by Gayle Eden
She snorted. “That’s not what I meant. I mean, falling in love, getting married, it really changed the way I look at these weddings I do. I always did have a secretly romantic side, but I was cynical about love and all that.’
“Understandable.”
She was still eyeing him, and murmured, “Do you believe in it?”
“Love?”
“Yeah.”
He shrugged. “I believe you do, and Carter does, and Rio and Jess.”
“Carter said you avoid real relationships.”
“Probably.” He got up to fill his cup and then left the table as it was, because Carter would be down to eat.
She came into the kitchen near the sink, where he stood gazing out the window, drinking his coffee. Leaning against the counter, she said next, “He also said, that Rio mentioned someone in your past and you had a—strong reaction to it.”
Not turning around, Kane explained his brief relationship with Sage. Telling it to her the way he did to his brothers. Using the words, too young, mistake, and all that, and keeping his tone unemotional. At least, until he added, “I ran into her the other day.”
“Yeah? I think I’ve seen her at the diner.”
“Probably.”
“So—how’d it go?”
“It didn’t.” He finally turned around and told her, “I dumped her after sleeping with her. Two days later, in fact.”
At Sage’s grimace, Kane flushed and admitted, “I was young myself and not that experienced with girls. Even had I been, none were like her. I also didn’t want to get her in trouble. I could have done it better. I shouldn’t have slept with her either.” He shrugged. “I can’t change that though.”
Skye sighed. “Speaking as a woman. I would not be all that friendly to a guy who screwed me and dumped me. You still do that kind of thing.”
“I don’t have relationships, Skye. It’s not the same.”
“Yeah, okay.” She arched her brow and laughed. “It is though— in a way.”
He saw Carter coming. Not wanting to go a round with his brother, Kane said to Skye. “I regret it. Most people have regrets over things done when they were young and immature. It was complicated though. It wasn’t that cut and dried.”
“You still have feelings for her,” Skye observed softly as she came over to put her cup in the sink.
Kane didn’t answer that. He spoke to Carter, “I’ve done the feeding,” And then asked, “You two hanging around the ranch today?”
Carter, dressed in casual shirt and jeans, a pair of sport boots, nodded, and replied, “I am. Skye’s going down to the barn to work a few hours.”
“I’ll probably be gone most of the day.”
Carter grunted on a laugh. “Going to get your nookie fix for the month?”
His normal answer would have been a fuck you, but since Carter had scooped his wife to him and was kissing her, Kane muttered upon leaving, “Yeah. That’s the plan.” Although, it wasn’t.
He didn’t have a plan—other than finding out about Sage—and seeing her.
He shouldn’t. He did not blame her. He had no points with her. She had resentment—for good reasons.
She had the same effect on him she’d had all those years ago. More actually.
Kane liked everything about her face, her shape, the whole image. He lusted.
Those violet eyes also masked things that he wanted, no needed, to uncover.
He had done some sitting in the dark and thinking last night. He gotten over his embarrassment and shame for how the twenty-year-old he was then, had handled things, and that she had called him on it, all these years later. He wanted her to know he meant that, I’m sorry. It was not just lip service.
Everything nagged at Kane There was more. He just couldn’t leave it the way it was.
He had to know….
Later, he had sunglasses on and was in his truck, headed into town. Kane weighed his feelings about being shot down in public, ignored, or being told to fuck off, by Sage. He decided he was man enough to handle it. He was a lot older and more experienced. Experience told him that what she had said about thinking him strong and whatever, what she’d needed or wanted him to be—said a hell of a lot more than it didn’t.
As it happened, Kane almost missed her.
He spied her car in the parking lot of the diner. It looked like she was getting ready to get in and leave. He swung in a space, and put the truck in park.
Kane got out, walking around the cars, catching her before she got in the driver’s side.
“Sage. Hey, wait up a moment.”
She appeared to look up. He heard her mutter something before she closed the car door and leaned against it, arms crossed and regarding him with an unwelcome expression.
“I’m in a bit of a hurry,” she spoke coolly.
He nodded, reading everything in her stance and voice, the way her eyes looked him over too swiftly. Kane wanted to capture her gaze, to show his sincerity, but didn’t get to. So he cleared his throat, standing a foot away, his voice so low only she, and not any of the customers in the lot, could hear, he offered, “I’m not one to put my emotions out there, Sage. I want to say, I’m sorry. I know I came off as an ass in the store. Saying it was a long time ago—I was talking about—our—my, maturity level. Or maybe the mistakes I made, because of my own immaturity that hurt you. I didn’t mean to blow off the fact I was your first— or the way I ended it.”
She looked around the diner parking lot, obviously determined not to look at him. “Okay. I accept your apology.” When her gaze met his finally, it was guarded, closed. “It was a long time ago. We have made whatever amends. We live and work in the same area, and can be civil to each other.” She glanced down at his boots a second then offered, “I don’t want to talk, chat, or be friends with you, Kane.”
“Why not?”
She blew out a breath. “Let’s not start out with games again, okay?”
She drew her gaze up and locked his. “You don’t have female friends—other than Jesse Vaughn. You have plenty of women for—recreational purposes. We still have nothing in common. I am not interested in friendship. Or anything else with you.”
It wasn’t fuck off. But close enough.
Kane probed those eyes, his voice maybe too husky and unguarded when he drawled, “Okay, no games. But, believe this, Sage. I didn’t want to get you in trouble with your father. We would have been caught, eventually. Aside from the fact you were so young, I wasn’t the type of man your family would have approved of.”
He raked his lip with his teeth. Then admitted, “I had strong feelings for you, and I took those too far. I shouldn’t have slept with you, or broke it off that way. I didn’t handle things right. I’m sorry.”
She had looked away from him but he observed a flicker of pain and maybe surprise at his bluntness.
She responded gruffly, “I suppose we both were in our own…situations... at that time. We didn’t do much talking.” A flush bathed her cheeks, but she went on. “It’s all right. Let’s just agree we are different people-who have moved on.”
“You weren’t easy to forget,” he blurt softly as she pulled away to get in the car.
Pausing with her door open a bit, she was staring at her hand on the handle when she whispered, “Don’t.”
In that one word, Kane read something of his own emotions. His lies to himself and the years of pushing away questions, and memories. He wasn’t like this. But then, there was no woman who made him feel the exact feelings that Sage did. He usually had too much hardheaded pride. Yeah, a lack of anything deeper than the physical attachment with a woman.
He should let her go, and be okay with the peace they had made.
He took a step and touched her arm, smelling the scent of her perfume under the diner scents she carried from working her shift. “We’re not the same people. We’ve grown. But, I carried those feelings and memories a long time. The questions, too. The ones I should have asked—and the ones I had after
you left.”
Her gaze turned to his hand on her arm. She wet her lips and looked up at him. “By all accounts, you moved on fairly well. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt, that this is the real you, and not the Kane who has a reputation of—well, you know your habits with women better than I do. In that tone, you don’t need those answers. The old ones aren’t relevant anymore. The years between then and now, don’t, and won’t, matter.”
She moved her hand from the door, covered his, and moved it off her arm. “We were young. We made mistakes in a forbidden relationship. We’ve made peace with it.”
She waited for him to step back.
Kane did, watching her get in the car.
She put down the window; her arm was along it when she put the car in reverse to back out.
He half turned to his truck, then took three steps, and reached in to delay her by reaching in and putting his hand over hers on the wheel.
Her look of surprise came with her foot hitting the break.
Leaned over, their faces were close; eyes locked, he murmured, “You were married, obviously. You were buying a card for a son.”
“Kane. My life is none of y—”
“I never say please. But please, Sage.” His heart was thumping. Kane wasn’t sure why, but it mattered.
She looked tense, not happy—and uttered coldly, “I’ve errands to run. I don’t have time for a conversation with you.”
“Sage.”
She shook her head, and looked away, muttering, “I’m divorced. I have been since my son was two. He lives with relatives for the time being. End of story.”
Kane asked, “You’re family was very wealthy. Why did you—”
“Please don’t.” She looked at him sharply. “Can’t we just get on with our lives, Kane? I didn’t move here to complicate it. I came here-to be able to build one for myself and my son, on my own terms.”
She pulled her hand from under his and started to let the car drift in her turn, then stopped—and without looking at him she cursed, then uttered, “I married the man my parent’s chose. It did not work out. Not from the get go. However, because of our religion—we’re Catholics—divorce was out of the question. I—I did some things, said them, that assured my husband would divorce me. And to make my parents disown me. I cut all ties with my family in the process. I do not regret it. This—is the first time in my life, that it is actually is—my life.”
Kane withdrew his hand from the wheel, but he caught her chin and turned her face towards his. After searching those eyes moment, the bottom fell out of his stomach.
He knew. He knew. Even when he rasped, “Sage? How old is he?”
She went pale and pulled her face away. “He’s not yours.”
“You’re lying.”
She was trembling now, and shaking her head. “Don't do this to me, Kane. If you ever felt anything for me.” Her eyes were watering when they touched his. “If you ever did— then please, please, let me have my life. I have sacrificed everything to gain it.”
The car backed, turned, and pulled onto the main road. Kane stood there, not feeling his legs. His spine and nape tingled. His head rushed with a roar of blood. He wanted to tear out after her and demand to have her confirm what he instinctively knew.
Nevertheless, he had to think it out. His instincts were alert, and dominate. Yet—he did feel something for her. Some part of him was moved by her tremble, her tears. He couldn’t make rash mistakes again.
Eventually Kane got in his truck. He drove around and let his mind drift to the past.
Somewhere… he pulled off and stared at nothing. He’d avoided the hard, emotional, stuff, all his life. He didn’t like digging into the painful parts of his past.
Kane unclipped his cell and scrolled through numbers, pressing one.
“Jess here.”
“Jess…I... uh…”
“Kane, what’s wrong?”
He sighed. “You’re busy. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No. Not too busy. Skye said you’d ran into Sage.”
“Fuck. Does everyone know my business,” he tried to joke.
“She knows I’m your friend. She mentioned it because she thought you might set aside that tough ass pride, and actually need me.”
“You must be busy with Rio and—”
“I’ll meet you somewhere.”
He gave it up. “Come out to the ranch, will you. Soon.”
“An hour.”
“Thanks, Jesse.”
“You’re welcome. And Kane?”
“Yeah.” He ranked his hand through his hair.
“I can hear everything you aren’t saying. You can trust me. Whatever it is, I won’t share it with everyone else. God knows, you kept my secrets for years.”
“See you.”
He clicked off and turned his truck, driving to the ranch. The tension wound even tighter so he wasn’t trying to rehearse what he’d say. He should talk to Carter too. He was the only one out of all three of them who seemed to get answers easier.
But Jesse was a woman. He needed a woman’s input.
~*~
Jesse’s blond and honey hair was back in a ponytail. She wore simple low-rise denims and a tank, her boots, and was already in a rocker on the porch when he arrived.
As Kane got closer, he had to smile at how his friend glowed since she and Rio finally admitted they loved each other. Since they were, loving each other. Her tanned skin was flushed. Her gold eyes held a certain look…
“Coffee?”
“Yep.” He climbed the steps, taking a seat in another rocker, accepting the cup as she brought it out.
When they were seated, sipping, the sounds of the ranch and nature faintly registering, she urged quietly “Tell me.”
He talked.
Kane told about that fluke meeting, picking Sage up, and then trying to talk himself out of taking advantage of those meetings afterwards. He talked about the attraction. Yeah, his ego loved having a girl seemingly crazy about him. He talked of how he never should have let it go as far as sleeping with her, taking her virginity.
“It hit me, eventually. Not just my risk, but the difference in our worlds and what her old man might do if we were caught. I could have— talked her into defying everything, and marrying me. I thought about that. But I wasn’t ready. No way, was I ready. I wasn’t kind when I broke it off.” He sat forward, his eyes closed a moment. “She cried. So heartbroken. It hurt me—for a long time—that I hurt her.”
After he talked more, about her family leaving, and his trying to move on, Kane told her about the meeting and exchanges in town. The initial coldness— then the words that he knew, just felt, she wasn’t saying.
“Wow.” Jessie reached over and laid her hand on his sinewy forearm a moment. “I understand so much about you now. You fell in love, but in the end tried to do the right thing, in your mind. Oh, Kane… the both of you…I don’t know.”
When she moved her hand away, he leaned back and rubbed his scruff-covered jaw, his green eyes peering out at nothing. “I get weak around her,” he confessed. “It’s like before, only stronger. And if there’s a kid that’s mine…I don’t know that she’ll ever really forgive me, or trust me…I want to know him, if it’s true. But what if he doesn’t—”
“Take it one step at a time. You and Sage have to talk. Be blunt and honest and forget pride, Kane. This is the woman you selflessly let go, even though you loved her, and here she is in your life again. If she was pregnant that young, married off, now disowned, she’s gone through some hell. She’s damned brave, in my opinion. Not only to choose her own life, but to come here again. Maybe there’s a chance for you two. Maybe not. But you have to talk.”
“I know.” He glanced over and met Jesse’s eyes. “I’m not good at that.”
She smiled encouragingly. “You did good with me.”
His white teeth flashed on a wry grin. “That’s different.”
“You’ll do fine. You’re a confide
nt and strong man. In spite of your—past—with women. You’re not someone who bull shits. It’s never easy to admit we’re not perfect, but that’s the price sometimes, for showing someone that matters, that we’re human.”
They were a lot alike, he, and Jesse. She hid her childhood abuse and the terrible truth about her parent’s deaths behind her easy manner. Only those close to her knew that though she gave everything her all, succeeded in anything she turned her hand to, Jesse still had scars. Inward and outward.
Though she and Rio had a rocky start, they were perfect for each other. Rio had his scars too. Together—they were something beautifully strong. Kane didn’t doubt that.
He and Sage—now as grown man, and woman... Kane figured he missed his chance. But, thinking of what she might have gone through, all by herself, against her parents. Thinking of her married to someone—by intimidation and force—. He didn’t know if she’d believe how gut sick and regretful that made him.
He wanted to try though.
Jessie left a bit later, with a, “Call me if you need to talk. You know I’m here for you.”
“Thanks.”
Getting into her jeep she smiled and added, “I always wondered what kind of woman it would take to rock your world. She sounds just right for you.”
“It won’t be that easy.”
“Nothing worthwhile is.”
~*~
Sage mailed the card she’d bought, but knew, even as tired as she was, that if she went back to the hotel, she’d do nothing but pace. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she’d always known that she’d have to face Kane. Not just the way they had ended things, but also because of Michael.
Her son knew that Sascha wasn’t his father. He knew his dad was a rancher, but she’d gotten by with only sketchy details when he was younger. He was growing up fast, and though leaving him with her Aunt had been a necessity, it hadn’t been easy. He’d always had her. She’d tried to give him the important things, that her father and mother couldn’t, or didn’t know how to give her—namely acceptance and genuine love. They’d always had some expectation for her that had nothing to do with her wants.
Shit.
