The Survivor

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  The Survivor

  Families of Honor, Book Three

  Shelley Shepard Gray

  Dedication

  If you’re a survivor, this book is for you.

  Epigraph

  I’m afraid that maybe when I come that you will be different from the way I want you to be, and that I’ll be different from the way you want me to be. I’m afraid that there might be fighting, obsession, losing your temper, competitive opposition, backstabbing, gossip, conceit, and disorderly conduct.

  ~2 Corinthians 12:20

  We value the light more fully after we’ve come through the darkness.

  Amish Proverb

  Contents

  Cover

  Title Page

  Dedication

  Epigraph

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Chapter Thirty

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Epilogue

  Author's Note

  Questions for Discussion

  Teaser for Christmas in Sugarcreek

  About the Author

  Also by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Credits

  Copyright

  About the Publisher

  Chapter One

  Finally, Mattie Lapp had Graham Weaver trapped. For most of their visit to the hospital, she’d been trying to speak privately with him. But every time she’d found her nerve, something would happen. Either she would get called away for one more blood test, or Graham would be busy chatting with one of the Englischers in the waiting room.

  As the hours passed, she’d bite her tongue and bide her time. Not very patiently, however. She’d always secretly thought patience was somewhat overvalued.

  Now was her chance.

  At the moment, she and Graham were the only two people on the elevator at the Geauga County Hospital. As the elevator doors closed, Mattie knew she had only mere seconds before they would reach the ground level. Only seconds to speak her mind.

  Clearing her throat to get his attention, she said, “Graham, wouldja do something for me?”

  Though he’d been standing in front of the doors and watching the numbers blink overhead, Graham turned to her with his usual understanding smile. “Of course. Anything.”

  Nervously, she glanced at the blinking number. Nine.

  The elevator stopped. The doors opened. Her breath caught. This had been the very worst of ideas!

  Maybe she’d get a reprieve?

  Nee. No one entered. The Lord was obviously telling her it was now or never. As the doors closed with a whoosh, she blurted, “Graham, it’s like this. I need you to help me find a husband.”

  In a flash, his kind expression turned dark and stormy. “Mattie, the things you think of. Why in the world would I want to do that?”

  Ach! This was a terribly bad idea. But now that she’d said it, she had to follow through. “I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want a man of my own,” she said in desperation. Felt herself blush at her poor explanation. Honestly, it sounded as if she wanted a puppy, not a husband.

  Graham leaned against the wall. Crossed his well-built arms over his terribly solid chest. “Why?” he asked. His voice was hard now.

  The elevator stopped at the third floor. “I’ll explain later. Another time,” she blurted as she stepped backward and waited for the elevator doors to open and allow people inside.

  Except they did not.

  The doors didn’t open, that was.

  Instead, the overhead light started blinking, blanketing them in pitch-blackness every other second. Without thinking, she stepped closer to Graham. Comforted by his presence, she searched his face. Looking for answers.

  For a moment, true worry appeared in his eyes before he stood straighter and gently reached out and clasped her shoulder. “S’okay, Mattie,” he murmured. “I’m sure this is just a temporary thing.”

  Of course, his first thought was to reassure her. He’d always been that type of friend.

  “I wonder what is going on?” What was she asking, really? Was she concerned about the doors not opening . . . or what was finally happening between them?

  “I don’t know,” he murmured, this time in Pennsylvania Dutch. That was the only sign that maybe he wasn’t as calm about their situation as he wanted her to believe.

  Mattie pivoted and glared at the stark metal doors. Though it had only been a few seconds, already their enclosure felt confining. So much like the MRI machine that the technicians used to look for cancer. The air felt thick. Too thick.

  “I hope the doors open soon,” she said. “I don’t know what we’ll do if they don’t.”

  Behind her, he reached out and raised his other hand to her shoulder, gently squeezing. Reassuring. “They will. You just need patience. A bit more patience in everything,” he murmured under his breath.

  But she still heard it. Turning again, she faced him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You just asked me to help you find a man,” he pointed out, none too kindly. “Like . . . like I was some kind of courting service for Amish women.”

  “That’s not fair. I only asked because you work at the garage door factory now. And there’s lots of Amish men there . . .”

  “Who I would want to start trying to match you with?”

  His voice was condescending. And . . . a bit hurt?

  Well, she was hurt, too. And confused. As the lights continued to flash, she watched him jab at the glowing buttons. “Graham, why are you so upset with me? Is it because I want to find someone? Because I want to get married one day soon? Because I want to have a life like the rest of our friends?” As she said the last words, Mattie heard the whine in her voice and mentally winced. She didn’t want to sound so pitiful. But at the moment, she also couldn’t help how desperate she was feeling.

  With a jerk, Graham turned from the button panel. “I’m not upset about your dreams.”

  Dreams. Yes, that was one way of putting it, wasn’t it? She had dreams that might never amount to anything. Ruthlessly, she pushed the bitter thoughts away.

  Fingering her black apron covering her violet dress, she said, “If you’re not upset . . . would you? . . . Would you help me?”

  “Not now.” He turned from her and started punching buttons. Again. As if the doors would suddenly open because of his fingertip on the right button!

  Though she wanted to talk mo
re, she found herself hoping his efforts would be fruitful.

  But of course they were not.

  Why would they?

  These days, it seemed as if nothing was ever easy. After all, hadn’t she been diagnosed with cancer at twenty-one and not only endured a mastectomy, but lost all her hair and a good portion of her weight, too . . . all while her friends were going about their lives? Finding love and planning weddings?

  Eager to get out of their prison, she pointed to a red knob to the right of the doors. “Should I pull this? Pull the alarm?”

  “Pull it, if you want.”

  His voice was still cool. Unused to that tone, she reached out to him again. “Graham, please don’t be upset with me. After all, you have Jenna.”

  “You know things with Jenna and I didn’t work out.”

  “Well, I’d like a chance for a relationship. All I want is for you to talk to some of the men you are working with and see if you think one of them would be a gut match for me. It makes perfect sense.”

  “Mattie, I’m not meant to be your personal dating service.”

  Oh, but Graham always knew the perfect sarcastic quip to make her feel ridiculous. Beyond discouraged, Mattie shrank from his glare. Pulled at her collar. Though she was sure it was only her imagination, already the confines of the elevator felt warmer. Too warm.

  After a long look, he stepped closer. Wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Just like he had when she was so, so sick from the chemotherapy drugs. Leaning toward him, she rested her cheek on his shoulder.

  He cuddled her closer. Just like he usually did when she was ill. But no, this felt different. There was more tension between them.

  More energy.

  “Graham?” she whispered, moving so she could see his eyes under the brim of his straw hat.

  He was staring at her. His lips were slightly parted, as if all his words were frozen inside of him. Just like hers suddenly were.

  Slowly his head lowered. Realizing what was about to happen, her pulse quickened. She raised her chin. Suddenly, everything felt all right.

  Was this what she’d been wanting, but hadn’t even realized?

  Ding!

  They sprang apart. Dropped their hands just as the elevator door opened with a cloying jerk.

  Air rushed forward, cooling Mattie’s cheeks.

  “You two all right?” asked a man in a light blue cotton shirt with the name Tom embroidered on the pocket. Holding the metal door open, he waited for them to exit. “We’ve been worried.”

  “We are fine,” Graham answered. “What happened?”

  Tom shrugged his shoulders. “Who knows? Everything around here runs like clockwork for days, then suddenly it all falls apart!” He rolled his eyes as Mattie stepped out of the elevator.

  Weakly, she smiled. “It’s been one of those days for me, too.”

  Beside her, Graham grunted. “You ready, Mattie? We should probably make sure Charlie is still outside waiting for us.”

  “Of course,” she replied, slowly realizing that nothing was going to ever be the same between them again.

  She didn’t know whether to be happy or cry. She settled for silent.

  It had taken them double the usual time to get back to Jacob’s Crossing and Graham wasn’t happy about it.

  “You know how the traffic is this time of day—bad and worse!” Charlie, their English driver, called out good-naturedly from the front seat. “Nothing we can do about it.”

  Back in the hospital elevator, it had taken everything Graham had not to lash out at Mattie, to tell her that he had no intention of finding her a man. Most especially when he was standing right there practically, pathetically, volunteering for the job!

  But she hadn’t seen that. No. Impatient, strong, passionate Mattie had only seen what she wanted to see: Her best friend.

  It was a label he had never wanted, nor asked for.

  Over the past year, he’d gone from waiting for her to return his feelings to coming to terms with the fact that she was in no hurry for love or relationships. Discouraged, he’d courted Jenna for a bit, but it had never felt right.

  Jenna, for all her sparkle and beauty, was no Mattie. After the fourth or fifth time they’d gone out, it had been obvious to them both that nothing romantic was going to happen between them.

  He’d resigned himself to waiting a few more years for Mattie to get back to the person she was. To one day be ready for love again.

  But instead of looking at him, she was eager for someone new.

  With haste, he got out of Charlie’s van and strode inside. He would change clothes, then go straight out to the barn and see how he could help Calvin.

  Graham was so tense, he was half hoping Calvin would set him to work chopping wood. Yes, chopping for an hour or two—or four—would suit him fine.

  Grabbing the banister, he circled the wood and strode up the first two steps.

  “Graham?” his mother called out. Her voice was high-pitched and strained. “Could you come in here for a moment?”

  Abruptly, he turned around and walked to the kitchen. “Mamm, can this wait? I’m hoping to join Calvin—” He skidded to a stop as he saw that his mother wasn’t alone. “Jenna?”

  “Hello, Graham.” She sniffed. Her face was splotchy. Obviously she’d been crying. She met his gaze, then looked hastily away.

  For a split second, his heart softened, remembering how much he’d wanted to like her. “What are you doing here?” he asked gently. Perhaps her mother was sick? Or one of her brothers or sisters? She did have a mighty large family.

  “Is everything all right?”

  Jenna shook her head.

  Next to Jenna, his sister-in-law Lucy sent him a glare bristling with contempt. “It seems she got tired of waiting for you to pay her a call.”

  “What?” He hadn’t called on Jenna in more than a month. He looked to his mother for clarification. Surely she would give him an answer? “Jenna, what is all this about? And if you came to visit with me, why are you crying here with my mother?”

  At the mention of her name, his mother met his gaze. But instead of giving him a sign that all was fine, she looked wary. “Perhaps you should sit down, Graham,” she said after a pause. “It seems we have a lot to talk about.”

  He took a ladderback chair, but his already strained patience was waning fast. After thinking about Mattie with a new man for the last hour, he felt ready to break something. “Can we make this quick? I really do need to go out to the fields and help Calvin.”

  Lucy shook her head in dismay. “Honestly, Graham, where is your heart?”

  Tired of being the one person in the room who was in the dark, he looked directly at their guest. “Jenna, why are you here? What has you so upset . . . and why does it concern me?”

  After taking a deep breath, she finally answered. “I’m here because I’m pregnant.”

  Stunned, he stared at her in wonder. He had thought he had been the only one to court her lately. She’d seemed so eager for his attentions, too. So eager, that he’d actually felt terrible when he’d told her that it was obvious they didn’t suit.

  Boy, had he been fooled!

  However, he still didn’t understand why the three of them were looking at him with such varying degrees of discomfort and dismay.

  “Why does that concern me?”

  Jenna finally raised her head. “Because the babe is yours, of course.”

  Graham stilled, then abruptly got to his feet. “Nee—”

  His mother held up a hand. “Graham, you sit back down. Right this minute.” When he complied, she said, “Now, tell me. How could you dishonor her like that?”

  “I haven’t dishonored anyone.” Too angry and confused to sit on the sofa like an obedient child, he got to his feet again, shaking off his mother’s restr
aining hand. “What have you been telling them?”

  Jenna bit her lip. Darted a glance his way, then looked directly at the floor. “Everything.”

  “Obviously not.” Still feeling his sister-in-law’s piercing gaze and his mother’s confused expression, he turned from all of them and paced. “Jenna, I don’t know who you were keeping company with, but we both know that the babe you’re carrying is certainly not mine.”

  “There’s been no one else,” Jenna said, her eyes wide. Too wide. “There’s been no one but you.”

  Her words were so outlandish, and so very wrong, he felt his world tilt. Reaching for the back of the couch, he gripped the soft cushion for support. “You know that’s a lie.”

  But instead of replying, twin tears rolled down Jenna’s cheeks. Making her look even more delicate.

  Lucy reached over and took Jenna’s hand and squeezed gently.

  Next to him, his mother stiffened. “Graham?” she whispered. “Graham, sometimes it’s necessary to face our problems—”

  “Jah . . . but this ain’t my problem.”

  Jenna flinched at his tone and hid her head against Lucy’s shoulder.

  Lucy wrapped her arms around Jenna and glared at him. “You need to make this right, Graham.”

  Graham backed away, feeling like he’d walked into the wrong house. Into the wrong life.

  Because he and the Lord knew the truth. He had never lain with Jenna. He’d never even kissed her! Moreover, he’d never lain with any woman—had never desired anyone except for Mattie.

  But as Jenna started crying harder, as Lucy looked at him with bitter contempt, and as his mother gazed at him with pure disappointment, Graham knew the awful truth: At the moment, what he knew to be true didn’t really matter at all.