, the brain of The Terra Project, not its muscle. They would thrive in an environment like Kinn’s camp, with infrastructure taken care of and engineers at their disposal. They would all thrive together.

  She pushed aside the gloom of the inevitable to plan what she could control. The girl, Caitlyn, would have to share a home with someone. Over half of her people had drifted into relationships of some sort, but there were a few that hadn’t. She could move Caitlyn into the tent with Rhiannon and Lois and Marjorie. It might encourage the other women to pick one of the remaining men and settle down. It was about time they all settle down.

  She shifted against the rock of Kinn’s chest, the irony of her thoughts stinging. No, it wasn’t irony anymore. She had chosen to be with Danny and that’s who she would be with. She would put her foot down and this time nothing would budge her. She would have Danny’s children, build a new life with Danny, separate from everyone else if they had to. She couldn’t think about it beyond that.

  Her mind switched gears. She still had the problem of Brian Kutrosky to deal with. It didn’t take more than a cursory glance to see that this was the settlement where their civilization would take hold. How to convince Kutrosky was another matter. How to convince Danny, yet another.

  Grace sighed and squeezed her eyes shut, forcing the lump out of her throat. Her dream of creating one united colony had never looked so possible or so dark.

  Kinn drifted out of sleep and stretched with a huge yawn. It was a relief to be able to move and stretch herself. She twisted and attempted to stand. Kinn snaked one thick arm around her middle and pulled her down with a grunt, rolled her onto her back. He propped himself over top of her and grinned, sleepy and satisfied. He stroked the side of her face. When he bent to kiss her she turned her head away.

  “You have a good nap?” he asked, his deep voice soft.

  “Yes,” she lied, not looking at him.

  “Me too.” He kissed her cheek, held her jaw and forced her to face him, then kissed her lips.

  “I need to get back to my people,” she insisted.

  “No.” He may have been quiet, but it was still an order. “Let’s just stay here in bed all day.” His hand moved to fondle her breast.

  She breathed steadily, feeling the knife-edge of panic slice through her. �
�I’m going out to negotiate with Brian on your behalf tomorrow. I have to make preparations, pick a team to go with me. I have work to do. Your work. I need to leave.”

  He moaned in reluctance, running his hand down to her thigh and back up again to her breast while nibbling on her lips. “No.”

  Her stomach twisted. Now that he had her, what would stop him from keeping her?

  “Kinn.” She pushed against his solid chest.

  “That’s not my name.”

  He shoved her down again. She blinked fast and he took her reaction as confusion.

  “It’s a nickname. Short for McKinnon. My name’s Joseph McKinnon, Joe.”

  “Oh.”

  “Say it.”

  “Say what?”

  “Joe. I want to hear you call me Joe.”

  “Joe.”

  Fear built in Grace’s gut as he traced lazy circles around her belly-button. His hips pinned her down as effectively as shackles.

  “I like the sound of my name on your lips.” He smiled and dipped down to capture her mouth.

  Her fingers and toes prickled with desperation. She planted both hands on his chest and pushed with all her strength.

  “Joe! I have to go.”

  He tensed, blinked down at her. At last the facts of the situation penetrated his thick skull.

  “I have to go so that I can get you what you need,” she said.

  “You’re all I need, Grace.”

  “Stop!”

  Frustration crawled through her. She wrestled away from him and skittered across the dirt floor to her dress, surprised that he let her go.

  “I have a job to do,” she snapped as she pulled the tattered garment over her head. She searched the floor for her underwear, her socks. “And so do you.”

  Her eyes met his, full of fire. He sagged to a hangdog expression. In a flash she knew how to get to him.

  “You’re a leader, Kinn—Joe. That doesn’t mean you get whatever you want whenever you want it.”

  She tugged on her underwear. The worn garment split at the seam, falling apart. She growled and threw it into the fire then went on to fumble with the buttons of her dress. Her hands shook with anger.