Love and Dreams: The Coltrane Saga, Book 6

by Patricia Hagan

  A pleasant round of soft laughter filled the room.

  She asked the musicians whether they could play Tchaikovsky’s “Serenade for Strings in C Major” and was pleased to be told they could.

  “Very well. Now, if Mr. Stevens will be so kind as to serve as my partner, I’ll show you the basic steps.”

  Bryan stepped forward, beaming, and Jade positioned his right arm to encircle her waist, as her left hand lightly touched his shoulder. Then, her right hand against his left, she explained, “Basically, the waltz, which comes from the German word wälzen, which means ‘to revolve’, consists of a step, a slide, then a step, in three-quarter time.”

  An elderly woman, round glasses perched on the end of her nose and held to her neck by a long pearl necklace, suddenly gasped in disapproval. “Shocking! Absolutely shocking! For a man and woman to embrace each other so closely in public is scandalous.”

  Jade blinked in disbelief.

  Bryan stifled a laugh.

  Mrs. Cummings dismissed the comment with a wave of her hand and a cry of disgust. “Really, Constance, you can be an old fogey sometimes. This is the nineteenth century. You’ve got to think modern!”

  “Humph!” the old woman grunted, shuffling forward with an equally archaic man doggedly following. “I’ve lived too long for anybody to tell me what is and isn’t proper. I’m leaving. I’m not about to stand here and watch such shameful behavior…but thank you for your hospitality,” she ended sarcastically.

  Mrs. Cummings nodded, eyes stormy. “As you wish, Constance.” She nodded to Jade to continue.

  Accordingly, Jade gestured to the musicians to begin.

  With the soft, sweeping rhythm of the strings surrounding them, she and Bryan began to move in step. At first Bryan was unsure of himself, stumbled a bit, but soon was gliding about the floor with ease.

  The onlookers broke into spontaneous applause when they finished, and at once Jade found herself surrounded by people asking for private lessons. Bryan looked on approvingly as she explained how she was contemplating opening a dance studio to teach not only the waltz but the ballet as well.

  Suddenly, in midsentence, Jade glanced up to see a woman walking toward the front door, almost surreptitiously. Her voice trailed off as, for some reason she could not then explain, her senses seemed to freezes The woman was not only behaving strangely, she also looked familiar…but who was she? Jade had been struck by the same feeling earlier when she’d encountered Geneva Stokes.

  And then it came to her, like a door slamming in her face to knock her backward in time.

  The ship.

  The dining room.

  Triesta Vordane.

  She called her name. The woman turned, her face a mask of sheer terror, and she nearly knocked someone down as she bolted out the front door to disappear into the night.

  Jade hurried after her and was almost out the door when she felt a hand tightly squeeze her arm to restrain her. Through the giant roaring that had begun in her ears she heard Bryan’s angry hiss, “Stop it! What do you think you’re doing?”

  She looked up at him, stunned at his tone, even more bewildered by the furious expression on his face, the way his eyes were narrowed, mouth set in a grim, tight line.

  “Why, I know her,” she told him incredulously. “From the ship. Her name is Triesta Vordane, and she and her daughter sat at the table with Colt and me, and—”

  “Stop it!” he growled through clenched teeth. “Someone will hear you.”

  She blinked in confusion. “So what if they do?”

  “We’re leaving. Go outside. I’ll make our excuses.” He gave her an almost rough shove as he turned, back to the parlor.

  Jade hurried on out, glad for the opportunity to continue her search for Mrs. Vordane, but was not truly surprised that she was nowhere to be seen. By the time Bryan joined her, she’d worked up quite an anger for him and the way he’d behaved.

  Sensing her fury, he snapped, “Save it till we get to the hotel so the driver won’t have gossip to spread tomorrow.” Holding her arm firmly, as though at any moment she might run away, he guided her to the hackney.

  Once they reached her suite, Bryan again warned her they had to watch what they said lest Lita, asleep in one of the bedrooms, might wake and hear.

  Jade had calmed down somewhat, realizing why he’d reacted as he had, but was still indignant. “Didn’t it ever occur to you that sooner or later I would run into someone from the ship? We met lots of people in just a short period of time, Bryan.”

  He shook his head. “You’ve got to pretend you don’t know who they are if they remember you, and walk up and call you Mrs. Coltrane, you just give them a blank look and tell them your name is Miss O’Bannon…hopefully, soon you can say Mrs. Stevens.” He gave her the boyish grin that usually managed to melt her heart but this time had no effect.

  “So I’m supposed to lie?” she coldly asked.

  His smile faded. “If you don’t want people to know about the past, yes.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if it matters.”

  “So do I, but unless we want people to find out you really aren’t kin to Marnia; that, for all intents and purposes, you’re married to someone else who thinks he’s legally married to another woman, then…” He spread his hands in a helpless gesture. “We lie.”

  Jade was having doubts about the whole charade and realized she had been since it all began, but it had just seemed simpler to go along with it than dwell on the past. Now, however, she was even more unsure. She attempted to explain to Bryan about Triesta. “She was the woman who sat at the table with me and Colt, and I’m sure she recognized me, but why would she run away like that? I don’t understand.”

  Bryan shrugged, and Jade thought the gesture a bit forced. “Who knows? Who cares? She’s probably just a strange old bird, like the one who walked out because she thought the waltz was disgraceful.” He gave a short laugh in an attempt to lighten the moment. Jade did not share his humor, and he abruptly fell silent.

  Suddenly she asked him, “Didn’t it ever occur to you that I’d run into Colt one day?”

  At once a cold, angry shadow descended on his face. “No. Why should it? You told me yourself he never cared for parties and socials. It’d be very rare if it happened, and if it did, he’d probably act like he didn’t know you to keep from being embarrassed, and you’d be wise to do the same.”

  He turned toward the sideboard, which he’d had the hotel stock with liquor. Taking out a bottle of brandy, he murmured, “I think I need a drink.”

  Jade was engrossed in her thoughts. Why did Bryan seem so angry? So defensive? Perhaps it was time to be honest about everything. She couldn’t help thinking anything was better than worrying about encountering someone who might expose them. It would, she knew, certainly be better to settle the matter of her marriage to Colt before entering into one of questionable legality with Bryan.

  She said as much.

  He looked at her as though she’d lost her mind, then abruptly asked her if she had.

  “No,” she snapped, “but I think it’d be best if we just brought everything out in the open.”

  He gulped the rest of his drink and slammed his empty glass down as he lashed out furiously. “Maybe better for you, but not me. I’m the one people would condemn for having an affair with a married woman when my wife is hardly cold in her grave. You, they’d pity!”

  Jade gasped at such an idea. “Who’s to say we’ve had an affair? Bryan, for God’s sake, sometimes I don’t think I know you at all.”

  “What other reason would we have for having lied about who you were?” he argued.

  She stifled the bubbling indignation she was feeling and attempted to reason with him. “We don’t have to tell everyone all our personal business, Bryan. We don’t have to tell anyone anything. No one needs to know I’m not a distant cousin of Marnia’s, just as no one has to know I’m married to someone else. I’ll just go to Colt and let him know I am alive and tell him w
e’ve got to quietly divorce so that his marriage to whoever he’s married to will be legal…so that his child—” she paused, swallowed, quelled the sudden lurch of heartache before continuing, “—will be legitimate. Then,” she finished with a sigh, “our marriage, when it takes place, will be legal.”

  Bryan stiffened, straightened, seemed to grow taller with each word she spoke, till he towered above her with eyes bulging and lips trembling with rage. “You mean before our marriage takes place, don’t you?” he accused. “Admit it! You want him back! Tell the truth. I think I’ve known it all along, but I wouldn’t let myself believe it. You think if he finds out you’re alive, he’ll leave his wife and run to you. My God, Jade, where’s your pride?” he challenged in wonder. “What about the baby they’re expecting? And what about me—the way I’ve looked after you, cared for you, loved you? Can’t you think of anybody but yourself?”

  “No, you’ve got it all wrong,” she was quick to deny. “You’re not listening—”

  “Oh, I’m listening all right, and I’m telling you, Jade…” With hands clenching and unclenching at his side, nerves throbbing in his jaw and neck, he bit out his ultimatum. “If you go to him, you’d better hope he does want you back, because I’ve got my pride, even if you don’t know the meaning of the word, and as much as I love you, I won’t take you back after you’ve made a fool of yourself and all of New York is talking about you!”

  She stared at him uncertainly. Surely he didn’t mean what he was saying. Quelling her own anger at his attempt to intimidate her, she tried to explain once more. “I only want to see him, Bryan. Talk to him. I never said anything about asking him to take me back…never said I wanted him back. Oh, why are you acting like this? It’s so childish!”

  With a deep moan, he reached out and grabbed her, crushing her against him as he devoured her with his eyes, his lips. “Goddammit, woman, don’t you realize how much I love you? This is tearing me apart, and I can’t go on like this. I love you too much, and I’ve got to know you’re mine, all mine.” He kissed her, mouth harsh, bruising, then withdrew, released her as he furiously declared, voice quivering with emotion, “No other man could love you as much as I do. You’re my life, my world, my reason for living—but you’re torturing me with your indecision, and I can’t take it anymore!”

  He turned to the door, and she could only stand there, staring at his retreating back. What could she say? He’d just laid down his rules, and she couldn’t abide by them. Not now. She’d made her decision to confront Colt; realized, finally, that that was the only way she’d ever know true peace, for she was tired of all the lies, the pretense.

  At the door, he suddenly turned to look at her, and she thought in that instant she’d never seen so much pain and anguish mirrored in the face of another human being.

  Tone guttural, unnatural, lips twisted as though suppressing a scream, he grimly said, “You know, when I found you, clinging to that bobbing crate in the rolling ocean, I only had a couple of days left to live. As I’ve told you before, I was on my way to my island to end my life because there was nothing left to live for. I’d lost my wife my son, my reasons for waking each morning, drawing each breath.” He paused, tears suddenly glimmering in his eyes as he gave a sad, pitiful little laugh.

  “Oh, God, I thought I’d hit the bottom of the pits then, but that was nothing to how I’ll feel if I lose you. I’ll be waiting for you to come to me and say you’re ready to be my wife, but don’t wait too long, Jade, because if I can’t have you, I’d rather be dead.”

  “Bryan, wait—”

  He did not heed her call but continued on his way, slamming the door with finality after him.

  She felt the tempest birth within her, for he had ignited provoking questions she did not know how to answer. Was he right? Did she secretly hope that once Colt learned she was alive, he would throw away the life he’d made since believing her dead and run to her arms? Was that the real reason she’d shied away from setting a wedding date?

  She had no answers, knew only that she felt a sudden void in her heart with Bryan’s angry, wretched departure.

  Just then Lita came out of her bedroom, sleepily rubbing her eyes. “What was all that about? Sounded like the two of you were fighting, and—”

  “Lita!” Jade coldly interrupted her. “You forget anything you overheard. It’s no concern of yours. Now, good night,” she curtly dismissed her.

  Lita frowned, turned away as she mumbled, “Whatever you say, but Mr. Stevens is such a nice man…can’t understand how you’d let him leave so angry.”

  Jade went to her bed and lay down, knowing sleep would escape her this miserably tormenting night, for in her brain, her heart, was a maelstrom of uncertainty.

  Colt.

  Bryan.

  She admitted to loving both, in different but equal ways; wondered, painfully, which one she’d choose if there was a choice.

  Suddenly her eyes fell on the ring Kitty Coltrane had given her on her wedding day, and she knew, with a wrenching jolt to her heart, what that choice would be.

  But it was too late.

  Chapter Twenty

  Once her anger had subsided a bit, Jade realized that not to make a decision was, in itself, a kind of resolution. A cowardly way, perhaps, but she wasn’t about to let any man control or manipulate her, no matter how much she loved him.

  She thought about selling the Riverside Drive house and giving Bryan his money back. Without him, it meant nothing. She could get an apartment, but with one and a half million people in the city needing homes, she knew that might be difficult. However, if a vacancy developed in the beautiful eight-story Navarro Flats bordering Central Park, that would be ideal, and meanwhile, the situation with Bryan might be resolved. If he couldn’t realize she had to have time to decide about the future, well… She ordered herself to try not to think about it.

  After the waffle party, Jade found herself besieged with requests for dance lessons. Everyone, it seemed, wanted to learn to waltz, and several mothers, hearing she’d once been a prima ballerina, inquired about the possibility of lessons for their young daughters. Accordingly, she turned her attention away from refurbishing her home, which no longer seemed so important because of the situation with Bryan, and, instead, pursued the dream of her studio.

  She found the ideal place on the third floor of a brownstone just off Broadway. Due to lack of funds, it had never been divided into offices and was just a large, empty space which suited her purposes completely. Immediately, she negotiated terms for a lease, then set out to have the room completed for her simple needs. She directed that the three walls without windows should be covered in mirrors and had a carpenter build the barres along those walls.

  Teaching children was one thing, working with adults, another. Perhaps she’d even meet young people like herself, with similar interests, thereby cultivating friendships besides the older ladies whose entire world seemed devoted to attending teas and hosting them.

  Teas! Jade had come to dread the dainty invitations that arrived daily. Two until five was the time decreed proper, hours she felt were filled with mindless chatter and gossip as dozens of fashionably dressed women vied to outdo one another, constantly worried about being dropped from the Social Register should they commit a faux pas. Sipping tea or coffee, nibbling crumpets or cookies—it seemed such a waste of time. Jade much preferred to fill her days with dance, music, creativity. If it weren’t for the constant turmoil of her personal life, she knew there was no place more exhilarating than New York.

  When a dinner invitation came from her next-door neighbors on Riverside Drive, Victor and Marietta Winslow, Jade accepted. She’d met them on numerous occasions, and liked them. And Marietta had expressed an interest in ballet lessons for her eight-year-old twin daughters, Hope and Charity.

  As the carriage turned onto Riverside the evening of the dinner, Jade’s driver called over his shoulder, annoyed, “Lady, I don’t know how much closer I can get. Seems there’s a big cr
owd out in the street.”

  Leaning forward, Jade craned her neck to see that the way did look difficult, with carriages, horses, and people milling about, and they all seemed to be congregated in front of the Winslow house. She paid her fare, said she’d walk the rest of the way, suddenly dreading the evening if there was to be a large number of guests.

  As she drew closer, the reason for the situation became evident. Everyone had gathered to look at that still-strange invention called an automobile. This one, Jade saw as she stood on tiptoe, resembled a carriage with no horse, and it had funny-looking wheels.

  “It’s a Benz-Viktoria,” the man beside her proudly said, showing off his knowledge. ‘It runs on gas and air, and they say it’s got the power of three horses.”

  Fascinated, she asked how fast it would travel.

  “They say maybe you can cover the distance of fifteen or twenty miles in an hour. Can you imagine?”

  “No, I can’t,” she said and laughed, “but I’m getting to the point where nothing amazes me anymore. I read the other day that before the war, your Civil War, I believe you call it, it took about sixty-one hours to produce an acre of hand-grown wheat. Now, with the mere push of a button, it takes only three hours and nineteen minutes.”

  He stared at her, wide-eyed and openmouthed, and suddenly she realized he was actually offended by her enlightenment. She was forced to remember that to most men, women were to be seen, not heard. Obviously, in his eyes, she was out of place.

  “I read a lot,” she said with a shrug.

  “I see.” His eyes were cold.

  Lifting her chin ever so defiantly, she backed away and moved toward the house, feeling his gaze upon her all the way. So ridiculous, she fumed.

  Marietta Winslow was standing on her porch, watching the crowd. After exchanging greetings with Jade, she urged, “Do come on in. I’ve special shrimp dainties and a lovely fruit punch for starters, but don’t nibble too much,” she warned. “My cooks have spent all day and most of last night preparing the twelve courses to be served. Later, because it’s such a lovely evening, with the promise of a full moon, we’re going to have champagne and berries on the terrace overlooking the river.”