On Her Own

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  On Saturday afternoon, Barbara was about to begin working on a new harness for Noah Hertzler when she spotted John Frey’s rig coming up the driveway. Since her father was in the back room taking stock of their supplies, she knew she would have to be the one to wait on the bishop.

  A few minutes later, John entered the harness shop wearing a grin as wide as the Missouri River. “Just came by to share my good news,” he said, removing his hat.

  “What news is that?”

  John looked around, as though worried that someone might hear them. “Are we alone?”

  “Dad’s here, but he’s in the back room right now.”

  “I have some news I wanted to share with you, but for now, I’d rather not tell anyone else. I would ask that you not mention it to anyone, either.”

  “Whatever you say won’t leave this room,” Barbara promised.

  “I’ve just come from seeing Margaret Hilty, and she’s agreed to become my wife.”

  Barbara smiled. “That’s good news. The last time we talked, you said you wanted to marry her.”

  “Jah, I was just waiting for the right time to ask.” He twisted the brim of his straw hat in his hands. “We won’t marry until Margaret’s set her mourning clothes aside, of course.” He took a step closer to Barbara. “Are you going to be okay here on your own? If I thought for one minute that you—”

  She shook her head. “There’s no need for you to worry about me, Bishop John. I’m praying about what God would have me do with the harness shop, and I’m confident that He’ll show me the way.”

  He patted her arm in a fatherly fashion. “Jah, I’m sure He will.”

  Paul was glad the hay had finally been harvested and that his dad had no problem with Paul taking off to go fishing with Aaron.

  “It sure is a nice day for fishing,” Pop said as Paul hitched the horse to his buggy. “Bet they’ll be bitin’ real good, too. Won’t be long before the weather will be turning cold.”

  “How about you and me going fishing sometime next week?” Paul asked.

  “Sounds good. I’ll be looking forward to it.” Pop gave him a nod. “I hope you and Aaron enjoy your day.”

  Paul grinned and hopped into the open buggy. “I’m sure we will.”

  Fifteen minutes later, he pulled into the Zooks’ yard, eager to take Aaron fishing and anxious to see the boy’s mother. Much to Paul’s chagrin, he noticed Bishop Frey standing outside the harness shop talking to Barbara. As far as Paul was concerned, the older man stood much too close to the woman Paul wanted to make his own.

  He clamped his teeth together and jumped down from the buggy.

  Trying not to appear as though he were eavesdropping, Paul stroked his horse behind the ear and strained to hear what the two of them were saying.

  “I’m glad you agree,” John said, giving Barbara a wide smile. “I think we’ll be very happy together.”

  Barbara nodded in return. “I think so, too.”

  A knot formed in Paul’s stomach, and he nearly doubled over from the pain. Apparently, Barbara had decided to accept the bishop’s marriage proposal. Paul felt like climbing back into his buggy and heading straight for home, but just then, Aaron rushed across the yard waving his fishing pole and grinning from ear to ear. Even though Paul wasn’t in the mood to go fishing now, he had promised the boy, so he would see it through. When he brought Aaron home, however, he planned to tell Barbara he was leaving Webster County for good. He’d come back home planning to stay only a few weeks but had ended up staying several months. There was no point in him staying any longer.

  With a sigh of resignation, Paul helped Aaron into the buggy, gave a halfhearted wave to Barbara, and pulled out of the yard.

  “Sure have been lookin’ forward to this day,” Aaron said, nudging Paul’s arm.

  Paul nodded. “Me, too.”

  As they rode in companionable silence, Paul relished the sounds of birds singing from the trees lining the road and the steady clip-clop of the horse’s hooves against the pavement. It was quiet and peaceful on this stretch of road. For that matter, all of Webster County was quiet compared to the area he’d left back in Pennsylvania. Paul would miss all of this, and he sure wished he could stay. But it would be hard to stick around and watch Barbara become the bishop’s wife. Of course, if she married John, she would probably decide to sell the harness shop. Paul could offer to buy the place, and that would mean he could stay here and live near his folks. But owning the harness shop didn’t hold nearly the appeal anymore. Not without Barbara at his side. No, the best thing he could do was return to Pennsylvania and try to forget he’d ever allowed himself to foolishly fall in love with Barbara.

  Aaron poked Paul’s arm again, pulling him out of his musings. “Sure can’t wait to catch me some big old fish today.”

  Paul smiled. “I hope they’re biting real good.”

  A short time later, they pulled up by the pond. Paul hopped down and secured his horse to a tree while Aaron ran off toward the water.

  They spent the next few hours sitting on a large rock, visiting and fishing. Paul was pleased that they’d each hooked a couple of big catfish. It would give Aaron something to take home to show his mother, and Paul would have some fish to contribute to his meal at home tonight.

  “Guess it’s time for us to head for home,” Paul finally said, reeling in his line.

  “Do we have to go so soon? It seems like we just got here.”

  “It’s getting close to supper,” Paul said, ruffling the boy’s hair. “And I don’t want your mamm to worry about you.”

  “Aw, she won’t worry ’cause she knows I’m with you.”

  “Even so, I think it’s time for us to go.”

  “You gotta catch me first!” Aaron hopped up and started running along the banks of the pond.

  Paul set his pole aside and quickly followed. He’d almost caught up to Aaron, when the boy’s foot slipped on a rock, and he fell toward the pond. Paul reached out his long arm and grabbed Aaron just in time. “Got you!”

  Aaron looked up at Paul, his dark eyes wide and his mouth hanging slightly open. “You did it again, Paul. That’s the second time you’ve saved my life.”

  “I don’t really think your life was in danger this time, Aaron. I just saved you from a chilly dunking, that’s all,” Paul said, his voice thick with emotion.

  “I hope you stay in Webster County forever.” Aaron clung to Paul’s arm. “ ’Cause I sure do need you.”

  Paul swallowed around the lump lodged in his throat. He knew he would be leaving soon, but he sure didn’t want to go.

  Paul and Aaron didn’t return home until nearly five o’clock, so Barbara figured they’d had a good time. She couldn’t wait to hear about their fishing trip and find out what Paul wanted to discuss with her. He hadn’t said anything before they left, but she’d been busy talking with John Frey. Paul must have decided the matter could wait until he’d brought Aaron home this evening.

  When Paul halted the horse, Barbara stepped up to the buggy. “Did you two have a good time?”

  Aaron jumped down holding a plastic sack with a couple of fish tails sticking out. “We each caught two nice catfish, and I almost fell in the pond.”

  Barbara’s gaze went immediately to Paul. “What happened?”

  He shrugged. “Aaron was running along the edge of the pond, and he slipped. He nearly fell in, but I caught him before he hit the water.”

  Aaron’s dark eyes shone like two shiny pennies. “That’s the second time Paul’s saved me now.”

  A lump formed in Barbara’s throat. It was wonderful to see Aaron enjoying Paul’s company and appreciating him so much. “I’m glad you’re okay and didn’t get wet.” She smiled at Paul. “Danki, Paul.”

  He nodded.

  “Are you two hungry?” she asked.

  Aaron’s head bobbed up and down. “Jah, sure. I could eat a mule.”

  Barbara chuckled. “I’m afraid your grandpa might have something to say if you
go after one of his mules.” She looked at Paul. “Would you like to stay for supper? I’ve made a big pot of beans and some corn bread.”

  A shadow crossed Paul’s face, and he avoided her gaze. “I appreciate the offer, but I’d best be getting home.”

  “Aw, can’t you stay awhile?” Aaron asked with a pout. “I know my little brothers would like to see you.”

  “Sorry.” Paul leaned over and handed the boy his fishing pole. “I promised my mamm I’d be home early tonight, so I’d better be on my way.” He climbed into his buggy and quickly gathered up the reins.

  “What about the talk we were supposed to have?” Barbara asked. “I thought you had something you wanted to discuss with me.”

  “It was nothing important. I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be leaving for Pennsylvania early next week.” Paul stared at her with a strange expression. “I hope you have a good life, Barbara.” Before she could respond, he drove swiftly out of the yard.

  “Sure wish he could’ve stayed to eat with us,” Aaron said dejectedly.

  Barbara nodded slowly. She wished Paul would have stayed, too. “Maybe some other time, son.”

  “But you heard him, Mama. Paul said he’ll be leaving soon.” Aaron’s lower lip trembled, and his eyes filled with tears. “And just when we were becoming good friends.”

  Barbara gave Aaron a hug as she fought to control her own emotions. “I’m awful sorry. I guess some things just aren’t meant to be.”

  “Are you coming to bed?” Noah asked as Faith stood in front of their bedroom window, staring at the night sky.

  She turned to face the bed, where he sat holding his Bible. “I’m not sure I can sleep.”

  A look of concern flashed across his face. “What’s wrong? Are you worried about one of the kinner?”

  Faith shook her head and sat down beside him. “I spoke with Margaret Hilty today, and she gave me some surprising news.”

  “What?”

  “Margaret told me that John Frey asked her to marry him.”

  Noah’s eyebrows shot up. “That’s sure a surprise. What’d she tell him?”

  “She said yes. But they won’t be getting married for a few more months. Not until she has set her mourning clothes aside.”

  “I guess that makes sense.”

  “I knew the bishop had been making calls on Margaret, but until today, I had no idea they had developed such a personal relationship or that he’d proposed marriage.” Faith’s forehead wrinkled. “At one point, the bishop was after Barbara to marry him. But the last time I spoke with Barbara, she told me John had changed his mind about marrying her, and she was glad because she’s not in love with him.” She grunted. “My good friend never said a word about John proposing marriage to Margaret, though. It makes me wonder what happened to change his mind.”

  Noah reached for Faith’s hand. “After spending so much time with Margaret, John probably realized he’d fallen in love with her.”

  Faith nodded as she pursed her lips. “I wonder. . . .”

  “What’s going on in your head?”

  “Since Barbara won’t be marrying John, I wonder if Paul will ask her to marry him.”

  Noah squeezed Faith’s fingers. “Now, fraa, don’t you be trying to play little matchmaker. If it’s meant for Paul and Barbara to be together, then you’d best let the Lord work things out between them.”

  She nodded and kissed him on the cheek. “I promise not to meddle, but I can sure pray.”

  Barbara sat straight up in bed. She was drenched with perspiration from having tossed and turned most of the night. She’d seen David in one of her dreams, kissing her good-bye before he headed to town to pick up her anniversary present. John Frey had been in another dream, calmly telling her of his plans for the future. The last dream had Paul Hilty in it, driving away from her house and out of her life forever.

  Barbara slipped out of bed and padded across the room to the dresser. She massaged her temples a few seconds, then leaned over the basin of water on top of the dresser. As the cool water hit Barbara’s face, she allowed her anxieties to fully surface.

  “I’ve got to sell the harness shop,” she moaned. “There’s no way I can keep running it on my own.” She had prayed long and hard about this matter and, under the circumstances, felt it was the only thing she could do.

  Barbara dried her face on the nearby towel and grimaced. If Paul leaves Webster County, who will I find to sell the place to? Nobody else in our community does harness work. And without a harness shop, people will have to go to another town to get their work done.

  She sighed as she glanced at her infant son sleeping peacefully in his crib. At least someone in the room isn’t feeling the burdens of life. She moved over to the window and lifted the dark shade. A light rain fell, dropping more leaves from the trees in her yard and matching the tears Barbara felt on her cheeks.

  She drew in a deep breath. Paul has to buy the shop. I should have spoken up yesterday when he was here and asked if he’d be interested.

  She reflected on Paul’s announcement that he’d be leaving in a few days. I should have been more prepared for that news, but it caught me off guard. Paul has seemed so settled here of late. Ever since he had helped Aaron down from the silo, he had acted like he cared about the boy and wanted to be his friend. That will never happen if he leaves.

  Barbara paced the room in quick, nervous steps. There was only one thing she could do, and that was to ask Paul outright not to go. Maybe when he heard her offer to sell him the harness shop, he would decide to stay.

  “But I’d better move fast,” she murmured.

  Chapter 25

  Where you going, son?” Paul’s mother asked.

  “Thought I’d take a ride. Since I’ll be leaving in a few days, I’d like to see the countryside one last time.”

  Mom frowned. “I still can’t get over the announcement you made last night. I don’t see why you have to go and leave us again. Don’t you know how much your daed and I will miss you?”

  Paul nodded. “I know, and I’ll miss you, too. But with Barbara getting. . .” His voice trailed off.

  “With Barbara getting what?”

  “Oh, never mind.” He grasped the doorknob.

  “Will you be back in time for the noon meal?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “We’re having Margaret over, along with your brothers and their families.” She paused. “And there’ll be a couple other guests, as well.”

  Paul did want to see his sister-in-law again, if just to see how she’d been getting along and to tell her good-bye. “I’ll try to be back by noon.”

  “That’s good,” she responded. “This might be the last time our family can all be together for some time.”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  As Paul trudged across the yard toward his buggy, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. All his plans and dreams had gone out the window in one brief moment when he’d overheard Barbara and the bishop speaking about their upcoming marriage.

  He stepped into his buggy and grabbed the reins. Maybe some time alone with the wind blowing in his face and the smell of crisp autumn leaves tickling his nose might calm his anxieties. He could also do some serious praying.

  “Giddyap there, boy,” he called to the horse. “You and me have got some riding to do.”

  As Paul headed down the road, anxious thoughts tumbled around in his mind. He loved Barbara, but she was going to marry Bishop John. He’d come to care for her boys, but they could never be his. He enjoyed being in Webster County, but he didn’t belong anymore. He loved working in the harness shop but would probably never own one of his own.

  Sometime later, the smell of sweaty horseflesh drifted up to Paul’s nose, and he grimaced when he realized that he’d been making his poor gelding trot for the last several miles. He had thought this buggy ride would make him feel better, but by the time he returned home, he was even more agitated than when he’d headed out. He didn’t wa
nt to leave his friends and family again, but he didn’t want to stay and see Barbara marry the bishop, either.

  In a brief moment of desperation, Paul had considered driving straight over to Barbara’s and begging her to marry him instead of John Frey. But he’d quickly decided that it was a dumb idea. She’s already chosen him. I’d only make myself look like a fool if I barged in and declared my love. The best thing he could do was to get back to Pennsylvania as quickly as he could and hope he’d be able to forget about Barbara and her boys.

  Paul took his time unhitching the horse and putting him in the barn. He dreaded the meal with all his family present. Goodbyes would be hard, especially with Mom and Pop so set against him leaving.

  When Paul headed around the back of the house, he was surprised to see Bishop Frey sitting in a chair on the porch. Beside him sat Dan’s widow, Margaret.

  What’s he doing here? Paul fumed.

  Gritting his teeth, Paul stepped onto the porch.

  “Wie geht’s?” the bishop asked.

  Paul forced a smile. “I’m fine, and you?”

  “Good. Real good.

  Paul looked over at Margaret. “Are you doing okay?”

  “I’m fine and dandy.” She grinned up at Paul, and he noticed for the first time since Dan’s death that Margaret looked quite relaxed. Maybe she’d been counseling with the bishop and Paul had interrupted. Best he should make a fast exit.

  He grabbed the handle on the screen door and was about to open it when the bishop said, “Your mamm tells me you’re planning to go back to Pennsylvania sometime this week.”

  Paul gave a curt nod. “I’ll probably see about getting a bus ticket tomorrow morning.”

  “That’s too bad,” the older man said. “We were hoping you’d be here for the wedding.”

  Paul’s body became rigid. What was the bishop trying to do—rub salt in his wounds? “I didn’t think there was any need for me to see you and Barbara get married,” he said stiffly.

  Margaret gave a little gasp, and John’s bushy eyebrows drew together.