Chosen Mate (Catamount Lion Shifters #2)

by J. H. Croix

  He looked up at her. Silence stretched between them. Doubts galloped through her mind. She was so absorbed in worrying about what to say, she jumped when he said her name.

  “Huh?”

  “Did you hear me the first two times?” he asked.

  “Hear what?”

  “I’ve said your name three times now,” he said with a soft chuckle.

  Jake was far too complacent for her comfort. Though the very thing she’d wanted for so many years was actually happening, she couldn’t quite believe it and was terrified if it fell apart, she’d be without one of her best friends.

  “How can you be so…so calm?” she asked, pacing back and forth in her small kitchen.

  “Did I miss something? A few minutes ago, you blew my mind again and now you’re obviously upset about something. What’s going on?”

  She threw her hands up, grumbling when the teapot whistled. She quickly turned the burner off and whirled back to face him. “This, this…” She waved her hands around. “…thing with us. We can’t just do this. I don’t want to mess things up. You’re one of my best friends. I don’t know where you think things are going. I’m freaking out because I don’t get it. Since college, which was over ten years ago now, you’ve been all about how you’d never be with a woman unless she was a shifter. News flash—I’m not a shifter, never will be a shifter. I’m not going to pretend like what’s happening doesn’t feel good because I’m not stupid, but I can’t take this much longer. We have to talk about what’s happening, and we should probably try to slow down.”

  Jake’s eyes widened. “Okay, okay. Let’s talk.”

  Phoebe turned away, blinking back tears. This was too much. She wanted to talk, and she didn’t want to talk. Her feelings were riding too close to the surface, too raw and too deep. But she couldn’t keep going wild with him. With the invisible barriers fallen between them, even the smallest indication from him and she lost control. She barely recognized herself in the aftermath. But if she insisted they talk, and it led to a stop to this, her worst fears would come true. She couldn’t imagine trying to tuck her feelings away for him now, nor could she bear it to let him go with the knowledge that he would eventually find and fall in love with a shifter. Her hand shook as she poured hot water into the two mugs she’d set on the counter. She set the teapot down and breathed in slowly.

  Turning around, she carried the steaming mugs to the kitchen table and sat down across from Jake. She slid his mug across the table and nudged the small container that held a selection of teas in his direction. He was quiet while he snagged a teabag and dunked it in his mug. The warm mug anchored her as she cupped it in her hands. She’d pushed to talk, and now she didn’t even know where to start.

  Jake’s blue eyes met hers, his gaze questioning. When she didn’t say anything, he leaned back in his chair, a muscle ticking in his jaw.

  “You don’t believe what I’ve already said, do you?”

  She took a breath. “You mean the part about how you’ve wanted me for years?”

  He nodded sharply. Anxiety knotted in her chest as she tried to sort through how to explain her worries to him.

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I mean…” She paused, a flush racing through her. “…I can tell you want me like that. I just don’t know if it’s a good idea for us to let this play out. You mean a lot to me. I don’t know if I can take it if this is a fun interlude for you, and then we try to go back to being friends. I can’t do that. I don’t know what to do.”

  Once she bluntly stated she couldn’t do that, she felt simultaneously terrified and relieved. He needed to know she had to put some boundaries around this. But in doing so, she might be putting the brakes on what was happening between them, and she could hardly bear the thought. Her eyes focused on the tiny frog painted on her mug, her vision narrowing until that’s all she saw.

  “Phoebe,” Jake said her name softly.

  Her head whipped up, her eyes colliding with his warm blue gaze.

  “I think maybe you misunderstood what I meant by wanting you.”

  “Um, okay. What did you mean by that?” Her heart thudded against her ribcage.

  “I meant that I wanted you, not just sex. Don’t get me wrong, I want you like that too. But more than that, I want us to try to have a chance.”

  “A chance?” Her heart was about to pound its way out of her chest at this point. Her throat was tight, and she could hardly catch her breath. She felt as if she was leaning forward to fly into something she wanted so badly, she could almost feel it, almost believe it was real. But she couldn’t quite see, couldn’t quite be certain of what lay ahead.

  For the first time, she saw uncertainty in his eyes. He took a breath, his shoulders rising and falling. He rolled his neck side to side and finally brought his eyes to hers again. “A chance at a relationship. I guess I figured that was obvious. You’re one of my best friends. I never thought we’d just have sex and that would be it. You’re the one woman I’ve never been able to get out of my mind. I know all the stuff I said about not being with women who weren’t shifters. After everything that’s happened recently, I’ve realized it was stupid for me to get hung up on the way things went with Naomi. The last month or so has reminded me that shifters can be just as bad to other shifters as humans can. To make a really long story short, I’m tired of denying how I feel about you. I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone, but it’s about a lot more than sex.”

  Phoebe could hardly believe what she’d heard. She shook her head, trying to clear the fog in her brain.

  Jake reached across the table, hooking his fingers under the edge of her hand and tugging it free from the mug. His big, strong hand curled around hers, his thumb stroking across the back of her palm. “Did you hear me?”

  She nodded jerkily. “Uh huh.”

  “Well?”

  “That, um, that helps. I didn’t understand you before. I just…” Her words trailed off, her throat tight. A tear tumbled over her lashes, splashing onto her cheek. She swiped at it with her free hand and took a shuddering breath. “This is…a lot. I’m not going to pretend this isn’t what I want. It’s just a lot to adjust to. I’m worried…”

  Jake shook his head sharply. “Don’t go there. Don’t start this by thinking it won’t work. We have something a lot of people never get. You’re already one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I trust you completely. That’s where we start. Don’t start by thinking it can’t work. Please.”

  Phoebe met his eyes, her heart in her throat. His words were everything she wanted to hear, but she couldn’t quite take it in. She needed time to see how it felt. She worried this was all happening because of the crisis simmering and bubbling over around them, and when it all settled down, Jake would remember what he’d wanted to begin with. But she couldn’t say no, couldn’t conceive of turning away from him. With her heart pounding in her ears, she nodded.

  Hours later, she woke during the night. Jake was asleep beside her, their legs tangled together. The wind howled outside. She rolled her head to glance out the window. She’d forgotten to close her curtains before they fell asleep. Snow streaked in the wind, lit up by the lights outside. The winter’s first heavy storm swirled around the house. She carefully untangled her legs from his and turned on her side to watch the storm. Jake mumbled and followed her, instantly curling his form around hers—two pieces of a puzzle.

  ***

  “What the hell are you thinking?” Phoebe demanded.

  Shana stood in front of her in the break room at work, her arms crossed, her mouth in a tight line. “That I need to do something! That’s what. I just told you what I heard. Hank said he’s talked with Dane and Jake about who they can send out to Montana. So, I’m going. No reason not to.”

  Shana whirled away from Phoebe and quickly stuffed her work clothes inside her locker before yanking her coat and purse out.

  Phoebe’s mind whirred. She had to stall Shana, but Sha
na was one of the most stubborn people she knew. Conveniently, Rosie walked into the break room. She quickly glanced between them and stopped at the door, pushing it shut with her hips and leaning on it. She eyed Shana speculatively. “What’s up?”

  Shana glared at her. “I’m taking a trip.”

  Rosie slanted her eyes to Phoebe. Phoebe shrugged and shook her head. “Shana thinks she needs to go to Montana to see what she can find out about the shifters out there. It’s crazy.” Phoebe caught Shana’s eyes. “Please listen to me. I’m not saying you can’t go. I just think it’s better if we actually talk to Hank, Dane and Jake about this. All you did was overhear half of a conversation. Don’t do anything rash. That’s all I’m asking.”

  Rosie’s eyes widened. “What the hell? Shana, you can’t be serious.”

  Shana’s eyes had a wild edge. She glanced between Rosie and Phoebe. “I’m serious, and I refuse to be talked out of it. I can damn well take care of myself and both of you know it.”

  After several more minutes of futile arguing, Shana shoved past them, pushing the door open and Rosie out of the way. She stalked down the hall. Fear, worry, and anger clashed inside Phoebe. She looked at Rosie. “I can’t let her go alone, but she won’t be stopped.”

  Rosie’s eyes mirrored her concern. “I don’t know what to say. I’d offer to chase her down, but she’s more likely to listen to you than anyone else.”

  Phoebe grabbed her coat and purse, racing out of the room. She turned to glance over her shoulder before she left. “If I have to, I’m going with her. I’ll try to call Jake, but promise me you’ll call him and Dane.”

  At Rosie’s quick nod, Phoebe dashed after Shana.

  Chapter 7

  Jake kicked his boots against the threshold as he stepped into his office. Over a foot of snow had fallen last night. Catamount was blanketed in fluffy white snow. In Maine, the world barely missed a beat after such a storm. By the time he’d awakened spooned behind Phoebe as the first shafts of sun rose above the trees, the roads had already been plowed. When she’d rolled over in his arms, the flicker of doubt that hung in her gaze reached into his heart. He didn’t know how to make her trust how he felt. But he knew her well, and he knew trying to force the issue wouldn’t help. She was a person of action. Actions, not words, defined her life. She was the last person to stand up and make proclamations about anything, and yet the first to do something to make a difference. She wasn’t the friend who would offer platitudes. She was the friend who’d quietly take care of the practical matters for a friend in need, as she’d done for Shana in the early days and weeks after Callen’s death.

  With that in mind, he decided he’d stop trying to explain her worries away and let his actions show her the truth behind his words. The soft brush of her lips against his sent his pulse rocketing and lust tightening inside. The sound of a snowplow in her driveway interrupted them, and she’d leapt out of bed to race outside and move her car. He’d left her house shortly thereafter, his lust barely in check.

  With a sharp shake of his head, he tossed his jacket on the coatrack by the door and immediately sat down at his desk, powering his computer up and diving back into his work. A while later, Dane stepped into his office.

  As soon as he met Dane’s eyes, his stomach clenched.

  “What’s that look for?” Jake asked.

  Dane’s blue-gray eyes were dark, his jaw tight. “Shana just texted me. She and Phoebe are on their way to Montana. That guy Paul at the hospital is gone. He snuck out during the night. Did you fuckin’ know this was happening?”

  “No! How the hell could you even think I would know about this?” Jake pushed his chair back and stood. He glanced at his desk, trying to find his phone. He spotted it under some loose papers and grabbed it, seeing he’d missed two calls from Phoebe in the last few hours. He’d been so busy with work, he hadn’t noticed his phone had been on silent. Fear knotted in his gut, and anger flashed. His cat simmered under his skin. What he wanted was to shift and chase. He fought the urge because he knew he needed to think. “Are you sure? I can’t believe Shana and Phoebe would take off like that.”

  Dane yanked his phone out of his pocket and tossed it to Jake. “Text is right there.”

  Jake snagged the phone and glanced at the screen. Sure enough, there was a text from Shana. I’m with Phoebe. We’re on our way to Montana. Don’t freak out. We’ll be fine. Visited Hank at the station. He had nothing to do with this. Someone has to check out Montana and it can’t be you and Jake, so we’re going. Call you when we land.

  “What the hell are they thinking?” Jake went to snatch his jacket. “Let’s go. We’ll follow them.”

  He quickly listened to the two messages from Phoebe—both explaining that Shana was taking off, and Phoebe thought someone needed to be with her. He swore and threw the phone. It bounced against the wall, and Dane caught it. Jake began pulling his jacket on only to find Dane standing there, arms crossed. “We’re talking to Hank first. I already checked their schedule. They won’t land for hours yet. Next flight out of Portland to Bozeman isn’t until tomorrow. Get on your computer and let’s pull up as much data as we can before we sort out who’s going after them.”

  Jake shook his head. “Let’s drive to Boston and leave from there. We’re not waiting.” Fury and fear thrummed through him, fuzzing his thoughts. Thoughts of Phoebe pounded with every beat of his heart. He’d finally let his heart experience what she meant to him, and it ran so deep, he couldn’t bear the thought that she might be following Shana into danger. He needed her like the air he breathed.

  Dane took a step back and blocked the door. Jake swore savagely and stood toe to toe with Dane, locking eyes with him. He didn’t want to shift, didn’t want to battle Dane, but he would if he had to.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Dane asked, placing his palm on Jake’s chest and pushing back. “Calm the fuck down. You know we have to think this through. I’m just as worried as you, but…” Dane paused and eyed him carefully. “What is with you?”

  Jake forced himself to breathe, reining in the urge to shift. He could barely contain it, his cat lay so close to the surface. He shook his head sharply. “Nothing’s with me. I’m scared for Phoebe and Shana. I’m surprised you’re not. These guys always seem to be one step ahead of us. We have no idea who Paul is, or why he was here. After what happened to Chloe, I can’t believe you’re asking me what’s wrong with me.”

  Dane’s eyes sharpened. “Of course I’m worried about Shana and Phoebe! And you of all people should know why I’m saying we should take a little time to think this through before we do anything. That’s exactly what you said the day Chloe went missing—that we had to take it one step at a time. That’s all I’m saying.”

  Jake heard Dane’s words, but barely. He couldn’t shake free the thought that something might happen to Phoebe. He’d finally, finally given in to what his heart and body had wanted for so many years and now he had to face the reality that she could be walking into a trap. When they’d discussed the fact that someone should probably get out to Montana to follow up on the leads they had, he’d never considered it would involve Phoebe. He wanted to talk to her now.

  Dane cleared his throat.

  Jake whipped his head back up to meet Dane’s eyes. “What?”

  “It’s Phoebe. You finally stopped running from how you feel about her.”

  Jake started to shake his head and then stopped abruptly. Dane was his closest male friend, a brother to him in spirit, as a human and a mountain lion. They’d been together every step of their lives. While they rarely spoke of emotions, he knew Dane felt things deeply. And he knew there was no sense in hiding his feelings from Dane. He took a breath, still wrestling to keep himself from shifting. The only thing stopping him was Dane’s calm presence, and the knowledge that if he tried to battle past Dane when he shifted, it would likely end in a tie.

  He looked out the window at the snow coating the ground. The tree outs
ide his office window was glistening with drops of melted snow under the sun. He turned back to Dane and nodded. “You could say that,” he said tightly.

  Dane nodded firmly. “About damn time. Now it’s my turn to keep you sane. You kept me from running off wild after Chloe. You told me not to be stupid, so I’m telling you the same. I’ve already talked to Hank. We’ll go, but first, let’s decide where we’re starting. Hank’s calling in a favor from a friend out there who works for a private security firm. They’ll be at the airport when Shana and Phoebe land and won’t let them out of their sight. You and I will be right behind them.” Dane paused and eyed him. He shook his head with a chuckle. “I wondered when you’d come to your senses. You’ve loved her for years.”

  Jake felt as if he’d been punched in the chest, the breath he’d been holding let loose with a groan. “I have. Now I have to make sure she’s safe.”

  Chapter 8

  Phoebe threaded through the cluster of people at baggage claim in the airport in Bozeman. Shana had stepped to the other side of the baggage carousel when she saw her bag making its way around. Phoebe quickly snagged her own bag and turned to get out of the way. She met Shana over by a customer service counter.

  “Let’s rent a car and find our hotel,” Phoebe said as soon as she reached Shana’s side.

  Shana glanced up at her, her blue-gray eyes tired. “Right. I promised Dane I’d call when we landed. Do you mind handling the car rental while I call him?”

  Phoebe nodded and glanced around. As soon as she spied the car rental signs, she headed that way, gesturing for Shana to follow her. She fumbled for her phone in her purse and quickly called Jake. Once again, she got his voice mail, so she left another message. She’d tried her damnedest to talk Shana out of leaving for Montana, but after it became abundantly clear Shana was going with or without Phoebe, she reluctantly decided to go with her. She couldn’t stand by and watch Shana walk into danger by herself. Phoebe figured the least she could do was try to keep Shana from doing anything too impulsive.