‘Come on Ruby, let’s go back to the Opera Bar and we can both have a cocktail and a guaranteed interesting conversation.’
Now would’ve been the time to tell Ryan to go do one after trying to be all friendly after he hasn’t been in contact for six months but after the mini adventure we had together I have inevitably fallen for his charms again. However, I am feeling bolder than I normally do on dates so I decide to ask him for a picture as a memento of our interesting escape this evening.
‘Why do you want one of those?’ Ryan says defensively.
‘Is it so you can finally have a picture to put in your shrine to me?’
‘No I was going to use the picture of you as a dartboard’ I respond sarcastically.
He begins to laugh again.
‘Well in that case I better make sure I give you my best smile to ensure it’s the best looking dartboard you ever have.’
We both squeeze closer together on the seat and whilst doing so I feel Ryan snake his arm around my waist and it sends shivers up my spine.
After what feels like an eternity we finally get to relax our smile muscles as the photo begins to print. Surprisingly, it looks like a nice picture. I’m sure Ryan always looks great in photos but I always end up looking like a cross between a scarecrow and Oscar the grouch. I quickly grab the photo from the dispenser and place it carefully in my purse before Ryan changes his mind and wants to get rid of it.
Ryan remains silent throughout which makes me question whether the photo was actually a really bad one and I’m just in denial. He removes his hand from my waist and places it in my hand and we clamber out of the booth and make our way slowly back to the Opera Bar.
* * *
Once arriving back at the Opera Bar, deep conversation and too many cocktails followed, so much so that Ryan gets a tap on his shoulder to say we are the only two left at the bar. I hadn’t even realised that it was just us. Although it is late I don’t want this evening between us to end just yet. I’m still plucking up the courage to ask if he fancies picking up from where we last left off on our previous date.
I suggest a walk around the Harbour before we part ways and before I even finish my sentence he agrees. I’m taken aback by his quick response but it gives me more confidence to ask him whether we want to continue things at his place. I’d suggest my flat but considering I share with two other girls I don’t really want an audience and they probably won’t want the noise or the images of naked bodies writhing about imprinted on their brains.
Clutching each other’s hands tightly we walk from the Opera Bar round to the side where the black and white frontage of the Museum of Contemporary Art looks towards the water. Without saying a word and as if in sync we both sit on the bench in front of the museum and enjoy the darkness of the water stretched out in front of us.
For some reason I have an urge to start whistling Otis Redding’s ‘Sittin’ On the Dock of the Bay. As I purse my lips and let the tune whistle in the air, Ryan automatically joins in.
I stop in surprise and feel my forearms begin to cover with goose bumps. This is a special moment. A connection of two people.
Ryan stops too and lets out a big grin.
‘Why did you stop? This is a decent song… Is it because you don’t know the rest of the tune?’ he says mockingly.
I give him a look of ‘please I know every part of that tune’ and then simultaneously we both begin to whistle again picking up exactly where we left off.
As our whistling comes to a natural end, we both stare into each other’s eyes and I see his pupils get bigger. We then break our intense gaze with a long and passionate kiss.
After the satisfying kiss, it seemed like the opportune moment to ask Ryan whether he want to take this further than just a romantic stroll and whistle.
‘So, maybe I can go back to yours for coffee?’
As soon as I say the words ‘back to yours for a coffee’ I feel like a complete moron. It sounds like such a cliché thing to say, although saying ‘do you want to have sex tonight?’ sounds even worse and it makes me feel a little grubby so ‘coffee’ sounded like the best option even though it sounded like something out of an American TV show.
I await Ryan’s reaction and at first he looks confused, looks like my coffee invitation wasn’t clear enough. Then, as the penny dropped there was a look of a lost boy. Maybe I totally misjudged the situation. Yet on our previous dates he seemed to have sex on the brain, so what makes tonight so different?
He then shakes his head telling me that he has an important day ahead of him at work and needs to be on top form.
It seems to me like an excuse and I feel my gut tighten at the disappointment and the rush of adrenalin quickly fade away. I am unsure how to respond and an awkward silence ensues.
Ryan breaks the silence.
‘Well its probably time to grab some taxis and make our ways back separately.’
The word separately is deliberately emphasised by him to really make sure I understand that this night will not be going any further. Due to ‘coffee gate’ he is now unable to look me in the face. I feel like such a fool.
He walks me to a taxi and like a true gentleman pays the taxi driver. He then pops his head through the window as I put on my seatbelt and says to floor, in order to continue avoiding my eyes;
‘Thanks for a good night Ruby, we will have to meet up again some other time… as friends’.
The word ‘friends’ sends a stabbing pain in my heart. As the driver begins to drive away, I look back at Ryan and he looks back at me. He then immediately turns his head away with not even a wave goodbye. As the taxi continues to drive to Sunshine Apartments, I feel my cheek become wet with the tears that are silently trickling down my face.
CHAPTER 18
I can’t do it.
I just can’t do it.
For the first time in my dating life, I can’t go for coffee or sex, a three-course meal or whatever Ruby was insinuating because if I do I won’t be able to control my feelings any longer and I am not talking about my sexual feelings. I promised myself I would never get attached to a girl and I would never fall in love. I’m getting too close to Ruby and this time it really does need to come to an end.
I gave Ruby some bullshit excuse of needing to be fresh and energised for work in order to leave and get out of the situation. I felt like such a douchebag but my mind has taken control of my heart.
As we stood by the harbour entrance I began waving my hands about to get a taxi for Ruby like an idiot, just panicking and out of control with my feelings. Once a taxi pulled up, I decided to make up for my rudeness and pay for her to get back okay but then I delivered the words no beautiful girl wants to hear from a guy she’s dating; ‘just friends’. My gut twisted as I said those words and Ruby’s blue eyes were a midnight pool of sadness.
I tried not to look at her as the cab began to move away but I couldn’t help it. When I looked back, I received another twist in my gut and had to tear my eyes away from her, away from her forever.
For once I am glad to be heading back to the hotel without anybody but myself. Not only does it mean that I can star fish on the bed, it also means I can sort out my thoughts and get back to the suave playboy version of Ryan rather than this stupid love-struck version of Ryan. It also gives my shredded arse a chance to recover from sitting on that white plastic seat in the photo booth. I wish she didn’t have that picture of me, I never have a picture with any of the girls I have dated but somehow Ruby convinced me to have a picture with her.
I knew she was trouble as soon as she walked in. Oh for god’s sake I am now even beginning to quote Taylor Swift songs because I’ve let my feelings for this girl take over me.
I curse myself for being such a pathetic loser as I continue to walk towards the hotel where I intend to order myself a large whiskey and to think about how many sexual positions I could do in a night with Taylor Swift, in order to get the thought of Ruby out of my head for good.
CHAPTE
R 19
It’s been six weeks since I’ve heard from Ryan. I keep playing back our date again and again. I still can’t work out what happened between us for him to turn me down. I think about all the possible ways I could’ve said things differently but it still doesn't change reality. I take a deep sigh and try to block out all my thoughts of him as clearly there is going to be no future between us.
Suddenly I get a slight jolt in my finger from a thorn on the rose I had been subconsciously twirling around my finger. That will teach me for staring into space and thinking about things I shouldn’t rather than focussing on what I should be doing. I then realise that behind the large display of peonies I see a pair of well-polished black brogues and feel mightily embarrassed that I hadn’t realised he was there and that I have been caught daydreaming at work. I am so glad Tess took the day off today otherwise I probably would’ve been fired on the spot there and then, even though sales these past few months have been rather good.
I go over to the smartly dressed feet to see if I can offer my assistance and my sincere apologies for ignoring him. I then realise that the customer is Michael, the guy who runs the newspaper and sweet kiosk. Normally Tess talks to him when he comes over, as he often gives us any left - over sweets he may have for the day. Other than smiling at Michael when he comes over, I do not talk to him as Tess tends to keep me busy when he is around as for some reason she thinks he might bundle me in a body bag at any moment.
I think Tess is majorly over-reacting, he hasn’t really done anything particularly weird, other than only wearing polo necks even in the height of summer. Hopefully a bit of light conversation between us will be enough and he will return to his kiosk and will not mention to anyone that I was daydreaming.
‘Hiya Michael.’ I say cheerfully. ‘I hope you haven’t got any more of those Cherry Ripes to hand over as I am going to end up the size of a house at this rate.’
‘Not this time I’m afraid’, he replies back in his melancholic voice, ‘…although there is something I want to ask you. I hope you won’t be offended…’
I am puzzled as to what Michael has to say to me that could possibly cause offence but I encourage him to continue, purely out of curiosity.
‘I have been watching you for a while…’
That sounds a bit stalkerish but I guess what with being opposite our stall in the station there isn’t much else to look out to other than commuters rushing by.
He pauses for what seems like an eternity and whilst he does so I try to think of all the possible excuses I can tell Tess for my behaviour so far the only one I can think of is that I have a condition called imaginationitis where I just randomly switch off into my own little world and can’t do anything about it. Somehow I don’t think she is going to buy that excuse.
Michael then clears his throat to continue the conversation.
‘….as I just said I’ve been watching you for a while and I thought it might be nice to go out tonight for a drink or walk along the beach or something. Just as friends of course. What do you say Ruby?’
I look up to the ceiling and silently thank whatever god is up there for letting me off the hook for daydreaming. I don’t want to go for a walk with Michael tonight but seeing as he just wants to go as friends and the fact that if I don’t accept his offer he may still dob me in I agree to go, despite Tess’s warning.
‘Sure Michael that would be lovely.’
I couldn’t really say no. That will teach me for daydreaming.
‘How about when we finish our shifts here we can head towards Bondi Beach’ he says ecstatically.
Michael is looking like the cat that got the cream and is grinning from ear to ear after I accept his offer. I am not sure whether to be flattered he seems so keen to spend time with me or a little creeped out.
He takes my hand and says thank you. I’ve never had anyone thank me before for going on a walk with them. It is a bit odd. Maybe I am so used to dealing with douche bag men that maybe I have forgotten that there are also polite men out there too. Besides it might be good to just go for a walk and see the beach with a guy on platonic terms as it might stop me thinking about Ryan.
After accepting Michael’s offer, I feel on edge for the rest of my shift as I can feel his eyes on me the whole time. I am starting to think maybe the wrath of Tess would be a more pleasant experience than a walk with Michael. In fact Tess would probably have given me praise by turning Michael down.
At five o clock on the dot, when the working day had finished, I see that Michael is waiting and watching me silently as I put the last padlock on the shutters of the stall. I wish he would just say something just so this doesn’t feel so awkward.
I double check the locks and then walk with Michael to the platform where we get on the crowded train to Bondi Junction. The journey feels like an eternity as I can feel Michael’s hot breath on my cheek due to being packed in like sardines on this train. After a moment of breathing space when we get off the train we then get the number 333 bus to the beach, which was even more crowded than the train. The conversation between us is limited due to the heat meaning any sort of movement is an effort. Yet despite the lack of talking Michael’s eyes are clearly fixed on me. I don’t even think he has blinked once, its rather disconcerting.
I breathe a sigh of relief as the bus finally stops at Bondi Beach and people disembark quickly to get to their final destination. I take a moment to readjust myself after the cramped journey, and thenI begin to head to the beachfront with Michael. Even though he is wearing a thick polo neck, he doesn’t seem to have dripped a single drop of sweat or look even remotely flustered from the journey. We walk in silence…
…and then I see him.
Of all the people to bump into its him. I am beginning to think this is more than a coincidence now.
He is with a blonde again but this time it is of the male variety instead which is unusual for him so unless his exhausted his ways with women and has moved on to men I am going to presume it is a friend of his.
I have never felt so awkward in my life. I have no idea what to say to him. Although I do feel a slight sense of smugness that he has bumped into me with a male companion, as it gives me a chance to prove I can move on from him even though the reality is I don’t really want to be anywhere near Michael right now or at any other time in my life.
‘Hiya Ruby. How are ya?’
Even though the question is directed at me, Ryan isn’t looking in my direction. Instead he is thoroughly eyeing Michael up and down. I really want to respond back with ‘I’m fine, you bastard’ but being English and a wuss I decide to be polite.
‘Hey Ryan. I am really good thanks. How are you?’
‘I’m good. Just heading over to my mate here’s barbie to celebrate him turning the big 3-0.’
The blonde guy sticks his hand out for me to shake and I immediately shake his hand back. It feels warm and friendly.
‘Hey Ruby, nice to meet ya. My name’s Chad by the way. Your more than welcome to join us if you like. There’s a few veggies so there will be plenty of snags available unless of course you’re bloody veggie too!’
I immediately warm to Chad. He is just like the stereotype laid back Aussie I was expecting most Australians to be like when I arrived here.
I then realise that Michael is standing there like a lemon as I talk to Chad and Ryan. I decide to introduce him to the group in the hope he will like them too and will want to go to the barbecue. Besides I’d feel less on edge if I wasn’t with Michael on my own.
‘This is my friend…’
Before I even finish the sentence Michael interrupts and brings the potential barbecue trip to a crashing end.
‘Let’s hurry along now shall we Ruby, we have a nice walk along the beach to get to, we can’t be spending time talking to other men.’
There is an emphasis on the ‘other men’. I didn’t realise Michael was the type to view ‘other men’ as competition.
He grabs my arm tightly and mo
ves me along as if I am some sort of petulant toddler. I hastily say goodbye to Ryan and Chad and move along. As soon as we are out of earshot of Ryan I tell Michael to ease up a bit.
‘Let go of my arm Michael, you are hurting me.’
He loosens his grip a little but he still continues to hold my arm.
‘You know I haven’t had a girlfriend as pretty as you before. I promised myself that if I ever got to have a girl as pretty as you, I’d make her mine and ensure she’d always be by my side no matter what it takes.’
This is a bit much, I thought we were just going as friends not on a date but even on a first date I wouldn’t want to be called someone’s ‘girlfriend’. I need to get out of this situation. He is really making me feel uncomfortable. In fact I would rather go on another date with the high-pitched weirdo that was Pete than Michael right now.
I try to change the subject and talk to him about the new ice cream shop that has opened up near Bondi Beach and whether it would be worth checking out.
I continue to fill the air with my voice, talking all sorts of crap, in the hope he won’t do or say anything else to creep me out. I am hoping he will get so bored he will want to end this date.
We get halfway along the beach and I spot a large square building with a glass balcony, known as North Bondi RSL. That is my target point. Once we get to there I know we can turn back and I can get back home and away from this guy. As I catch my breath from all the talking I have been doing, Michael immediately fills the silence.
‘You talk too much. I don’t like a girl who talks a lot. Take my hand and let me kiss you on the lips so I can silence you.’
Alarm bells are firing off in all directions inside my brain. This is too full on. I don’t want to have any physical contact with him and I do not need to be ‘silenced’.
When Love Meets Lust Page 11
