by Brindi Quinn
“Dear me, I can see that anger in your eyes. I had no choice, you know.”
I scowled at him and he smiled back brightly, but then the corners of his mouth twitched and he looked away. I felt a pang of guilt.
I’m not really mad at him though, am I? I’m mad at myself . . . for kissing back.
But it wasn’t your fault. You were all fogged-up inside.
I still liked it.
But you never would have decided to do something like that on your own, right?
That’s true . . .
But regardless of whether I deserved my self-chastisement or not, the fact remained that Ardette had once again saved me from the addiction. I owed him at least a little gratitude even if his methods had been disagreeable.
My scowl relaxed into a weak, surrendering half-smile. I could give him that much. “Uh, thanks.” I guess.
He turned back to me, his gleaming beam back at full-force. “Anytime. And you know I’m being wholly serious when I say that. Who knew you’d be such a biter? Bit of a delightful shock, really-”
I narrowed my eyes, and for once, it was enough to make him stop his ridiculous prattle.
“Anyways, you’ve had us quite worried, you know,” he said, frowning. “Sleeping for two days like that.”
“Two?!” My voice was a little bit stronger now.
He nodded and stared at the ceiling.
“But then . . .” The others? They should be back by now, right?
Even without being able to hear my thoughts, Ardette still seemed to know what I was thinking.
“You just missed Grotts, but as for the rest, the third day has come and passed, and there’s still no sign of Rend or Scardo.”
“What?!” I tried to sit up, but my head only lifted a bit before sinking back into the pillow. I groaned at my lethargic body.
“S-stop straining yourself like that.” Ardette had been inspecting me from the corner of his eye. “It’s . . . er . . . unbecoming.” Though his expression didn’t change, his voice wavered a little, revealing his concern. “Just relax. They’re quite fine, I’m sure. Rend could give any of those scoundrels a swift death if she so wished. She’s most likely unleashed her fury on Scardo by now too.”
I could see that he was trying to comfort me, but the worry still welled up around the corners of my heart.
They aren’t back yet? That’s really bad! And Scardo is so on top of things like that! What does it mean? They can’t be dead or anything, right?!
“Shouldn’t we do something?!” I blurted the words, but immediately felt ashamed. “Oh. I guess, because of me . . .”
Rend . . . Scardo . . . Hadn’t I, after all, been the one hindering the others from venturing out after them? I guess I really am a distraction. For two days I’d been sleeping, holding back everyone. A distraction. A burden. I started to feel self-pity. I knew it wasn’t good, but it was there anyways.
But in the midst of this, Ardette reached over and tugged the blanket from under my chin.
“Of course we’re doing ‘something’,” he said. “Your ‘addiction’ is out searching the borders for them as we speak.”
“Oh!” So that’s why he isn’t around.
“Ugh, please try not to look so disappointed. He wanted to stay by your side, of course, but we rather forced him away.”
“No! That’s good that he’s looking for them.” How selfish of me to let myself feel disappointed over something like that! And to go so far as to show it too! Now I felt even more ashamed.
Ardette rolled his eyes.
Er, right. It serves no purpose to feel that way.
“What about Kantú?” I asked. I was sure she was around somewhere but . . .
“She’s . . . er . . .” Ardette stumbled for the right word, and I felt a new panic start to seep in.
“What? She’s what?!” As I waited for his too-delayed response, hastily jumping to the worst conclusions, I finally managed to sit up. The sandiness within me slid down and settled at my waist, but the motion had been too sudden; I felt light-headed.
“Anxious, are you? It’s no big deal, really. Just . . . she’s buying bird food.”
“Bird food?”
He sniggered. “You’ll see what I mean.”
I studied him for ulterior intent, but it looked like he wasn’t kidding, and he refused to elaborate.
Bird food? How strange.
“Well, at least she’s okay.” I stared across the room and tried to keep it all together.
But I was still too concerned about the others to feel real relief.
To occupy my mind and fend off the impending worry, I searched the walls for a moment of distraction. We were in the same room we’d previously lodged on our way to the prophecy site. Last time, those fans had only been as pieces of decoration, but after hearing Grotts’ appreciation for them, they now seemed like something far more sacred – more like relics, protecting the peoples’ legends from disappearing.
The fan of the dragon was there, just opposite me, but it was another fan that my eyes settled upon this time: a painting of a dark-haired boy in strange clothing, holding a white sphere of some sort. Next to him was a girl, also in strange clothing, reaching for the boy’s reflection, which was blonde for some reason. They both looked so sad. I wondered why.
But while the fan was mysterious and beautiful, ultimately it didn’t offer the distraction I’d been seeking. I wanted to know more; I wanted to hear Grotts tell the legend in his own way, but Grotts wasn’t here, and without him, the picture alone couldn’t keep me from myself. The worry still sidled in.
“Ardette,” I whispered, still staring at the fan, “do you really think Scardo and Rend are all right?”
“Would it really be such a loss? Such an unpleasant woman and a dog of the officers-”
But at the look of disgust on my face, he abruptly dropped the act of indifference. He leaned forward and grabbed the edge of my blanket, his cherry eyes unusually gentle.
“Aura, this is Rend we’re talking about. Remember her? With that deadly red blast? And Scardo even managed to wrestle the sword away from your beloved during the battle with The Mystress. I fully believe they’re fine. So, stop worrying,” – he lightly knocked me on the top of the head – “dummy. They’ll turn up soon.”
Finally, I felt reassurance. I held onto his words and was quiet for a moment. He’s right. Worry is pointless. I have to be proactive. We still have so much to accomplish.
“Um, Ardette, by the way, where are we going to get more of that andap stuff? Will Scardo have enough in that vial to help? When he comes back, that is.” Not if . . . when.
Ardette grimaced, but knowing how fragile my state of assurance was, he refrained from over-the-top comment and instead said dryly, “No, we’ll have to make more. A tedious task if you ask me.”
“What exactly is it?”
He frowned.
“It is condensed shadow mixed with the tears of an innocent. Quite dark, really.” He paused for effect, and when I gave him the startled, wide-eyed reaction he’d been seeking, he continued, “What, were you expecting something looking like that to be comprised of sunshine and giggles? Hmph.”
“Well-”
Thud! Thud! Thud!
We were interrupted by the sudden, loud thumping of someone running up steps in much too heavy a manner.
“Eh?” I looked to Ardette.
“Your squirrel, most likely.”
I stiffened, strained my ears, and held my breath like I believed that breathing might actually scare that hopeful possibility away.
Kantú? Is it you?
Indeed, a high-pitched, chittering squeal erupted from the outside hall, turning that thought into a reality. Then all at once, the door burst open, slamming into the wall and shaking a fan or two from their mounts.
I let out a relieved cry.
A familiar, energetic Squirrelean was standing in the doorway, eyes bright with excitement and ears twitching eagerly. “See, G
rottsy! I told you that the feather man said she was awake! Pervy Irving Ardette was hogging her all to himself!”
“Kantú!” I tried to hop out of bed, but such a gesture only caused the sand to refill my limbs; I slumped back down.
“Aura!” She rushed over to the side of my bed and threw her arms around my neck, tackling my already limp body in the process. “I missed you so much!”
“I’ve missed you too!” Squeezing back, I buried my face in her chest. It was really her! “I was so worried! I didn’t know if . . . I’m just so sorry that we left you guys there!”
“Sorry? You saved us, silly head! But why did you lead the bad guys away like that?! You could have been killed! I was scared you’d stay asleep forever this time!”
And then we were both crying, and she was mopping up our mixed tears with her tail. Oh, Kantú, how I cherish you.
“Er- glad ta see yer all right, Miss Aura.” Grotts, who’d entered the room sometime after Kantú, awkwardly interrupted our reunion. Though I’d already known he was all right, I still felt tremendous relief when my eyes fell upon the colossal, chip-toothed grin breaking across the gruffness of his face. Somehow, it made everything seem a little more bearable.
“Grotts? Come here!” I shakily held onto Kantú for support and lifted myself up. This time, I managed to sit up on my knees at the bed’s edge. Grotts obeyed and hurried over.
I didn’t hesitate to fling my arms around his wide neck – in response to which he patted my back with one of his giant hands, but a comforting ‘pat’ for a man of Grotts’ stature was enough to give minor whiplash. I felt my bones shake with each tap, though I didn’t mind in the least. It was proof that he was really there.
I was so glad. So, so glad.
After a moment, he released me and held my shoulders at arms’ length.
“Yer doing a number on my heart, I’ll tell ya. Drawin’ the enemy away and runnin’ off like that and then returnin’ to us in that condition.” Even as he spoke, beads of sweat appeared on his forehead.
“And let’s not forget whose fault that condition was.” Ardette was now standing in the corner, quietly observing with a look of disgust on his face.
“Be nice, Ardette!” scolded Kantú. She peeked over her shoulder at him crossly before turning back to me and lowering her voice. “Is it true Nyte’s the one that did this to you?”
“Eh-” You told them about that, Ardette?! I stiffened then dropped my head, ashamed at the truth of it. “No, I did this to myself.” Because I can’t resist the warmth. Because I have no self-control.
“Hah!” Ardette shook his head and buried his face in his hand. “Unbelievable.”
I glared at him, upset that he’d given Kantú and Grotts his skewed version of the occurrence. It was true that Nyte had played his part, but ultimately, I’d been the one that had grabbed his hand and taken a drink. Rend would be furious. Rend . . . Scardo . . . The worry trembled.
“Don’t mind him,” said Grotts. “He’s just bitter. We’ll get this all sorted out, don’ worry.”
“Yeah, Aura, we’ll figure out what’s going-” But Kantú stiffened, halting whatever reassurance she’d been about to give.
Oh boy. I knew that look. A look which only served to fill me with an immediate unease.
“Kantoo! It’s about ta happen?” Grotts grabbed her arm.
Yes, that stoic stare was unmistakable. “The Spirit of In-between?” I asked even though I wasn’t really questioning it.
Ardette looked around. “That’s right. Her little pet is nowhere to be found.”
“Pet?” But my question would have to wait.
“Aura Telmacha Rosh,” said the Spirit in its raspy voice. “Heed my words.”
“Heeding,” I sighed.
“The true Judas has yet to be discovered. Beware those close to your heart!”
“The true Judas?” I asked. More of this ‘betrayer’ stuff? Can’t it be something clearer this time?!
Kantú stared ahead and said nothing. It looked like the spirit had said its bit and was about to leave its vessel, but I was far from ready to let it go.
“Wait!” I grabbed the Spirit’s shoulders and shook. “Tell me, what else do you know?! Please! Are Rend and Scardo all right? Is Illuma okay? Is-”
But it was no use. Too soon, Kantú’s body wilted into a pile on my lap, leaving me with only unanswered questions. The balcony door burst open, and a rush of feathers blew in from the landing along with the old light of the dusk’s dying sun. An amber hue settled upon the bed.
“This is so frustrating!” I growled and swatted away the feathers, which flurried about rebelliously in return. “Why can’t the Spirit of In-between say anything useful? It definitely knows everything, so why only give us bits and pieces?” I snorted through my teeth. “The true Judas? The true betrayer? What the heck does that mean anyway?!”
I was entirely agitated.
Grrr. Where’s Nyte? I need him right now!
Yes, I was brimming with agitation.
I need him!
But . . . why was I feeling so agitated?
I need another dose of warmth!
I grabbed the edge of the bed and dug my nails in.
Warmth! Now!
“Aura?” Kantú was back, staring up at me, chocolate eyes flickering with concern.
“Eh-” Blinking heavily, I released my clutch and looked around the startled group, feeling startled, myself, at the outburst. Huh? What in Creator’s name was that?
“Ah-he.” Grotts let out a tense chuckle.
I’m losing it. I’m definitely losing it. “S-sorry. I don’t know why-” I started to lie but stopped. “Actually, to tell the truth, I think there’s something wrong with me.” Something really wrong. I was . . . scaring myself.
“Something?” scoffed Ardette. He stepped out of his corner and stared out into the orange glow of the dusky skyline. “It’s that Elf’s doing!”
“Ardette,” I urged, “that’s not-”
But Kantú put out her hand to stop the erupting argument. “Grottsy,” she said, “think you can have Kugar arrange a bath for Aura and me?”
“Eh, yeah, sure.” He looked relieved to be rid of the awkward situation.
Ashamed, I watched him trot away. Kantú put her arm around me.
“What’s happening to me?” I whispered. The words were chilling on their way out of my mouth. Something was undeniably happening. Something big, and I didn’t know what to do.
That monster inside is starting to slip out! What happens if it completely breaks loose? Nyte . . .
“You’re fine,” insisted Kantú. “This’ll all feel better after a nice bath. I bet you’re just missing the ocean!”
If only that were true. I’d just started a sigh of concern when, out of nowhere, Ardette whistled.
“Huh?” With wary eyes I glanced over at him and braced myself. What now?
“My, my, will the two of you be bathing together? Might I join in?” he asked cunningly.
The question caught me completely off guard.
What?! But just a moment ago you were . . .
I stared in disbelief while he sauntered over to the bed and flashed a charming, white smile at the pair of us. Somehow, the swift change in demeanor was unsettling . . . extremely unsettling.
“I can’t stand the thought of two beautiful women excluding me from such a delightful scene.”
“Yeah, right!” Kantú swatted at him with her tail flirtingly. She wasn’t the least put-off by his sudden transformation.
“Scary,” I mumbled, my face more horrified than it maybe should have been for the situation, but horrified nonetheless.
“What was that, my cherry pit?”
“Your mask is scary.” I preferred him without it. At least if he became angry, it was really him, but this . . .
He stiffened. “My mask? Why, whatever are you referring to?”
I stared him down, but he held strong.
You know what
I’m talking about, so why do you insist on trying so hard? Unless . . . trying so hard keeps you from dwelling on other things. Is that it?
I finally understood.
“Never mind.” I shook my head.
It was pointless. If this was his way of coping – if it helped him make it through such a frustrating reality, then I should let him have it, even if it made my heart mourn to see him put it back on. His way of coping . . . What was mine? Should I adapt and develop a personality like that too? Somewhere where the addiction’s voice couldn’t reach me?
Somewhere safe.
I pondered in silence, while Ardette and Kantú continued to flirt, until Grotts came back and informed us that the bath was ready. Somewhere along the line, the sand had completely filtered from my body, leaving me free from the restraints of heaviness. Free to stand and bend and hold myself straight and steady, but for some reason, it still just felt like I was trying to hold myself together.
~
“See, doesn’t a bath make everything better?”
“I guess it does.”
The bath basin was lacking herbs, but just the steam from the water was enough to calm me down. Kantú sat on the edge of the basin and combed the tangles from my wet hair. It wasn’t as silver as usual, the drenching of water having darkened it to a stone-like gray. I didn’t mind. It looked a little more normal that way.
“Nyte should be back soon,” said Kantú. “He said before nightfall.”
“O-oh?” I tried to hide my eagerness. That was good. I missed him. “I wonder if he’s found them yet.”
“Nuh-ah!” she scolded. “You’re not allowed to worry or think about anything. This is relaxy time! All conversations must be kept light!”
Easier said than done. But I would try to play along, for her sake. Or was it really for my own?
“So, er, why were you out buying bird food earlier?” I asked. It seemed like a ‘light’ enough topic.
“Because I got a pet!” she answered enthusiastically, proud of herself at the feat.
“A . . . pet?”
“He’s someone you’ve met before.”
“He?” I narrowed my eyes. What in Farellah is she talking about?
