Not Another Family Wedding

by Jackie Lau

  “You found something better? When do you start?”

  “Actually, I won’t be working now that we’re married.” Rebecca gave Elliot a small smile.

  Natalie couldn’t believe this. It wasn’t the 1950s. There was no reason to quit your job when you got married. She opened her mouth, then snapped it shut—her sister’s wedding weekend brunch probably wasn’t the time to question her life choices.

  “I was unhappy with my job,” Rebecca said, “and Elliot makes good money. We’ll both be happier this way. I’ll do most of the cleaning and cooking while he’s at work, so we’ll be able to relax when he gets home. It’ll be nice. Plus, we’ll start trying for a baby right away, and I want to be a stay-at-home mom for the first few years, until the kids start kindergarten.”

  Natalie stared at her younger sister, who’d won math and physics awards at the end of high school, who’d finished in the top ten percent of her class at university. And now Rebecca was quitting her job in engineering to cook and clean and make babies?

  This wasn’t what she wanted for her sister. This wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.

  “But your degree,” Natalie said, unable to keep her mouth shut any longer. “You spent four years getting it, and now you’re just going to give up?”

  The smile slid off Rebecca’s face. She put down her fork. “I spent four years studying something I hated, followed by three years of a job I hated. I’ve finally had enough. I’m not saying I’ll never work again. I hope to, once the kids are in school, but I don’t want to be an electrical engineer.”

  Natalie was confused. “You’re so good at it.”

  “That doesn’t change the fact that it made me miserable.”

  “Why don’t you look for a new job? Surely with a degree and a few years of experience, you could find something else in the field in Toronto.”

  “You don’t get it,” Rebecca said, frustration in her voice. “It’s not just that I didn’t like the particular job I had. I didn’t like the field at all, and I’m lucky I don’t have to do it now. I have the chance to try something different, and I’m going to take it. Are you unhappy with my decision to have a family?”

  “No.”

  Natalie thought being an aunt would be fun, and Rebecca would make a good mother. If her sister wanted kids, then Natalie wanted her to have them. However, Rebecca did seem a little young; most of the women Natalie knew had waited until they were over twenty-five. And after seeing what her mother had gone through when she was pregnant and then when Rebecca was a baby, Natalie was a bit worried. Having a child was tough.

  But Rebecca quitting her job...

  “What sort of work might you want to do later on?” Connor asked before reaching for the salad bowl.

  “I don’t know. I still have to figure it out.”

  “Then figure it out while you have an engineering job,” Natalie snapped. “You’ll still be able to take maternity leave and stay home with your child for a year, but then you can go back to work.”

  “I’m not going back to that job or anything like it. Why can’t you understand that?”

  “What if something happens? What if you and Elliot get divorced? You need to be able to support yourself. It’ll be much harder if you take yourself out of the workforce for several years. Better to keep your job for now and put your child in daycare.”

  Rebecca shoved herself to her feet. “I got married two days ago, and you’re already talking about me getting divorced? What’s wrong with you? You think that just because you’re not happily married, no one else is allowed to be, either?”

  Natalie would likely never be happily married, it was true, and that stung.

  “I thought Mom and Dad were happy,” she shot back, “and look what happened there. You need to be prepared for the worst. What if Elliot dies, and you have three children to support?” She knew she was being an ass, but she couldn’t seem to help it.

  “Again, what’s wrong with you? I know you think climate change is going to kill us all, but that doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be doom and gloom all the time. There’s something called optimism. Maybe you should look it up in the dictionary.”

  “Girls,” Dad said. “Can we please eat our brunch in peace? Rebecca, Natalie only has your best interests at heart, even if she has a rather twisted way of expressing it. No need to argue.”

  God, Natalie felt like a child again. Except she and Rebecca had never argued like this when they were kids. Natalie had argued with Seth, but Rebecca, being so much younger than them, was different.

  “I think you’re jealous that I got married first,” Rebecca said.

  “I’m not jealous of someone who wants to be a housewife. You could do so much better.”

  “If this were a storybook, you’d be the miserable old spinster.”

  “But it isn’t a storybook. It’s real life.”

  “I bet you and Connor really are just friends after all.”

  “Natalie.” Connor stood up and took her by the arm. “Let’s go outside for some fresh air, okay?”

  She didn’t want to leave. She wanted Rebecca to change her goddamn mind.

  “Please,” he whispered. “I think you need a break. Just five minutes.” His hand was warm on hers.

  Fuck it. She would go with him.

  The doorbell rang just before they reached the front door. She pulled it open.

  “Hi, Natalie,” Mom said.

  “Why did you ring the doorbell? It’s your house. Oh, wait...”

  Dad came to the door. “Why are you so late? And why is Louisa here?”

  “Hello, Howard,” Louisa said. “Glad to see me?”

  “You ruined my daughter’s wedding. Of course I’m delighted to see you. At least you seem sober today.”

  “Why are you complaining about Rebecca’s wedding?” Mom snapped. “You didn’t even want her.”

  There was a very tense silence. Her parents stared at each other.

  Both of them had always doted on Rebecca, except at the very beginning. Was this a reference to those early days? They never talked about that. But Natalie had too much on her mind right now to ponder it further.

  “Alright, alright,” Louisa said, heading toward the dining room. “Let’s have some fun! Where’s the wine?”

  As Mom walked inside, Connor led Natalie outside. They sat on the steps.

  “Dear God,” she muttered. “I have a headache.”

  He opened his mouth, but she didn’t let him speak.

  “Don’t you dare say anything. I don’t need you telling me I’m wrong about Rebecca. I can’t handle that right now.”

  “I wasn’t going to say that. I’m here for you, Natalie.” He put his arm around her and pulled her closer to his big body.

  They sat in silence for several minutes, and the anger slowly seeped out of her veins. She still couldn’t say she was happy, though. This wasn’t the life she wanted for Rebecca. Married to a man she’d known less than a year, ready to pop out babies right away, and planning to stay home to take care of them and cook and clean.

  No. Her little sister was smart and talented. She was destined for better things than this. Why couldn’t Rebecca see that? Why didn’t she believe in herself?

  Where had Natalie gone wrong?

  She had a strange relationship with Rebecca. It wasn’t what she thought of as a normal sisterly relationship—the age difference between them was too great. Natalie felt like she was somewhere between a sister and a parent.

  But even though she had lots more to say on the subject, she would go back in there and apologize to Rebecca for questioning her life decisions. Her whole family was here under one roof, and that wasn’t a frequent occurrence. It would be even less frequent in the future when—

  Oh, dear God. Was that Uncle Dennis’s car pulling up in front of the house?

  Uncle Dennis stepped out of the driver’s side, then helped his mother out of the car.

  “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Natalie mutter
ed, because she was just so eloquent.

  “Were they supposed to come?” Connor asked.

  “No. I assume Aunt Louisa invited them. I’m not in the mood to deal with my racist, homophobic relatives.”

  “Want me to get rid of them?”

  “Please.”

  He walked down the driveway and halted before Uncle Dennis. She couldn’t hear the conversation, but a minute later, her unwanted uncle and grandmother drove away.

  That was surprisingly fast.

  “What did you say to him?” she asked as Connor walked back to the house.

  “I simply told them that you didn’t want to deal with your racist and homophobic relatives right now.”

  “You did not.”

  “Not exactly, but I have my ways. I can be very persuasive.” He winked at her.

  She felt a strange flutter in her chest and smiled back at him.

  She was grateful to him for putting out that fire for her; she was used to having to do everything herself. He’d been so attentive this weekend. A comforting, solid presence when everything was whirling around her.

  They returned to the dining room, where Simon was chatting about a recent trip to Prague and doing his best to ignore the tension in the room.

  Dad interrupted. “I thought I heard a car pull up.”

  “Dennis and Grandma,” Natalie said. “Don’t worry, they’re gone now.”

  She glanced at Rebecca and wondered if her sister was going to say that Natalie should have invited them in. But Rebecca was silent.

  Natalie had something she wanted to get off her chest, though. Although she’d planned to try to make peace with her sister, she couldn’t seem to hold back now.

  “I can’t believe you invited them to the wedding,” she said. “You know what they’re like. They’re awful.”

  “But they’re family,” Rebecca protested.

  “Family doesn’t trump everything. You don’t have to think of those assholes as family. You have enough relatives who aren’t bigots. Focus on those ones.”

  “Like the sister who thinks I’m screwing up my life by wanting to be a stay-at-home mom?”

  I just want you to have it all, and that includes a career, as well as a husband and children. To be honest, Natalie was full of hope when it came to Rebecca. Her outburst earlier? She might have been talking about worst-case scenarios, but it really was born out of love and hope for her sister, even though she didn’t think it was reasonable to have the same hope for herself. Natalie wished she could have it all, too—except for the babies, of course—but she didn’t see how it was possible.

  However, it should be possible for her sister.

  “I’m only thinking of you,” she said. “Grandma and Dennis, on the other hand, don’t give a shit about you as a person.”

  “I think you’re wrong about that.”

  “Maybe I am. Maybe they care a little, but that shouldn’t matter to you when they’re such horrible people. Do you think it was fair to expect Seth and Simon to be around them for a whole day, knowing they might make nasty comments at any moment? Grandma and Dennis need to learn that we won’t put up with their shit.”

  Rebecca turned to Mom. “Do you agree I shouldn’t have invited my own grandmother to my wedding? She’s in her nineties—she’s not going to change.”

  “Don’t use her age as an excuse,” Natalie snapped. “She didn’t go to Mom and Dad’s wedding, and she was hardly an elderly woman forty years ago. She’s had ample opportunity to change, and she hasn’t.”

  Nobody said anything.

  Dad finally broke the silence. “Who wants dessert?”

  * * *

  The rest of brunch was an uncomfortable affair with stilted conversation. Mom and Dad made occasional digs at each other. Natalie refrained from speaking too much, afraid she would lash out at Rebecca. Rebecca was cheerful, but it seemed awfully fake, and Louisa acted like she was drinking, even though there was no alcohol.

  At one o’clock, Natalie figured they’d better get going. It was a long drive back, and she and Connor had to work tomorrow.

  She hugged her sister goodbye and said, “Congratulations on your wedding.” Anything more and they might get into an argument. She couldn’t bear another argument with Rebecca, but she was firm in her opinions. Her little sister should not have invited Dennis and Grandma to her wedding, and being a stay-at-home mother was not the right profession for her. So they gave each other a hesitant hug.

  “I don’t know when we’ll be back next,” Simon said, throwing his arms around Natalie. “Keep me posted on what’s happening with Connor, okay?”

  “We’re just friends,” she mumbled, and those words pierced her bruised heart.

  Once all the goodbyes had been exchanged, they headed out to the car.

  “Do you want to drive?” Connor asked.

  She shook her head. “Not now. I’ve still got a bit of a headache.”

  When he pulled away from the curb, she closed her eyes but didn’t sleep. Instead, she remembered the day her sister had come home from the hospital, scrunched up and crying but beautiful all the same.

  Chapter 16

  They’d been in the car for over two hours. Connor had driven the whole time and Natalie hadn’t said a word. He figured she would talk when she wanted to.

  Despite the awkward brunch, he wanted to be a part of Natalie’s family, and he wanted to be there for her whenever she went home. He wanted everything that came with a serious relationship. After years of not being interested in such a life, it surprised him, but it was the truth.

  “‘I Loved Her First,’” Natalie said, and he was momentarily startled by her voice after hours of silence. “Do you know that song?”

  “It’s often played for father-daughter dances at weddings, isn’t it?”

  She nodded. “The first time I heard it, which was at a wedding, I nearly cried. Can you imagine? Me, almost crying at a wedding.”

  “I can imagine it,” he said.

  She shrugged. “Anyway, when I heard that song for the first time, I thought of me and Rebecca, even though it’s a father talking about his daughter. Because that’s how I feel about her. Until she was about six months old, I was the one who would snuggle her and sing her songs and tell her I loved her. Just me. No one else. My mother didn’t bond with her right away. I’m pretty sure she had postpartum depression.” She paused. “Did you know I named my sister?”

  “You did?”

  “Well, I took a list of three names to my mother, and she picked her favorite.”

  “I’ve heard of parents asking an older sibling to name the new baby before. It doesn’t usually work out well.”

  “There are some fucking awful names out there. Why do people do that to their kids?”

  He liked when Natalie swore. He didn’t know why, but it made him smile. Had it always been like that, or had it just started this weekend?

  “My father,” she continued, “didn’t have much to do with Rebecca at the beginning, for whatever reason. Mom’s cryptic comment about Dad not even wanting Rebecca—that was interesting. Was this what she was talking about? I don’t know the story. All of a sudden, they’re getting divorced, and I feel like I don’t know my parents. I thought their love had survived so much, and it would continue to survive.” She laughed without humor. “Listen to the lame words coming out of my mouth.”

  “Sometimes lame words are necessary.”

  Actually, there were some rather lame words he wanted to say to Natalie, but he wasn’t sure he could ever get them out. He’d never been good at this stuff. Sharon had more or less taken the lead in their relationship, and it had been easier that way.

  With Natalie, he knew he’d have to be the one to bring it up, and he wasn’t sure he’d be successful, especially given what he felt obligated to reveal from the beginning.

  “By Rebecca’s first birthday,” she said, “Mom and Dad seemed like themselves again, and they were loving parents to Rebecca.”


  “What about to you?” he asked.

  “I was hitting that awkward pre-teen phase. I didn’t really want my parents around.”

  “But looking back, what were they like with you then?”

  “I don’t know. All I remember is me and Rebecca together.”

  “You used to keep a picture of the two of you in your notebook, back in university.”

  “I did,” she said. “It was hard for me to be apart from her, and I used to go home every two weeks. I know, it was lame.”

  “Why are you calling everything you say and feel lame?”

  “Because it doesn’t fit my image as a cranky old spinster.”

  “Rebecca doesn’t really think that,” he said. “When people get upset, they say things they don’t mean.”

  “I know, I know. But I do think that’s the way most people see me. The cranky, but otherwise emotionless, woman in her mid-thirties who’s too dedicated to her career of predicting the end of the world to have time to find a man.”

  “I don’t see you that way. As I showed you this weekend, I think you’re very desirable.”

  The words hung in the air, and they were silent for a few minutes. They’d hit some heavy traffic on the 401 as they approached Toronto. No surprise; traffic around Toronto was always terrible. He hated driving near the city.

  “Rebecca is more than a sister to me,” Natalie said. “In some ways, I feel like her parent, too. Parents usually have certain expectations of their kids, and I always thought Rebecca would have a successful career in science or engineering.” She sighed. “I know, I’m imposing my hopes on her. I’m judging her, the way people judge me for being single and childless at thirty-six. It’s not fair, but I can’t help it. Rebecca being a housewife, then a stay-at-home mom! I can’t handle it.”

  “She was miserable at her job and didn’t want to be an engineer.”

  “I know I should support her no matter what, but I can’t wrap my mind around it.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home mom.”

  “I can’t imagine doing that.”

  “Not everyone is like you.”

  “Thank God for that,” she muttered. “The world would be in serious trouble if that were true. Actually, the world is already in serious trouble. Flooding and heat waves—it’s a mess.”