by Brindi Quinn
She giggled. “You’ll see.”
It was the same thing Ardette had said.
“And just when do I get to meet this mysterious pet?”
“Hm . . . tomorrow, I guess.”
She was still and quiet for moment, and I at first thought that the Spirit of In-between was making another appearance, but when I turned around to look, she was staring at me with glossy eyes.
“What!?”
“Ah! I’m just so happy you’re alive! I really did think . . . Oopsie! Never mind! Can’t break my own rules!”
Alive? Was there ever a doubt?
“Kantú,” – I grabbed her wrist – “what happened after we got separated? Was everything all right? We’re you all okay?” I realized for the first time that I hadn’t actually gotten the details yet. How selfish of me not to ask earlier! But there’d been so much else going on. Was I a terrible person for letting it slip my mind?
She cleared her throat. “What did I just tell you? You’re not supposed to be thinking of anything like that.”
“But I need to know. Please? I can’t ‘relax’ until I know.”
She scrunched up her face before answering. “Oh, all right. But if you show any signs of over-thinking, I’m stopping.”
“Deal.”
“Hmm, let’s see here. Well, everything was kind of chaotic with the ceiling falling apart like that. While we were trying to dodge the falling stuff, most of the Druelcans followed after your light like little swarming moths. You should’ve seen how mad Scardo and Ardette were that you used yourself as bait. Scardo was stuttering up a storm, and Ardette wasn’t acting like his charming, princely self at all!”
Ack! My eyebrow tweaked at her description of Ardette’s ‘self’.
She giggled and continued, “There were a few stragglers that the rest of them fought off, but Ardette bolted after you guys. Of course, he wasn’t able to keep up with Nyte, and the tunnel you guys ran through collapsed before he could get very far in, so he had to come back empty-handed. By that time, all of the walls were crumbling, and Grotts grabbed me and pulled me back the way we came. It was blocked by some rubble-ish stuff, but Rend came up and blasted a hole for us to get through. Then we dodged the pieces of rock that were shaking to the ground – just like real adventurers – and managed to climb back up that slope, even though it was really hard. We all made it outside, just in time to see the whole place collapse into a big pile.
“Scardo said that the rest of the Druelcans that had followed you were trapped inside. Isn’t that awful? I mean, I know they’re the bad guys, but they got smooshed!”
Er- ‘smooshed’? Somehow the term didn’t seem fitting for the severity of the situation. But I guess that is her style.
She paused and bit her lip. “The next part is kinda sad.”
Sad? “That’s okay, just tell me, please.” But still I braced myself.
She took a deep breath and nodded. “So everyone kinda thought that you guys got trapped in there right along with them, and I was so worried I’d lost you. I couldn’t even breathe, but Grotts held onto my shoulders and kept telling me that it was going to be all right. Rend was really mad and cranky as usual, and she was just kinda blasting at nothing, so Scardo had to calm her down, but he looked ready to fall apart too, saying that the Heart of Salvation was lost and that now there was no hope and stuff.” She took another deep breath. “But the worst was definitely Ardette. He dropped to his knees, and I couldn’t see his face, but his back was shaking. And he screamed this really tormented scream like that time Delna Lynn’s dad died, but a million times worse, and he was staring at his hands and saying all kinds of weird stuff! It was,” – she winced – “hard to watch.”
Oh Creator!
I was frozen in disgusted disbelief for a moment before answering. “Th-that’s terrible! I had no idea . . . To think you guys went through something like that-”
Kantú let out a huff and made a pouty face.
“No! No worrying, remember? Anyways, the next part is happy, so listen up! Ardette suddenly stopped and told everyone to be quiet, and he leaned forward and got really happy and said you were alive. Rend, the meanie, doubted him, of course, and started freaking out at him, but he looked too relieved and happy for it to be a lie. So we believed him, and he said he’d go search one way and told Rend and Scardo to go a different way. I wanted to help look too, but Grotts said someone had to wait, in case you came back to Crystair. And that’s it! We came back without any troubles!”
“What do you mean, ‘that’s it’? That’s terrible! I’m so sorry. I just wanted to do something to save you guys, but I . . . I . . .” Made it so difficult for everyone.
“Like I said before, you saved us. You know how those guys get when they’re fighting someone, right? Well, they would’ve kept on fighting until they got smooshed too. You know that’s what would have happened!”
She gripped the edge of the tub and leaned in to convey her opinion on the matter further.
“Kantú . . .”
I couldn’t help but admire that determination on her face. She seemed like she really believed it, so I’d do my best to believe it too. It was certainly much easier to accept the reality of their pain if I believed it’d been for the best.
But still, it’s so hard to let it go.
“Gah!” Kantú placed her hands on her hips and shot me a look of accusation. “You look more stressed-out than when you got in!”
“Uh-” I could see that worry on her face. Even now, I was causing her pain. I owed it to her to at least pretend that everything was okay, if only for just a little bit.
I forced a grin. “Batty squirrel,” I teased, “haven’t you learned anything since coming to live with us Sapes? It’s impossible to feel stressed while soaking in steam.”
She released a chitter of delight.
Good. For you, I’ll pretend awhile.
I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath of calming steam.
“So,” she said after a moment, “what did you and Nyte do while you were alone together?”
My body tensed. “That’s! Er-”
Yah! When I agreed to keep it light, I didn’t mean asking something like that!
“Ha! So you did do something?”
I turned my back to the scrutinizing gaze that was surely upon me.
“Go on!” she squealed.
“Uhhh-” I closed my eyes and escaped beneath the water, where her too-probing questions couldn’t reach.
What should I say? Should I tell her about how hard it’s gotten for me to touch him lately? Or about . . . the kiss? Even in the heat of the bath, I could still feel my cheeks grow hot. No, I can’t tell her that; rather, I can’t say it aloud without getting too excited. But what should I say? I’ll just have to change the topic for now.
I was just about to resurface, not by choice, but from lack of air when, behind the darkness of my own eyelids, an image – one single image – flashed.
Illuma was standing under a starless night in the meadow, reaching her hand out towards . . . someone. A ‘someone’ with lovely, alluring hands that I too wanted to touch . . . but I was too . . . afraid.
“Huh!” I bolted above the water, gasping for air.
“Ack!” Kantú was clearly panicked by my sudden surface. She reached for my shoulders and wildly searched my face for injury. “Aura?! What is it?!”
“I-I saw something!”
“Something?” she urged anxiously.
“An image or something. I think it was . . . a memory.”
“A memory? Of what?! Are you all right?!”
“Illuma was there. It was when we were children. I don’t know, but I think it might have been . . . of that night.”
Chapter 4: The Confession
I stared off into the still night of the city and pulled the new bistre cloak tighter around myself, admiring the lightness of its fabric as I did.
Thank you, my batty squirrel.
The cloak, w
hich belled out at the waist and was longer than my old one, had been a gift from Kantú. It seemed bird food hadn’t been the only thing on her shopping list that day, for post-bath she’d promptly presented me with a full set of new traveling attire, complete with hide miner’s boots – an accessory for which I was overwhelmingly grateful. My Elven travel slippers had long since worn thin.
Once again, I realized how lucky I was to have her along. A piece of home. On top of everything, she’d agreed not to tell anyone else about the memory, or whatever it was, until I figured it out more. Figure out more? That in itself was troublesome.
Could it really have been of that night?
According to Grotts, the memory had been suppressed by Miss Danice. I’d never had to deal with memory suppression before, so of course I didn’t know how something like that worked, but I thought that maybe if I let my mind go blank, the image would resurface on its own.
But as usual, my mind wouldn’t go blank. I still felt guilty and frustrated about how much time we’d lost, and I was eager to get back on our journey, but unfortunately, it was night, and the others wouldn’t be ready to leave until dawn. Sleep was far from my mind, having awoken from a two day slumber, so I’d taken position on the inn-room’s scrap-metal balcony to await Nyte’s return. He’d said before nightfall, but nightfall was here and he was late.
I wanted him back. I wanted him back so badly that it hurt my chest. Whenever I was with him, I always became so jittery and embarrassed, but without him, I could only think about pulling him close to me and holding him there – taking my captor captive.
Such bold intentions became mere wishful thinking behind my trembling hands and dropping stomach whenever we were actually together, and in the end, it was always him doing the holding, but for now, I wanted him, and while impulses like those would surely melt away into over-self-awareness and nerves when I actually saw him, at the moment, I wanted nothing more than to place my ear against his beating chest and listen to the thudding of his warmth.
His warmth.
Are you sure that’s not what you’re missing? What you’re craving?
No. It’s him. That carefree spirit. That mischievous smile. That playful taunt. I miss him. I’m sure of it.
You won’t be . . .
“Eh!” I was surprised at how sure of itself it sounded.
Lately, that voice of addiction had become stronger. I knew it was me, or rather, a piece of me, but it was still annoying. I hated that part. I wanted to cut it away. I wanted to long for Nyte alone, without the back-voice of the addiction urging me to feast. It made me sick. But it was me . . . or some side-effect of my awakening . . . but internal, nonetheless. So how was I to cope? I just wanted it gone.
I exhaled heavily. Maybe exhaling could push out the addiction.
It didn’t work. It wasn’t active at the moment, but I could still feel it back there, deep inside, waiting for Nyte to be close enough to start its sinful whispering.
I exhaled again and tried to give myself to the night’s shroud. Tonight the darkness over me wasn’t black, but blue, influenced by the silver of the glittering city. My last time on this awning had been with Nyte, but now I was alone, left to my own running thoughts. From somewhere, the smell of fire drifted through the alleys. A warm fire, a safe fire, a fire unlike the destruction of Edaw. It was too distant for me to hear its crackling, but in my head, I imagined it reaching me along with the warmth of smoke that I’d never crave.
The elements had always been so kind to me. Why couldn’t I be kind to myself? Why couldn’t I control myself the way I could the elements? Why?
“Stand back!” There was a hushed call from somewhere below me.
I’d been staring at an uninteresting piece of awning across the street for only a short while, but it’d been long enough for someone to slip in unnoticed. At the call’s prod, I now looked down and found a tall figure sprinting towards me. My stomach turned over.
It’s him!
I wanted to yell, but the room behind me was quiet, and though I knew at least one of them was already awake and keeping guard just inside, it would still be a disrespect to call out to my Elf now. Instead, I scrambled to my feet and began wildly throwing my arms above me. It would only be moments until I’d see his face, moments until he’d run up the steps and burst through the door behind me.
But Nyte didn’t bother with entering the inn in any sort of conventional manner. Without letting up his sprint, he continued towards me with no apparent intention of stopping.
Huh?! Watch where you’re going!
For a moment, it looked like he’d slam into the side of the building at full-force. The thought of such commotion and injury made me cease my waving. I instead tried to plan how I’d react to a situation like that, but it was unnecessary; for just at the last minute, with ease and a grin, the nimble Elf sprang from the ground and landed light-footedly on the edge of my second-story post.
I stared at him in awe, almost forgetting to feel jittery.
Still grinning, he dusted off his hands and started to walk toward me.
“Show off!” I whispered, paranoidly looking behind me to make sure no one had been alerted to Nyte’s arrival.
“Miss Havoc, you are awake!”
Without giving me a chance to answer, he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me against his chest.
Ah! My heart was already on fire from seeing him, but it erupted at his embrace – so much so, that had I been in poorer health, I’m certain I would have experienced a heart attack right there. He wrapped his arms around my back and rested his chin on my head. Immediately the warmth was there, but for once it was shadowed by the pounding in my chest. I was too exhilarated – my body too alive – to fully feel acknowledge it. There were too many other emotions competing for attention.
“I missed you, Nyte.” It was such an understatement, but it was all I could manage in the high of being hugged by him.
At my words, there was a strong push from the warmth. I stiffened and struggled to ignore it.
“I have longed for you as well,” replied Nyte gently. “May I hold you this way awhile?”
Hold me?! It was almost too much, but that was exactly what I wanted him to do, so selfishly, though I knew it was dangerous, I nodded, trying to hide the complete elation I felt.
How much longer could I keep the warmth from getting to me? This was a hazardous game . . . but I was too weak to give up.
I closed my eyes, intending to enjoy it as long as I could.
“Nyte?” I said, my voice barely audible.
“What is it, Miss Havoc?”
I still hadn’t told him. Should I now?
I love you. My hands were on his back, but at the thought of confessing what he must already know, they gripped him on their own and pulled him even closer.
This time, the warmth was un-ignorable. It radiated from his whole body and poured into me at an alarming speed. The addiction didn’t waste a second.
Now’s your chance.
I didn’t want to think it.
He’s vulnerable, so take it now.
No! I will not!
But the rushing warmth did little to help the situation.
All it takes is one pull, and all of that power will be yours!
“Ah! No!” Using every ounce of self-control within me, I let out a soft cry. Nyte stiffened.
“I am sorry,” he said, but he didn’t release me.
The warmth retreated just a bit, but it was still too much.
“Nyte, I’m trying, but I don’t think I can help it much longer. We have to stop.” Before it happens again!
“No!” He shook his head. “Just a moment longer. I have been waiting to hold you for days, but the Daem guarded you in ways most unfavorable. I will try to contain myself!”
The warmth pulled away a bit more. Nyte was doing his best to make it more manageable. If he was willing to try, then so was I.
“Alright.” I closed my eyes and concentrated on
keeping the addiction at bay with the Song of Juniper’s Cry. It had briefly worked before; maybe it could bring me some sort of deliverance again.
An entire minute passed where the addiction was silent.
Come on, Aura. You’re doing well. Just don’t think about it.
I was pleasantly surprised with how this was going – how well we were doing. It felt like we might actually beat it this time.
Another half-minute passed . . .
Great! This is great!
But then I made a big mistake. A mistake of disastrous proportions.
I allowed my back-thoughts to drift from the internal singing that had yet to cease. I say ‘allowed’, but I’m not sure if I had any consent in the matter at all. It was only a simple thought, but it was enough to bring everything crashing down. With Nyte there, against me, I stupidly, oh so stupidly, let the fleeting contemplation about how good he smelled penetrate the protective cover of song.
His smell . . . like summer in the meadow . . . like lovely pink petals falling snow-like from the cherry trees.
I want you. Again, I impulsively gripped him against me. The warmth seeped out of him in a large wave.
“Ah! A-are you even trying?” whispered Nyte in a shaky voice. “Are you trying to torment me?”
“Oops!” I blushed at my bold outburst. “Er, sorry.” I pulled myself away, but he gripped my arms and stared down at me with a smirk on his lips.
“That was good though, was it not?” he said. “We are building up a tolerance.”
“A tolerance?” I feigned offense. “Are you saying I’m intolerable?”
“In so many ways.”
I growled and he chuckled, and for a moment, the atmosphere was easy, but when a sly gale of night breeze ran through my hair, it was too much for Nyte. Still holding onto my arms, he bit his lip.
I could see the struggle within him, the temptation he was fighting, but I was torn myself and did nothing to help, only stared up at him with shining eyes of anticipation while the breeze taunted him, billowing my hair loosely around my shoulders and releasing the scent of jarred rose that I’d applied after the bath.
