Falling Awake

by T. A Richards Neville

  “What we need to worry about here, is what does the witch want with Gabriel’s memories? Ressler asked, tearing through the electrified current in the room. “And who the hell is behind all of this.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Caleb cut in. “The witch doctor’s dead now. Pria brought the cave down with him in it.”

  “I brought the cave down?” I said, with my finger pointed at my own chest, eyebrows raised.

  “Yes you. It was all you. Everything tonight was you. You, you, you, got it?” He was irritated and I sucked in a breath clenching my fists at my side. This was our first meeting back at the garage all over again. Asshole.

  “Then who’s pulling the strings here?” Ressler asked Caleb.

  “I don’t know, but that doesn’t mean I won’t find out.”

  “Could you leave us a minute?” Leah said to Caleb and Ressler, but looking at neither. “Take Gabriel and make him comfortable.”

  They left the room, and Leah took me through into the living room. We sat down on opposite sofas. My leggings and top were damp, and my skin felt itchy all over. Sensing my irritation, Leah wandered off and returned with black yoga pants, and a pale blue and white baseball shirt. One look at it and I knew it was Caleb’s. He had worn the shirt when he took me to whale Watch Park, and the scent stirred my insides. “Thanks,” I said, taking the clothes from her.

  “I promise I won’t look.” She grinned and walked off, lighting a cigarette in the kitchen. I changed quickly and put my damp clothes in a pile on the floor. Caleb’s top was too big on me, and I clenched the extra fabric in my hands, glad to have something of him so close to me. Leah came back into the living room, puffing out smoke as she sat back down. “Want one? she asked, offering me the pack.

  “No thanks. I don’t smoke.”

  “No surprises there then.” She stuffed the pack back down her cleavage. I didn’t know how she found any room to fit anything down there, her boobs were so big, and her tops so small. Today it was a tight white short-sleeved crop top, and skinny black jeans. Her burgundy hair was ironed straight, and quite frankly she looked phenomenal. It felt like a lifetime ago since I was last here sitting with her, not just last night. Never had the line, what a difference a day makes, ever rang truer.

  “Gabriel is a fallen angel,” she said to me matter of factly, before taking another drag of her cigarette. “I knew him long before you were born.”

  “How can my dad be an angel?”

  “It happens. The fallen mate with humans, and people like you are created.”

  “People like me?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. I couldn’t tell whether or not that was meant as an insult.

  “You’re still human don’t worry, but there’s no denying your unique.”

  “Unique how?”

  “Pria, trust me when I say that there is only so much I can tell you. And right now, this is what you need to know.” She stubbed out her cigarette on the floor with the sole of her boot and crossed her legs. “Gabriel is fallen, but that doesn’t change anything. He’s still your dad.” I nodded, the tears filling up my eyes clouding my vision.

  “It looks like you have a very special gift that you need to discover on your own, and you need to learn to control it on your own. But you have Ressler, Drake and Caleb to help you with that– you’re not alone. You need to find yourself; everyone else is just there for support.”

  “Okay.” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. I’d have fought for more answers if it were Caleb sitting here, but my heart told me that I could trust Leah. She was telling me the truth.

  “That witch doctor tonight- he was just the beginning. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he wanted Gabriel’s memories to find out more about you. It’s a good thing he’s dead, and what he has of Gabriel’s memory dead with him. Things will get a lot harder and a heck of a lot scarier, so you need to let Caleb do his job. Help him to help you if you want to stay alive.” Do his job. The words twisted up my gut and made me want to pull out my hair. Did I really get things between us so wrong? That was it then, strictly down to business now, no more messing about.

  “Do you understand?”

  “I understand,” I replied, hating everything she was saying to me.

  “I get it, it’s hard,” she said, standing up. “But this is your life now. You need to let the old you go. There’s going to be a lot of changes, and you’re not going to like them all, but they’re going to happen regardless. So suck it up and get on with it.”

  She walked over and bent down in front of me. My eyes dropped to where her hand rested on my knee. “Oh, and Drakes girlfriend…you can’t speak a word of this to her, got it?” My expression cracked and broke out into a genuine smile.

  “Drake’s told you about Mellissa?”

  She smiled. “Bits and pieces, and you keep her out of this okay? She’ll only end up getting hurt.”

  I mimicked sealing my lips. “I won’t say anything.”

  She straightened up looking satisfied. “Good.”

  I grabbed my wet clothes off the floor. “I’m gonna go home now. I’ll be back later to check on my dad if that’s okay.”

  “Ask him,” she said as Caleb walked into the room. He stopped under the archway and the vibrations between us were alien to me. I didn’t like it. I didn’t know what had happened to Caleb, but this wasn’t him.

  As Leah turned to leave, I stood up and said to her, “Leah, what’s divine?” She froze midstride and without turning back around she said, “It’s a myth. Forget you ever heard that word.” Caleb’s eyes flicked toward her, and without saying another word about it, she carried on walking.

  “I’ll take you home,” Caleb said, grabbing his keys off the counter.

  ***

  I pulled off the leggings but decided to keep Caleb’s baseball shirt on, and climbed into bed. I was completely exhausted and the familiarity of my bed, and the comfort of my own sheets was what I needed right now. I glanced at the bedside clock; it was well after nine pm. It had been a long day and a half. I turned out the lamp and just when I was about to lie down, Caleb’s broad frame filled the bedroom doorway.

  “I thought you’d left already,” I said, surprised to see him standing there. He hadn’t seemed in any way interested in hanging around, and the silence in the car was excruciating.

  “I’m not leaving you alone; I’ll take the couch tonight.” His tone was serious, but his stare was detached. If I could reach out and touch the air between us, my guess was, it would frost over. If this were the past, I would have argued he sleep with me, but right now, we were like total strangers, so I simply said, “Okay.”

  Two months later

  Ressler’s Mercedes pulled up outside of Sully’s and I stepped out in my black peep toe stiletto’s, black sequin hot pants, and plain black vest top, feeling the best I had in a long time. My bandages were gone, but I couldn’t get rid of the thin purple scars that were left behind, courtesy of Sabre and his knife wielding skills. The silver bracelet given to me by Ressler hung from my wrist, shining brightly at every opportunity. It was the only piece of jewellery I had chosen to wear, and the only piece I needed. The breeze picked up my freshly washed hair and blew it back off my face. Ressler came around to my side of the car, and I looped my arm through his for support as I fought my way over the gravel without tripping over. Sully’s was the same as ever. Dim, smoky, dirty, and full of weirdo’s. But for the first time ever, I didn’t feel un-nerved walking into the place.

  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” Mellissa shouted, standing up and wrapping me in a giant hug. I couldn’t help but laugh as I hugged her back. She was the highest level of normal in my life, and I loved her more than ever for it. The reality that used to belong to me might have long slipped out of my grasp, but she would never change, that was a fact. In the two month’s since the fateful night at Cape Flattery, Mellissa had grown her hair longer, and tonight she wore it in relaxed waves around her shoulders. Her makeup was to an absolute minimu
m, minus the trademark ruby red lipstick, and I knew Drake was the reason for that. It seemed she had finally been convinced of her natural beauty, and she did look beautiful. We pulled apart and she thrust a medium sized pink and white striped box in my hand, finished with a pink ribbon and metallic pink bow.

  “Thank you,” I said, sitting down and pulling apart the wrapping paper as gently as possible, not wanting to destroy it too much.

  “Oh for god’s sake just open it will you,” she said, rolling her eyes. At her request, I tore the remaining paper away and opened up the pink box that was inside. I held up what I thought was a tiny pale pink satin nightgown with a sweetheart neckline trimmed with white lace, but on closer inspection, I saw that it was actually an all in one playsuit. And it was very short to say the least. Folded up neatly underneath it, was a matching satin and lace robe. “I love it!” I reached over the table and hugged her. She winked at me and gave me one of her devilish grins. “You’re welcome.”

  I looked up and caught Ressler staring at the small pieces of delicate fabric in the box, then at me, and I felt the heat rise in my cheeks. I quickly closed the box up and pushed it to one side.

  “So, seventeen,” Drake said, smiling at me lazily. He was slouched in his chair with one arm thrown casually around the back of Mellissa’s chair, and he tipped his beer to his lips taking a drink.

  “Seventeen,” I repeated.

  “Wonder what this year will bring for you then.” I leaned back in my chair and crossed my legs under the table. “Who knows?” I said, matching his smile with one of my own. “I’m sure nothing too exciting.”

  “I’m sure,” he said.

  I took a sip of the vodka and lemonade that sat in front of me, and let myself get lost in the conversation around me. I was more than aware of the dangers I was facing, and I knew that even though there were celebrations tonight, tomorrow was a different story. I would go back to being on my guard and waiting for the unexpected, but tonight, I would forget it all. Tonight I would be happy.

  “Pool?” Ressler offered Drake. “Loser buy’s the next round.”

  “I hope you brought your wallet,” Drake said, his chair scraping back on the sticky wooden floor as he got up, and they left heading for the bar. Mellissa grabbed her drink and sat in the empty chair next to me. “How are you?” She asked me, her voice lowered and full of concern.

  “I’m okay.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yeah, my dad’s going to be fine,” I told her, just as I repeatedly told myself every other hour in the day when the memory of what happened to him resurfaced, and slapped me in the face all over again.

  “You bet he is,” she said, cupping her hand over mine. “I got you something else. It’s only something small”

  “You shouldn’t have,” I said, but she was already pulling a small circular package out of her bag. “It’s nothing really.”

  I took the brightly wrapped gift from her and swiftly pulled it apart. A small ivory coloured heart framed a picture of me and my dad. I remembered instantly the day it was taken, and I was transported back to a time when my life seemed so much simpler. My dad had taken me and Mellissa on our first ever fishing trip, and after three hours of catching nothing but sun burn, I held my tiny silver, slither of a fish up in a pose against my dad’s enormous trout, and that was the exact image that stared back at me now. I had nightmares after that and vowed never to kill another fish again. The image stirred all kinds of emotions in me, and I held the photo frame over my heart. “Mellissa it’s perfect, thank you so much.”

  “No problem. Let’s hope he wakes up sooner rather than later huh? You’re not the only one who’s missing him.”

  “I know.” I wiped away the tear that slid down her cheek. Mellissa loved my dad almost as much as I did.

  “Ugh, he’s not even here and he’s making me a quivering mess,” she said, laughing through the tears as she dabbed under her eyes with a tissue from her bag.

  I shoved her playfully in the leg. “Eww groce.”

  After a few more drink’s, I was beginning to forget all the stress and sadness in my life, and after beating Drake and Ressler at a game of pool, I went to the bathroom. Ressler rounded the corner as I was leaving, closing the gap in the tiny badly lit hallway ahead of me. He walked right up to me and gripped my wrist, stroking the bracelet he had given to me. “Wing’s suit you,” he said, his eyes hidden by his thick lashes.

  “I love this bracelet so much,” I said to him. “I would die if I ever lost it.”

  “Then please, don’t lose it.” A smile played on his lips, and before I could utter another word, he let go of the bracelet and grabbed both of my hands, pinning them up against the wall above my head. I looked up into his stormy eyes; I didn’t need him to speak to know exactly what he was thinking. “I got you something for your birthday.” His breath was warm against my skin as he spoke, and I tipped my head back taking in the full weight of his intense glare. Without Caleb in the picture, it was too easy to get lost in Ressler.

  “Do you want me to give it to you now?” he asked me, and the glint in his eye told me that whatever it was, had to be given in private, and it definitely wouldn’t disappoint. After avoiding this moment for so long, and denying it would inevitably happen, I sucked in a small breath and closed my eyes as I felt the softness of his lips brush against mine. He pushed his fingers in-between my own, and slid my hands down the wall, pinning them at my sides as his body pushed up against mine. Freeing my hands, I wrapped my arms around his neck as the kiss deepened, and let my hand wander down over his chest, where eventually, I broke free of the kiss and pushed him away. My heart was pounding and there was no denying I’d enjoyed it, but it had to stop. I’d let myself get too carried away. I would like to say it was the vodka but I couldn’t, it was all Ressler and I felt shaken.

  “You can’t tell anyone about this,” I said. If that offended, or upset him, it didn’t show. He just nodded in acceptance. I put my fists up against his chest, dropping my head against him, and he held me. It would be so simple if I could allow myself to be with Ressler, but a huge part of me still held on tightly to the idea of Caleb, and I would be lying to myself if I ignored it. He kissed the top of my head and tipped my chin up.

  “Hey come on, it’s your birthday. Smile.”

  “Ressler I’m sorry, I-“

  “Stop. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I wanted to kiss you, don’t be sorry. I’m not.” I matched his grin with one of my own and let him lead me back into the main area of the bar.

  My hand instantly dropped from his when the door to the bar swung open, and Caleb stepped in. He was wearing a black and white fitted tee and navy jeans with white high tops, and just the sight of him, after so long, caused my heart to all but stop. His hair was sun-kissed now we had hit summer, and he looked all the better for it. His river soaked eyes searched the area before settling on me. Anyone else might have missed it, but it was hard for me not to, and I tensed as his jaw twitched under the assessment of Ressler and me standing together. I don’t know why I even cared. I shouldn’t. Even though I felt him there in the background, he had erased himself from my life, and when we did see each other, he barely spoke a word to me. Regardless of all that, I hoped the earlier flush in my cheeks had subsided, and I didn’t reek of someone who had just been kissed.

  “I guess that’s my queue to leave,” Ressler said to me, and walked off back to our table. I owed Caleb nothing, but I couldn’t bring myself to move from the spot. The part of me that refused to let him go was relieved that he was here. He came over to me and planted his hands in his back pockets. “Will you come with me somewhere?”

  Really I should have asked why, or where, or who do you even think you are crashing my birthday like this- but that all seemed too irrelevant.

  “Sure,” I said.

  When the dodge rolled up at whale watch point, I unbuckled my seatbelt and climbed out before Caleb, letting the crisp sea breeze roll ov
er me. His car door slammed as he got out, and when he offered me his hand, I discarded my shoes and took it. He helped me down to the water’s edge and just like we’d done before, we got into the small waiting boat. As he rowed us out into the ocean, I let my head fall back, and I admired the night sky that sparkled full with stars shining like crystals, each one blinking in and out of existence. When the boat stopped and Caleb dropped the oars, I met his gaze and for the first time in months, he looked at me as though I were really there. The blank and empty expression was gone and the corner of his mouth tipped up. It was pitch black out here, the only light coming from the beam of the lighthouse occasionally sweeping over us, but I could see the shift in him. I didn’t need the light for that.

  “I keep thinking there’s something I want to say to you,” he said. “But the words won’t come.”

  “What happened to you that night in the cove Caleb?” I wanted so badly to believe his intolerance of me had stemmed from that night.

  “I don’t know. Nothing. I really can’t remember.”

  I knew. He’d changed, and he’d changed towards me. His feelings were none existent, and I had no idea if they would ever come back. The old Caleb was gone, and I would somehow have to find a way to accept it and move on. He wasn’t dead, he was still here, but everything we had was dead and maybe, it was time to bury it. I could blame this on the witch doctor, or I could learn to accept that Caleb was giving me exactly what I had asked for. Freedom from him, freedom to get over him.

  I had no idea if he remembered that he ever cared about me, but I wasn’t going to start that conversation. Not tonight, possibly not ever. Telling Caleb to get out of my life had started a whole chain of unwanted events, and now I would have to live with the consequences. I’d wanted this, and now found myself in no position to complain about the situation that I’d found myself in.

  I clasped my hands in-between my legs and concentrated on keeping my tears at bay. I looked out over the black sea.