[Clearing the Ice 01.0] This Piece of My Heart

by Robyn M Ryan

  “Haven’t you ever made a mistake?” Monique stepped toward him again. “Can you just forget all the good times we had? We were good together; you know that. Don’t turn your back on me. We can be happy again.”

  “I am happy,” Andrew said, his voice soft. When he met her eyes, his held no warmth. “I’m not interested in going back. I told you in May that it was over. I won’t change my mind.”

  “Isn’t she a bit young for you, Andrew?” Monique’s green eyes suddenly flashed angrily. “Didn’t think cute little coeds in designer clothes were your style.”

  Andrew’s cheeks reddened. “That’s enough. Leave.”

  She started to speak again, but stopped when he locked eyes with her. She reached for her purse, then brushed past him, leaving the apartment without another word.

  Andrew muttered a curse, pulled his cellphone from his pocket and pressed Caryn’s number. He let it ring through to her voice mail, then clicked it off, swearing softly. Where was she? He pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed a bottle of water, opening it and taking a long swallow. Damn Monique anyway! What did she say to Caryn to make her leave? Andrew shook his head, knowing all too well how spiteful his ex could be. And Caryn would have been caught totally off-guard.

  He heard the front door open and quickly walked back to the living room, half-expecting to see Caryn. He shook his head with a wry smile when he saw Tom.

  “Hope I’m not interrupting anything?” Tom said, nodding toward the kitchen. “Saw your car and thought I’d say welcome home.”

  “Nah, I’m alone,” Andrew said, clapping a hand on Tom’s shoulder. “It’s good to see you. Everything going well?”

  “Sure, I’m ready to hear all about Europe. You starting opening night?”

  Andrew laughed. “We’ll see. At least I’m on one of the regular lines. Get you something to drink?”

  Tom shrugged. “Why not? I’ll have to hit the books soon enough anyway.” He followed his brother to the kitchen and accepted the bottle with a grin. “I can’t believe Caryn’s not here. She out too late last night picking you up at the airport?”

  “No, I got a ride. You’re right. I can’t believe she’s not here either.” He leaned against the counter and quickly recounted his run-in with Monique. “God only knows what she said to Caryn.”

  “I can imagine.” Tom frowned. “Caryn went home?”

  “I don’t know where she is. I tried calling her. She’s not answering.”

  “Maybe she’s on her way home, or maybe she stopped somewhere for lunch,” Tom said. “You were real thrilled to see Monique, I can tell.”

  “Just because her Swiss boyfriend sent her packing, she thinks she can pick up where we left off.”

  “Let me guess what you told her. Hit the road?”

  “More or less.” Andrew tried Caryn’s number again, sighing when he reached her voicemail greeting again. He left a short message asking her to call, and then set the phone on the table with a shrug.

  “You two have a good reunion this morning?”

  “She was here ten minutes when I had to go to practice. I just got back a few minutes ago, expecting to see Caryn and finding Monique.” He thought again of Caryn and their brief, yet promising moments together that morning, then made the inevitable comparison between her and Monique. Beside Caryn’s fresh, spring-like beauty, Monique’s striking good looks were suddenly artificial. Where Caryn was completely down-to-earth and unassuming, Monique acted as if she were the center of his universe. Caryn’s appealing shyness made her seem innocent and vulnerable—even more so beside Monique’s open and often demanding sexuality. Caryn would never deliberately hurt another person. He had no doubt that Monique had gone out of her way to hurt Caryn.

  “You ever mention her to Caryn?”

  Andrew shook his head. “No need. We were finished long before I met her.” He set the empty water bottle on the table. “Should have just skipped practice.”

  Tom slapped his shoulder. “Cheer up, Andrew. You’ll straighten things out as soon as you catch up with her.”

  “Sure.”

  “Maybe you should swing by her place. She might not be answering the phone,” Tom said, “Monique can be a...Well, you know her better than I.”

  Andrew glanced at him. “You think so?”

  Tom shrugged. “One way to find out.”

  “You don’t mind me running off?”

  “We’ll catch up later. Straighten things out with Caryn first.”

  ELEVEN

  Caryn heard his ringtone persistently sounding on her iPhone, but made no move to answer it. Andrew—the last person I want to talk to. Numbed, she sat on the chair, anger and confusion sapping her energy. She’d been so happy only a few hours earlier, had actually thought that he might be falling in love with her, had dared to dream about making love with him, making an emotional commitment to him. Am I that clueless?

  Hot tears welled and Caryn swallowed the threatening sob determinedly. She would not shed a tear about it. If Andrew preferred that woman to her, then he deserved her. She could have him. She wasn’t about to compete with Monique. Her eyes fell on her iPad, and Caryn reached for it, selected the Google search app and began to type “Monique” and Andrew’s name in the search field. She saw the hits begin to populate the screen, and shaking her head, Caryn quit the program, not wanting to see more. Andrew had warned her during the summer that she might become the subject of speculation and blog gossip, but Caryn had shrugged it off, never really thinking that was a possibility. But seeing him linked with another woman, not once but dozens and dozens of times made her feel foolish. Maybe she should have done some googling of her own before she fell for him? She opened the search app again and this time combined her name with Andrew’s. Nothing. Well, at least Dad hasn’t started running background checks on him. She typed his name only into the search field. Andrew Chadwick Girlfriend sat near the top of suggested searches. Choosing that link brought images of Drew and Monique, along with many other beautiful women. A sick feeling washed over her.

  Setting the iPad aside, Caryn wandered to the kitchen, filled a pot with water and set it on the stove. Tea would help, then she’d start studying for her accounting test next week. She’d keep busy, maybe call Lauren and see if she wanted to meet for an early dinner. She wouldn’t have time to think about him.

  The phone rang again, this time her father’s ring tone. Just what I need. She knew her parents had just returned home from another trip to the Far East, but she’d thought she’d wait a day or two before checking in with them. She pulled the phone from her pocket and answered just before the call rolled to voice mail.

  “Welcome home.” Caryn forced herself to sound upbeat. “How was your trip?”

  “Productive. I’m looking forward to telling you about the company’s latest acquisition. This one might interest you—the company sources the silk for many of those designer brands your mother and you buy by the kilo.”

  She laughed softly. “We’ll be rolling profits right back into the business then, Dad.”

  “How are your classes? Finance giving you any problems?”

  “No. My study group has that covered.” Caryn reached for the boiling water and poured it into a mug containing her tea.

  “Given any thought to your internship next semester?”

  Caryn hesitated. That had been the last thing on her mind lately. “Mmm, no. I’m just beginning to research the possibilities.”

  “Don’t wait too long. Your internship will play a major role in enhancing your grad school acceptance.”

  Caryn rubbed her temple, feeling a headache brewing. “What do you think I should pick?”

  “Getting in with a major bank or brokerage would definitely bring immense benefits. I can make some phone calls.”

  “No. Please don’t. Not yet. This is something I want to set up on my own.” And find something that interests me. “Is Mom there? I’d like to say hi.”

  She closed her eyes with
a thankful sigh and sipped her tea as she waited for her mother to pick up the conversation. She did not want to even think about her future right now. And she definitely did not want her father manipulating an internship for her. He knew too many powerful people and she wanted to earn this position—whatever she decided—on her own merits.

  Her mother’s warm hello brought a smile to Caryn’s face. Her parents had been traveling even more than usual lately, and they had kept in touch with quick texts and emails. It was good to hear her voice.

  “Are you seriously jet lagged?” Caryn asked as she sat at the table in the breakfast area.

  “Like you would never imagine. I love the Far East—especially Singapore and Hong Kong—but after spending six weeks over there, my days and nights are reversed and I feel like I’ve already lived today.”

  “Well, today was yesterday in Singapore, so today here must feel like a redo,” Caryn said with a laugh. “Thinking of that makes my head spin.”

  “Tell me about it. So, what’s new with you, my sweet girl? Enjoying your fall?”

  “So far, so good.” Caryn carefully kept her voice light.

  “How about your grad student friend? Has he had time to see you occasionally?”

  Caryn cringed at her lie of omission. She’d mentioned meeting Drew right after their first date when she thought he was a grad student. She never corrected that because she didn’t want them to worry about distractions. Plus, they wouldn’t approve of her dating an athlete. The level of wealth her dad expected for her husband was much higher than most hockey players could dream of. She hated to think of her father, a self-made man, being such a snob, but sometimes, he could be.

  It was just easier to let them continue to think that he was a student. “Andrew’s been very busy—we haven’t seen much of each other lately.”

  “Grad school can require a lot of energy. I remember your dad was totally consumed by his courses. Good thing we were married by then, or I don’t think I ever would have seen him.” Her mother laughed softly at the memory. “Andrew sounds like a nice man. Cut him some slack if he forgets to call you from time-to-time.”

  “I know,” Caryn said, setting her mug on the table. “I was spoiled this summer when he was not taking classes.” She clamped her eyes shut against the hot tears that suddenly threatened. “I’d better get working on my homework. You wouldn’t believe how much I have this early in the semester.”

  “Well, don’t forget to take breaks, honey. Have some fun.”

  Caryn set the iPhone on the table after ending the call. She didn’t like lying to her mother, but that might be a moot point now, the way things were unfolding.

  Caryn turned her phone off and took her tea upstairs. The headache was intensifying and she did not need a migraine. Thankfully migraines didn’t occur often—mainly when stressed—but when she had one, it completely incapacitated her. She took Advil and closed the drapes, darkening the loft area. She sipped the last of her tea, then lay down and pulled the comforter up over her head. Maybe if she took a nap, she could hold off the migraine…and things wouldn’t seem so awful when she woke up.

  ***

  Andrew’s frustration grew with every hour that passed. He left voice mails, numerous texts, and had stopped by Caryn’s townhouse. He didn’t know where else to look for her. He didn’t have her fall schedule—couldn’t remember if she’d mentioned an afternoon class. And he did not know how to get in touch with Lauren or any of her friends. Worry that something had happened to her nagged the back of his mind, but Andrew knew she was avoiding him because of Monique.

  Okay, he could understand if she was angry with him. Maybe he should have told Caryn about their two-year disaster of a relationship? But honestly, Monique had not entered his thoughts after his first evening with Caryn. She meant nothing to him and he wasn’t proud of the on-and-off pattern of the time they spent together—and apart. Maybe he should have said something about the way he’d behaved when he was an eighteen-year-old first round draft pick? Or during his rookie season with the Leafs? He preferred to wipe those memories, but again, there was plenty on the Internet to document his lifestyle during that time, if anyone cared to look.

  He didn’t believe what Monique claimed she’d said to Caryn. If Caryn refused to take his calls or answer his texts, there was more to that encounter. Andrew was tempted to go back to her townhouse and camp out until she returned…or opened her front door. He glanced at his watch. Maybe she was in class. He’d wait a while. Get some of his teammates to get in a cardio work out or work on the weights. Either option beat sitting around his apartment waiting for a call.

  ***

  Caryn awoke in complete darkness. Her head still throbbed, but when she reached for her iPhone to check the time, the light did not cause discomfort. Was it really almost four a.m.? Although completely drained, Caryn knew she’d dodged the migraine. At least yesterday produced something positive.

  She unlocked the phone and glanced at the list of missed calls and texts. Most from Drew. Several voice messages also. A couple calls from Lauren. Caryn groaned and tossed the phone on the bed. She reached for her bottle of water, but quickly discovered she hadn’t brought one up with her. Perfect.

  She sat up, put her feet on the ground and waited a minute before she stood. Not too woozy. Carefully, she made her way downstairs and opened a bottle of water. She drained it, and then grasped another. She’d go back up and sleep a while longer. Her classes didn’t start until eight, and at the moment, Caryn didn’t worry about missing them. She took more Advil, sent Lauren a quick text and emailed her professions, then climbed back in bed. She’d deal with Drew later.

  A constant chirping sound pulled Caryn from her dreamless sleep hours later. Not opening her eyes, she groped for the phone, intending to silence it. By the time she found it, she was fully awake, and she squinted at the screen as she sat up. A text from Lauren asking if she was feeling better. Caryn realized the headache had receded and that she had slept almost twenty-four hours. She lay back against a stack of pillows and sent a quick reply to Lauren. She looked at the missed calls and unread texts from Drew. I’ll take a shower and get something to eat. Maybe then I’ll see what he has to say.

  TWELVE

  Caryn sat at the kitchen table, sipping her tea as she read Andrew’s texts. So he knows I met Monique and needs to talk with me. That’s an understatement. Sure, he wants to try to explain how she blindsided me yesterday. Why even bother? I got the message loud and clear. I just need him to answer one question—why did you deliberately deceive me all summer? Maybe if I’d known going in that this was just going to be a summer thing…I might have agreed to that. But as soon as I started to really fall for him, at least I could have ended it before I got hurt.

  Tears blurred her vision, and Caryn stood to take her empty plate to the sink and turned the stove on to heat water for another cup of tea. She just couldn’t seem to get warm. She’d stepped out front for a moment for some fresh air—the unusually warm temperature surprised her. But, back inside, Caryn felt chilled to her core.

  She heard the knock on her door a few minutes later, but made no move toward it. She heard the door open and Andrew calling her name. Shit. Why didn’t I remember to lock the door when I came back inside? Still in the kitchen, she heard his steps, stiffening in apprehension. Please just leave.

  “Caryn, you here?” Andrew called, walking toward the kitchen, stopping short when he saw her standing beside the stove, her back to him. “I’ve been trying to reach you since…”

  Caryn took a deep breath, anger quickly resurfacing. She turning to face him, irritation tinting her words. “Don’t bother, Drew. I don’t need to hear anything you have to say.”

  His blue eyes darkened in frustration mixed with annoyance. He locked eyes with hers for a long moment before speaking. “I’ve been worried about you.”

  Caryn shrugged. “I’m fine, as you can see,” she said, her tone flippant. She gripped the counter behind her, deter
mined to cling to her anger.

  “I’m sorry Monique showed up like that. I had no idea…”

  She interrupted, “Don’t worry about it, Drew. No big deal.”

  “You avoiding me, refusing to take my calls is a big deal to me.” She could tell Andrew was controlling his temper with an effort. “You don’t want to hear what I have to say?”

  “There’s no need. I told you I totally get it. Don’t worry about me. We had a nice summer while Monique was away. I understand that since she’s back now, you’ll be spending your time with her.” She shook her head as he tried to speak. “I honestly don’t mind that we just had a ‘little summer romance.’”

  “Are you going to give me a chance to talk?” Andrew’s voice was thick with suppressed anger. Caryn shrugged, crossing her arms against her chest. She nodded for him to continue.

  Andrew sighed, leaning against the counter, but careful not to approach her. “I didn’t even know Monique was in the country. I haven’t seen her since we broke up last May.”

  “Yeah, she told me she spent the summer in Europe.”

  “Did she mention that we are no longer in a relationship?” Andrew challenged.

  Caryn took a deep breath and sipped her tea, amazed that her hand did not shake. “I don’t think she got that memo, Drew.”

  “Believe me, Caryn, she got the message. Loud and clear.” Andrew’s tone was harsh. “She went to Europe with a man she’d been seeing for months. I was the one who didn’t get the memo.”

  “She cheated on you?”

  Andrew nodded. “Yep. In my own apartment. I got home early from a road trip and found them. It’s been over since May.”

  Caryn avoided his eyes. “If she hadn’t cheated, you’d still be together.”