It's Always Been You

by Victoria Dahl

  “If my husband knew you’d called his wife a harlot, I assure you he’d teach you a lesson in manners. And that strange gentleman you mentioned is a friend of Mr. Hamilton’s, so I’d suggest you leave before he happens along and finds you insulting me.”

  Gulliver Wilson’s eyes flicked briefly to the door, giving her a thrill of satisfaction. Those eyes were decidedly narrower when they returned to her. “You will not find the people of Hull quite as exotic as the residents of India. We expect our women to comport themselves with dignity.”

  Fists clenched into tight balls, Kate tried to subdue her rage. She’d lived far too long with people telling her how to behave. She’d not do so again. “You are not in a position to ‘expect’ anything at all from me.” One more breath and she was slightly calmer. “And your tobacco is inferior and overpriced.”

  His eyes nearly popped out of his head at that. “Regardless, as a respected member of this community it is my duty to warn you that your indiscretions will not be taken lightly.”

  “Mr. Wilson, I grow weary of your insults.”

  “Doxy,” he spat.

  “Leave my shop now! And never return.”

  Instead of leaving, he stepped closer. “James Fost is a friend of mine, madam, and you have treated him abominably.”

  That took her aback. This was about Mr. Fost? Gulliver Wilson was trying to leverage his threats into a favor for a friend? She could understand that motivation, and she made herself relax.

  “Mr. Fost and I have reached a peaceable agreement. Your threats are unnecessary.”

  “You insulted him!” he countered.

  “As you have insulted me, Mr. Wilson?”

  His piglike eyes glowed with arrogant dislike, but he had stupidly revealed his hand to her. Kate retrieved her pen and bent back to her ledger as if her next words meant nothing to her. “If I hear one hint of one word that you have spread about my marriage or my friendships, I shall cut all ties to your Mr. Fost. And I shall explain to him why I’ve done so.”

  Silence met her words. She scratched a few figures onto the paper.

  “You wouldn’t dare,” he finally sputtered.

  “I certainly would. And . . .” Kate remembered a tiny snippet of gossip she’d heard from Lucy. “I shall also make sure to pass on the rumors that your brother is in debtor’s prison because you were heartless enough to call in his debts.”

  She looked up with the sweetest smile she could muster. Mr. Wilson had turned purple again.

  “And that you have offered his wife a way to earn the money to release him. Isn’t that the tale, Mr. Wilson?”

  “You . . . you . . .”

  “Good day to you, sir,” she said. Miraculously, he turned on his heel and he went.

  She looked back at her numbers and smiled. She had reason to. One of the most prominent households in town had begun to use her after bringing their coffee straight from London for the past ten years. And she’d recently begun receiving orders from country estates up the river Hull. Word was spreading.

  She should have been elated. She was only mildly pleased. A few weeks ago, this measure of progress would have sustained her, comforted her. Not anymore. Now she had Aidan and tonight to think of. Tonight, which was so much of a risk, but she would take it.

  Emotion surged through her, hot and icy. “I want him,” she murmured, just to feel the words on her tongue. “Again.” They felt awkward and foreign but left behind a tingling touch on her mouth.

  She was surprised at how easy it had been. Granted, she’d had no experience as a girl, but youth and love had given her the advantage of unselfconsciousness. She’d simply thrown her body into him and assumed he could only find pleasure in that. He had. They both had.

  But this time had been so very different. It had been a wonder of pleasures. Had it been different for him as well? She spent the next hour waiting on customers, sweeping the floors, and reliving their lovemaking a hundred times.

  Every time the door swung open, her breath froze in her throat. And she laughed at herself each time it wasn’t Aidan.

  But she didn’t laugh when the door opened to admit a stranger. Kate looked up from her table to see a tall, wiry man, dressed in a thick wool coat and a fur cap, as if he were traveling to Greenland instead of Hull. His face looked painfully thin in comparison to the width of the thick brown fur, and his nose was a knife blade of sharp bone.

  He stomped his snowy boots on her floor. In that instant, she knew she did not like him.

  “Can I help you, sir?”

  “Yes. I’m looking for Mr. Hamilton.”

  Kate tried not to feel fear as she stood. “Mr. Hamilton is not here right now. I am Mrs. Hamilton.”

  “Ah.” His eyes narrowed, creasing into little slits as he looked her over. “I am Mr. Dalworth. I sent your husband a letter—”

  “Mr. Hamilton is in India at the moment, sir. I received your letter, though I wasn’t sure what you meant by it.” As she spoke, he took a little book from his pocket and began writing in it.

  My God, she was doomed to be surrounded by rude, despicable men today.

  When he looked up and found her frowning, he grudgingly removed his hat. “I believe my letter was clear, madam. My client wishes to know more about your business.”

  “And who is your client?”

  “He does not mean to reveal himself until he’s assured that a partnership with your husband would be profitable.”

  “And I’m sure I do not wish to reveal more about our business until I know to whom I’m addressing the information.”

  He sneered at her words. “When will your husband return, madam?”

  “He will not be here until spring, so I suggest you find a way to deal with me.”

  He regarded her for a long moment before inclining his head. “I’m afraid I am prohibited from revealing my client’s name. He does not wish to upset his relationship with his current broker until and unless he is prepared to cease his dealings with him.”

  Kate arched a haughty eyebrow. “I can understand that. As long as he understands that we will reach no agreement until I’ve received several samples of his crop.”

  “Agreed,” he said, and they sat down to talk money.

  But when he departed, he left Kate with an uneasy tension in her stomach. She’d witnessed many negotiations at David Gallow’s side. None of them had been quite so superficial or brief. Still, this was only the opening salvo, and the details would be hammered out later. She had no reason to feel such creeping dread.

  She had everything she wanted right now, after all. Her work, her independence, and Aidan. The fear was just left over from her old life, and she’d banish it the moment she knew that Ceylon was behind her forever.

  Chapter 16

  He hadn’t expected that the next time he saw Kate it would be across a crowded reception room. In fact, Aidan would’ve sworn it was the last place he’d wish to see her, with all these people standing between them, all these eyes who might see the need in his gaze. But now that he was here, he felt fascinated by the sight of her interacting with others.

  She wore a dark amber dress that did nothing to add color to her cheeks, but the color was there. It flared brighter when she looked up to see him watching, and Aidan caught the curve of a secret smile as she turned away from him. She seemed to glow, and he realized with a sudden jolt of sorrow just how dim she had been, how little of her old shine she’d had.

  She was shining now.

  He dared to approach, knowing Penrose would follow. “Mrs. Hamilton,” he breathed as he bowed over her hand. He introduced Penrose, then stared as the two made polite chitchat. He wouldn’t normally bring his secretary to a dinner, but Penrose had been specifically invited. A dockmaster’s house was an odd mix of industry and society, it seemed.

  When he’d found himself unexpectedly agreeing to a dinner in the Cain home, he’d sent a panicked letter to Kate. Lucy had asked him how he meant to fill his evening, and he’d been so b
eset by erotic images of Kate that he’d panicked and said he planned to do nothing at all. Luckily Kate had just been invited as well, and had sent him a note to that effect. So here they were, pretending the distance between them was natural, when all he wanted to do was put his hands to her skin.

  But Kate seemed at ease. In fact, she was transformed. She flashed him another teasing smile, biting her bottom lip just before she turned away for an introduction to an older couple.

  She was flirting with him, by God.

  Yes, she was transformed. She was not young Katie, though. She’d become another creature altogether. Her flirtatiousness, her humor, was now buffered by the sharp edge of resiliency in her jaw. It was an enticing combination of hard and soft and he couldn’t stop thinking about exploring the contrasts.

  “You watch her too closely,” a woman whispered at his shoulder. Aidan’s gut clenched with fear as he turned sharply to face Miss Cain.

  “I’m sorry, Miss Cain. I didn’t catch that.”

  She smiled gently. “Don’t yearn for her so. I’ve sat her next to you at the table. You’ll speak soon enough.”

  “Miss Cain—”

  “Come. It’s time for dinner. You may walk me in.”

  He should say something, think of the perfect sentence that would persuade Lucy Cain that he had no interest in Kate beyond business. But the idea was so ridiculous that he could think of nothing. He walked her to her seat, his mind churning. But when he took his seat next to Kate, it hardly seemed to matter anymore.

  She looked at him past her lashes, and his body immediately hardened, aroused by the glow of desire on her skin.

  Aidan greeted the gentleman next to him, a man who spoke French and only a few words of English. At first, he assumed that Lucy had sat Aidan next to him out of courtesy. Then he noticed that the man seated next to Kate spoke Spanish, and Kate had not a word. Polite or not, Lucy had surrounded them in a bubble of privacy.

  He spoke under his breath. “You’re stunning. I’m overcome.”

  “Overcome? How so?”

  Aidan watched the life shimmer off her skin and fought the need to press his lips to her mouth, her chest, the little hollow in her throat. “You humble me,” he said softly.

  She looked up then, looked hard into his eyes, but any response was cut off by the server’s appearance with a bottle of wine. Kate lifted her glass to her mouth.

  “Try not to get sauced again,” he murmured.

  “Oh, that was your fault and you know it. Such a typical male ploy.”

  He raised his eyebrows high in mock surprise. “You’re on to me, Mrs. Hamilton. Drink up.”

  Her laughter sounded like a purr, and he spared a glance for the rest of the table, certain they must all be caught up in this seduction. But no one seemed to notice her beauty, her spark. It was just for him.

  Kate turned to attempt a few words with the gentleman to her left, and Aidan’s eyes roamed to the far end of the table. Penrose was there, at Lucy Cain’s left hand, an unexpected honor for a gentleman’s secretary.

  But Penrose looked surprisingly at ease. Indeed, he sported a smile that made him look younger than Aidan had ever seen. And Miss Cain . . . Miss Cain was now very obviously flirting with Penrose. Penrose!

  A remarkable evening indeed.

  Penrose’s transformation distracted him for a moment, and Aidan sat back in his chair to observe Kate’s friend. Miss Cain was attractive, red-haired and glowing with good health like a milkmaid fresh from the country. He could see why Penrose was fascinated—she laughed easily and often and her eyes sparked with intelligence. Her large bosom probably contributed something too.

  Still, when Penrose began to laugh with a deep chortle, Aidan frowned in shock.

  “What’s wrong?” Kate asked.

  “Penrose . . . He’s laughing. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

  “He’s probably intimidated by you. But Lucy seems quite taken with him.”

  “I suppose.”

  “Well, you’re too young to look so disapproving.”

  “Me?” he asked, laughing. “I haven’t been young in years.”

  “Don’t be silly,” she scolded. “You’re still a pup.”

  Perhaps he was, now that Kate was back.

  The entire dinner passed in laughter and ease. Later, he remembered little of the meal, only that Kate had enjoyed the fish course but hadn’t eaten much of the heavier meat dish. He did, however, clearly remember dessert. A sweet vanilla custard that she’d licked from her spoon like a pleased kitten finishing her last drops of milk. The sight had been a teasing reminder of the many, many delights they’d never gotten around to sharing. He intended to address the omissions.

  When the meal was done, he helped Kate out of her seat and saw desire in her glance. Her pupils were dilated, her eyes black instead of brown.

  His own lust held in tight check, he purposefully moved away as soon as she rose. Patience would reward him. He was sure of it. But his arrogance was cut down with such suddenness that the brutality of the blow stole his breath away.

  “Mr. York,” a soft voice said from the corridor behind him. “What a surprise to see you here.”

  For a moment, when he looked at the petite blond woman, he did not place her. Her face did not prompt even a quiver of recognition in his brain.

  “I tried to catch your attention at dinner, but I never could,” she said with a smile that was patently false.

  The smile did it. Now he knew her. He drew in a breath with such slow care that his head spun as he stepped into the corridor. “Lady Sarah. This is a surprise. What could possibly bring you to Hull?”

  “My husband wished to stop and see an old friend before we move on to Bath. You remember my husband, Lord Quentin Meeks?” She gestured toward the man beside her, but he was already moving away, busily discussing railroad development with another gentleman. A good thing, as the only thing Aidan could recall about Lord Quentin was that his wife had laughed about him while Aidan took her. She’d crowed that her husband’s cock was half the size of Aidan’s and only a third as hard.

  That was why Aidan had found it difficult to place her face. She’d only wanted it from behind that night, and he’d never contacted her again. Cuckolding another gentleman was one kind of cruelty. Joining in laughter about it was another.

  “And you, Mr. York? What brings you here?”

  He glanced past her toward the other guests. The men filed into the billiards room; the women strolled to the drawing room farther on. Kate was among them, but he thanked God he couldn’t see her. Or did that mean she still lingered in the dining room and would stumble upon them at any moment? He felt the blood leeching from his face, felt his head grow lighter.

  “Shipping, of course,” he murmured, his lips numb as he spoke. “I have several investments here.”

  He barely knew this woman whose eyes swept down him, but he had a terrible fear that their connection was visible to others. That a reminder of that night still clung to them, the foul threads visible now that they stood so close.

  Aidan cleared his throat. “What a happy accident, to see you here so far from London.”

  “Yes.” She watched him past her lashes just as Kate had done before. His panic turned to nausea and shame. What if Kate saw them? What if his past was revealed to her in all its ugliness?

  Ridiculous, of course. Lady Sarah would say nothing to Kate. She would say nothing to anybody. How could she? He forced an easy smile and gave a bow. “I apologize for rushing away after such a fortuitous meeting, but I must catch Monsieur Blanc before he leaves or he will conveniently forget the deal we struck over wine earlier.”

  “Oh,” she said, her smile slipping a bit. “Of course.”

  “Please have a safe journey to Bath. And convey my well wishes to your husband.”

  “I will.”

  Aidan walked down the corridor as if he were determined but unconcerned. He pretended that a bead of sweat wasn’t snaking down his te
mple when he passed the drawing room and continued around the corner to the washroom at the end of the hall. But once there, he closed the door and leaned against it, hanging his head and letting his breath shudder out.

  All these women he’d had . . . Kate wouldn’t understand that. How could she?

  Heat washed over him with such force that his ears felt afire. In Kate’s bed, he’d forgotten his life for a moment. He’d forgotten how little he cared for himself and others. He was not the boy she’d loved, and he wasn’t a man she would love either, if she ever found out.

  “She won’t,” he said aloud, trying to calm himself. These were not things one spoke of in polite company. This was not something a woman would tell another. Aidan York has had me on my knees a dozen times over. What did you do with him?

  “She won’t find out,” he said again, finding the strength to push away from the door. Leaning over the sink, he turned on the tap and let cold water fill his hands. That felt such a relief that he lowered his face into the pool he’d created and let the icy water numb his skin.

  By the time he dried his face on a towel, he felt nearly normal, though he wished for a full bath, wished to wash away the last threads of shame that clung to him. But he was recovered enough to step into the hallway with an easy air. He did not even break into a sweat when he turned the corner and found Kate there, speaking with Lucy and adjusting her cloak around her shoulders.

  “Ladies,” he said easily as he passed them. Kate gave only a polite smile. She was going home in the Cain carriage, so Aidan knew she would be safe. He would leave later so as not to arouse suspicion.

  Earlier, he’d dreaded having to count down the minutes in the billiards room, but now he was simply relieved to have a sure escape from Lady Sarah. He proceeded straight to the corner of the room farthest from her husband and closest to the clock. Twenty minutes should suffice, and then he could lose himself with Kate again, and forget the tragedy he’d made of his life. He could be a young man again, instead of a hollowed out shell.