No Experience Required

by Kimberly Cooper Griffin

  “It might be helpful to take away the stress of withholding it from her. Just a thought.”

  Easier said than done. “I’m going to get on a solid schedule and get my sleep under control first. Once I do that, I think I can manage the racing thoughts and mania.”

  Tori leaned forward in her chair. “Izzy, I just want you to know how proud I am of you for being so responsible about your health. So many people don’t take it seriously, and then they lose the ability to manage the illness themselves.”

  The positive affirmation made some of the tightness in her chest go away. “I know from experience: medicine helps only so far. Unless I want to be drugged into submission, I need to control my environment.”

  Tori smiled. “True, but remember, part of controlling your environment is building a support system around you to help you through the hard parts. You don’t have to do this alone. Don’t you feel better when you have Audie to lean on?”

  She thought about Audie. She couldn’t ask for a better friend. “Yes.”

  “Jane can be someone you lean on, too.”

  “I plan on telling her soon. I promise.”

  * * *

  One of the biggest mistakes people make when they enter a relationship is losing their own identity when they become a couple. It’s important for people to maintain their individuality.

  Not to put a shadow over the happiness of love, but sometimes, things don’t always go well. It’s during those times you have to rely on yourself to make it through the tough times. It doesn’t hurt to have your own friends and a support system to help you get through it.

  Chapter Thirty-seven

  “What’s all that?” Jane sipped her coffee and leaned her hip against Izzy’s desk in their home office.

  Izzy rested a large whiteboard against the wall next to her desk and set the small box of office supplies that had just been delivered next to it. She leaned over and gave Jane a quick kiss.

  “I ordered some stuff to help with scheduling.”

  “Can’t you do it all online?”

  “I do. But I think I need to have a physical reminder.” Izzy pulled a desk calendar, a notebook planner, colored pens, and some other things from the box. She may have gone a little overboard.

  “It looks like you’re pretty serious about this project.”

  “It’s more of a way of life than a project.” Izzy flipped through the planner. “Tori suggested I might have a lot going on in my life, and since I want to be fair to you and I also need to make sure I get enough sleep and exercise, I decided I needed a visual to make sure I adhere to my needs.”

  Jane inspected a package of colored pens. “I totally get the idea. I’m visual, too.”

  “I didn’t realize how visual I was until I met you.” Izzy sidled up to Jane, resting her hands on her hips, pulling her close.

  Jane put her coffee cup on the desk and melted into Izzy’s arms. A warm flare of love rose in Izzy every time Jane surrendered like that.

  “I was thinking. Maybe I can try to sync your writing schedule with my grading schedule,” Jane said. “Maybe it will help you remember to go to sleep at a decent hour.”

  Izzy liked Jane’s idea. “I planned to set an alarm on my phone, but syncing schedules seems nicer. Writing and grading are such solitary pursuits, but it would be nice to at least share space with you while we’re doing it. I’m also going to cut my running down to just three evenings during the work week and one long run on the weekend.”

  Jane pulled back to look at her. “You don’t need to cut your running down. I know you love it.”

  Izzy kissed her nose. “I do. But I like spending time with you more.”

  “Maybe I can start running with you sometimes.”

  Jane’s suggestion hit her squarely in the heart. “I’d love it.” She squeezed her. “I’m still going to cut back, though. Too much of a good thing is still a problem.”

  Jane kissed the corner of her mouth. “Too much of some things but definitely not this.” And then her lips pressed over Izzy’s mouth.

  * * *

  Fat Bob purred on the bed beside Izzy, and Romeo and Juliet were curled around each other on the other side of her. Her face was illuminated in the darkness of the room by the light of the phone she held in her hands as she scrolled through the day-planner app. She was pleased with herself for having adhered to her schedule all week long, and for the seventh day in a row, she was in bed by her eleven p.m. bedtime, with fifteen minutes to spare. She had quickly replaced the physical day planner when she realized the visual was just as good in the electronic version, and it didn’t require toting a book around with her everywhere she went.

  She set the phone on the nightstand beside her and eased under the covers, trying not to disturb the sleeping cats. Just as she pulled the comforter over her and settled on her side, the bathroom door opened, and Jane stepped out with a billow of steam. With nothing but a white towel wrapped around her body and her hair pinned on top of her head, she looked like a galactic goddess in the sliver of light and the dissipating clouds.

  “Don’t move. I want to stare at you for a million hours.”

  Jane stopped and smiled at her. “Your wish is my command.”

  “You always say the exact right thing.”

  Izzy drank in the perfect sculpture before her. Jane dropped the towel, and her breath stuck in her throat. She watched as Jane walked slowly to the bed, her body in silhouette. Tightness filled Izzy’s belly, and her sex clenched.

  Jane slipped under the covers and pressed against her. Fat Bob reluctantly rose and waddled to the foot of the bed, dropping over the edge onto the floor. Izzy lifted her head and propped it on her hand as she ran the other along the curves of Jane’s body. The skin under her fingertips was soft and slightly moist from the shower. The scent of citrus body wash filled the space under the covers. Izzy kissed Jane while she ran her hands along her back. Her lips trailed over to her jaw and then to her neck as she scooted down and rolled Jane onto her back.

  Her mind was on one thing while she sucked each of Jane’s nipples and continued her journey across Jane’s body. Jane moved beneath her, responding to each new place Izzy placed her mouth, and she spread her legs as Izzy lowered herself, leaving a chain of small kisses on her belly, along her inner thighs, and finally in the cleft between her legs. Jane was wet and swollen, and Izzy slid her tongue over the glistening flesh. Izzy wrapped her arms under Jane’s legs and around her hips, laying her hands on the soft mound of Jane’s belly, burying her face in the succulent space in front of her. Soon, her tongue found the firm knot of skin housing Jane’s most sensitive spot, and she wrapped her lips around it, first running her tongue around and over it and then flicking it rhythmically until Jane moaned in pleasure.

  Jane’s voice was gravely and low. “God. Right there. Just keep doing exactly what you’re doing.”

  Izzy complied with pleasure, relishing the throbbing of the flesh in her mouth. Jane’s hips rose and fell until she came with a shudder, and Izzy slowed the movements of her tongue until Jane’s hips relaxed onto the bed. She slowly licked around Jane’s clit and ran her tongue through Jane’s folds one more time before she kissed the swollen lips and crawled up to lay her head on the pillow next to Jane to pull her into her arms. Jane’s pliant body wrapped around Izzy in a soft embrace.

  “You turned me to mush. I can’t move.”

  A pulse shot between Izzy’s legs as Jane’s soft lips moved against her sensitive skin.

  She rolled onto her back and removed her panties. Then she took Jane’s hand and put it between her legs.

  “You just stay relaxed and put your fingers here,” she said, sliding two of Jane’s fingers inside. Don’t move. Just keep your fingers inside me.”

  Izzy began to rub her clit. Jane hooked her fingers and pressed on her inner wall, and a pulse rolled through Izzy. An orgasm was building.

  “Perfect…”

  Jane nuzzled Izzy’s throat and lightly bi
t it. Another pulse shot through her, and she throbbed around Jane’s fingers. She pressed harder against her clit, and her orgasm exploded, lifting her hips. “Oh my God, yes!”

  Jane’s mouth descended upon hers, and they kissed as Izzy worked her clit until the last of her orgasm ebbed away. Jane ran a trail of kisses from Izzy’s mouth to her throat and then slowly removed her fingers, settling into the crook of Izzy’s arm. Izzy stretched like a sated cat as all of her muscles began to relax.

  “You’re amazing,” she said, burying her face in Jane’s hair and inhaling her scent.

  “You were so sexy. It was erotic to just have my fingers in you as you made yourself come. Usually, I’m distracted by what’s happening to me. I want to watch you come like that a million times.”

  “And we finished before eleven.” Izzy was proud of herself for keeping to the schedule.

  Jane grew tense in her arms. “I wasn’t aware you were timing us.”

  Izzy kissed her shoulders. “I wasn’t. I just noticed the time, and we’ve been talking about getting to sleep at a reasonable time.”

  Jane relaxed a little. “Glad I could accommodate you.”

  Izzy couldn’t tell if her response was good or bad, so she went with good.

  * * *

  “Hey, sister-friend!” Audie dropped onto the bench beside her at the table next to the Traveling Bean coffee cart.

  Izzy looked up from her phone and smiled. Audie was full of her normal high-octane energy since it wasn’t Monday. Izzy pushed the steaming mocha she had already bought toward her.

  “You’re a goddess! Whip and sprinkles?”

  Izzy pretended to be offended. “You act like I don’t know you!”

  Audie sipped her drink and moaned. “So good! Well, it’s been a minute since we had coffee together.”

  “Work has been crazy lately.”

  Audie tilted her head at Izzy’s phone and took another sip. “You were frowning at your phone. Catching up on politics?”

  Izzy laughed. “I totally avoid politics and the news these days. It was a text from Jane.”

  Audie rested her elbows on the table behind her. “Lovers’ quarrel? I have to say it gives me relief to see even perfect couples have their moments.”

  Izzy wasn’t sure she wanted to tell Audie about it, but she needed a friend on this one. “Well, not really, but sort of.”

  “Spit it out, Iz.”

  She didn’t know how to say it without the intimate details. “It’s stupid. Okay, so last night, Jane and I, um, we, well, we sort of—”

  “You fucked?”

  She laughed. “I wouldn’t use the word fucked, but yeah.”

  “And then what?”

  “Well, it was nice. We both had a good time, and we didn’t stay up too late, which was good.”

  “Right. You need your beauty rest.”

  Izzy picked at a splinter on the table. “Right. Well, this morning, Jane is a little upset because I said something about how nice it was to…to be intimate and still get to bed at a reasonable time.”

  Audie squinted at her. “I’m not sure I follow. Was it the way you said it?”

  “I don’t know. She said it made her feel like an afterthought.”

  Audie shoulder-bumped her. “You said you both had a good time. Are you sure?”

  “Oh, absolutely. I am one hundred percent sure she had a good time.”

  “You’re a stud.” Audie gave her another shoulder bump.

  Izzy pushed her. “Shut up!”

  Audie sat back up and laughed. “Okay, so it had to be something you said or did. Did you fall asleep immediately?”

  “We both did.”

  Audie paused, considering the info so far. “Sounds like you need to talk it out.”

  “Yeah.” She wished she could just let it drop, but Audie was right.

  Audie turned, straddling the bench and facing Izzy. “Speaking of which, I’ve been meaning to check in with you about the night you called. How are you doing?”

  Izzy sighed. She knew it would come up sometime, and if she was honest with herself, avoiding it was one reason she and Audie hadn’t been hanging out recently. “I think my issue was mostly about not getting enough sleep and just trying to figure out how to deal with all these new emotions. I was pretty overwhelmed. I think I have it under control.” She hoped that explanation sounded plausible to Audie. It was the same story she was trying to believe herself.

  “Are you talking to your therapist about it?”

  “She says I probably just need to settle in and get used to all the new things in my life now.”

  Audie made a sound of agreement. “Makes sense.”

  Izzy rolled her coffee cup between her hands. “One thing she said was really interesting. She said falling in love makes normal people kind of crazy.”

  “Interesting. It’s true, but did she actually use the word crazy? Cuz it’s kind of insensitive, given her profession.”

  “No. That’s mine. She probably used some psychological word. But she said all the emotions love stirs up are bound to make anyone feel like they don’t know which end is up. Then there’s all the overthinking and going outside your routine to fit a new person in. The things that come with a new relationship feel exceptionally good, but it can make someone like me worry about whether they’re getting out of control.” Relating Tori’s observation renewed Izzy’s sense of normalcy, whatever normal was.

  Audie looked at her for a minute before answering. “Control is important to you.”

  She was tempted to make a smart-ass response but refrained. “I would like to say it isn’t, but it is. I need control in order to know when I might lose it.”

  Audie bobbed her head. “I get it.”

  “So, I’ve put together a schedule for everything—running, meal times, work, bedtime. I think it will help.”

  Audie shot her a half-smile. “Don’t tell me. You penciled in sex, too.”

  The remark made her grumpy. Why was it so hard for people to understand how important it was for her to keep to a normal schedule? “No. Maybe I should, though.”

  Audie gave her a light shove. “Don’t get all pissy. You said Jane got upset about a comment you made about getting to bed at a reasonable time. I’m just trying to figure out why. Does Jane know about your schedule?”

  Audie was trying to help. She tried not to be so grumpy. “Yeah.”

  “Does she know why you have it?”

  Izzy looked away. “If you’re asking if I’ve told her about being bipolar, it hasn’t come up yet. But it will.”

  Audie set her cup aside. “I think I know what Jane might be upset about now.”

  Izzy looked at her expectantly.

  “You might have implied having sex with her was just another thing you needed to check off on your checklist.”

  “But it wasn’t on the list.”

  Audie raised her eyebrows. “Maybe that’s part of it, too. She needs to feel like she’s the only thing on your list. At the very least, the most important thing.”

  Izzy kept shaking her head. “Seriously?”

  “Chicks are sensitive, Iz.” Audie patted her on the back.

  Izzy looked at her. “Hey. I’m a chick.”

  Audie laughed. “Yeah, well, other chicks.”

  “You suck.” But in reality, she knew she sucked. How did she not get these things?

  Audie pretended to hook her fingers around invisible suspenders. “That’s why the chicks dig me.”

  * * *

  There’s a saying about the only way to really understand someone: walk a mile in their shoes. This means you have to try to see things from the perspective of someone else in order to understand them. Nowhere is it more necessary than in a romantic relationship. It’s not just about being sensitive to your partner and anticipating their needs; it’s also about making sure you communicate your needs and feelings so your partner doesn’t have to read your mind. In my experience, the latter is the hardest part and pr
obably where most relationships are the most difficult. When someone has to guess about something, there’s a huge chance they won’t get it right, which just sets everyone up for disappointment.

  To take the guesswork out of the equation, you need to be open to your partner, and in order to be open, you have to be vulnerable. It can be hard for some people. You have to feel safe. It’s up to both of you to protect one another and make it okay to be vulnerable. And you have to operate by the same rules. When one of you is open and the other isn’t, it can cause an imbalance in the relationship.

  In the beginning, you overlook the little things that might drive you nuts because you’re into your partner, enthralled by all the millions of wonderful things about them. It doesn’t bother you when they forget to replace the empty toilet-paper roll.

  But over time, when the newness starts to fade and you get used to all the wonderful things about them, some of the little things become bigger things, and it’s hard to bring them up because you don’t want to hurt their feelings or start to nag them. But holding all of it in just makes the little things into bigger things, and then all the things start to collect. Eventually, you will have a bad day. One of you is tired or sick, and being nice is too hard. The littlest thing just gets on your nerves, and then suddenly, you’re listing all the minuscule grievances you’ve collected because you were being too nice to mention the dirty socks on the kitchen counter. And a tiny little thing becomes a huge monster of a thing.

  That’s when you have to remember to put yourself in the other person’s shoes, take a moment to get some perspective.

  Have I mentioned relationships are hard?

  Chapter Thirty-eight

  Izzy tossed her keys onto the counter and wrapped her arms around Jane from behind. She was proud of herself for adhering to her schedule. She’d left work at the right time, and she looked forward to going on a run while Jane made dinner. Her run was the only thing on her schedule tonight. Jane would be happy. She planned to take a break from writing and any work-related stuff, so after her run, the evening would be all about her and Jane. Maybe she’d suggest a long soak in the hot tub.