Falling Awake

by T. A Richards Neville

  He sat me on the couch, switching on a nearby glass-standing lamp and the room instantly filled with a warm glow. I dropped my head in my hands.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked.

  I looked up.

  He was standing over by the open plan kitchen, his back against the counter with his hands crossed over his chest.

  “I feel awful,” I told him. In fact so awful, I was going to be sick.

  I got up and ran as best as I could up the stairs and into my bathroom, puking my guts up into the toilet. When I was sure I was finished, I washed my face and brushed my teeth twice before brushing my hair thoroughly, making sure there were no traces of puke in it. I left the bathroom and unsteadily changed into my white silk cami and matching shorts pyjama set, trimmed with lace, occasionally tripping over. The only saving grace to the shame of being sick with Caleb in such close proximity, was how much better I was feeling.

  I came back downstairs to find him in the kitchen. “What are you doing?” I looked at the food contents surrounding him.

  “Making you something to eat. It should help you feel better.” He spread butter carefully over a piece of toast. I walked past him into the kitchen grabbing the medicine box from the cupboard. I found a packet of headache tablets and swallowed two with a glass of water. My aim was to prevent the headache before it had a chance to creep up on me. I sat down at the island in the middle of the kitchen, and Caleb handed me a plate with the two pieces of golden toast on it.

  “Thanks.” I took the plate from him. It actually smelled really good. I bit into the warm bread and before I knew it, I had eaten the whole thing. Caleb watched me the whole time, but it didn’t deter me from shoving every last crumb into my mouth. “Hungry?” he asked.

  “It would seem that way.” I got up leaving my dirty plate where it was. I was in no fit state to be washing dishes. I went back through to the living room and lay down on my back on the sofa. The alcohol had given me a newfound confidence and I blurted out, “Why don’t you like me?” There was silence, and eventually Caleb came through and sat on the armchair in front of the kitchen. “Who said I didn’t like you?” The look on his face said that he had no clue what I was talking about. I pulled myself up straight into a sitting position.

  “Oh come off it. One minute you’re brushing me off, the next you’re saving my ass but you’re obviously not happy about it; probably because I interrupted your plans with Tamara or some skank just like her,” I went on. “And then you’re ignoring me, then you’re saving my ass again, then you’re mad at me. So go on, tell me what your problem is with me? Because if you’re going to work with my dad, we either need to get along, or stay well out of each other’s way, and -” I left the sentence hanging in mid-air.

  He looked up at me through his thick lashes, “And what?”

  I couldn’t believe what I was about to say next.

  “And I can’t bear the thought of staying away from you.” I looked away from him. “There, I said it.” I felt like a weight had been lifted just speaking those words at last. Obnoxious or not, I knew it was true from the first moment that I met him. I didn’t understand him, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him.

  He got up and sat down opposite me on the coffee table, his knee brushing against mine. He settled his legs on either side of mine, and I became acutely aware of how little I was actually wearing. My eyes scoured his body. He wore a tight white vest and black jeans and I could see for the first time that a tattoo ran from above his chest down over one shoulder. There was an eye covering his shoulder with a tigers open mouth around it, coming down from just below his neck. It was a work of art, a masterpiece. It only made him more perfect. I wondered how I hadn’t noticed it before, then remembered he’d worn a jacket at the bar.

  All my hopes were shattered at once when he looked down at me with his green-grey eyes and said, “I’m not the right guy for you.”

  I snapped my attention back up to his face. “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked, taken a back. He sighed heavily. “It means were not going to be together.” I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

  “Right…So you don’t like me then?”

  “It’s not about whether or not I LIKE you.” The words came out of his mouth as if they had a bitter taste.

  “Then what is it about?” I asked eagerly, becoming distressed at how this conversation was turning out. “Tell me please, because I really don’t understand what is going on here.” I searched his eyes for answers and he hung his head, dragging his hands slowly down his face. “We wouldn’t work.”

  “Can’t I be the judge of that?” I asked disgruntled. “What? Are you too good for me?” He stood up and walked over to the kitchen, leaning over the counter with his back to me, resting on his elbows, and raked his hands through his hair.

  “Is that what you think?” he asked, with bitter laughter his voice. Still fuelled by the alcohol in my system, I followed him over and brazenly without any more thought, I slid my hands up his muscular back feeling the familiar electric buzz in my fingers travel up throughout my body, and I shivered. I followed with my other hand and brought them down over his strong arms, resting my head against his back. Slowly, he turned towards me and I reached up brushing his hair away from his eyes. He turned his face into my palm, brushing his lips across my hand.

  I felt his fingers at the edges of my shorts and he pulled me up hard against his body, lifting me off the floor and held me tightly, his arms wrapped around the tops of my thighs. Looking up into my eyes, he wrapped my legs around his waist and I dipped my head until my lips found his.

  His lips were soft against mine, and I melted into the gentle and feather light kisses. He carried me over to the sofa and lay me down, covering me with his heavenly body. I pushed my fingers through his hair, grabbing it, and pulled him closer to me, kissing him deeply, and desire cursed through me for the first time in my life.

  Far too soon, he broke the kiss and pushed himself up onto his arms looking down at me. He lowered his head and traced a line of kisses from my neck, to just above my cami top, and I arched my back in response. I had never felt like I needed anyone more than how much I needed him right now. He kissed me lightly on the lips, his body still covering mine. “I’d like to still be in your life,” he said in a low voice.

  “What will we be? I asked, swallowing hard “Friends?”

  “Friends is a good idea,” he said, a small smile tugging at his lips, and I got the feeling he hated the idea just as much as I did. I knew what this meant; there would be no more of these moments happening between us.

  “What about Tamara?” I asked, remembering her personal appearance tonight.

  “What about her?” He frowned at me.

  “Is there something going on between you two?” I hoped for the sake of our planned future friendship that there wasn’t.

  “No,” he said looking offended. “She’s just…you know.”

  “Yeah I do know,” I said solemnly, my heart stuck somewhere in my throat. My expression must have spoken volumes because he grabbed my hand, pinning my arm to my side.

  “It’s not like that,” he said, eyes wide. I nodded wanting more than anything to believe him.

  “Trust me when I say, I haven’t got time for something like that right now.”

  So that included me then. That’s why we were feigning friendship, because he didn’t want to commit to a relationship. And no the wonder, he had so many options, he didn’t have to settle down with just one person. Who could blame him for wanting freedom?

  “What was that about back there at the bar? That fight?” I felt like the way he dragged me out of there, I was in some way responsible.

  “It was nothing. Too much alcohol and people run their mouths when they have no idea what they are talking about.”

  “Was it my fault?” I asked, without trying to make myself sound like I believed the world orbited solely around me.

  “No, it wasn’t your f
ault.” He broke eye contact, and climbed off me straightening himself up. “I’m gonna go now.”

  It was my fault then.

  “Okay.” I righted myself and smoothed out my hair.

  “Will you be okay?” he asked. I still felt drunk. From Caleb as well as the alcohol, but I was over the worst of it, and there was nothing more sobering than the cold hard truth that him and me- we just weren’t happening.

  “I’ll be fine.”

  I followed him to the front door and we stood in the darkness, the only light coming from the moon as he held the door open ready to leave. I didn’t want him to go and my heart actually hurt.

  “Caleb,” I said, looking up at his large silhouette, framed by the silver moonlight.

  “Yeah?”

  I stood a moment moving the words around in my head, building up the courage to say them aloud. He reached his hand out and brushed it through my hair. I felt like we were saying goodbye and I didn’t like it.

  “Just know,” I said, biting my lip. “I will always want to be more than just your friend.”

  He bent down and kissed me. “I’ll see you at school,” he said, then turned and left. I watched as the truck pulled out of the drive, its headlights sweeping over the house and disappearing down the street away from me leaving my heart wide open.

  Jacksons Beach

  It was Friday lunchtime and it had been six days since I’d last seen Caleb. He hadn’t even bothered to show up for school. According to my dad, he’d been spending a lot of time at the garage, and I was once again bombarded with the unwanted image of Caleb surrounded by his female fan base. I shook my head as if that would actually make it go away, and Mr Kelly who sat next to me gave me a questioning look.

  We were in the library discussing the itinerary for the trip to Paris with around thirty other students, juniors and seniors, and I didn’t even know all of their names. But there was one name I definitely did know and I wasn’t glad to see him.

  Nathan sat at the table farthest away chewing his lip persistently, occasionally glancing my way trying to make eye contact, but I was having none of it. Apparently attending this trip wasn’t optional for him but mandatory due to the fact that he was flunking big time. Now that, I could believe. It was common knowledge that there was a village out there somewhere deprived of its idiot.

  My lip was more or less healed now, leaving no trace of what actually happened that night, but I still couldn’t stand the sight of him. I couldn’t say the same for him though. His lip was still scabby and puffed up. Serves him right.

  “So, you will all be assigned a number from one to five,” Mr Kelly addressed the group. Most of them looked on with total disinterest and others, obviously the smarter kids, whispered to each other excitedly at the prospect of actually getting to go to Paris.

  “Ones will be together, two, three together etcetera.” He pointed to every single one of us shouting out a number and when it came to Nathan, he sat up as if all his Christmases had come at once when he realised he had been given the same number as me. I groaned inwardly and made a mental note to speak to Mr Kelly about this later.

  “Even though I want you all to have fun, the fundamentals of this trip are education, education, education,” Mr Kelly said, bringing his hands together repeatedly. “I have grouped you accordingly so everyone gets a student that can lead the tutoring.” So that would be me trying to teach Nathan the dumbass. I was steadily going off the idea of this trip.

  “One last thing before we finish up here. Caleb Dcruz will also be joining us. I think it will be a fantastic way to really welcome him into the school and help him get to know you all better,” he said, looking rather pleased with himself. This meeting could not get any worse, but at least the stupid smirk had been wiped clean off Nathans face, who looked like he was as happy about the news as I was.

  When Mr Kelly told us we were finished, I grabbed my bag and made a mad dash out of there. We left for Paris in a few weeks, therefore that was how long I had to get Mr Kelly to rearrange the groups or just leave Nathan behind, but I didn’t hold out much hope for the latter.

  The meeting only lasted twenty minutes and I still had time to meet Mellissa for lunch.

  I found her in the cafeteria giggling into her cell, oblivious to anyone else in the crowded room. I slid onto the bench opposite her and she looked up at me smiling.

  “Hey I gotta go,” she said into the phone. “See you tonight though?” she asked, and after saying goodbye, hung up.

  “Drake?” I asked, checking my own phone for any messages, hoping there would be something from Caleb even though I had at no point since meeting him given him my number; yet still managed to be disappointed when there was nothing from him.

  “Yep, and were all going to the bonfire tonight,” she announced cheerily.

  “Whose we?”

  “Me, you, Drake and Ressler.” Still no Caleb then I thought miserably, and I hadn’t seen Ressler since my alcohol induced coma.

  I looked out at the grey skies. It had rained nearly all day; I was surprised the bonfire was still happening.

  Every second week after the end of spring break, the town held a bonfire on Jackson’s Beach welcoming the beginning of summer. It was a family friendly event, but there were always kids there who managed to get their hands on alcohol and succeed in causing trouble and tainting the whole thing. I wouldn’t be drinking that was for sure.

  “But it’s raining out,” I said, still watching the heavy overcast sky as sheets of silver rain now crashed against the windows.

  “So what?” A little rain never hurt anyone. You can borrow my cagoule.” She was mocking me and just as she was about to re-open her mouth, Tamara came over to our table and sat down next to Mellissa. We both looked at each other unsure of what was going on. We weren’t unpopular or anything, but we absolutely did not keep company with the likes of her and her infamous jock friends.

  “Are you guy’s going to the bonfire tonight?” she asked, forging a smile like her coming over here wasn’t the most unusual thing in the world.

  “Uh…” Mellissa looked at me waiting for me to say something, but I could only stare at Tamara, picturing her sitting back on Caleb’s knee, offering herself up like the tramp that she is.

  “What do you care if we’re going to the bonfire?” I snapped. She had a nerve coming over here when normally we weren’t good enough to smile at, never mind sit with. She pushed her hair behind her ear as she spoke.

  “It’d just be nice to see you there that’s all,” she said sheepishly. I strongly suspected she was here with an agenda, and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what that was. Mellissa, reading my mind, was the first to speak.

  “If you’re looking for Caleb, he’s not interested in you, so just get lost. You’re putting me off my lunch with your stench of desperation.” Tamara’s blue eyes darkened with anger and she stood up. Coming over to where I sat, she leaned over me with her hands planted firmly on her tiny hips.

  “You may think you’ve won him, but let me tell you something. The reason he only wants to JUST be friends with you, is because he likes to be free to fool around with me whenever he pleases,” she said bitchily, then tossed her hair back with a triumphant smile on her face. I was paralyzed by her words. How did she know Caleb only wanted to be friends? She had to have seen him. No the wonder he was avoiding me. And who said anything about winning anyone? Did she honestly think we were in competition here?

  “Is that so?” Mellissa asked. “Then how come your over here looking for him if you’ve been fooling around with him so much huh? How come he didn’t invite you to the bonfire huh? And how come he left you to catch a ride with us the other night while he took Pria home and stayed the night with her huh?” Mellissa was standing now, her hands turning the same shade of white as the table as she gripped it tightly. She was the feisty one out of the two of us and right now, I could tell she was poised for a fight.

  “Screw you,” Tamara said sulki
ly, and flounced out of the cafeteria, the double doors banging closed behind her.

  “Did you have to tell her he stayed the night with me?” I asked, wishing she hadn’t dropped that big fat lie to the biggest gossip in school.

  “Relax. I don’t think it’s something she’s going to want to spread around, do you? I wish you could have seen the look on her face when Caleb blew her out for you. It was priceless. I was more than happy having no choice but to look at it all the way home.”

  “I guess not,” I said under my breath. I couldn’t believe Caleb had been seeing her after he lied to my face telling me he had nothing to do with her. We’d come so far from when we first met. I mean sure, we were only friends but It was a whole lot more than what we were before. And he could call us friends as much as he wanted, but I had really thought that like me, he felt so much more than that. Well at least I knew where I stood now and that he really was fooling around with other people.

  “She’s lying,” Mellissa said, picking up on my change of mood.

  “The only fooling around she’s been doing is in her head. Drake would have told me otherwise.” I guess he would have. Him and Mellissa were pretty close now, but he was also Caleb’s friend and wasn’t it bro’s before ho’s? Anyway, she was right; Caleb and I were just friends, so that left him free to see whomever he wanted. I just wished it wasn’t her. I wished it wasn’t anybody. I was sinking fast into another jealous rage and I really didn’t like this side of me.

  My phone buzzed across the table.

  Come to the bonfire with me tonight? Love R x

  My eyebrows shot up to where Mellissa sat looking at me expectantly. “Is that Ressler?” she asked, leaning forward trying to her best to read the message.