The Rise and Fall of a Theater Geek

by Seth Rudetsky

  I looked and saw that my picture with a famous director that would make Spencer envious was actually a blurry photo of the top of Peter’s head with the only clear images being of two homeless people who were in back of us, leaning against the theater.

  I figured I’d instead get a shot of me in front of the marquee and was about to ask a random tourist to take it when I saw Gary coming back from lunch.

  “Hey, Justin! Glad to see you in the outside air instead of the darkened theater.”

  “Gary!” I was glad to see him, too. “Would you mind taking a picture of me in front of the big Thousand-Watt Smile sign? It’s for my website. I want my high school friends to see what I’m up to.”

  “And be green with envy.”

  Was I that transparent?

  “Kind of,” I said.

  “Sure!” Then, “Wait! Any tourist can get that picture. Don’t you want one that says you’re a part of the show?”

  “Yes!” I said eagerly.

  “OK,” he said, and led me to the stage door. “I’m gonna go inside and take a shot of you entering. That’ll show everyone back home what you’re doing.”

  “Thanks, Gary!”

  He opened the door, walked in, and turned around to take the photo.

  “OK, Justin,” he said with my phone up to his eye. “Start walking through and I’ll take the shot.”

  I started walking in right when the stage doorman spit out a hefty dose of wet, smelly tobacco. The combination of the sound and smell was so disgusting I couldn’t control my facial expression and the flash went off at the height of me looking completely repulsed.

  I was about to beg Gary to take another picture when the stage manager came on the speaker. “All actors to the stage. All actors to the stage.”

  “Here you go, Justin,” Gary said, handing me my phone. I looked at the photo and reluctantly posted it, hoping that Spencer’s jealousy of my amazing life would override his certainty that he made the right decision in breaking up with someone whose face was capable of distorting into that position.

  I heard everyone gathering on the stage so I went back to my seat in the audience. It was my first day in a Broadway theater, but the thrill of watching rehearsal was over. I was almost hoping for one of Hubert’s crazy lists, but I hadn’t heard from him all day.

  By 6:00 p.m., they had only gotten through half of the first act. Even though I was bored, I didn’t want my internship to end. During the break, Chase came into the audience.

  “Listen, Justin. There must be child intern laws in the books somewhere. You should go. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me today.”

  I was torn. It was definitely cool watching a real Broadway rehearsal. But after a while, it was killing me to see the same one-minute section run over and over just so the stagehands could practice moving a small piece of the set.

  Plus, I wanted to meet Devon for a date and hoped to jump-start a team investigation. How cool would it be to somehow solve the Phantom mystery and get Hubert busted!

  But, I thought…this is my last official day of my Broadway internship. Is my last memory destined to be of me leaving a rehearsal in the middle, even if it’s more boring than one of Spencer’s yoga DVDs? Hmm…I could stay at Grandma Sally’s this weekend and take the Long Island Rail Road to school Monday morning if Chase would keep me as an intern this weekend. After all, they’ll be doing full run-throughs starting tomorrow, which are bound to be more exciting than this boring tech rehearsal and maybe I could even get an invite to the first public performance on Sunday night!

  And, I must admit, there’s a small delusional part of me that’s still holding on to the hope that I’ll somehow see myself on Broadway before these two weeks end.

  “Well,” I said, standing in the aisle, “it would be nice to get some dinner, but I’d love to see more rehearsal this weekend if at all possible. Do you think—”

  “That would be great!” Chase said. “Hubert’s away so I could totally use the help.”

  Yay!

  “And besides,” he said as he ruffled my hair, or to be clear, rearranged my Jewfro, “I like talking to you!”

  He waved and walked away.

  I texted Devon, telling him to meet me at seven.

  It was time for dinner and a date.

  And some heavy-duty detective work!

  Since my parents had given me a charge card to pay for stuff I needed for my internship (which I had barely used), I told Devon I was buying him dinner. If we ate at either of our apartments, we’d never be able to talk freely because our families would be around. I wanted to tell him everything that had been happening with Hubert, Chase, and the Phantom note writer, and I didn’t want his sister’s brattiness or Grandma Sally’s crankiness interrupting me.

  And, quite frankly, I wanted to eat in a restaurant so we’d be seen.

  By Spencer.

  I knew I needed to amp up the jealousy so I’d get an apology before we went back to school. What better way to do that than by him seeing me on a date with a super-cute boy? I chose Good Enough to Eat because I thought maybe Spencer would take Scotty to dinner again and I would casually start an enormous make-out session with Devon when they walked in. And even if he didn’t show up at the restaurant, there was a good chance I’d see him walk by since the restaurant is directly between the subway and his apartment. Yes, I did some Google map work.

  I got to the restaurant at one minute to seven and luckily there was a seat right by the window. Perfect! I could talk to Devon and keep an eye on the street in case you-know-who walked by. Devon walked in a few minutes later and gave me a huge smile when he saw me. Whoa. He really is cute. Different from Spencer cute. Devon is more perfect-face-cute and Spencer is more…I don’t know. Something else. That’s not the point. The point is Devon walked in, smiled, and immediately planted one on my kisser. I looked around the room to see if anyone happened to witness it, but annoyingly the restaurant was pretty empty. The waiter came over and filled our water glasses and Devon barely took a breath before he launched into a story about someone at school he was “acquaintafriends” with. He quickly added that he and his friend Colin made up that word, which is like “frenemy” but different because it’s a combination of “acquaintance” and “friend.” He told me “acquaintafriend” means someone you know but you’re not totally friends with. I don’t know why they needed to make up that word since acquaintance means the same thing but I smiled and listened to his story. Well, I listened but I didn’t understand. The whole thing reminded me of one of the lengthy/convoluted stories I’d tell Spencer, during which he’d smartly interrupt every two minutes in order to clarify a detail. I’ve never been on the Spencer side of one of those tales and by the time I realized I should interrupt to clarify, too many minutes had passed for me to even try to figure out what needed clarification. The only upside was that Devon never took a break from talking, so I had no competition in the bread basket department and was able to finish the entire thing by the end of the story. Delish!

  After he finished his story, he took a sip of water. “OK, OK…,” he said with a laugh, “enough of high school drama about water fountains.” That’s what the story was about? “Tell me about your day.”

  He reached for my hand. I did a quick scan of the restaurant (still no Spencer) and launched into the Hubert/Phantom/Chase details. I ended with a recap of today’s whispering tech rehearsal and after I finished, Devon sat there silently. Finally, he spoke.

  “So, you think that all these things are related somehow?” Devon asked while reaching for the bread basket the waiter had thankfully refilled.

  “Exactly. It’s too peculiar that the Phantom should randomly appear right when I began interning. They’ve got to be related somehow.”

  “One thing doesn’t make sense, though. Why don’t you just tell Chase that Hubert has been lying to him?”

  “Well,” I said, not admitting the real reason, “I don’t think he’d believe me if I did. It’s
like Hubert has some kind of hold over him.” It seemed like Devon bought that explanation and I didn’t have to reveal that Hubert has a hold over me as well.

  I did another quick scan of the restaurant and street and something caught my eye…Spencer! He was walking right past the window. I’d recognize that orange hair anywhere. Even shoved underneath a cap.

  “Uh, wait right here,” I said to Devon. “I have to run out for a minute.”

  He looked completely perplexed. “Huh?”

  I reached across the table and wiped some crumbs from his chin. He needed to look cute when Spencer saw him.

  “What was that for?” he asked, but I ran out without answering him.

  “Spencer!” I yelled when I got to the street. He was halfway up the block and didn’t hear me. “Spencer!” I yelled again and ran toward him. He turned around.

  “Hi!” he said with a big smile, almost as if he had forgotten we broke up. The smile went away in a second and he looked uncomfortable. “What’s going on?”

  “Oh,” I said casually, “I was just on a date and saw you through the window and wanted to say hi.”

  “Oh,” he said. “Hi.”

  “Don’t worry,” I said, trying to add a laugh, “he’s not the jealous type.”

  “Don’t worry about what?” Spencer asked.

  “Uh…don’t worry…you know, that he’ll…you know, be annoyed I’m talking to my ex. He’s not going to run out here and try to beat you up.”

  Spencer looked at me without speaking. Finally, “Justin, are you really on a date?”

  “Yes!” I said, sounding a little like the four-year-old I babysit when I asked her if she really had a pet unicorn.

  “OK,” he said, and then the conversation stopped.

  It was freezing and I had run out with my coat open. I pulled it around me. “How’s Scotty?” I said as casually as I could. “I saw another one of his ‘Don’t bully gay kids’ posters in the subway. Someone drew a mustache on his face.” I could feel myself smiling, so I added, “Not cool.”

  “He’s fine,” Spencer said slowly.

  I couldn’t take it anymore. “Are you dating him?” I blurted out.

  I was mortified at my lack of control, but I couldn’t stop myself.

  The good news is he didn’t say yes.

  Unfortunately, he also didn’t say no.

  “I can’t talk about any of that.” What?

  “Why not?” I asked.

  He lifted his chin. “Because I promised.”

  Argh! Of course Spencer keeps a promise. Typical.

  “Justin, don’t you need to get back to your date?”

  I sighed. “I guess.”

  Silence.

  Where was the apology from him? He had to have seen the Scotty photo and the picture of me at the stage door. Where was the begging to be part of my madcap life?

  Nothing? Really? Have I put all this work into making him jealous for no results at all?

  I thought about what Chase said. What if Spencer got annoyed at all my obvious jealousy-inducing schemes and instead of apologizing, he completely closed off from me? Yes, we were in a fight now, but I knew it wasn’t a permanent one. What if we lost contact in the future like Chase and his friend? Should I take Chase’s advice?

  “Spencer,” I finally said, “I think it’s great that we stopped dating.” He nodded. Then I couldn’t help adding, “Especially since I have an incredibly cute boyfriend now.” Too far? “But…can we be friends again?”

  Once I said it, I realized how much I missed him.

  And Becky.

  Yes, Devon was really cute and smart and funny, but I missed having friends who knew me so well I didn’t have to keep explaining basic things about me. Every minute I felt I had to tell Devon things like “Oh by the way, my dad is a doctor” or “I did great in algebra but had to get a geometry tutor” or “Just so you know, I don’t allow the word ‘mash-up’ to be used in my presence. It’s called a medley.”

  Spencer smiled. And this time it didn’t fade away two seconds later. “Yes, Justin, we can. I’ve been thinking a lot about that day at Starbucks and how stressed Becky and I were. I know we shouldn’t have blamed you for our internships.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”

  Yay! He did apologize first! Chase is a genius!

  I knew Spencer was waiting for a response. “I’m sorry, too,” I finally said.

  Spencer gave me a hug. It wasn’t the kind of hug we had when we were dating, but it still felt nice.

  “It was hard not calling you this whole time,” I admitted.

  “For me, too,” he said. “How is the internship?”

  I told him a truncated version of what was going on. And by “truncated,” I mean I left out Hubert’s threat to expose my lie.

  “Mysterious notes? Be careful, Justin.”

  “I’m not scared of the notes. The only thing I’m scared of is Hubert texting me from Kansas and making me go back to Staten Island this weekend!”

  “Oh, please. Your internship is officially over. He has no real power over you.”

  Uh-oh.

  “You’re right,” I said, averting my eyes in case Spencer was using his “I know when you’re lying” powers.

  He then looked like he was going to start saying something a few times but kept stopping himself. Finally, he spoke. “Tell me the truth—did you come by GlitZ that day to apologize and then chicken out?”

  He knows me well! But this time he was wrong. I shook my head. “Actually, that GlitZ trip was part of my internship.”

  “Oh.” He looked disappointed. “I had seen your name on the GlitZ guest list and thought maybe you came up with some scheme to ‘accidentally’ run into me in the building.” A downtown bus pulled up next to us and a few people got off. “I actually stayed late, waiting in that horrible accounting department till after six.”

  “Aw! I’m sorry you waited for me. And…I’m sorry you got stuck at GlitZ.” Wow! I was getting good at apologizing. Thank you, Chase!

  Spencer shrugged. “It’s a nice credit for my résumé. I mean, everyone’s heard of GlitZ.” He smiled. “After all, they discovered Chase Hudson!”

  I nodded. “Chase was reminiscing with me today about how much he misses his modeling days.”

  “What?” Spencer said, surprised. “He’s on Broadway! Why does he miss modeling?”

  “Well,” I said with a laugh, “modeling’s not exactly what he misses. He admitted it was all about the checks for him. He used to make a mint! But”—I shrugged—“that was years ago. No more checks, no more easy money for doing this.” I tried to imitate Chase’s model pose but slipped a little on the icy sidewalk and Spencer grabbed me.

  We both looked at his hand holding my arm.

  I heard a ding and took my phone out with my other hand to see a text from Devon: We need to order.

  “That was from Devon,” I said, and Spencer let go of me. “I guess I have to get back.”

  “I’ll tell Becky we made up when I get home,” Spencer said, brushing some snow off his pants. He suddenly got a huge grin. “Why don’t we have dinner tomorrow and really catch up? I want to hear more about this mystery.”

  “Sure,” I said. “Can I bring Devon?” Aka make you jealous?

  “Absolutely.”

  “Great,” I said. And then I forced the next sentence out of my mouth. “And Scotty should come, too.”

  Spencer looked taken aback. But then nodded. “Good! Let’s meet at Becky’s cousin’s apartment at seven-thirty. I’ll cook.”

  “I’d…we’d love that,” I said.

  Spencer and I stood looking at each other. Spencer took a step backward and waved. “See ya tomorrow!” he said, and walked off.

  I felt as if an enormous weight had been lifted off my chest. I had to thank Chase. Unfortunately, Chase is one of the stars who doesn’t do any social media, and since I never got his cell number, I had no way to reach him. I decided to do the next best thing. I took out my phone
as I walked back to the restaurant and logged onto my website. “Yes, Chase is a big, gorgeous TV star,” I typed into my status. “But he’s also a great guy with a good heart. Thank you, Chase Hudson, for making me happy again!” Hopefully he’d see it one day.

  “What happened?” Devon asked as soon as I sat down.

  “Oh,” I said, “I saw a friend walking by and was so surprised I had to say hello.”

  “A friend from high school?”

  “Actually,” I said casually, “he’s my ex. But we’re totally friends now. As a matter of fact, he invited us to dinner tomorrow night. I’m sure I can leave rehearsal early. Are you free?”

  Devon looked excited. “Yeah! I’ll get out of dinner at my apartment again.” Then he looked serious. “But are you sure there’s going to be rehearsal?”

  “What do you mean?” I asked, and he solemnly handed me his phone. One of the dishiest theater websites was open on his browser: BroadwayBitchery.com. There was a long thread that began with a posting by “ThousandWattInsider.” I couldn’t believe what I was reading. It talked about how horrible Chase was in the role and how he couldn’t sing! It specifically mentioned how he was asked to sing out during the opening number and refused. I was in shock! This had to have been posted by someone at the rehearsal. But who?

  “Do you think I could contact the site and ask them to take it down before any of the big gossip sites pick up on it?” I asked.

  “Too late. I’ve been scrolling through them all the whole time you were gone.”

  I went to his history and saw EntertainmentWeekly.com. The top headline was “Vicious Tongues Star Gives Broadway a Vicious Headache.”

  Oh no!

  “Devon,” I said, leaning across the table, “something really weird is going on and it’s bigger than I thought. This kind of thing could ruin the show and put all of those people out of work.”

  I grabbed his hands. “We’ve got to do something.”