On Her Own

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  “You think it’ll be much longer?”

  “Don’t rightly know. She invited me to eat lunch with her and the boys today, and she seemed to be doing okay.” He frowned. “Come to think of it, she did look kind of tired by the time we were done.”

  “She’s been through a lot.”

  Paul nodded.

  “Guess your brother’s widow must still be grieving, too.”

  “Jah. Margaret’s taking Dan’s death pretty hard, although she’s trying to keep busy so she doesn’t miss him so much.”

  “We’ve had several deaths in our community lately.” Noah stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. “John Frey lost his wife six months ago.”

  “I heard that.”

  Noah’s voice lowered a notch. “Word has it that he’s looking for another wife already.”

  Paul leaned against the workbench and crossed his arms. “Is that so?”

  “Jah. He’s got four daughters who need a woman’s guiding hand.”

  “I suppose they would.”

  “Faith thinks the bishop has set his cap for Barbara.”

  Paul’s mouth dropped. That would explain John Frey’s visit earlier in the day. Apparently, the man had more on his mind than seeing how Barbara was doing.

  “You look surprised,” Noah said. “It’s pretty common for a widower with kinner to remarry soon after his wife’s passing. Truth be told, I’m surprised Barbara hasn’t remarried by now, what with her having three young’uns and a boppli to raise.”

  Paul gave a slight shrug. The thought of Barbara marrying Bishop Frey made his stomach churn. She was too young and full of life to be married to a man whose hair and beard had more gray than brown. As he opened his mouth to say something, Aaron sauntered up, holding his hands out for inspection. “See, no oil.”

  “That’s good. Why don’t you get back to work on those buckles, then.”

  Aaron glanced up at Noah. “Did you bring any cookies today?”

  “Not this time.” Noah motioned toward the workbench. “Want to show me what you’ve been working on?”

  “It’s nothin’ much, but if you wanna see, it’s all right by me.”

  Noah winked at Paul. Aaron led Noah over to the bench while Paul went to work at the riveting machine. He was thankful Noah had dropped by. Aaron seemed much more comfortable with him.

  When Barbara awoke from her nap, Joseph and Zachary were playing in their room. Aaron was nowhere to be found, so she assumed he was still at the shop with Paul. David was awake but not fussy. She would change his diaper and see if he wanted to nurse; then the four of them would go check on Aaron.

  Half an hour later, Barbara headed to the harness shop. She held the baby in her arms while Zachary and Joseph traipsed alongside her.

  “Do I get to help in the harness shop like Aaron’s doin’?” Joseph asked.

  She shook her head. “You’re not old enough for that yet, son.”

  Joseph halted and dragged his bare foot through the dirt, making little circles with his big toe. “How come Aaron gets to have all the fun?”

  “Working in the harness shop isn’t like playing a game,” Barbara said patiently. “You’ll find that out in a few years when you’re able to start helping there.”

  Joseph shrugged and started walking again.

  Barbara smiled. Joseph was her most easygoing child. He would get over his disappointment quickly.

  When they entered the harness shop a few minutes later, the sight that greeted Barbara sent a shock through her middle. Aaron’s hands were completely black, and he had dark smudges on his face and shirt. He held on to a strap, which he’d obviously been staining, but the child had more dye on himself than anyplace else. She looked around for Paul and spotted him in front of the riveting machine, humming and working away as if he didn’t have a care in the world. Didn’t the man realize what a mess Aaron had made? He’d obviously not been watching the boy closely enough. Maybe Barbara had made a mistake agreeing to let Aaron help Paul. Maybe she shouldn’t have hired Paul to work for her in the first place.

  “What’s wrong, Mama?” Aaron asked. “You look kind of grank.”

  Barbara moved swiftly to his side. “I’m not sick, Aaron, just a bit put out.”

  “How come?”

  “Look at your hands.”

  “Jah, they’re black as coal,” Joseph put in.

  “Black as coal,” Zachary parroted.

  Aaron wrinkled his nose. “Stay out of this, you two.”

  “There’s no reason for you to be talking to your brothers like that.” Barbara shifted the baby to her other arm and nodded at Aaron. “I want you to march on back to the sink and scrub your hands and face.”

  “But, Mama, I’m not done yet. Paul said if I finished this job by four o’clock, he’d pay me a dollar.”

  Barbara didn’t want to say anything that might cause Aaron to dislike working in the harness shop. “All right, then. But try to be more careful. You’re supposed to be staining the leather ends, not your hands and clothes.”

  “I’ll do my best.”

  She moved toward Paul, but the two younger boys stayed near Aaron. That was just as well. She didn’t think they should hear what she had to say.

  “Did you come to see how Aaron’s doing?” Paul asked when she stood beside him at the riveting machine.

  Barbara nodded. “I’m not too pleased to see the mess he’s making with that dye you’re letting him use.”

  “Dying leather’s a messy job.”

  “True, but his hands are all black, and he ended up getting dye on his shirt and face, too.”

  Paul kept working.

  “Did you show him the right way to hold the brush and cover the edges of the leather with stain?”

  “Of course.”

  When the baby hiccuped, Barbara put him over her shoulder and patted his back. “There’s a right way and a wrong way to hold the paintbrush,” she said. “The right way keeps the stain on the leather and not so much on the hands.”

  Paul’s pale eyebrows drew together. “Are you questioning my ability to teach your son?”

  She clamped her lips together, afraid she might spew some unkind words. Who did Paul Hilty think he was? He acted as if this were his shop.

  “Well, are you questioning my ability?” he persisted.

  Barbara drew in a deep breath and blew it out quickly. “I’m not questioning your ability. But I think you need to remember that this is my shop and Aaron is my son.” She paused long enough to grab another quick breath. “Not only that, but I’m the one who will have to spend time trying to get the dye off his hands and face before Sunday. I sure wouldn’t want him going to preaching like that.”

  Paul chuckled. “No, that would never do.”

  Barbara bit her bottom lip hard. “Are you laughing at me?”

  “Not really. I was just thinking how different you look when you’re mad.”

  Her face heated up. “I am not mad.”

  “You’re not mad, huh? Then how come your cheeks are so pink?”

  Barbara mentally counted to ten. Was he trying to goad her into an argument? “I’m upset because you haven’t been watching Aaron closely enough.”

  “I have been watching him, and the boy’s doing fine, Barbara. I know he made a mess with the dye, but how is he supposed to learn if he doesn’t try?”

  In her heart, Barbara knew Paul was right. Aaron would learn best by doing, even if he did make a mess. She still felt defensive. This was her shop, and she had a certain way of doing things. That included how she would teach her son to dye leather straps.

  “I’m thinking sometime next week I might come to the shop and work awhile,” she blurted out.

  Paul’s eyebrows lifted. “You really think that’s wise? It’s only been a few weeks since you had the baby.”

  Her heart began to pound. Did he think he knew what was best for her, too? “I’m not planning to work full-time. I thought it would be good to try a few hours
and see how it goes.”

  “What about the kinner?”

  “I’m sure my mamm will watch them.”

  “Even the boppli? Doesn’t he need to be fed regularly?”

  She nodded. “I can plan my time in the shop around his feeding schedule. If he needs me, Mom can send one of the boys out to let me know.”

  Paul shrugged and grabbed another metal rivet. “Whatever you think best. You’re the boss.”

  Chapter 9

  Sunday dawned with a cloudless sky, and for the first time since little David was born, Barbara would be going to church. In some ways, she looked forward to it. She had missed fellowshipping with other believers. But in another way, she looked on it with dread. Paul would be there, and after their confrontation at the harness shop, she wasn’t sure she could face him.

  She stared out at her overgrown lawn. He probably thinks I’m rude and controlling, but he has to understand the way things are. I own the harness shop, and that gives me the right to say how things should be done. I’m also Aaron’s mother, and regardless of what Paul may think, I know what’s best for my son.

  A vision of her oldest boy’s dirty black hands popped into Barbara’s mind. When Aaron had come home from the shop that day, she’d scrubbed for nearly an hour, trying to get the black stain off. Three days later, Aaron’s hands were a dingy gray.

  When Barbara’s three boys came running into the kitchen, she looked away from the window.

  “Is breakfast ready yet, Mama?” Joseph asked. “I’m hungry!”

  She smiled. “I made blueberry pancakes.”

  “Yum. Those are my favorite,” Aaron said as he pulled out a chair.

  “Did you wash your hands?” Barbara asked.

  “Didn’t think I needed to this morning.”

  “Oh? And why’s that?”

  Aaron held up his hands. “Been washed so many times, there ain’t much skin left.”

  “Don’t exaggerate.” Barbara nodded toward the sink. “You’d better get it done.”

  Aaron grunted but did as he was told.

  “Me and Zachary washed our hands,” Joseph said.

  “That’s good to hear. Now scoot up to the table.” Barbara lifted Zachary onto his stool while Joseph sat in a chair. At least two of her boys were compliant. I wonder how little David will be when he’s older, she mused. Will he be even-tempered like these two, or will the boppli take after his oldest brother and be stubborn as a mule?

  “Margaret’s yard sure looks nice,” Faith commented as Noah pulled their buggy into the Hiltys’ yard. “She’s obviously been busy weeding.”

  “It probably does her good to keep busy.”

  Faith nodded. “Jah. It’s only been a few weeks since Dan died.” She looked over at Noah and smiled. “While you’re getting the horse unhitched, I’ll see if I can speak with her before preaching service starts.”

  “Okay. See you later.”

  Faith herded their two children toward the house and stopped to say a quick hello to her mother.

  Mom smiled at the children. “Susie’s out back playing on the swings with some of the other kinner. Why don’t the two of you join them?”

  The children didn’t have to be asked twice, and as they scampered off, Faith went inside to speak with Margaret. She found her in the kitchen getting a glass of water.

  “Wie geht’s, Margaret?” she asked, stepping up beside the woman.

  Margaret smiled, although there was no sparkle in her blue eyes. “I’m getting by. . .taking one day at a time.”

  “I was admiring your garden as we drove in,” Faith said, glancing out the window. “Looks like you’ve been busy. I didn’t see a single weed.”

  “I enjoy spending time in the garden. It makes me feel closer to God, and it keeps my hands and mind occupied.”

  “Speaking of gardens, did you know there’s going to be a work frolic at Barbara Zook’s place next week?”

  “Jah. Bishop John told me. He asked if I’d be willing to go and help out since I know a thing or two about gardening.”

  “Are you planning to go?”

  Margaret nodded. “May as well. It’ll give me something meaningful to do.”

  Faith gave Margaret a hug. “I lost my first husband, so I know a little of what you’re going through. Of course, Greg and I were never as close as you and Dan.” Faith wouldn’t have admitted it to Margaret, but back when she’d been living in the English world and Greg had been killed after stepping into traffic during one of his drunken stupors, she’d had mixed feelings. Greg had been harsh and abusive with her almost the whole time they were married. He’d gambled and drunk excessively and, as her agent, had forced her to do more performances than she had cared to. But Faith had been in love with Greg when they first got married, and he had been a decent father to Melinda. For that reason, Faith had grieved when he’d been killed. How grateful she was that God had brought Noah into her life and given her a second chance at being a godly wife and a good mother to her two precious children.

  “I spoke with Paul the other day, and he said he’s enjoying the work he does in Barbara’s harness shop,” Margaret said, pulling Faith’s reflections back to the present.

  Faith smiled. “That’s what he told Noah not long ago, too.”

  “Do you think it’ll be long before Barbara takes over the harness shop again?”

  “I don’t know, but I just may ask her.” Faith pointed out the window. “Looks like her daed’s rig pulling into your yard now.”

  “Well, I’ll let you go so you can visit with her before preaching service begins.” Margaret set her glass in the sink. “I should speak with Dan’s mother.”

  Faith gave Margaret’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I’ll see you at the work frolic next week.”

  “You can count on it.”

  Faith scurried out the back door and made it to Samuel’s buggy moments after he halted it near the barn. “It’s good to see you this morning,” she said as she helped Barbara climb down with the baby in her arms. The boys had already run off toward a group of children.

  Barbara smiled. “It feels good to be out again.”

  Faith held out her hands. “Mind if I hold the boppli? It’s been awhile since I had a newborn in my arms.”

  Barbara handed her son over to Faith. “I believe he’s put on a few pounds since you last saw him.”

  “That’s good.” Faith scrutinized Barbara. “Looks like you’ve gained some weight, too.”

  Barbara nodded. “I believe I have. My appetite’s slowly returning.”

  “Glad to hear it. How’s the depression?”

  “It comes and goes. But I’m sure it’ll be gone once I’m able to work in the harness shop again.”

  “How long do you think it will be before that happens?” Faith asked as they walked toward the house.

  “I’m hoping to work a few hours next week.”

  Faith’s eyebrows rose. “So soon?”

  Barbara shrugged. “I get bored sitting around the house.”

  Faith kissed the top of Davey’s head. “But you have this little guy to keep you busy. Not to mention your three active boys.” She motioned to the maple tree where the children awaited their turn on the swing.

  “I love caring for my kinner, but I also like working in the shop. Besides, somebody’s got to earn the money to support my brood.”

  “According to Noah, Paul’s managing the harness shop just fine.”

  “He probably is, but he won’t be here forever. I’m sure he’s anxious to return to Pennsylvania.” Barbara nibbled on her lower lip. “Until I’m working full-time, I doubt he’ll feel free to go.”

  “Shows what kind of man he is, don’t you think?” Faith took a seat in the rocking chair on the porch and rocked the baby.

  Barbara sat in the wicker chair next to her. “Paul seems conscientious and hardworking.”

  “Is that all?”

  “What are you getting at?”

  Faith tipped her head. �
�I merely wondered what you think of him as a man, that’s all.”

  “I just told you.”

  “Does he appeal to you?”

  Barbara’s mouth dropped open. “It’s not proper for a newly widowed woman to think such things, and you know it.”

  “Barbara, it’s been almost a year since David died. I’ve known several widows and widowers who married within the first year.”

  Barbara’s body stiffened. “I’m not looking for a husband.”

  “Maybe not. But I’m pretty sure there’s one looking for you.” Faith nodded toward Bishop Frey. “I hear tell he’s got marrying on his mind, and word has it you’re the man’s first choice.”

  John stepped onto the porch. “Guder mariye, ladies,” he said with a nod in Barbara’s direction.

  “Morning, Bishop Frey,” the women said in unison.

  He gave his beard a quick tug. “You’re looking tired today, Barbara. Are you sure you don’t want me to send one of my girls over to your place to help out?”

  She smiled, but it appeared to be forced. “I’m managing, but I’ll let you know if I should need anything.”

  “All right, then. I’ll be around to call on you again soon.” He took a few steps closer to Barbara. “Oh, by the way, I spoke to Margaret Hilty the other day, and she said she’d be happy to help with your garden. She and some other women will come over next week to help.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  John shifted his weight from one foot to the other while clearing his throat. After a few awkward moments, he glanced over at Faith. “How are things with you and Noah these days?”

  “We’re doing fine. Noah’s keeping busy with his job, and I keep busy with things at home.”

  “It’s always good to be busy. Jah, real good.” He shuffled his feet a few more times, then looked back at Barbara. “Well, I’d best be getting inside now. Service will be starting soon.” With a quick nod, he left.

  From where Paul sat on the men’s side of the room, he had a perfect view of Barbara Zook. She looked serene, sitting on the bench, cradling her infant son. A deep yearning welled up in Paul’s chest, just as it had that afternoon in Barbara’s kitchen. Had he made a mistake thinking marriage wasn’t for him? Should he look for a wife when he returned to Pennsylvania? Only problem was, he wasn’t interested in anyone back there. No other woman had affected him the way Barbara had, yet his attraction to her made no sense. Whenever they were in the same room, he either felt uncomfortable or irritated with her criticism.