Sizzle and Burn

by Lexie Davis

  Autumn could see much more than hurt on Jackson’s face. It was physically painful for her to watch him suffer so much. Maybe she shouldn’t have pushed him to tell her. Maybe if she kept her big mouth shut he would have been better off.

  “I explained everything to the police, of the abuse and the beatings and told them I shot him in self-defense. A day later, I was enlisted and boarded a plane to North Carolina to meet your father.” Jackson glanced toward the bathroom and then looked down at the hand that rested against her thigh. “I’m sorry there isn’t a happy ending to this tragic tale. I actually talked to both Davis and the Major about it years ago. Your dad, being the great guy he is, sat me down piss-assed drunk and made me spill my guts to him after he roughed me up a bit.” Jackson smiled at the memory. “Davis was there on every anniversary of my mom’s death. We were in Germany together when I told him the first time and I was drunk then, too. Only three people know about it, you being the third.”

  “Jax, I love you so much.” She kissed him and hugged him. “I don’t know what to say or do but I want to help you heal. To help you get through this.”

  He pressed his face into her chest. “I need to be inside you. Please, Autumn. You’re my only hope of healing because up until now, all I’ve done is survive. I want to be happy and I’m only happy when I’m with you.”

  Autumn’s heart rejoiced just as much as it wept for him. She pushed him away and tugged the towel from her body, tossing it to the side. Jackson watched her, waiting. Autumn kneeled beside him and tugged the fold of his towel.

  “Sex isn’t going to change anything, Jackson. Whether you believe it or not, you need my love and you have it all. You always have and always will.” She cupped his cheeks and leaned forward to kiss him. “I love you, Jackson Cooper. And I’ll keep saying it over and over again as much as you need to hear it.”

  Autumn could guess Jackson laid next to her trying to sort out his emotions. She pulled the covers around them and simply held him against her body. The last thing Jackson needed was to continue burying his feelings from the past. She refused to be like all the other women he essentially used, and thankfully he didn’t argue or put up a fight.

  “I feel like shit.” He rubbed his eyes.

  Autumn kissed his hair, breathing in his scent while she looked for the right words to say. “Why do you feel like shit?”

  “Because I couldn’t stop it. Even if I couldn’t physically stop him, I should have told someone who could. I should have done something to help her out. Maybe if I hadn’t cried or run from him, maybe she wouldn’t have found out and would still be here today.”

  Autumn stroked his back. “Honey, it was something completely out of your power to control. Playing the what-if game will only drive you crazy.”

  Jackson hand rested against her stomach. “I don’t think I ever told her I loved her. I made Chloe a Valentine’s card—she was due on Valentine’s day—that had a big heart that popped out of the middle. I told my baby sister all the time that I loved her, but I can’t remember telling my mother.”

  “She knew.” Tears formed in Autumn’s eyes. “That’s the funny thing with love. It’s not always expressed with words. I have no doubt in my mind your mother knew you loved her and Chloe. And I have no doubts about how much she loved you.”

  “She made me feel special.” Jackson rolled onto his stomach. “She used to take me shopping with her and buy me things. Even when my father used to bitch about her spending all his money, if I asked for a toy or piece of candy she didn’t say no. I got to pick out stuff for Chloe. She always made me feel a part of everything she did, and I felt on top of the world.

  “She loved my father. I can’t understand or comprehend it, but she was madly in love with him.” Jackson stuffed the pillow under his chin and rubbed his eyes with the tips of his fingers. “That’s what I don’t get. How could she love such a sadistic bastard?”

  Autumn curled around him, running her fingers through his damp hair. “Love’s not something that is meant for us to understand. It’s an emotion we choose to accept. My mom told me one time that she didn’t love my father for any reason other than she wanted to. I didn’t really understand it until I fell in love with you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well”—she sat up to wrap the covers around her—“I always pictured my life would be like the fairy tales. My prince would ride up on a white horse and rescue me from the evil in my life and fight until death for my love. And then we’d live happily ever after.” Autumn chuckled. “Needless to say, I don’t believe in fairy tales anymore.”

  “You wouldn’t let anyone rescue you even if it did happen.” His lips tilted upward. “You’re too hardheaded.”

  She shrugged. “Probably. The exact moment I fell in love with you was our last night together. I convinced you to go on a picnic with me and we spent time talking about life and where we wanted to go. You were just about to head out to the Amazon with my dad, and I was about to enroll in vet school. We had a heart-to-heart discussion for the longest time that ended with sweet lovemaking under the stars right there in my Dad’s field. I suppose I was stupid and too young to know anything, but to me, that night meant everything.”

  Autumn reached for his hand. “My point is, I loved you because I wanted to. I didn’t need a single reason but I have plenty. Aside from your cocky attitude, I saw a different part of you that night which made me fall head over heels faster than anything. It’s a choice I made by myself that night, and it’s a choice I made all over again when you walked back into my life.”

  “And I walked out on you.”

  “You did the right thing.” Autumn brushed her thumb along the back of his hand. “Granted, you handled it in a very crappy way, but neither one of us was truly ready for a real relationship. We weren’t ready for marriage or kids at that age, and we sure as hell had way too much youth to get out of our systems. But now we’ve got a second chance.”

  Jackson pulled her to him. “You’re an amazing woman, do you know that? I don’t know what it is about you but you make everything more bearable. I love you, Autumn. I never thought I’d ever say those words to another human being in my life, but I do. I love you and you mean more to me than what words can describe.”

  Autumn rested her cheek against his shoulder. “Ditto.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jackson woke with Autumn curled against his body. His head pounded and the more he moved, the worse it got. He rubbed his face, realizing he hadn’t shaved and was way past due. He opened his eyes, squinting at the light streaming through the window. It took him a minute to realize where he was, what had happened.

  “I have some Tylenol in my purse if you want some.” Autumn pressed a kiss to his chest.

  “Tylenol would be great.”

  Autumn threw the covers back and stood to find her purse. Jackson watched her move about the room totally nude and perfectly comfortable with herself. She grabbed the bottle and disappeared into the bathroom. When she came back she held a Dixie cup of water and she sat on the edge of the bed beside him.

  “Here.” She handed him the cup and then poured two gel caps in her hand.

  He sat up. “God. It’s been two years since I had a hangover. I’m too old for this.”

  Autumn stroked his cheek. “Do you feel any better?”

  “A little bit.” He swallowed the pills and set the cup to the side. “Thank you.”

  “Anytime.” She smiled.

  He smiled back. “I love you.”

  The entire time he talked to her last night, he couldn’t help wonder why such a wonderful person would want to be with him. He thought the same thing fourteen years ago when they’d first met. He would have bet for sure when she found out he shot his father she’d head for the door and never look back again. But she stayed. She hugged him, kissed him and told him she loved him. And he couldn’t deny it any more. He didn’t want to deny it anymore.

  “You look lost in thought.�
�� Autumn propped herself up with a hand. “What’s on your mind?”

  He shook his head and then immediately regretted the action. “Fuck.”

  Autumn rubbed his leg. “How about we take a shower and get some food. Breakfast will do you some good.”

  While she went to the bathroom to start the shower, Jackson followed slowly behind. He really was getting too old for hangovers. He wanted nothing more than to make love with Autumn in the shower but his legs barely held him up. The bitter taste of beer lingered in his mouth and his stomach growled from abandonment.

  “Do you happen to have any toothpaste?”

  Autumn looked around the bathroom. “No.”

  He wrapped his arms around her from behind and laid his head on her shoulder. “I feel like an old man.”

  “Drinking isn’t the same as it was when we were twenty, is it?”

  He rubbed his forehead against her from side to side. “Every muscle in my body hurts.”

  “Tough it out, old man. It’s only going to get worse as you get older.”

  Jackson groaned when she forced him toward the shower. “You aren’t ready to trade me in, are you? For a younger stud?”

  Autumn narrowed her eyes. “I just got you to confess that you love me after all these years you tried to deny it. No way in hell am I trading you in now.”

  She stepped to the side and waited for him to move inside the stall slowly. Jackson stood under the hot spray, allowing the heat to soak into his skin. Each muscle began relaxing as the water pelted him. He rested against the wall, eyes closed, water droplets rolling down his face. Steam filled the stall creating a cocoon of warmth around them.

  Autumn grabbed the bar of soap and worked up a lather between her hands. “My dad is supposed to come in tomorrow. Davis said he didn’t want to be on another continent any longer after all the shit that’s been happening to me. I told Davis I would staple his damn mouth shut if he didn’t learn to quit yakking to everyone.”

  She ran her hands over his body, slow and sensual as she took her time to feel every contour.

  Jackson moaned, his body relaxing. “Your family loves you. And whether you admit it or not, you want them around.”

  “I do, do I?” She wrapped her hands around his cock. “I’m not a damsel in distress. I can take care of myself.”

  “Maybe.” Jackson watched her work, liking how he fit in her small hands. “But it’s easier to deal with when people who care about you are around.” She stroked him until he was hard. “You’re getting pretty good at that.”

  She leaned forward to press kisses against his chest. “If I didn’t feel sorry for your poor head and aching body, I’d smack you for insinuating I was ever bad at it.”

  She licked his nipple and rolled it with the tip of her tongue before she bit down lightly. He hissed with pleasure, a hand on each wall to hold him up. She did it again to the other nipple and started working her mouth down his body, nipping and licking.

  Jackson gulped in air, his legs trembling as her cheek brushed against his cock. She knelt before him kissing his thighs with closed eyes as the water cascaded down on them. Her hand gripped him firmly, her thumb stroking the under side and driving him crazy. Jackson waited, albeit impatiently, as she took her time, slowly driving him insane with lust.

  When her lips surrounded him, Jackson head fell back against the tiles with a moan. The softness of her hand didn’t compare to the silky warmth of her wet mouth. She surprised him. The thought alone of her mouth surrounding his dick was enough to make him come.

  She started with a slow pace, bobbing her head and taking more of him in her mouth. Jackson shifted so the water wasn’t in her face and pulled her hair back to watch. Her lips formed a wide O and took most of him inside. He groaned when the tip of his cock bumped the back of her throat. His balls tightened, his heart hammered, and the need to come pulsed higher. Autumn must have sensed it and pulled back, replacing her mouth with her hand. Two strokes and he came, shooting semen across her breasts.

  “Perfect cure for a hangover.” She smiled up at him.

  Jackson leaned forward and kissed her. Although the room spun around him, he could go another second without kissing this woman. “You’re perfect.”

  * * * *

  After they ate breakfast at a local restaurant, Autumn drove Jackson back to the cemetery to pick up his truck. She held his hand as they walked toward the grave, Jackson all but cutting off her circulation with his clasp. As they neared his mother’s grave, he slowed his pace, almost resisting.

  “This is the first time in years I’ve visited my mother’s grave sober.” Jackson stopped and tugged Autumn to him, wrapping his arms around her from behind. “It just hurts, you know?”

  Having lost her mother at a young age, she did know that aspect. The day of the funeral, her brothers and father couldn’t get her to leave the cemetery until nightfall.

  Autumn brushed her hands along his arms. “I do know. My mom died after you left, when I was eighteen. I miss her more and more as each day passes. It’s hard to let some go when you love them so much.” She tilted her head to the side, resting her cheek against his biceps.

  “How did your mother die?”

  Autumn sighed. “She was a nurse at the local hospital and contracted a disease. It was a simple infection everyone thought could be treated with antibiotics, but the treatment didn’t work, and her body rapidly shut down within days after the infection. She didn’t live a week after she contracted it.”

  Jackson’s lips pressed against her cheek. “I’m so sorry, babe.”

  Autumn held back her tears. “Me, too.” She kissed Jackson’s forearm. “She actually liked you, believe it or not. She hated the fact I was head over heels, but she liked your loyalty and dedication. She told me you reminded her a lot of my father.”

  “That’s a pretty nice compliment.”

  Autumn swallowed back her emotions. She wanted nothing more than her mother to make everything okay again, the same way she always did when Autumn was a child. She’d have been there when she lost Frank’s baby just as she would have been here now had she been alive. Wanting her advice, love, and comfort hurt now almost as much as the day she had to say good-bye forever.

  “Do you want some time alone? Or are you ready to go?”

  Jackson pulled away from her and walked away. She watched him open his truck door and lean in for something. And then she saw the bouquet of flowers in his hand. When he came back, he knelt and placed them on his mother’s grave.

  Tears gathered in Autumn’s eyes.

  He arranged the flowers the way he wanted them on the grave and stood. He gave Autumn a small smile and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her close.

  “Beverly would be proud of her son.” Autumn slid her arms around Jackson’s waist. “I know I am.”

  Jackson simply held her for a moment, not saying a word. She knew he struggled with his own emotions, never really dealing with anything and keeping it bottled inside.

  “Me, too,” he finally said. “I love you, Autumn. Thank you for being here for me.”

  She glanced up at him. Although he didn’t cry, his eyes held the emotion. “You know there is no place I would rather be. The good, the bad, and the downright ugly, I’ll always be here for you.”

  Jackson leaned down to kiss her. She opened her mouth to him, greeting his tongue with her own. There is no place on earth better than Jackson’s arms.

  Autumn tried to pull him closer and he lifted her in his arms. Her legs automatically went around his waist as they kissed in the cemetery.

  Finally, when they broke the kiss, he smiled. Autumn played with the hairs at his nape, running her fingers through the short length.

  “How come you don’t have a pet? I would think being a vet you’d have at least a goldfish,” he said.

  Autumn chuckled and shook her head. “I don’t know. I sort of made it a rule not to have that kind of attachment to an animal when I was in vet school.�
��

  “But you’ll let me get a dog, right?” He kissed her, nibbling on her lower lip. “A big hairy mutt that hogs our bed and steals your pillow. You’ll allow that, right? Because you love me?”

  “We’ll go pet shopping after the Gallagher thing is taken care of.”

  Jackson chuckled. “You are the best girlfriend ever.”

  He started walking toward the vehicles with her still in his arms. “Just remember that when you get up at two a.m. to take the dog out to pee,” she warned him.

  * * * *