He could imagine the conversation if Steven had forgotten: Sir, you only know me as a dropout troublemaker, but I’m supposed to get your daughter pregnant before she graduates from high school. It’s a good thing, really! You’ve got to help me make sure it happens! Oh yeah, that would go over really well.
If only Joy would remember. If hearing her own song would summon up the lost memories. Or even if that didn’t happen, if she only realized that the words to the song were a message to meet.
When he reached the old courthouse he pounded up the steps to the door of Steven’s office and pushed it open without knocking. A quick glance showed him that the ritual circle was still marked on the floor. So that much of his past was still intact… for now.
Steven and Maddie, seated across from each other at the card table, looked up as he entered. He thought fleetingly that Maddie’s hair looked different from when he had glimpsed her on campus the other day, but girls were always changing their hair, so it probably didn’t mean anything.
“What’s going on?” he said without preamble. “Raven’s still here, and Joy’s gone back to not knowing who I am. What happened?”
“I happened,” said Maddie miserably. “It looks like I screwed your ritual up.”
“What? How?”
“We’re still piecing that together,” said Steven tiredly. So at least he still remembered. “Sit down, Tanner. You’re making me nervous.”
He found he was too jittery to sit, and leaned against the wall with his arms folded. “If nervous is the worst you’re feeling, you’re way ahead of me.”
“I’m not taking this lightly, Tanner, I promise. I want to get to the bottom of it too.”
“So what do we know?”
“It appears that Maddie was making a wish at the statue of Josiah Cavanaugh at midnight, while we were carrying out the ritual here. Her wish,” and Steven took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, which told Tanner he was irritated, “was that Sheila Hardesty had never been born.”
He stared. “Are you serious?”
Maddie dropped her eyes under the look he was giving her. “I wanted to make things better for William.”
“Better for you, you mean. I can’t believe how selfish that is. Couldn’t you just have wished you’d never humped him and dumped him?”
Her cheeks went pink. “Don’t talk to me like that. I know I messed up. But at least I wasn’t trying to sacrifice him to a demon, like Sheila was. How do you think she died, huh? It wasn’t just an accident. She was summoning up this demon to bargain with it, and if she hadn’t been messing around with dark magic she’d still be alive now.”
He was still taking this in as she rushed on. “And now that she’s been wiped out, there was no fire at Ash Grove. William wasn’t hurt. He didn’t get concussed, and he didn’t get his heart broken by her. Things are better for everyone.”
“Not for me, they’re not,” said Tanner, but with less heat. This must be the rest of the story that Mo had never had the chance to tell him. “Is that really what happened the night of the concert?” he asked Steven. “A demon?”
“Hell’s music director, no less.” Steven tented his fingers and sat back in his chair. “Maddie’s wish also seems to mean that Amdusias never sent his scout Reed to Ash Grove in the first place.”
“Which means that Eric never signed on with him, or collapsed into a coma,” explained Maddie. “I don’t know if Sheila’s the one who drew their attention to Ash Grove in the first place, or if something else got in the way.”
“Like Melisande,” said Steven.
“How do you mean?” asked Tanner, finally dropping into a chair. “You think that because she didn’t get zapped by Joy she was keeping other demons out—like they were rivals?”
“Possibly,” said Steven, at the same time that Maddie was exclaiming, “Other demons? Melisande’s a demon?”
“She’s a succubus,” Steven confirmed, and Maddie turned to stare at Tanner in dawning outrage.
“Oh really. So you get to criticize who I sleep with, but meanwhile you were shacked up with a succubus? Asshole.”
“It wasn’t like that.”
“I just bet it wasn’t.” She lifted her lip in disgust. “And you actually had Joy as your girl on the side! God, you are such a pig.”
“I love Joy,” he gritted.
“And I love William. A buttload of good it does either of us.”
They both fell silent. Steven, sensing an opening, took charge.
“Are we about done with the name-calling portion of the evening? Excellent. From what Maddie tells me, Sheila was instrumental in bringing you and Joy together.”
“Yeah,” he said dully. “Sheila dared Joy to pick a rose off Josiah Cavanaugh’s grave. That was where it all began for us.” Only in this reality it hadn’t. He had never thought about how much his happiness—his life itself—was owed to a malicious impulse of Sheila’s. How strange that the girl he’d disliked so much on Joy’s behalf was actually the one who had brought them together.
“Tanner, I need you with me,” came Steven’s voice, cutting through his thoughts. “What have you learned that you can tell us? The more we know, the better chance we stand of putting things right.”
He forced back the depression that threatened to settle over him. He wasn’t going to get fatalistic about this. Joy and Rose needed him at full strength, fighting for them with all he had, and he wouldn’t fail them. “Joy and I never met, apart from being at Ash Grove at the same time. So she didn’t fall in love with me, didn’t save me from Melisande. Which means that I’m only here…”
“…until the present catches up with the new past.” Steven regarded him in shock.
“What does that mean?” asked Maddie, and Steven moistened his lips before he spoke.
“It means that Tanner could cease to exist at any moment.”
Maddie stared from one to the other. “Seriously? Like—just vanish?”
“Like just vanish.”
The silence made Tanner fidgety. He flung out of his chair and walked over to the window. Twilight was purpling the sky, making the view of the square look cold and lonely. Early winter sundowns always made him crave cozy things. Chili suppers at Bobby and Donna’s. Camping by a bonfire. Cudding up with Joy under a blanket. But of course now that last option didn’t exist. “I tried to jog Joy’s memory earlier, but I don’t know if it worked. I’m hoping that if she can remember me, it’ll change things somehow. Keep me here.” He was trying to shrug off what Melisande had said: that Joy’s mind might not be able to take that kind of revelation. Joy was more resilient than that, he was certain. Almost certain.
“Is she really with William now?” Maddie’s wistful voice made him turn back to face her and Steven. She looked very young, and he felt a pang of guilt for being so hard on her. She was just a kid, really. Even though she was only a year or so younger than him, she was a lot more sheltered than he was.
“Yeah,” he said, as gently as he could. “They’re engaged.”
Steven confirmed that with a grave nod. “As best I can determine it’s a love match. There’s no pregnancy; they seem simply to be best friends whose friendship grew into something more.”
“On the night of the Beltane dance,” Tanner couldn’t help adding.
“Do you think that’s significant?”
He didn’t know if Steven knew what had happened that night between him and Joy, but he certainly wasn’t going to give him a full account. “That night was kind of the point of no return for Joy and me,” he said as a compromise. “And it’s like history just filled in the blank with someone else since I wasn’t there.” It made the whole thing even worse to feel like he was an interchangeable cog in Joy’s life.
“I don’t understand,” Maddie burst out. “Apparently I didn’t—to use Tanner’s charming phrase—hump and dump William in this go-round, so I don’t get why he’s with Joy.”
Tan rejoined them at the table and briefly
dropped a hand on her shoulder in apology. “I’m sorry I was a jerk about it. I just remember how hurt William was.”
“So do I,” she said in a small voice. Her fingers were folding little pleats in the fabric of her skirt. She was wearing a short sparkly dress, maybe from a New Year’s Eve party the night before, but she looked anything but festive.
“Why didn’t you unwish it, then?”
“It just didn’t occur to me, I guess. It seemed like the important thing was getting Sheila out of his life. Once the bartender put the idea out there, it was all I could think about.”
Classic Maddie—just acting on impulse instead of thinking it through.
“I guess I can see why William and I never hooked up,” she continued. “Joy and I aren’t roommates in this life, so she never moved out, which means I never got maudlin enough to shag the nearest warm body.”
“With Anna alive, Joy didn’t need to move to campus,” Steven put in, probably eager to end the sex talk. “Anna remained here with Joy while I was undergoing cancer treatment. So Joy remained a day student—and never switched tracks from drama to music, either.”
Tanner figured that was enough catching up. “Okay, so what do we do now? Should we talk to the council? It seems like things have gotten pretty complicated, and they might be better equipped to get stuff back on track.”
“If you’ll permit me,” said his father-in-law, in a tentative voice that surprised him, “I’d like to see if there’s a way I can put things right without involving them.”
Tanner got it at once: it would be humiliating for him to have to go to them after being thrown out and ask them to clean up his mess. He could understand why Steven would shrink from the I-told-you-so’s. But— “My life could be on the line,” he said desperately.
“Believe me, Tanner, I understand the gravity of your position. All I ask is that you give me a chance to find a means of undoing the damage myself. If I can’t, I’ll go to Eleanor straightaway.”
Still he couldn’t quite do it. “I understand it would hurt your pride, but—”
“My pride?” Steven stared at him, affronted. “Good god, Tanner, that’s not a concern. This is about Anna. I know the council, and I know they’ll want to set things right by completely wiping the slate clean. And that means I’ll lose her again.”
Okay, that he could respect. It was hard to argue with the man about his wife’s life. Still, Tanner deserved as much consideration as she did. “I’ll give you overnight,” he said. “If I show up on the doorstep at sunrise and you haven’t figured it out, we go straight to Mo and Dr. Aysgarth. Deal?”
Steven held out only a moment. “Deal.”
“What is all this about a council?” Maddie demanded. “What do Mo and Dr. Aysgarth have to do with it?”
“Explain to her, Tanner, will you? I need to go,” said Steven, rising and retrieving his jacket from the back of his chair. “There are texts in the Ash Grove library I must consult.” Almost before he’d finished speaking he had his jacket on and was standing by the door with his keys in his hand. “Are you safe from Melisande in the meantime?” he added.
“From Melisande? Probably.” He left the rest unspoken, and Steven’s brows knitted together.
“I’ll try my utmost to find a solution. I promise.”
“Couldn’t you wish on Cavanaugh’s statue?” Maddie piped up. “I made Eric take me by campus so I could fill the damn top hat with every single coin I could find, trying to take back my wish. It didn’t do squat, but maybe it would cooperate for you.”
Steven’s smile looked a little wan as he steered them to the door. “I’ll give it a try, Maddie, although if the wisher can’t reverse the wish, it’s not likely that a stranger will be able to. Now I suppose I’d better let my wife know I’ll be missing dinner.” There was regret in his voice that had nothing to do with the meal, Tanner thought, and everything to do with being separated from Anna.
“Wait, let me see your phone first,” Maddie commanded. “I’m going to save my number on it. And Tanner’s.”
Once this was done and Steven had locked the front door of the building behind them, Tanner and Maddie stood watching him out of sight. His old VW was parked at the edge of the square. It was the only car in sight; all of the shops and cafés seemed to be closed for New Year’s Day, and the square was deserted. He thought of how cozy the Sumner house would be, of how it would feel to drive up and see Joy waiting for him on the front porch, to see her face light up when she saw him…
The snick of a lighter made him turn his head. Maddie had just lit a cigarette. When she saw the hungry look he was directing at it, she handed it to him and scrabbled in her purse for a fresh one.
“When did you start smoking?” she asked.
“It’s a recent development.” And still a damned nuisance. He promised himself he’d just have this one, to get himself together, and then he’d be on his way. To the graveyard—and, with any luck, to Joy.
“Tanner?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you think Joy and William are sleeping together?”
He inhaled the wrong way and went into a fit of coughing. “Holy shit, Maddie,” he said when he could speak again.
“Don’t tell me you’re not wondering too,” she said defensively.
“Well, now I am.” The thought of Joy in bed with William stabbed like a shiv between his ribs. Then he thought of how uncomplicated and innocent they’d seemed together, and felt sure that their relationship hadn’t progressed as far as sex. Yet.
He said so, and that seemed to satisfy Maddie for a minute. Then she asked, “So do you think they’re happy together?”
He looked at her, perplexed. “Why didn’t you go see them, if you’re so curious?”
She caught her lower lip between her teeth and worried it briefly before giving a gusty sigh. “I was too chicken,” she admitted. “I was afraid that seeing them together would make me realize I’m not the best girl for him. They seem like they’d be a good fit.”
“In some ways, maybe.” It had been unsettling to see their ease with each other. He remembered saying once that she should have been with a guy like William instead of him, and it had shaken him to see that thought come true. They were so comfortable with each other, so in tune.
“Are you sure,” said Maddie tentatively, as if reading his thoughts, “that we should be trying to change things? Maybe they’re better off with each other. This way William doesn’t get his heart broken and has a girlfriend who doesn’t have a list of exes as long as his arm, someone who’s as nice as he is. Maybe we should—well—leave them alone.”
“The hell we should,” Tanner retorted. “I’m fighting for Joy, dammit, for as long as I have. And you should fight for William. Sure, they may be contented enough with each other, but they don’t seem”—he groped for words—“fully developed, somehow. They’re like underdone cookies. The Joy I know is stronger and braver and more—more womanly than she is with William. And you know damn well that the William you fell in love with is the one who got his heart broken and then learned how to move on.”
She looked a little dazed by his vehemence, but the ideas seemed to be sinking in. “I think I get you,” she said slowly. “They’re not reaching their full potential if they stay with each other.”
“That’s it, yeah.”
She scrunched up her nose doubtfully. “Doesn’t it seem like we’re playing god, though? Deciding what’s best for them?”
“I don’t care,” he said recklessly, and ground out his cigarette before striding over to his bike. “I think we’re just trying to get things back to how they’re supposed to be. It may not be perfect, but it’s the best plan I can come up with. Do you need a ride?” he added over his shoulder.
“Huh? Oh, yeah, actually. If you could drop me off at my dorm, that’d be great. Where are you headed?”
“The old graveyard,” he said, mounting the bike and kicking up the stand. He handed her the one helmet he had w
ith him. “Ash Grove won’t be much of a detour.” Then, as she climbed on behind him, a disturbing thought came to him. What if he popped out of existence while he was driving? The bike would probably vanish too.
“Maybe it’s not such a good idea for you to ride with me,” he said. “If Steven’s right and the ripples catch up, you might end up stranded, or worse.”
She shrugged that off. “You wouldn’t be the first guy to pull a disappearing act on me. C’mon, let’s get moving.”
Chapter 13
Joy lay awake a long time that night after going to bed. She still couldn’t stop thinking about Tanner.
Why had she felt so strongly about him? It was unsettling to be around so much beauty, but this was more. Those times when their hands had touched, it was as if a door had been flung open and something rushed into her—no. Something that was already there had come to the surface.
Could she really have known him and forgotten him? He clearly expected something from her that she wasn’t giving. Remembering the expression in his eyes squeezed her heart. She wanted to comfort him, so urgently that even now, if she’d known where he was, she might have gone to him.
Something was drawing her to him. It made no sense. She loved William; she was happy with him, and they got along so well with each other that he was almost like…
Almost like a brother to her. She resisted the thought, but it was true that as much as she loved him, as comfortable as she was with him, he didn’t wake this gnawing need in her that she now felt—
—for someone she’d met exactly twice. She shook her head violently, trying to shake the idiotic thoughts away. William was right: she just had a little crush on the beautiful stranger. Nothing unusual. In the morning she’d already be over it. All she needed to do was get through tonight, and everything would be back to normal.
Tonight seemed so long, though. Hours of lying awake in the darkness; it would be a long dark vigil, like in the graveyard he had sung about.
Among the Shadows (The Ash Grove Chronicles) Page 15
