The Rise and Fall of a Theater Geek

by Seth Rudetsky

  That sentence was a last-ditch effort to score some points. In actuality, I had never heard him sing or seen him dance, so I had no idea how he’d do, but I thought if I laid on the compliments, it might result in him contacting Big Noise Media and inviting me to one of his rehearsals!

  The lights started flashing to signal Act Two was about to begin but Chase suddenly touched my arm.

  “When do you begin your internship?”

  “Right after New Year’s,” I told him.

  He looked like he was thinking. “That’s the beginning of our last two weeks of rehearsal before previews, right?” he said, looking at Hubert.

  “Exactly,” said Hubert. “It’ll be a very busy time. So—”

  “So,” Chase finished his sentence, “you could use the extra help!”

  “What extra help?” Hubert asked.

  “How about this?” Chase said to me excitedly. “Skip the publicity firm and come intern for me in January!”

  “Are you serious?” I asked, too scared to hear the answer.

  “Absolutely! If you want to be an actor, you should intern for an actor.”

  “I can’t believe it!” I said, and the next thing I knew, he was handing me his iPhone.

  “Type your name and number here.” I did and handed it back.

  Hubert was having a conniption. “Chase! I have a very specific system worked out. I certainly don’t need—”

  Chase cut him off. “You’re a workaholic and you deserve some help.” Then he looked at me. “And it’s the chance I wish I’d gotten as a kid.”

  “But—” Hubert started, but I didn’t want to wait around to have him take the internship away.

  I decided to use his line against him. “Sorry to cut you off, but Act Two’s about to begin. Gotta go!” I turned back to Chase. “Thank you so much and see you in January!”

  Yay! This was exactly what I wanted! Hubert could do all the fetching and running an assistant does and I would do all the Broadway assisting Chase might need. You know, running lines, going over choreography, and being ready to accompany him on the piano if he wanted to sing through the entire score to Thousand-Watt Smile or any of the Broadway shows I can play by heart.

  I ran back to my seat and quickly told Spencer the whole story. He gave me a kiss and told me that he had been wrong to tell me not to approach Chase. It felt good to have him apologize and have everything work out so well.

  Now I just had to tell Big Noise Media that I was no longer available. For a brief moment I remembered the office manager telling me how much they needed an intern and I started to feel guilty for leaving them in a lurch.

  But soon the lights began to dim for the start of Act Two, and I put it out of my mind.

  There was no way I was going to lose my chance to work on Broadway!

  Spencer and I saw Phantom at the start of Christmas break, and as soon as I got home, I told myself I had to call Big Noise Media and cancel my internship. But I knew the office would be closed because it was a Saturday, and since my quitting would undoubtedly upset them, I felt I should actually talk to them rather than leave a message. But when Monday came, a part of me hoped that they’d somehow forgotten I was supposed to intern and I wouldn’t have to deal with canceling at the last minute. Of course, the more days I put off calling, the more last minute it became. Since it was Christmas break, I woke up late every day and spent a lot of time practicing the violin and piano because I had a recital at the end of January and knew I wouldn’t want to practice once I was in New York City. I successfully avoided thinking about Big Noise Media until just a few days before I was due to begin. I checked my email and saw a message from Lou the office manager describing various projects I’d be working on and telling me he’d be calling later in the afternoon. I managed to avoid picking up my cell throughout the next two days but Mr. Perlman must have given them our home number because on the Friday before I was supposed to start, my dad told me I had a call.

  I took the phone to my room, closed the door, and took a deep breath.

  “Hello?” I said, hoping it wasn’t Lou.

  Of course it was and he asked why I hadn’t responded to his calls. I hauled out the old my-cell-phone-has-been-deleting-messages routine and before I could say anything else, he told me that he was thrilled I was coming to help because “confidentially, we just lost two clients and we’re struggling to stay afloat. We really, really need the help.”

  It seemed rude to follow that statement with the news that I wouldn’t be showing up because I got a much more exciting internship, so I stalled by asking about Sophia, Mr. Perlman’s daughter. I expected to hear a bland “She’s fine,” but instead he said she was flying to L.A. to see if the firm could branch out into movie publicity because they were “desperate, desperate” for new clients. Since Sophia was planning a two-week trip, the office would be understaffed starting tomorrow, so my timing was “absolutely perfect!”

  Argh! Everything he said made it more awkward for me to completely back out of my commitment.

  I inhaled and he took that moment to add, “Boy, do we need help!”

  Stop already! Why was he making it so hard for me to leave him in a lurch?

  “So…,” I began.

  “So,” he continued, “I know I said ten o’clock on Monday, but can you start at nine?”

  Oy. I knew I should have just given in at that point and said yes, but that would have meant passing on the chance to work on an actual Broadway show in an actual Broadway theater.

  That’s the right thing to do.

  Of course Spencer in my head would say that. That’s one of the reasons I need a break(ish) up from him. Spencer never sees the gray between black and white. He would only see two options for me: doing an internship I don’t want to do or breaking my word.

  I knew there must be a third option.

  Hmm…I took a moment to think. I know I can get out of my Big Noise Media internship and not look like I’m completely letting them down if I just come up with a good reason.

  Do you mean you’re going to lie, Justin?

  I mean I’m going to tell the truth, Spencer.

  In my own way.

  “Hello? Justin?” Lou was waiting for an answer.

  I got it!

  “Lou,” I said, adopting a somber tone, “I actually have bad news.” I paused. Then I spoke with emotion. “My…my grandmother died.”

  Which was true.

  She died when I was four.

  “Oh, Justin! I’m so sorry,” said Lou.

  “So,” I said with a little catch in my voice, “I guess you understand that I really need to be here…with my family.”

  “Of course, of course,” Lou said. “Listen, I don’t want you to worry about us. We’ll get by without you.”

  “Thank you,” I said with a tone that I hoped sounded brave yet devastated. “And…” I needed to cover all bases. “I know my parents will feel guilty that I’m choosing to stay with them instead of intern with you….”

  “Oh, they shouldn’t. It’s very sweet.”

  “Well, I know them. So, if you don’t mind, I’m going to tell them that the internship fell through. That way they won’t wonder why I’m not at Big Noise Media.”

  “That’s very considerate of you. I understand.”

  I was getting a little uncomfortable from how nice he was being, so I quickly told him I had to go comfort my mother and got off the phone.

  Phew. I got what I wanted without having to lie.

  Well, without having to lie too much.

  The good news is I paved the way to start my Broadway life on Monday! I still didn’t know exactly what I’d be doing since I’d only gotten a terse phone call from Hubert last week confirming my start date. When I tried to get more information from him, he told me that being an intern meant not asking questions. It did?

  I didn’t care; Chase was the one I’d be working with. Hopefully. I just accepted that Hubert would always be cranky toward me.
>
  So, imagine my surprise when he called this morning.

  “Hi, Justin!” He sounded exuberantly friendly. As a matter of fact, he was so loud that I had to quickly lower the volume.

  “Hi, Hubert,” I said tentatively. It was enough of a struggle to remember to pronounce his name “Oo-bare,” but it was even harder to know how to talk to him with his new personality.

  “First of all, how are you?” he asked.

  Huh? I know it was the most basic of questions, but it was so unexpected I was completely stymied and didn’t know how to respond.

  “Uh…,” I started, and paused for six seconds. Finally, I thought of a word. “Fine.”

  “That’s great!” Hubert responded right away, sounding genuinely pleased. “We wouldn’t want you getting sick before your big internship!” Really? Last time we spoke, it seemed like he would have loved it if I were bedridden.

  “Justin,” he said, sounding serious, “I am so pleased you’re going to be able to help out.”

  My first impulse was to say, “You are?” followed by “Since when?” but thankfully I resisted and finally went with, “I’m going to help out!” This was based on a technique I learned from watching a PBS special on therapists. When a patient (Hubert) is acting bizarre, you can keep the situation from escalating by just echoing back what they say.

  “What time do you get to New York City on Monday?” he asked.

  “Anytime you need me,” I said, starting to match his enthusiasm. “And I know exactly where the theater is.”

  “Wonderful,” he said. “Why don’t you come to the Dakota at ten a.m. instead.”

  Huh? The Dakota is an apartment building on Seventy-Second Street that’s famous not only because it’s sadly where John Lennon was shot, but also because it’s one of the most beautiful A-list places to live. I’m planning on staying at my grandma Sally’s and the Dakota is within walking distance, but I wanted to have the first moment of my internship be on Broadway, not at an apartment building.

  “Is that ’cause you wanna meet at a landmark and then take the subway down together? I could easily hop on myself and—”

  He cut me off with a laugh. “Justin, the Dakota is where Chase is staying.”

  Whoa! It’s true I wanted to have the first moment of my internship be at a Broadway theater, but this was an amazing way to begin as well. I was going to see something very few people have—the inside of the Dakota! Great views of Central Park. Celebs in the elevator. Luxuriously spacious rooms. This internship was already thrilling!

  “What apartment number?” I asked.

  “Just introduce yourself to the doorman at the Seventy-Second Street entrance. He’ll tell you what to do.”

  I was so excited that I almost dropped the phone as I said bye. Broadway! The Dakota! Yay! I definitely had the best internship in the history of JobSkill. Spencer’s, however, is probably the most boring. Not just in the history of JobSkill, but in history…period. He’ll be working for the local Greenpeace chapter and his main duty is making phone calls asking people to donate. Oy. I almost fell asleep writing that sentence. I mean, I admire that Spencer has such a generous nature, but why would he choose something so tedious when we’re allowed to make our internships anything we want? I asked him that question last month at lunch.

  “Justin,” he said calmly, taking a bite of his baked-not-fried potato crisp, “JobSkill is supposed to give us a chance to see what our future careers will be like. After college, I’ll be working in the not-for-profit world.”

  “But why can’t you work in the not-for-profit world in Manhattan?” I asked, taking a handful of my fried-not-baked potato chips. “There are plenty of charities on the Upper West Side. That way we can see each other every day!”

  “I committed to do JobSkill for Greenpeace when I was a freshman. Way before we were dating.”

  “Spencer,” I said, annoyed, “not every commitment requires your extreme level of commitment.” It sounds like I’m babbling, but I think Spencer knew what I meant. Not that it did any good.

  Actually, now I’m glad Spencer is going to be here on Long Island and not in New York City. Maybe I won’t even have to ask for an official break(ish) from him because the geographical one will be enough. I must admit, though, it’ll be weird to be away from Spencer for fourteen whole days. We’ve seen each other pretty much every day since we started dating last spring. And no matter what, we’ve never missed a Sunday together. We have his whole house to ourselves because Spencer’s parents spend Sundays at a yoga intensive.

  Yes, a yoga intensive. In other words, take something tedious and then intensify it. Oy! Is wanting to do boring things genetic?

  Regardless, every Sunday Spencer makes us a delish vegetarian meal (we both became vegetarians years ago after watching The Simpsons episode where Lisa stops eating meat), and then Becky comes over and we watch a movie. Becky, by the way, is Becky Phillips, not only one of the most popular girls in our grade but also the best actress in our entire school. FYI, I’m the best actor, and we’re tied for best singer. Even though I’m pretty low on the social scale, we’re great friends. It happened last year when I came up with a plan to try to become popular and date Chuck Jansen, the cutest guy in school. It involved me pretending to date Becky and quickly got very complicated. To this day, she thinks the only reason I pretended to date her was to help her date Chuck behind her father’s back. In the end, Becky and Chuck broke up and she and I became close friends, and since then, Spencer, Becky, and I haven’t missed our Sunday movie.

  Tonight, though, is an even more important tradition. It’s New Year’s Eve Game Night. I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to talk to Spencer about a break(ish) but it’s now or never…JobSkill starts in two days!

  Well, that didn’t go as I expected.

  At all.

  Let me start at the beginning. I got to Spencer’s house at around five.

  “Hi, Justin!” Becky said as I walked into the kitchen. She was wearing her reddish-gold hair in a ponytail that gave her an “I’m among friends so who cares what I look like” vibe but her casualness actually intensified her gorgeousness. If anything, having her hair back showed off her stunning cheekbones and catlike green eyes even more. Spencer was still in the middle of cooking but he turned away from the stove and bent down to give me a kiss.

  P.S.: Why am I still the same height as when I was thirteen? I keep clinging to the hope that my gut will magically disappear when I reach a normal height. Hmm…I guess it could also “magically” disappear if I cut down on eating, but I’m holding out for a growth spurt.

  “I’m psyched to spend my first New Year’s Eve with you guys!” Becky said. “What’s the Monopoly theme this year?”

  “You’ll have to wait and see,” I said with a wink.

  Becky was referring to a tradition Spencer and I started years ago, even before we were dating. Every New Year’s Eve we play themed Monopoly. Not the kind you get in a store, like The Simpsons or Disney; we make the game ourselves. Our first year, it was based on gym. My playing piece was a shoe with a pebble in it since I once put rocks in my shoe so I would have a limp and be able to skip class. And Spencer’s was a sock. But not a normal white gym sock. It was a black sock you’d wear with a suit. That was based on the day Spencer dressed up for a big science presentation. He remembered to bring most of his gym clothes for later in the day but forgot his socks. He was mortified that he had to do all of gym class wearing shorts, sneakers, and black nylon socks. He spent the whole period pulling them up and then pushing them down because both positions were horrific. If he bunched them around his ankles, they looked crazy because there was so much material, and if he pulled them up, they looked like my aunt’s half stockings. Instead of Go to Jail cards, I made Be Picked Last for Football Team cards, and when you passed Go, you didn’t get two hundred dollars. Instead, you got a Cramps card. That was because Spencer and I were incredibly jealous that girls could get out of gym just by hauling out
that complaint.

  Last year Spencer made a whole Broadway themed Monopoly that was amazing, and this year I themed the game on our upcoming JobSkill. The pieces all had to do with our internships. Mine was a picture of Chase with Broadway-style lights around it, Spencer’s was a whale with dollar signs for eyes (representing him asking for donations to Greenpeace), and Becky’s was a gold ticket stub since she was interning at the local Starlight Theater. Since I had no idea what would happen at our internships, I based it on my hopes. Boardwalk and Park Place were actually pictures of Don Frances and Michael Monda, two cute guys who worked at the Starlight, one of whom I was hoping Becky would wind up dating. When you passed Go, you got a starring role on Broadway (my fantasy!), and the Go to Jail card was still “Go to Jail”…but for leading a Greenpeace protest that involved civil disobedience.

  “Well, I know that this year I’m being added to the Monopoly tradition,” Becky said as I pulled out the box with the game inside, “but I have to take a rain check. I’ve got to leave right after dinner.”

  “What?” It was New Year’s Eve! No one leaves a party before midnight. “Why can’t you stay?” I asked, shocked.

  “Well,” she said, briefly giving Spencer a smile for some reason, “my parents are making me come home early tonight because they want to spend time with me since I’ll be gone for two whole weeks starting Monday.”

  Huh? That didn’t make any sense. The community theater where Becky is interning is a few blocks away. She loves Broadway as much as I do but couldn’t convince her parents to let her go to New York City to intern at GlitZ.

  Oh, yeah…if you don’t follow the modeling world, you might not know that GlitZ is one of the top modeling agencies in the U.S., and the only one that has solely male models. I thought it would be a great place for Becky to intern because we’d be able to see Broadway shows together and she’d get to meet tons of cute teen models and, hopefully, start going/making out with a few of them. Becky hasn’t dated anyone since Chuck, and in October, I decided to make it my mission to find her a new boyfriend (and an internship). I knew she’d want someone super cute (Chuck was gorgeous!), so I started researching modeling houses in New York. A whole bunch came up, but I called GlitZ first because I remembered reading an interview with Chase where he mentioned that he started there as a teen model. I asked the woman who answered if there were any upcoming internships, and she told me they had plenty of internships available! I filled her in a little about Becky and mentioned she’d be free for two weeks starting January second. She told me Becky needed to fill out the online application but there wouldn’t be a problem.