No Experience Required

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  “Then what are you afraid of?”

  Izzy sank into her seat. “I’m also sort of afraid she won’t break it off with me.”

  Tori’s brow furrowed even more. “What do you mean?”

  Izzy laughed and heard how shallow she sounded. “It’s like the joke my dad tells all the time: why would I want to date someone who would date me?”

  “Funny. But don’t diminish yourself, Izzy.”

  Izzy rolled her eyes. “I’m only half-joking.”

  Tori lifted an eyebrow. “It means you’re also half-serious about saying you’re not datable because you’re bipolar. Do you think it very often?”

  She’d tried to not think about it but wasn’t always successful. “Not constantly. But it’s there.”

  “Tell me about it.” Tori tilted her head.

  “Not much to tell. People are uncomfortable with people who aren’t one hundred percent stable.”

  Tori gave her a half-smile. “I know few people who are one hundred percent stable.”

  She waved a hand. “You know what I mean.”

  Tori leaned forward. “Our time is up. But before we go, I want to pass something by you that we can pick up on next session. We’ve spoken quite a bit about the wall you put up around yourself. Most of the time, we talk about how it’s there to keep people or events from reaching in to trigger you, to keep you from having another episode. But have you given much thought about how the wall is also keeping you from reaching out?”

  Izzy stared at the floor. No. She hadn’t thought about it at all. And she hadn’t talked to her about Haley yet.

  * * *

  Love is hard.

  Seriously. So hard.

  If you thought putting yourself out there was hard, or finding someone interesting to date was hard, you’ll find being in love is even more so. I’m not talking about falling in love. That’s actually pretty easy once you meet someone you really click with. I’m talking about being in love, nurturing love, sustaining love. Being in love is one of the most difficult things a person can embark on. It requires true mindfulness and dedication. You have to make accommodations to help your life fit with a new person. You have to consider your partner when you make decisions, even small ones. Sometimes, you’ll have to make concessions in order to keep your love in balance. To be fair, your partner needs to do all this, too. It takes work from both of you to make it work.

  Sure, it seems easy. At first, you’re so besotted and swimming in all the love pheromones, you don’t even know you’re making slight alterations in your normal routine to fit in this remarkable person you’ve fallen for. And people will probably tell you they don’t work at it, either. It just comes naturally.

  Yeah, right.

  When was the last time you naturally shaved your legs—or other things—every single day so you’d be silky smooth when you took off your clothes each night? Or how often did you used to leave the last little bit of brownie in the dish just to make another person smile when they came home from a long day at work?

  It’s not just about doing nice things, either. It’s about not doing things, too.

  Any book on relationships will tell you relationships require work. While this isn’t always the case for those wonderfully lucky souls who find the perfect yin to their yang, it is often the case with the rest of us poor sots who hook up with perfectly human partners. The trick is to be aware of the other person and be concerned with their happiness. Love just makes it worthwhile.

  Chapter Thirty-five

  The office was quiet; the only sound was the keys clicking under Izzy’s fingers. She hit the “Submit for Review” button on the document she’d just finished and reached over to grab a Peanut M&M. The bowl was empty. She looked up, and the office was deserted. The only lights still illuminated on the floor were the ones directly above her head because the motion detector had sensed she was there. She lifted her hands over her head and stretched. A sinking sensation filled her stomach. The clock on her computer said it was after eight p.m.

  She picked up her phone, which was face down on the desk beside her laptop. Two missed calls from Jane. Shit. She’d silenced the ringer like she always did when she was at work, but she’d somehow not noticed the vibration, too. It was the second time that week she’d unintentionally worked late, something she’d done countless times before. But now, she had someone waiting for her to get home each night. Guilt soured her stomach.

  Jane hadn’t said anything the first time, but she’d been a little distant. Izzy felt like a jerk. It wasn’t just guilt. She missed Jane when she wasn’t with her. Izzy shut down her computer and put it in her computer bag. She collected her phone and considered texting to say she was on her way but decided a call would be better. She’d do that as soon as she got her car out of the garage, where cell service was iffy. She put on her jacket and headed out of the office. On her way out, she stopped by the orange breakroom and filled a cup with Peanut M&M’s, thinking it might be a small peace offering.

  The campus was nearly deserted as she walked across it, with only a few lights still on in the building where the developers were probably working. Another release was ready for merge, and some teams were undoubtedly burning the midnight oil to work the bugs out of it. Another reason Izzy was working late. But the work would always be there no matter how many hours she put in. Concern about staying late being a sign of pending mania zipped through her mind, but she pushed it away. She’d just gone into the zone and lost track of time. A couple of late nights didn’t mean anything.

  She pulled her car out of the garage. Would she still have time to go running later? She’d have to test the waters. She pushed the quick dial on her phone, and the computer in the Tesla picked up the call. A ringtone filled the car.

  “Hello.” Jane’s voice sounded flat.

  Yep. She was mad. “I’m so, so, so sorry. I lost track of time. I’m on my way home now. I’m so, so sorry.”

  “I’m just glad you’re okay. I tried calling, but you didn’t answer.”

  “I turned the ringer off,” she said needlessly because Jane knew she always turned it off at work. “Have I said how sorry I am? Cuz I am.”

  A sigh came across the line, and the dejection of knowing she was a total loser seeped through her.

  “I know you are. I also know your job is demanding, and you have to work late sometimes. I just wish you would call to let me know when you have to.”

  A flash of anger filled Izzy. Hadn’t she just told her she’d lost track of time? If she wasn’t aware of time, how could she call to tell her she’d be late?

  She had the grace not to react to her anger. “Have you eaten? Do you want me to bring something home?”

  “I made dinner. I saved some for you.”

  Another flash of anger filled Izzy when she found Jane hadn’t even waited for her to eat. Almost immediately, guilt replaced the anger. Why should Jane have waited? Jane had every right to eat dinner at a decent hour, and she hadn’t known when Izzy would be home. She had tried to call.

  Her default coping tool kicked in to help with the mood swings. Fake it ’til you make it. “Awesome. You’re awesome. I’ll be home in just a few minutes. There’s hardly any traffic.” It sort of worked.

  “Okay. Be safe. I’ll see you soon.”

  Jane’s unenthusiastic tone grated against her. She was trying, for Christ’s sake. Couldn’t Jane meet her halfway?

  They hung up, but Izzy continued to repeat the exchange in her mind during the short drive home and as she pulled into the garage. When she turned off the car, she sat in the driver’s seat for a minute, trying to settle her emotions and thoughts. Jane was behaving reasonably. She needed to check her own responses. Don’t take it inside. Leave it at the door. After a few deep breaths, she got out, plugged in the car, and walked into the house. Jane was sitting at the bar in the kitchen grading papers, a glass of white wine on the counter beside her. She looked tired, and Izzy dropped her computer bag on the table and went
over to her.

  She held the cup of M&M’s out in both of her hands and bowed her head.

  “I bequeath to you this meager token of my humble apologies, beautiful maiden. I losteth tracketh of time, and it shanteth happen again. I’m thorry.”

  Jane smiled, and the knots in Izzy’s stomach loosened.

  “You’re a nut.”

  Izzy hugged her, and Jane hugged her back.

  God, I love her, Izzy thought into the top of Jane’s head. Tears welled up in her eyes, and she blinked them away. She didn’t deserve her.

  Jane squeezed her. “There are tamales in the refrigerator.”

  “You made tamales?”

  “My mom did. I got off work a little early and dropped by to see her before my dad got home from work.”

  “How was she?”

  “She was fine when I got there, but then my dad came home early, too, and accused us of talking behind his back, so I left. My mom can usually calm him down better when I’m not there.” A shadow clouded Jane’s expression.

  “He gets mad when you see your own mother without him there?” It came out before Izzy could filter her tone to something less judgy.

  “He says it’s because any information I pass to my mom doesn’t always get back to him.” Jane sounded like she knew that wasn’t the entire truth. “Anyway, do you want me to heat the tamales for you?”

  “I’m not hungry. I had some yogurt and granola at work just before I left,” she lied. At least about the yogurt and granola. She really wasn’t hungry. “You know what I want to do?”

  “Go for a run?” Jane asked.

  The look in Jane’s eyes was clue enough that going for a run wouldn’t go over very well, as much as she wanted to go. Irritation sparked in her even though Jane’s answer was a valid guess. She just wanted more credit than that.

  She had an idea and flashed what she hoped was a brilliant smile. Fake it ’til you make it, right? “I want to sit in the hot tub. Do you have a lot more grading to do? Or can you join me in a delightful soak?”

  Jane’s shoulders relaxed, and a smile softened her expression. “That sounds lovely. I can finish grading tomorrow.”

  Proud of herself, Izzy went to the refrigerator and pulled out the bottle of wine Jane had opened and refreshed her glass. She then took a glass from the cupboard and filled one for herself. “Cheers.”

  Jane tapped the lip of her glass to the glass Izzy held toward her. “I didn’t know you liked wine.”

  Izzy sipped from her glass. “On occasion.”

  She took Jane’s hand and led them through the house out onto the wooden deck just outside their bedroom. A wooden gazebo and lush foliage sheltered the hot tub from the neighbors but gave them a great view of the moonlit mountains to the west. Izzy folded back the top of the tub, and steam rose into the chilly air. They quickly undressed and climbed into the warm water. Izzy’s heart sped up at the view of Jane in the moonlight.

  Jane eased into the warm water and tucked herself into the arc of Izzy’s arm, which was stretched across the top of the tub.

  “Aside from the visit with your mom, how was your day?” Izzy asked.

  Jane sipped her wine. “It was good. It’s always hard to go back for spring term.”

  “I’ll bet.” Izzy put her glass on the edge of the hot tub, moved Jane in front of her, and began to massage her shoulders.

  “That feels good.” Jane placed her glass next to Izzy’s and dropped her head forward.

  Jane’s skin was soft and slick with the warm water, and Izzy worked her fingers over the taut muscles along her shoulders and down her back. The soft sounds Jane made guided her to the areas she needed to spend more time on, and when Jane captured one of Izzy’s hands and guided it between her legs, Izzy didn’t need to be told she had another kind of tension needing to be addressed. Izzy moved the hair away from Jane’s neck and kissed the moist skin as she fluttered her fingers over the folds between Jane’s legs. Jane’s back pressed against Izzy’s breasts, and they slid against each other as Izzy nibbled Jane’s neck.

  “Rub me around the edges. I want to come fast.” Jane dropped her head back so it rested on Izzy’s shoulder.

  Izzy’s center contracted at the request. It turned her on when Jane was direct with how she wanted to be touched.

  Jane’s eyes were closed, and Izzy kissed her neck, her jawline, and traced a path to her partly open lips. Jane returned the kiss with passion as Izzy continued to touch her.

  She traced circles around Jane’s swollen center, glancing around the outside edges like Jane liked it. She dipped her fingers inside the silken folds once, twice, three times, eliciting a shiver from Jane, before she resumed the circular motion around the rigid flesh. Jane liked it steady with a firm pressure. If they had been in bed, she would add the tip of her tongue over Jane’s clit, soft at first, and then steadily add pressure until Jane came with a hard shudder. But in the hot tub, she held Jane’s head above water so Jane could concentrate on her pleasure. Jane moaned, and her breathing hitched. When Izzy slid her fingers inside her again, her muscles spasmed around her fingers.

  “Are you ready?” Izzy whispered in Jane’s ear, and Jane pressed her mouth to Izzy’s lips, sucking on Izzy’s tongue.

  Izzy circled Jane’s clit another time and then flattened her fingers and rubbed them across her clit until Jane arched up, bracing her feet on the hot-tub seat across from them, spreading her legs, seeking more pressure. Izzy watched Jane’s breasts heave above the water, her own clit twitching, but she kept her pace, moving her hand in a steady motion. Jane gasped and raised her arms over her head, wrapping around Izzy’s head as she climaxed. Izzy ached to put her fingers in her again, but their position didn’t give her the right angle. So she rubbed Jane’s swollen flesh, making light circles around Jane’s clit to prolong her fading orgasm. As Jane relaxed, she sighed, floated into Izzy’s lap, and curled up there.

  Dizzy with awe about making Jane respond so powerfully, Izzy wrapped her arms around her and nuzzled her neck, which inspired more shivers. Overcome with emotion, Izzy tipped Jane’s head back and kissed her deeply. Jane pulled Izzy’s hands to her breasts and kissed her in return, arching into Izzy’s hands, which were kneading her breasts and pinching her nipples. Breathing hard, Jane pulled away slightly and pivoted in Izzy’s lap, facing her, straddling her, pressing into her. The feeling of their breasts pressing together increased the ache between Izzy’s legs. She hooked one of her legs around Jane and ground against her, her center pushed against Jane’s thigh.

  Jane gazed into Izzy’s eyes, hypnotizing her with their intensity. “I want you inside me.”

  Izzy returned the gaze and slid her right arm between them, teasing the outside of Jane’s lips. They were swollen, and Izzy drew a long stroke through them. Jane thrust toward her fingers, but Izzy circled her clit and teased some more.

  “Like this?” she asked.

  “Inside. Please. Deep inside.” The plea in Jane’s eyes told her Jane didn’t want to be teased. She plunged three fingers inside her, and Jane threw her head back, closing her eyes, a deep moan exploding from her throat. Jane’s muscles pulsed, and Izzy’s did the same. She curled her fingers around and massaged the pad of muscles on the front wall of Jane’s tunnel. Jane started to rock and swivel her hips, rubbing her thigh against Izzy’s throbbing core just enough to drive her crazy for relief but not giving it. Her wrist grew tired, but she ignored her fatigue, entranced by Jane as she moved above her.

  “Oh! Yes! More. Please. I want all of you.” Jane grabbed Izzy’s wrist and ground against her fingers.

  Izzy lifted Jane and pulled her fingers out just far enough so she could curl her fingers together and slowly slide her hand into Jane’s warmth. The opening was tight around her hand but opened to accept it.

  Jane let out a low, keening sound and gyrated her hips. “God, I feel like I’m going to explode.”

  “You feel so good.”

  “Oh! Oh! Oh!” Jane reared up
and came down. A wave of water splashed into Izzy’s face and over her head. Izzy saw it coming but didn’t let it detract from what she was doing, and Jane continued to move until her orgasm was finished, and she collapsed, once more, against Izzy. Izzy gently removed her hand from the warm cocoon of Jane, kissing her while brushing the hair from her face. When Jane opened her eyes, they were unfocused and soft, but she pulled back a little and laughed.

  “You’re drenched.”

  “It was the tsunami of passion you unleashed upon me when you came. Next time, I’ll just wear my scuba gear.”

  Jane put her hands over her face and laughed. “I’m so sorry!”

  “I’m not. It’ll make a good story.”

  “And who would you tell this story to?”

  “Well, for sure the guy who takes care of the hot tub. He’ll ask about the missing water. And then there’s—”

  “You won’t tell anyone!” Jane said, putting a hand over Izzy’s mouth.

  Izzy laughed and took Jane’s hand from her mouth. “You sound so mob-bossy! I kind of like it.”

  “Does it turn you on?” Jane gyrated against her.

  “You turn me on.” Izzy kissed her, and it turned into a long, slow make-out session while a slow pulse beat between her legs.

  “Why don’t we take this to the bedroom so I can take care of you and so neither one of us drowns in the process?” Jane murmured against her lips.

  “I’d gladly drown in the tidal waves of your pleasure, my love.”

  “That’s good. You should be a writer.” Jane trailed her lips along Izzy’s jaw.

  Izzy tilted her head so Jane could kiss her neck. “Right now, I just want to be your pillow princess.”

  “Take me to bed then!” Jane rose from the water, and the sight of Jane’s breasts and the curves of her hips, the roundness of her belly made Izzy gasp.

  “God, you’re so beautiful.”

  “You make me feel beautiful.”

  Izzy rose and kissed her with all the tenderness she felt. Then she helped her from the hot tub and took her to bed.