Blessed Beyond Measure

by Kari Trumbo

  She was struck dumb, unable to speak as he turned to leave her. Marriage, to Victor. He’d teased, even hinted, but never had he come right out and asked her. Her voice wavered, and she would’ve screamed ‘a thousand yeses’ if not for the lump in her throat. She swallowed and gave herself a minute to catch her breath … and her thoughts.

  “Victor, wait!” she called for him once again.

  He paused, that smile still in place.

  “I need you to be honest with me.”

  He cast a glance to Pati and when she continued in her work without giving them a moment’s glance, he came back to Lenora. He stood too close, as he always did, the scent of freshly cut wood clung to him. She told herself to breathe.

  “Ask me anything. Except to go away. I won’t do that.”

  A breathy laugh escaped her. Victor made her think and feel like a woman; desire, expectancy, dare she admit, even love? She couldn’t say, she’d never experienced them before. “You were … very … frank about what you wanted from me on the ship.”

  She felt a wave of heat rush up her cheeks, remembering his insinuation about his bunk being the most comfortable berth available. Not only that, when they’d had to sleep in the wagon, he’d said it was pleasurable sleeping next to her.

  “I don’t deny it.”

  She closed her eyes, praying for the exact words as they seemed to slip away from her. Just his presence stole her very reason.

  “Are you saying that isn’t your aim anymore?” She forced her eyes to open and stare into the green depths of his. Intense jade with golden sparks took every other thought away.

  Lenora closed her eyes for a moment to break his power over her. She wouldn’t be just a man’s liaison. If he were to have her, it would be only her, and he would swear, before God, to be faithful.

  “I intend to go about it in the most honest way possible.” He paused, and she wanted him to touch her, even her hand. Her whole body was alive with just the sound of his voice next to her ear.

  “But my desire has not changed.”

  She gasped. He was always so direct, so indiscreet. “What exactly are you asking for, Victor?” She had to know, in plain terms. If he wanted to marry her, she’d say yes because she couldn’t imagine having to continue avoiding him when she wanted the opposite. But then she would have to follow him. If he chose England, would she be able to be stronger than she thought? Could she do that for him?

  He lifted her sore and throbbing hand to his lips and kissed the soft flesh at the base of her thumb, sending a pulse racing straight to her heart.

  “I’m saying, you’d better let these heal, before you give them to me.”

  Her breath stuck fast in her lungs as he walked away.

  He wanted her hand in marriage.

  As she glanced down to her chaffed and swollen fingers, she wanted to cry. The one man that wanted her and whom she couldn’t imagine living without, was the one man her father would never agree to now, and he was the only lawyer in town to perform marriages.

  Pati closed her shop shortly after Lenora finished her washing, and Lenora made her way back to the land office. She’d never really thought of it as home. Since they’d left Boston, nowhere could be called home. She walked into the office and Father was alone, sitting at his desk.

  “Where’s Geoff?” She removed her bonnet, flinching as the string rubbed across her hands.

  “He’s gone. He tired of working at a desk, he tired of Mother and her needs, he tired of my rules, and of Blessings. He packed up his bag, took his pay, and has left for San Francisco.”

  She wished she could dredge up some sadness, but her brother had left the family months before, this had only been a short visit, to say goodbye. She could have told Father that Geoff wasn’t ready, that he needed to grow up first, but he wouldn’t have believed her. Now, he would need her to return to help him. Despite her respect for him, she wouldn’t do it unless he heard the truth about Victor, or at least listened to her.

  “Will you need me tomorrow?” She waited by the stairs. Father was being very quiet. Geoff had only been living with them a few days, not enough time for Father to form any opinion on Geoff’s future, not after her brother had been hostile for so long.

  “I’m not sure. Something is wrong with your mother. She’s not well.”

  Lenora sighed. Her mother had been unwell for a long time, and as much as she hated seeing it, her mother wasn’t going to get any better in Blessings.

  “I don’t see anything that I can do for her. She doesn’t want me near her. She refuses to associate with anyone who wants to be in California. Geoff should have taken her with him.”

  “Lord knows, I tried,” he whispered.

  She had only said it in jest. The idea of her mother living away from Father couldn’t be borne, yet, was she really living? She barely ate, sat in her room terrified, refusing to even go outside, relegating herself to using a chamber pot.

  “You asked him to take her along?”

  “Yes. But he was not ready to take on the responsibility. I’m not so sure he can even handle himself. But he is eighteen, and this is California.”

  How many times had she heard that sentiment since they’d come, in passing. It was the reason for everything, because anything was a little closer to possible in California. But father was right, Geoff was nowhere near ready to handle Mother as he wasn’t even acting like someone who could take care of their own needs.

  “I will pray he finds who he is and that he will come home once he does.”

  Her father nodded and heaved a sigh. “I suppose you would like your job back?”

  She stood straighter, because she couldn’t show weakness. “Only if you’re willing to admit that Geoff was wrong about Victor.”

  He closed his eyes and his face crumpled. “I’m going to lose you, too, aren’t I?”

  “Eventually, yes. I believe him to be the man you thought he was before Geoff’s interference. Will you give him another chance, please? All those months aboard the ship, you had him watching me, following me. On the way here, and even once we got here, you had him stay close. If he were going to take me … he’d have done so already, Father. Don’t you see?”

  He avoided her question. “You’ve been working for Pati, will she manage if you come back here?”

  “I should check with her first. It wouldn’t be fair to just leave.”

  “You go to her tomorrow, finish what you need to, and ask her if you can come back here. I suppose now that you’ve had a taste of earning money, I’ll have to pay you.”

  Lenora clenched her swollen fists in her skirts. She’d earned more than her father would ever suspect, but it had cost her. “Yes Father. I think a good wage will help you keep good employees.”

  She didn’t need to point out that she wouldn’t even have left if he hadn’t hired her brother to replace her.

  “I’ll go talk to Victor later. Why don’t you go up and start on supper before your mother gets to thinking she has to do it?”

  Lenora smiled and rushed up the stairs, gasping as her mother climbed out the window on the landing above her.

  Cort wasn’t a man to run, so watching as he ducked under the fence and ran toward the livery, set Victor’s mind to whirling like a top. Cort’s eyes were wide and frantic, more things Victor had never seen, and now he was on edge.

  Cort ran straight at Victor and collapsed against the side of the stall, panting, where Victor sat.

  “Get … to … Lenora,” he breathed, holding his chest. “Her mother’s … on the roof.”

  Victor jumped to his feet and took off out the front of the livery and down the block toward the land office. A large crowd—by Blessings standards—stood around the building. Atherton Winslet stood, legs apart, completely in command, calling to men to get blankets in case she fell, to try to catch her. His old hazel eyes never left Mrs. Farnsworth. By the look in her gaze, she didn’t want to be caught. Sheriff Jones, whose hat usually covered most of his
face, wasn’t hiding today. He stood next to Atherton, focused and worried. He wasn’t fooled, either. He was doing his best to get people to move on. But the people of Blessings, those who really wanted to be there, were invested in making it a good place to live, and helping out anyone who needed it.

  Victor scoured the crowd for the lovely curly head of his beloved when a collective gasp had his eyes back on the ledge and then he couldn’t tear them away. Lenora had climbed out the window and was now clinging to the side of the building, trying to get to her mother.

  Dear Lord, No!

  She couldn’t fall. He hadn’t prayed in years. The Lord didn’t need any requests from his soiled lips, but he couldn’t help himself. Victor couldn’t breathe as Lenora clutched her skirts and climbed, just as her mother had, to the roof.

  He shoved his way up through the crowd and to Sheriff Jones.

  “How can we get all these people out of here? They’re going to distract Lenora or her mother, and one of them will fall.”

  Pete’s steely dark eyes bore into Victor for a moment. “If these people can help, then I won’t send them away. I didn’t sign on for this kind of job. Thieves and the like, those are easy. Women … never know what they’ll do.”

  That was true to a point, though many of the women of his past had been easily controlled. Then he’d met Lenora and learned that he didn’t want to control her, but to parry back and forth like experts at swordplay. It was delicious. But that would all come to an end if Lenora slipped. Where were her father and brother?

  Victor came around to the front and ducked into the land office. All the town was so busy watching, they hadn’t bothered to come inside. Mr. Farnsworth sat at his desk as if nothing were going on twenty feet above his head.

  “Edward, your wife and your daughter are on the roof. Don’t you think you should go upstairs and try to help get them down?”

  He stared at Victor for a moment, and then squinted. “On the roof?”

  Victor ignored his confusion and ran for the stairs.

  “Wait, you can’t just go up there!” he yelled, but Victor wasn’t listening.

  He took the stairs two at a time until he reached the landing and the open window. He stuck his body out and sat on the sill, leaning back to see as much as he could.

  “Lenora,” he called up to her. She leaned over the edge, fear turning her face pale as a sheet.

  “Victor? What are you doing there?”

  “Never mind that, just get down from there. Someone will go up and help your mother, but it need not be you. Can you slip back down to me? I’ll catch you.”

  She shook her head. “No, I’m not leaving her. She’s very frightened. She thinks someone came in her room today, and she tried to get away. I can’t get her to come.”

  “Lenora, listen to reason, please!” Cold fear ran down his spine.

  She closed her beautiful blue eyes for just a moment. “I’m sorry, Victor.” Then her head disappeared as she leaned back onto the roof.

  He wanted to curse. There wasn’t a whole lot of room up there. They would need a tall ladder or even a length of tree to lean against the building so the women could climb down. Victor ducked back into the building and Edward stood there staring at him.

  “My wife climbed out on the roof?”

  The poor man was out of his senses. “It would seem so, and your daughter followed her to keep her from doing anything rash. Though I fear, if your wife should decide to jump, she would probably take poor Lenora with her.”

  “This has to stop. This irrational fear is putting everyone in danger. The whole town will be talking about this now.”

  Victor grabbed his arm roughly, unable to believe he could be so unfeeling, even if he weren’t thinking clearly. “Surely you care more about the fact that they could die, then that the town will talk! What is she so frightened of? Lenora said she was worried someone had been in her room.”

  Edward sighed and turned to go down the stairs and Victor followed.

  “She has been frightened of the Indians from the very first time you mentioned them. She saw how you followed Lenora around and that convinced her there was something terrible behind every tree. It also convinced her that I cared very little for her, since I didn’t hire someone to watch her every move. No one has ever even seen any of the Indians as far as I know, and she certainly hasn’t, since she’s been upstairs since we built it.”

  “Well, something happened, and it’s put them both in danger. I’ll go see if I can get the ladder from the loft in the livery. It’s tall.”

  “Victor. Thank you. Maybe I was wrong about you.”

  No, he hadn’t been, in so many ways. Victor wasn’t the good man that Lenora deserved, but he was trying. He’d win her heart … if her impetuousness and stubbornness didn’t kill her first.

  Chapter 14

  The roof pitch didn’t allow Lenora much movement, and her boots didn’t grip the slippery flat wood shingles. She should be scared, terrified, but all she could think about was finding a way to get her mother off the roof. Lenora inched closer to her mother, and her mother wrapped an arm around her shoulders and patted her arm in a protective embrace that felt strangely cold and false.

  For as scared as Mother had been since they’d arrived, she appeared calmer than she’d been in months. “That’s fine, dear. Isn’t it lovely up here? Do you feel the cool breeze? I should have come up here sooner.” Her eyes were far away, and her face glowed with peace.

  “Mother, we shouldn’t be up here. Let’s find a way to get down.” The drop had to be close to thirty feet, and Lenora was fairly certain that she wouldn’t survive it unscathed if she fell. Or if her mother suddenly turned against her and pushed her off.

  “Nonsense, dear. The Indians have broken into our house. It isn’t safe in there, but I’m perfectly safe up here. They won’t climb, you see. They only hide behind trees and behind my door. We are fine on this ledge as long as we stay still. They are very good at sitting still. When they do, you can hardly see them. Just sit and enjoy the breeze.”

  A cold chill ran through her as she recalled the Miwok man in the forest across the river. She knew her mother was right, but how had she known that unless she had seen them? Was her mother more sane than they had thought?

  “Mother, they couldn’t have come in the house. They would’ve had to walk right by Father downstairs, and they would’ve had to make it across the river, past the seamstress shop, across the street, and up the stairs.” If she spoke reason, perhaps her mother would give up her perch and come down. Though mother’s words seemed to have a grain of truth, it just wasn’t possible.

  Mother tensed slightly but did not move. “Your father let them walk right by. He knows how I fear them and he thinks it’s silly. He is punishing me for disagreeing about coming to Blessings.”

  Lenora could not figure what her mother would’ve seen that had made her think anyone had been in the house, but it could have been anything, including her own mind.

  “The only one who came up the stairs was Geoff, Mother. He is gone. He left for San Francisco this afternoon.”

  Matilda shook her head and swayed. “He will have a tough time of it. He looks more like me than you do. Darker, like me. You only got the curly hair; you’re fair of face, like your father.”

  Her mother had always flatly denied having any African blood in her veins. Though her skin was a little darker and her hair curly, Lenora had never believed it, because of her mother’s denial. But did that mean she’d lied all this time, or that she was merely worried about her son?

  “I should think he would be fine. He’s been living in his skin until now.”

  Adding more worry onto her mother’s shoulders was not going to convince her to come down, especially when she seemed to get more comfortable the longer she stayed.

  “I never let you know my parents, nor did I ever admit who my parents were while we were in Boston, because there is still so much shame in it. Everyone was right, yo
u know. There’s always a kernel of truth in gossip. My mother was a proud mulatto woman, who caught the attention of a man who owned a large parcel of land in Missouri. They married, but avoided associating with many people. You also have two uncles. They both look like our father. I was neither dark like my mother nor white like my father, but I did acquire my mother’s hair.”

  Lenora had similar hair, though it was a different texture than her mother’s. Lenora’s was very soft, thicker than any other woman she knew, and so curly it took an hour after a bath to get a brush through it.

  “Why didn’t you tell us? It didn’t matter, Mother. We wouldn’t have treated you any differently.”

  Matilda sighed and smiled. Lenora wanted to smile back, but Mother was so very sad and lonely. Lenora couldn’t muster it.

  “You wouldn’t have, but as long and fiercely as I denied it, others had to assume it was at least possible that I wasn’t what they claimed. So, because of my lie, you were treated as the other young women your age.”

  Her eyes hardened for a moment and she squeezed Lenora’s arm painfully.

  “Didn’t you see them at the docks, auctioning the women from the orient for the brothels? It might not have been in front of a huge crowd, but they didn’t try to hide it, either. A man is still measured by his skin, and a woman … harsher still. They were no darker than me.”

  Her words were painfully true. Lenora had seen the women; so thin they looked more bone than body, led off the ships and right to a makeshift stage. Father had led his family away quickly, but the sight had been burned in her memory.

  “Does Father know that you have brothers? Where are they?”

  “No. When I die, that knowledge goes with me. Though, I think your father probably remembers the little town where he found me. That’s where my parents still live. I have written to my brothers over the years, but they have no interest in you or Geoff. I am dead to them.”

  She’d always known her grandparents lived somewhere within an hour of Boston, but she’d been told they didn’t want to see her. Would they seek her out, come to Blessings, be a part of their lives? Just because her uncles held some grudge did not mean her grandparents did.