by Lexie Davis
“Does everything always have to have a definition?”
She scoffed and pulled away from him. “Just leave me alone.”
Autumn curled up on the side of the bed opposite the one she was used to and hugged her pillow tight. This is what happens when you ask for it.
Chapter Ten
When Autumn woke the next morning, Jackson wasn’t beside her. She had little sleep and laid awake most of the night contemplating her life. If Jackson had entertained her ideas of marriage and a family all those years ago, where would they be now? As much as she wanted to think they’d be the Brady Bunch with a happy family to come home to, she seriously doubted it. He kept too much of himself a secret. He didn’t trust her with the painful details of his life.
She stood and dressed in the cami she wore the night before. Thoughts of him calling that love flooded her mind, and she took a deep breath. She wanted to believe it. With all that she was, she wanted to.
Jackson came in the bedroom just as she hung her robe on the rack attached to the bathroom door. He had pulled on a rugged pair of jeans and looked like he had as much sleep as her.
He stopped in the bathroom doorway, propping a hand above his head as he leaned. His eyes met hers in the mirror. Something unspoken lingered between them for a few seconds before he cleared his throat. “Your brother just called. He’ll be here in about thirty minutes.”
She didn’t say anything, figuring the less words spoken the better.
“Uh, I talked to Davis, too. He’s taking off for the weekend to come down, though he said it was mostly just to use your hot tub.” He smiled and shook his head.
Autumn glanced down at the washcloth she’d twisted into a knot. Not only one brother but two. As if life couldn’t get any better.
“Look, I’m not leaving, Autumn. You can hate me, fight me, curse me—whatever. I’m not leaving.”
She uncoiled the cloth and flipped the faucet on warm. She pursed her lips while she held a finger beneath the streaming water, waiting for it to heat. She knew he wasn’t leaving. Telling him to was a joke. She probably couldn’t get him to leave the bathroom so she could pee, much less her house. And if she weren’t so stressed out, she’d be the one to leave. He was smothering her enough as it was.
“Fine. Don’t talk to me.” Jackson threw his hands up in the air. “You think you know everything anyway, why bother trying to clue you in.”
Autumn watched him leave, waiting until he was out of her sight before letting the sobs come.
* * * *
“Autumn Bottom,” Jeffery pulled his sister into a hug when she answered the door. “How is the world’s most annoying little sister?”
“Pissed off.” She squinted in the sunlight. “Who the hell is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed before eight?”
She pulled away from Jeffery and stepped to the side. He and Kristin entered her house, each carrying a duffel. Jackson stood with a bowl of cereal in the living room, freshly showered and dressed in a white chest-hugging tee and loose, worn-out jeans.
“You’re a vet. Don’t you deal with emergencies at all hours of the night like MDs?” Jeffery tossed his bag on the couch and turned toward his sister. “Besides, what would Dad think of you not being up at the crack of dawn, doing jumping jacks?”
“Dad never made me do all the shit he made you boys do.” Autumn smiled and shut the front door. “Daddy likes me, remember.”
Jeffery scoffed. “Right. Just like those puppies you favor can fly, huh?”
“Get over your jealousy, Jeffery.” Autumn smiled at Kristin. “How do you ever put up with him?”
She hugged her sister-in-law. Kristin Wilson came into their family during a rough patch of their lives. When their mother died, she and her family helped Autumn’s father and the rest of the family take care of themselves. Somehow, Kristin and Jeffery became really close and eventually married three years later.
“He only acts up when we’re out.” Kristin smiled. “I guess I’m going to start leaving him at home.”
Jeffery plopped down on the couch and propped his feet up on the coffee table. “You wish. You just want me as your twenty-four-hour boy toy.”
Autumn held up her hands. “Eww. Do not mention anyone being anyone’s twenty-four-hour boy toy in this house.”
Jeffery looked over at Jackson, who simply observed their conversation as he ate his cereal, and then looked back at his sister. “Tell me, little sis, you have a new boy toy in your life? I’m surprised to see you haven’t killed each other yet.”
“Give her time. She’s planning my death as we speak.” Jackson crossed the living room to return the bowl to the kitchen.
“What? Are you saying you kept your grubby paws off my sister? The Jackson Cooper who fucks anything with a skirt.” Jeffery waited for a response.
“Jeffery, language,” Kristin scolded.
“Your sister doesn’t wear skirts.” Jackson took his seat in the recliner. “And she’s got bigger balls than the both of us combined.”
Jeffery glanced from Jackson to Autumn. She simply stood there smiling. “Uh, did I miss something here?”
“Let me fill you in. Jackson pissed me off, and I’m not talking to him.” She ended it with a smile at Jackson.
“She has no reason to be pissed off in the first place.” He flipped through the morning shows and settled on the same cartoons they watched the day before. “But she reads too much into shit and goes all huffy-puffy when she doesn’t get her way.”
“Funny, really that he says that, Jeffery, because just an hour ago, he promised to be straightforward and never lie to me. Now it looks like he’s changed his mind. Or am I reading too much into that, too?”
“If you tell me what you want from me, all this can be solved and put in the past!” Jackson voice rose, and Kristin flinched at their conversation.
Autumn narrowed her eyes at him and then returned her attention to Jeffery. “There’s plenty to do at the clinic. Yesterday we got the major stuff done, but a lot needs to be cleaned, and I’m planning on doing some shopping since they ripped my furniture to shreds. Since you have a degree in interior design, Kristin, I’d appreciate it if you’d help me with that.”
She watched Jackson clench the remote, never taking his eyes off her. He hated to be ignored and she personally, found it hilarious. She couldn’t help noticing Kristin’s sideways glance toward Jeffery as if seeking permission to respond. Or decline. Maybe they would all pack up and leave her the hell alone.
“What happened between the two of you?” Jeffery asked bluntly.
“If you could figure out the answer to that, clue me in,” Jackson mumbled.
Autumn’s control snapped. She picked up the nearest thing and threw it at him. Luckily for him, it was just a pillow. “You! Ugh. I’m so mad at you right now that I would love nothing more than to beat that cocky attitude out of you!”
Jackson threw the pillow to the side. “You started all this shit.”
“Oh, I started it. Yeah, okay.” Autumn’s jaw tightened and she simply shook her head. “That’s your typical answer, isn’t it? Blaming others. I honestly don’t know how you ever became a soldier because working together as a team is vital for your brigade, not to mention your life. My dad may think you’re a class act with all the shit you’ve kissed his ass to do, but I think you’re worse than the lowest scum on the face of this earth.”
Autumn left a wide-eyed Kristin, a narrow-eyed Jeffery and an equally angry Jackson in the living room, and she ran to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. He simply didn’t get it, she realized. In his mind, if you don’t talk about it, it goes away.
She shook her head and slid down the door to the floor. Maybe he was one of those who would never get it?
* * * *
Jackson stared at the closed bedroom door, torn between slamming his hand into a nearby wall or calling the Major and telling him he simply couldn’t see the case to the end. He’d never backed out on a case, but then again, dealing with Aut
umn wasn’t like tracking miles in the Amazon and hiding from rebels while he rescued a scientist either. She was worse.
Jackson flipped through the stations to give him something to do with his hands. She hated him. He got that. She thought he was scum. He got that, too. What he didn’t understand was why she was so pissed off. He didn’t tell her that he didn’t trust her. He told her he trusted her as much as he could. He told her he wasn’t in love with her, but not that he didn’t love her. In all honesty, he didn’t know if he was capable of loving.
“What the hell are you thinking?” Jeffery asked as he moved his bag to sit. “ I don’t know what’s going on between you two, but a deaf and blind mute could see you’ve hurt her. She went through enough the first time, Jack. And damn it, she still loves you.”
“Fuck off, Jeff. You don’t know shit about anything we’re talking about, so mind your own business.” Jackson settled the TV on an action channel and couldn’t have cared less about the movie.
“Maybe, I should talk to her,” Kristin offered.
“No. Autumn likes to dwell in misery alone.” Jeffery grabbed Kristin’s hand and pulled her beside him on the couch.
Jackson’s cell rang, and he flipped it open after reading the Caller ID. It was Davis. “What?”
“Why hello, darling, how are you?” Davis snickered.
“Knock it off.”
“Jeez. What bit you on the ass?”
“Your sister.” Jackson stood and left the room, deciding Jeffery and Kristin had heard enough of his private life. “And I don’t mean that literally.”
“What’s happened now?”
Jackson spent the next moments telling him everything that happened between them. If Davis knew anyone, he knew both Jackson and Autumn. They’d been friends since they were eighteen, worked together, and even went on missions together. And well, Davis had known Autumn all her life.
“So tell me what I missed?” Jackson sat in the spare bedroom with the door closed, waiting for his best friend to explain everything to him.
“Number one, are you fuckin’ nuts? You never tell a woman your true feelings unless it’s the same as theirs because they never want to hear it. And you most certainly never tell them after sex. Lord, has your dick truly overruled your brain?”
He could picture Davis rolling his eyes.
“And secondly,” Davis continued, “why don’t you trust her? I know my sister pretty well, and I’m probably being biased, but she’s the one person I want in my army if we ever went to war.”
“I didn’t say I didn’t trust her. I said I trust her as much as I can.” Jackson started ripping the sheets off the bed. Since this room would be Jeffery and Kristin’s, it was only courtesy to change them himself.
“Dude, I’m not fooled. I know what you mean about the whole trust as much as you can bullshit, but it’s just an excuse to distance yourself from my sister. You need to let the past go.”
Jackson wadded up the bed clothing and tossed it toward the door. “And how am I supposed to do that?”
“Do you want to have a relationship with my sister?”
“Of course.” Jackson didn’t know what it was, but being with Autumn was different than with any other person. He wanted to call it love because he’d never found it in the fourteen years they were apart. Last night only proved that much when they united again in her bed.
“Then you’ve got to be honest with her. If I know my sister like I think I do, you holding back and not giving your all is telling her that when this little fucker is caught, you’ll tuck your tail and head for the door. She’s scared of losing you again, and she wants you to make the commitment to her that proves you’re not going anywhere.”
“What’s the commitment?”
“Dude. Have you really never learned any of this stuff?”
Jackson pursed his lips. “If you recall, I didn’t have a mommy to take care of me the same way Faye took care of you.”
“Fine. If you love her, tell her. When she needs you, be there for her. Love isn’t something that’s only said with the L-word. You’ve got to show it as well.”
“So you’re saying I’m in love with her?”
“No. I’m saying if you’d stop being a stubborn bastard, you’ll fall harder for my sister than a boulder from the top of Mt. Everest.” Davis sighed. “She’s not the bad guy. And most importantly, she’s not your father. Just remember that. Anyway, I’ve got to go. I’ll be down Friday night.”
Jackson disconnected from his friend and stared at the unmade bed. You’ve got yourself in some deep shit, Cooper. How the fuck are you going to get out of it?
After he put fresh sheets on the bed, he traipsed down the hall and knocked on Autumn’s bedroom door. “Autumn, we need to talk.”
The door swung wide. She stood in fresh pair of green scrubs with her hair in a hot pink towel. One eye was lined with makeup as if she’d been putting it on when he interrupted her.
Jackson walked inside and closed the door behind him. He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at his feet. “Look, I’m sorry.”
She snorted and rubbed her wet hair a little before pulling the towel from her head “A few minutes ago, you didn’t even know what you did wrong. Hell, you blamed me for it. And now you’re suddenly sorry? Sorry for what?”
She wasn’t about to crack. Jackson licked his lips and tried again. “I don’t open up, Autumn. Not just with you, with everybody. I think Davis is the only person who knows everything there is to know about me, and even telling him stuff, I still have a hard time. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t trust you because I do. Trust is a hard issue with me because growing up I could trust no one. I wasn’t raised in a loving environment where good things happened on a regular basis. I just don’t know how to give you what you need, I guess.”
Autumn stared at him without saying a word. Jackson couldn’t read her thoughts but prayed to everything holy she wasn’t ready to pound her fists into him.
“Did Davis tell you to say that to me?”
“No. He told me I needed to be open with you. So I’m going to work on it.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “That’s the best I can do.”
“You said you trust me. If that’s so, then tell me what happened that made you cold inside.”
Jackson licked his lips. “I can’t. I’m sorry, but I can’t. I’ve only told two people face-to-face what happened, and they were your brother and your father. Both times, I was piss-assed drunk. I may have even cried, I don’t know.”
Autumn came to him and sat on the bed. “It’s not fair to me, you know. I’m not forcing you to do anything—you’ll do it in your own time—but secrets rock the boat for relationships.”
“You have secrets of your own.”
She stared down at her feet. “Yes, I do. Is that what this is about? I tell you something, you tell me something?”
Jackson reached out to touch her thigh. “No. Please stop taking offense to everything I say.”
“Fine. Where do we go from here? We haven’t really solved anything.”
“At least we’re on speaking terms. That’s good right?” Jackson smiled at her and finally she smiled back at him. “I mean you haven’t punched me yet. So my luck is faring better than Gallagher’s.”
Autumn laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Jackson closed his eyes, wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. She made everything bad, disappear by doing nothing at all. That was something to hold on to.
* * * *
“My sister’s in love with you.” Jeffery hadn’t spoke to Jackson the entire time they worked at the clinic and instead waited until the very moment Autumn left with Kristin to drop this bomb on him. “She told me herself she loves you, and she wants a relationship with you.”
When Jackson kept quiet, he added, “Don’t you have anything to say?”
“I know you love your sister and want to protect her, but our relationship is our business.” Jackson w
aited for a retort and was granted silence.
After a few minutes, Jeffery finally asked, “Is she just another fuck for you, Jack? Are you just having your fun like you did before? I need to know because I’ll be the one to clean the mess up.”
Jackson pushed the mop along the floor in the waiting area. “She was never just a fuck. Even back then.”
“Then what is she? Special?”
Jackson pursed his lips. Autumn was special. He couldn’t even begin to count all the ways. “You know she’s special.”
“Then why the hell did you crush her heart?” Jeffery sat the paint brush down. “She went after you. We spent two days looking for her, and when I finally found her, she wasn’t herself. She was bitter with anger, much like this morning when the two of you were going at it. She cried on my shoulder that night, confessing everything that happened between the two of you.”
