by Lexie Davis
His lips parted, and she slid her tongue between them. It was their first real kiss for the day, the peck this morning not counting. She ached for this man all day long, and now, she could finally have him.
Autumn pulled away and licked her own lips. “I’m going to bed. Will you clean this up?”
Jackson nodded. “I’m almost done.”
“Good night.” She kissed his cheek. It crossed her mind to add the “I love you” phrase, but deep inside, she knew it wasn’t the right time. She felt it, had for years in fact, but Jackson was easing into this relationship with baby steps. He didn’t need to be scared away before they even got started.
She entered her room and pulled out a black cami and boy short set to sleep in and changed. She didn’t bother picking her clothes off the floor but kicked them to the side and crawled into bed. The headache eased with the food, but her muscles ached.
She heard Jackson clanging around in the kitchen and saw the light flick off as he came down the hall. She held her breath wondering which room he’d pick to sleep in, and let it out when he entered hers. He dropped the towel with a soft thud and then she felt the mattress dip beneath his weight. He pulled the covers over him as he settled in beside her.
“I know you said you don’t put out on the first date, but do you wanna fool around? It’s been a long day and I think it’s the least we owe ourselves.”
She chuckled. “You’re such a romantic.”
“I’m not in the mood for romance.”
Honestly, neither was she. “Fine. But I’m not moving. You have to do all the work.”
He laughed. “I was hoping you’d be the one to take the lead.”
Jackson found her mouth and started kissing her. His hand came to her side, slipping beneath the cami to touch skin. The moon cast a warm glow in the bedroom, giving them the perfect amount of light. In its own way, the soft glow created a romantic vibe.
Jackson moved over her, pushing her legs wide with his body as he settled between them. This was it. Jackson was finally in her bed, in her life again. It may not be exactly like her dreams, but he was here. Alive and in the flesh. For some reason, it’s all that seemed to matter at the moment.
He didn’t break the kiss as he worked at removing her clothing. The cami came off quickly, and his mouth found hers again. The shorts came next. His fingers lingered along her thighs. Each brush against her heated flesh sent shivers throughout her body. He touched her pussy, and she gasped.
Autumn was thirsty with an unquenchable lust. Not only did she want this man, she had to have him. It was a force to be reckoned with, a need so strong her body was on fire from it. Jackson didn’t dare force anything on her. With his tongue in her mouth, his lips caressing hers, Autumn knew she had definitely brought this on herself. And now his fingers were sliding inside her, mimicking the most intimate act two humans could possibly partake in.
“Jax.” She fisted her hands in the silky wet strands of his hair. “Oh, God, Jax.”
She wanted him filling her up, bringing her release the way no other man had. This morning had been a mere appetizer, a preview of what she had lost and a promise of what she’d find.
He pulled his fingers from her body and lightly pinched her nipple. Raw pleasure shot down her spine heading straight for her clit. He stopped kissing her long enough to lick off her cream, swirling his tongue around the hard peak and then pulling it into his mouth to suck. Autumn whimpered and melted back against the soft sheets.
This was how it was suppose to be. With nothing separating them, Autumn reached out and stroked his hard flesh. He groaned in pleasure, the smooth languorous strokes she knew would drive him absolutely mad. A drop of fluid already emitted from the tip of his cock, and she used her finger to spread it around. Jackson’s breath came harsh from his lungs. He simply rested his head against her stomach and let her touch him.
Autumn slid one hand down his side, raking her nails along his back from shoulders to ass before gripping him tightly and pulling him closer. “Jackson, please.”
She held his cock in position for him to enter her. Autumn hooked her legs around his thighs and waited for him to move. As if the heavens aligned and the gods all agreed, Jackson pushed a tantalizing inch inside, stretching her completely.
He grunted and thrust deeper. Sweat poured out of his body with his strained control. By sheer force of will, Autumn gripped his buttocks and pulled him to her, pushing him completely inside her. She clung to him, wrapped her arms around him. He dropped his forehead against her chest, a signal she took to mean he, too, felt he’d come home. This was all she ever wanted. It was all they ever needed.
“You are too much, sweetheart.” He nuzzled against her, kissing every part he could. His breath was hot against her breasts, his lips a tantalizing caress. “I want to stay like this forever.”
He pulled back completely and thrust inside her again. Jackson made sure he continued to kiss her. He took her mouth greedily, kissing her hard. The taste of him, the smell of him branded itself in her mind. She never wanted it to end.
Three days ago, if she mentioned Jackson Cooper’s name, she would have fumed. And now . . . now upon hearing his name she felt a yearning embedded deep inside she didn’t want to ignore. Jackson made her crave him. It was beyond anyone’s ability to stop, but Jackson gave her pleasure beyond her wildest fantasies. He gave her body the sweet bliss of climax from a great round of sex. Most of it may only be physical, but she couldn’t get enough of it. She’d never be able to separate her feelings from the act, and knew without one doubt she only set herself up for hurt again.
But this time she didn’t care. She simply didn’t care.
Jackson came, pouring himself into her with little jerks of ecstasy. Autumn watched pleasure fill the dark features of his face, his lips drawn back, teeth bared.
She wanted him to be the one for her, the one her mother was convinced was out in the world searching for her. Her better half, as her father would say. Nobody made her feel like he did, both in the good and bad times.
His finger brushed her clit, giving her the little push she needed. “Come for me, baby,” he whispered, and she did.
Sparkles of light shined behind closed eyelids as fireworks exploded within her body. She clinched him tight between her thighs, dug her nails into his back. She never wanted it to end. Slowly, she came back to earth.
After a while, Jackson rolled to the side and stared up at the ceiling. Neither said anything, and the moment couldn’t have felt more perfect. She laced her fingers with his and smiled with her eyes closed.
The thought of their last time together drifted into her mind, the one before he left her father’s ranch. She convinced him to have a picnic with her at midnight, in the moonlight. The grilled cheese sandwiches and chocolate chip cookies weren’t exactly the best meal in the world. They made love beneath the moon in the middle of her father’s field, something she’d never forget for the rest of her days. The stars cast a luminescent glow on their sweaty skin, a reminder that some moments in life are meant to be remembered. Cherished even. That moment, with Jackson above her, wearing only his dog tags around his neck, she knew would stay with her forever.
“How come you never told your father about us?” he asked, drawing them out of silence.
Autumn rolled to her side and pressed a kiss against his tattoo. “Can you imagine what he’d say? I was his angel. He liked you, but I doubt he’d like the idea of you taking my virginity. Hell, didn’t he assign you as my bodyguard against our neighbor, Evan, from down the street? The poor boy was too scared to even look at me, much less touch me.”
Jackson untangled their fingers and wrapped his arm around her. “I told him I’d snap his neck if he touched you.”
Autumn pulled back to look at him. “You did not.”
He chuckled. “Okay. That was Jeff, but I was standing beside him. Of me, Jeff, and Davis, I suppose I was the most threatening. I was the biggest, and poor little Evan didn’
t stand a chance.”
Autumn laid her head on his chest and circled his navel with her fingertip. “What about now? Does Evan stand a chance with me now?”
“Not with me around.” Jackson squeezed her tighter against him. “You’re all mine.”
His words thrilled her like nothing else. A small part of her insisted that he only said it because they were dating now, but the other part firmly said that he’s good at telling women what they want to hear. Autumn was the queen at reading too much into words spoken, and with Jackson, she didn’t know what to take to heart and what to brush away.
“Since your family is coming in town, how are we going to work out the sleeping arrangements?”
“Jeffery and Kristin will get the bed I gave you, and you’ll get my bed.” She closed her eyes against him, picturing in her mind what Jeffery would have to say about that. “I don’t care what other’s think, Jax. Do you?”
“No. Why would you think that?”
“Jeffery is Jeffery. He’s the big, bad know-it-all. Don’t let him get under your skin.” She yawned and smiled. “Besides, I’m supposed to be mad at you for calling him in the first place.”
“Yeah. You sure looked mad when I made you come.” Jackson kissed her and then pulled the covers over them. After tucking them around her he leaned over to kiss her again. “You need some sleep, jolie fille.”
“Hey.” Autumn grabbed his arm. “You never did tell me how you learned French.”
Jackson kissed her and plopped down on his side. “You don’t want to know.”
“Yes, I do. Tell me.”
Jackson huffed a breath and stared at the ceiling. “I fucked my French teacher in high school. She taught me the language and gave me straight A’s.”
Autumn blinked, not knowing what to say. “Is there a woman on earth you haven’t fucked?”
He snorted. “Yes, smarty-pants.”
“You know, that’s the first bit of information you volunteered about your days before the Marines. Why is your past such a secret?”
“Why do you ask so many questions?”
Autumn rolled to her side away from him. “It’s something lovers do, Jackson. They share parts of themselves with each other that the rest of the world never gets to see. I wish you’d trust me enough to tell me about it.”
He was silent for a while, and Autumn was certain he was either ignoring her or fast asleep.
“It’s not about trust, Autumn. There’s no point in rehashing my past or anyone’s past for that matter.”
“Do you trust me, Jackson?”
“What kind of question is that?”
“The kind that needs an answer. Do you trust me?”
Autumn waited staring at her bathroom door knowing the answer before he ever spoke it. This explained a lot, she realized. It wasn’t about hurting her this time, because she honestly didn’t think he’d do that intentionally. He simply didn’t trust her.
“I trust you about as much as I can.”
Autumn closed her eyes as a tear escaped. “At least I know where I stand.”
“Autumn”—his fingers wrapped around her arm—“Shit. That didn’t come out right. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.”
“You’re talking about your feelings. Something you seem to have a hard time dealing with.” She brushed him off and wiped the tears on her cheeks. “Why can’t guys just say what they feel? They have no trouble expressing themselves otherwise, but emotionally they clog up worse than a hairball in the pipes. It’s not fair.”
“Autumn, would you please listen to me? I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.” He blew out a breath, and she felt the mattress bounce as he moved closer to her. “You want to know about my past, fine. I grew up in a house where love didn’t exist. I grew up with a parent I didn’t trust and ultimately wanted to get away from every time I was forced to stay with him. I didn’t get along with my dad at all, and I refuse to talk any more about that relationship with anyone. It has nothing to do with me trusting you. I’m sorry I can’t be the guy who has the perfect life, the perfect everything that you fantasize about. I want to, I do, but it’s impossible.”
Autumn felt his lips against her arm. “Jackson, you are what I fantasize about. I feel so foolish in admitting this, but you’re the only guy I’ve ever wanted.”
She scooted the blankets aside and faced him. “And it is about trust, Jackson. If you can’t trust me with the details of your past, what can you trust me with? I’m not forcing you to tell me. But I want you to want to tell me. It’s part of giving yourself to someone, something that no matter what, no one will take away.”
Autumn silently scolded herself for sounding like her mother. “Look, part of being in a relationship is sharing your life with someone. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Otherwise, without the sharing, there is no relationship and we’re back to being fuck buddies. Is that what we are to you, Jackson? Am I still the same dumb fool who let you use her body and blindly wishes maybe—just maybe—you’d have an ounce of love in your heart for me?”
He looked straight into her eyes. “I can’t say what you want to hear, Autumn. I won’t. I’m not using you. I admit that, but I can’t admit I’m in love with you—not the way you want and need.”
“I’m going to sleep. Jeffery is coming in the morning, and knowing him, it’ll be at an ungodly hour.”
“Autumn.” Jackson groaned next to her.
“Good night.” She tucked the blankets around her.
“What do you want from me?” Jackson raised his voice.
“Nothing,” she yelled back. “Not one fucking thing, Jackson.” She threw the covers back ad grabbed her silk robe. “I want you out of my house tomorrow. And most importantly out of my life. I should have known you didn’t have it in you to give something of yourself to someone else. And I’m an ignorant fool to assume that someone would be me. I hate you, and that is something that will never change.”
She grabbed her pillow and yanked the comforter off the bed. Ten minutes ago, they were cuddling and loving each other. Now, the true colors shined. Jackson wasn’t capable of loving anyone but himself. Sadly, she wasn’t even sure he could love himself.
Deciding to make her bed on the couch, she flipped the television on and found a late-night program to watch. It was well past eleven, and she was bone tired, but sleep evaded her. Why did you have to push him? Why didn’t you leave well enough alone?
“Come back to bed.”
Autumn clicked the volume button twice, turning it up.
“Damn it, what do you want me to do? I thought we were doing fine. We spent a nice evening at the park. We had a nice dinner. We made love. After that, shit hit the fan. Forgive me for being ignorant, but what did I miss?”
“You’ve got to have love to make love.” Autumn clicked the volume up three more times.
Jackson grabbed the controller from her, muted the television and threw the remote across the room. “I never said I didn’t love you.”
“It’s implied, Jackson. You give me some bullshit speech about your family and how you grew up in misery yet you continue to live in that misery each and every day of your life.” She punched her pillow.
“Just come back to bed.” He ran his hands through his hair. “All this can wait until morning.”
“My mom always said you should never go to bed angry. I’m fuming right now.”
“Don’t make me pick you up and carry you in there.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t dare.”
He came at her. With full brute strength of a man on a mission, he scooped her into his arms, blanket and all. She kicked, though no real effort to get away was made. He held her too tight, kept her close to his body as if she was the most precious thing on earth.
“If you’d stop being the badass for a minute you’d see making love is more fun than fighting.” He threw her in the middle of the bed and followed behind her, pressing his body against hers. “Don’t pick fight
s with me, Autumn. I’m constantly fighting everything else in this world. Don’t make me fight you, too.”
“So I just ignore it?”
“Ignore what?”
“You said you didn’t trust me!” She pushed at his chest. “You don’t love me. Now you don’t trust me. We’re not really friends. Who are we kidding, Jackson? We are nothing more than fuck buddies.”
He kissed her hard with lots of tongue. Probably just to shut me up, she mused.
“You are not my fuck buddy. And I’m tired of repeating myself,” he said, coming up for air.
“Then what am I, Jackson? We’re not friends because we’ve had sex. We’re not lovers because you don’t trust me. Don’t even think about us having a real relationship because both the sex and trust go hand in hand. What are we?”
