The Rise and Fall of a Theater Geek

by Seth Rudetsky

  “I would have done the same thing,” added Devon.

  “Me too,” added Scotty.

  “As long as you didn’t say I died,” Grandma Sally piped in, “I don’t give a crap.”

  “So, Hubert,” I said, standing up again, “as I’ve mentioned, I am prepared to deal with all the consequences.” I could see he was starting to get nervous. There was a thin sheen of sweat above his lip making his overtanned, orange skin glisten.

  “But,” I continued, circling the room, “are you prepared to deal with the consequences from”—I whirled around dramatically and faced him—“the police?”

  Everyone looked at him. His eyes were wide as he looked around the room frantically.

  Chase stood up. “What is he talking about, Hubert?”

  I waited for Hubert to say something.

  “Justin?” asked Chase.

  “Why don’t I let Spencer speak,” I said, gesturing to him.

  “Well, Mr. Hudson,” he said, stepping forward, “by the way, great performance tonight!”

  “Thank you,” said Chase, flashing him one of his model smiles.

  “Anyway,” Spencer continued, “I ran into Justin a few nights ago and he made a passing comment about how you don’t model anymore.”

  “I don’t,” Chase interjected.

  “Right. He also said you mentioned that you miss getting the modeling checks more than the modeling itself.”

  “I do…,” said Chase, sounding like he didn’t understand where Spencer was going with this.

  “Well, Mr. Hudson,” said Spencer, “you actually have been getting checks.”

  “What?” Chase asked, and looked from me to Spencer to Hubert and then back again.

  “I can explain,” said Hubert. “Calm down.”

  “Actually,” said Spencer, holding up his finger to silence Hubert, “I can explain better and I wouldn’t calm down, Mr. Hudson. You see, GlitZ still has lots of photos of you. Photos that are being used in ads all over Europe. Ads that pay a good amount of money.”

  “What photos?” Chase asked.

  “Photos from when you were a teen model. As a matter of fact, Hubert asked Justin to bring over another batch this week.”

  “Oh!” said Scotty. “That’s when I first met you.” I didn’t quite make eye contact because the memory of Becky escorting me out was best left forgotten.

  “So,” I said, picking up the story, “my genius ex-but-now-current boyfriend thought it was strange when I told him that you missed getting checks when he had seen checks for you in the accounting department.”

  “Correct. My internship kept me too busy to do any investigating. But I got permission to go into GlitZ on Saturday,” Spencer said.

  “Late into the evening,” Becky remarked proudly.

  I smiled.

  “Missing our dinner,” Scotty clarified.

  I nodded.

  “And missing Justin acting crazy,” added Devon.

  I glared.

  “And,” Spencer picked up again, “I traced the checks and found that they were all being deposited”—he paused for effect; I was glad to see my dramatic line readings had rubbed off on him—“into an account owned by a Mr. Hubert Weatherbee.”

  Hubert recoiled from his own last name.

  Ha-ha!

  “I kept trying to reach Justin all day today.”

  “But my phone charge ran out.” Sort of true.

  “He finally answered his phone a few hours ago and I filled him in on what I discovered.”

  “I told Hubert what Spencer told me and that’s why he didn’t fight you going on tonight.”

  Everyone had fanned out around the sides of the room. Hubert stood in the middle.

  “Chase…,” he started to say.

  Chase held up his hand. “Don’t say anything more, please.”

  “But…”

  “Just leave now.”

  “I have a very good—”

  “All contact with me from now on should only be through my lawyer.”

  Hubert opened his mouth to speak and then closed it.

  He knew he was beat.

  He started to walk out and right before he left, he turned around. I expected him to say, “I’ll be back!” But he actually looked quite sad.

  “Goodbye, Chase,” he said, and left.

  I guess he did have feelings. Again, I saw the need to have people like Spencer, Becky, and Chase around me so I don’t turn into Hubert. I grabbed Spencer’s hand tight.

  “Don’t ever let me change my name to something stupid,” I begged him in a whisper.

  “OK,” he said, and gave me a kiss.

  There were a lot of emotions on Chase’s face. Sadness. Confusion. Betrayal. Relief.

  No one spoke.

  Until…

  “Are those for visitors?” Grandma Sally said, and grabbed a big handful of chocolates.

  I glared at her.

  And then took two for myself. Yum!

  Chase was sitting on the couch. “The funny part is, I don’t even have a lawyer of my own. Hubert and I use the same one.”

  Ooh! I had a great idea!

  “Chase! The owner of Big Noise Media began her career as an entertainment lawyer. Give her a call. I know her dad and I’m sure she’ll work super hard because she needs a gig!”

  As I was writing down the number for Chase, I heard Becky audibly gasp.

  Standing in the doorway was Mitchell Flynn!

  He’s not only a big Broadway star, but he’s also one of Becky’s favorites. He’s as handsome as Chase, but with shoulder-length sandy-blond hair and shoulders almost as broad as the door frame.

  “Chase,” he said, walking in.

  Chase stood up. “Mitchell.”

  They looked at each other.

  Were they friends? Rivals?

  “I just came to—”

  “Come here!” Chase said, and wrapped him in a big hug.

  Suddenly they began talking a mile a minute.

  “Chase! I was an idiot. Will you ever forgive me?”

  “I was the idiot, Mitchell.”

  “We both were.”

  Was this a nighttime soap? I was loving it!

  Chase hugged him again. “I listened to Hubert. It’s like he brainwashed me against you. Against everyone.” He put his hands on Mitchell’s shoulders and looked right in his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

  “I get it, Chase. He took advantage of your sadness. It was a bad time for you.”

  “But I never wanted to lose you!”

  They hugged and then Chase started laughing.

  “We’re acting like we’re alone! I have to introduce you to everybody.”

  Mitchell waved at us.

  “Everybody!” Chase said, clapping his hands to get our attention. “This is Mitchell Flynn. Now he’s a Broadway star, but I knew him as Mitchell Fleishbaum, theater geek!”

  Mitchell laughed. “We went to high school together and starred in all the musicals!”

  “Correction,” said Chase, giving him a punch on the arm. “I starred in all the musicals. You were always my sidekick.”

  “What? Sancho Panza is a big part!”

  “Not as big as Don Quixote!”

  AH!!!!!! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize him on the Man of La Mancha video!

  Mitchell was the Phantom!

  Wow. He was able to lose all that weight as he got older. Hmm…maybe I won’t always be one waist size away from stretch pants.

  Chase introduced everybody and when Mitchell shook my hand, he winked and whispered, “You can keep the DVD.”

  “Thanks,” I said.

  We all stood there and I suddenly realized there was a lot of unfinished business between them. They needed some severe private time.

  “Uh…why don’t you two catch up?” I asked, while backing everybody else out of the room.

  “Justin! Call me tomorrow after school!” Chase yelled as we left.

  We were almost out the stage
door when I realized I forgot someone.

  I ran back to the dressing room and saw Grandma Sally putting the remaining chocolate in her purse. “He said it’s for guests,” she muttered defensively as I ushered her out.

  Since it wasn’t that late, we all decided to get something to eat.

  “Why go out?” asked Grandma Sally. “I still have tons of food at the apartment that I bought for you.” She got quiet. “And you’ll be gone soon.”

  It almost sounded like she was going to miss me. Grandma Sally is expressing warm feelings?

  Wow. I guess everybody can mature, no matter what stage of life they’re in.

  I looked at her warmly. Instead of looking back at me, she scanned my friends and gave them a wink. “That means tomorrow I won’t have to guard my plate from the human vacuum cleaner anymore!”

  And some people stay the same.

  It’s been a few weeks since Thousand-Watt Smile’s first preview and I’ve only heard great things about the show. Chase has started doing the morning talk shows, and all the hosts introduce him by saying he’s the leading contender for this year’s Tony Award! Who would have thought that when I first heard him whisper-sing at that tech rehearsal?

  Right now it’s snowing out, but I’m firmly ensconced in my house. I will, in fact, be firmly ensconced here for the next few weeks as well. When my parents found out that I lied about my grandma dying, they grounded me. Which I was prepared for. The good news is, they’re proud of me for admitting what I did, so they’re allowing me to do the spring musical! Mrs. Hall chose Stephen Sondheim’s Company and I got the lead! Since we have one performance on a Monday, Chase told me he’s coming to see it. Becky got cast, too, and she’s freaking out that Chase is bringing Mitchell. And the best news is, even though I’m grounded for two more weeks, my parents are letting me out to go to the Thousand-Watt Smile opening night! Spencer and I are renting tuxedos and Chase is getting us tickets to the after-party!

  OK, here’s everything that’s happened since the Gypsy run-through. Chase got in touch with Mr. Perlman’s daughter, Sofia, who used to run Big Noise Media. They hit it off right away and now she’s his lawyer. As a matter of fact, she introduced Chase to her other partners and he liked them so much he hired them as his full-time staff! So, getting rid of Hubert has paid off in many ways.

  Speaking of which, when Cristopher found out Hubert was also dating Chase, he moved out that night. I don’t know how Hubert thought he was going to continue keeping that a secret, but he had a lot of confidence about hiding things. I mean, he was filching money from Chase for months and secretly negotiating with Wicked Words the whole time Chase was rehearsing Thousand-Watt Smile. Hubert gave Chase all of his GlitZ money back and Chase decided not to press charges. Hubert tried for a while to get another job in entertainment, but everybody in Hollywood and New York knows what happened and no one will hire him. Chase found out that he’s teaching television production at the very fancy prep school he graduated from. At first I was annoyed Hubert wasn’t being punished, but then I heard that it’s a very strict school where the kids wear uniforms and the principal won’t allow Hubert to be called by his first name. I decided that having teenagers call him Mr. Weatherbee all day long is punishment enough.

  Turns out, Mitchell and Chase weren’t just high school acting partners; they were also high school sweethearts and kept dating even as their careers took off on different coasts—Chase on TV and Mitchell on Broadway. They were about to come out as a couple right when Chase’s mom died and he met Hubert. Hubert convinced him not to come out, claiming it would be “career suicide,” and soon he manipulated Chase into firing his entire staff. Mitchell confronted Chase about his reliance on Hubert, which led to a huge fight and a subsequent messy breakup. Mitchell thought he was over it, but when Chase moved to New York, he snapped. He decided to leave a note at a Thousand-Watt Smile rehearsal so the cast would know that Chase was living a lie. He was only going to do it once, but once he started, he couldn’t stop.

  I want to think his behavior was something I’d never do, but I understand the desire. I mean, a little part of me had planned to go to GlitZ and tell everybody that Spencer still slept with a teddy bear! Mitchell had Chase’s name on a Google alert, and one day my website came up because I had started writing about my internship. On my first day in New York, I put up that picture of myself standing on Grandma Sally’s stoop. Little did I know that the address of the building was clearly visible behind me. Mitchell saw it and dropped off his first note that night. He told me he wore that mask because it protected him from the freezing weather and prevented any Broadway fans from recognizing him. Yes, his behavior was creepy, but it was harmless. And the truth is, if he hadn’t dropped off that Man of La Mancha DVD, I never would have known Chase had so much talent. The great news is, they went to couples counseling and are back together again. And last week, on Chase’s day off, they flew to L.A. and came out on Ellen. Yay!

  Of course, Spencer and I see each other all the time and, since tonight is Sunday, we’re hanging out with Becky. I’m still grounded, so the get-together is at my house, but I’m extra excited because the whole gang is coming. Devon, whom I email and text with every day, is taking the train out with Scotty. And the most fun part is, tonight is the unveiling of the New Year’s Eve Monopoly game we never got to play! My original version was dedicated to JobSkill, but that was before any of us knew what it would be like. I’ve since redone the game to reflect what really went on.

  First, all the playing pieces represent everyone who’s playing: me, Spencer, Becky, Devon, and Scotty. There’s also a Phantom mask that fits over all the pieces so anyone can elect to be the Phantom for a while. It comes with index cards because being the Phantom means that if you land on someone’s property, you have to leave them a bizarre note. Boardwalk and Park Place are now Broadway (my fave place) and the Dakota (the most beautiful place). Instead of Go to Jail cards, I made cards that say “Intern at GlitZ.” And the Chance and Community Chest cards are Grandma Sally insults. They don’t help you advance in the game, but I know everyone’s still going to clamor for a chance to read one out loud. It took me hours, but I wrote a long list and had them all printed out, from “You’re wearing that?” to “You eat like you’re starving, but you don’t look it.”

  On my first day back at school, I went right to Ms. Horvath’s office and told her that I lied about my grandma’s death. Ms. Horvath is also known as E.R. because there’s always some part of her body that is on the way to and/or just came from an emergency room. When I walked into her room, I was confused because she was in a wheelchair, but her arm was in a sling. I guess she could have injured both her arm and her leg, but twice during our meeting she saw someone in the hall she needed to talk to and ran down the hallway to catch them.

  The first time she walked back into the room, she gave me her version of an explanation. “Sometimes when you sprain you arm, you can compensate by putting too much pressure on your legs.” You can? “I’m using the wheelchair as a precaution.” She made no sense, but I wasn’t surprised when she told me she’d have to take away my credit for JobSkill because I didn’t do the internship I was supposed to do. She asked me how I spent my two weeks and I told her that I interned for Chase Hudson. Suddenly, everything changed.

  “Chase? Chase Hudson?” she sputtered. She started panting and I didn’t know if it was her notorious high blood pressure or something else.

  “You’ve…you’ve met him?” she asked with her eyes fluttering.

  Wait a minute. Panting?

  Eyes fluttering?

  This wasn’t one of her signature made-up sicknesses.

  No.

  E.R. is a Vicious Tongues superfan!

  Yes! Maybe this could play to my advantage!

  “Well, I guess you can say I’ve met him,” I said, trying to be modest. “Many times. In fact, we hung out a lot.”

  Her cheeks began to turn red and her hands flew to her face. I’m sure
she knew I was on to her because she quickly said, “I must be having an allergic reaction. Those two crackers I had at lunch gave me quite a dose of gluten!”

  How can two crackers give you quite a dose of anything?

  I nodded like I understood and decided to start leaving to see if she’d stop me. I was halfway out the door when she called to me.

  “Wait!” she yelled, and bolted out of her wheelchair. She led me back into the room with her good arm. “Do you know why Chase isn’t doing Wicked Words? Also, is he still dating Zoe Swenson?” I started to answer, but she kept talking. “And will the fourth season of Vicious Tongues ever come out on DVD? I’m hoping the special features will have some more hilarious bloopers like the first three seasons.” Yet again, I started to answer, but she cut me off. “I’m just curious, you know…for academic reasons.”

  “Of course,” I said. Then I sighed heavily. “I would love to stay and tell you everything, and boy do I know a lot, but I have to try to figure out some way to make up for the JobSkill credit I lost.”

  Her eyes darted back and forth incredibly quickly and at first I thought she was having one of her vertigo attacks that always seem to happen at school assemblies for maximum attention, but then I realized she was frantically thinking.

  “How about,” she said slowly, “you do a writing assignment about how you spent JobSkill and we’ll see if you can get credit that way? Wouldn’t that be nice?”

  She looked at me needily.

  “Wow!” I said. “That would be great.”

  “And spare no detail.” She ripped her arm out of her sling and grabbed both of my hands. Hard. “Write down everything.”

  I left her room excited at the prospect of making up my credit, but then I became overwhelmed. There was so much to write. And some of the things that happened were embarrassing!

  And a few were my own fault. Possibly more than a few.

  But whether or not 91% can be considered “more than a few,” I will always remember those two weeks in Manhattan. And the most amazing part is, Spencer, Becky, and I all got exactly what we hoped we’d get.

  It’s true! Becky wanted to do something completely on her own. And she did. And she and Scotty are still seeing each other with no help from me!