[Clearing the Ice 01.0] This Piece of My Heart

by Robyn M Ryan

  Finally, he emerged through the door, locking eyes with hers immediately, and then nodding in appreciation as he took in her outfit. Caryn had never seen Drew in a suit. He looks even better than he does in gym shorts. The dark suit and gray shirt fit like they had been made just for him, and as he came closer, she realized that it was a custom-tailored suit. She’d seen her dad in enough custom suits to recognize the details. Her heart skipped a beat when he smiled and leaned to kiss her cheek gently before greeting Tom.

  “Good game,” Tom congratulated, clapping his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “You were on fire.”

  “How could I not with both my good luck charms in the building?”

  Caryn looked aside as she noticed the exiting Canadien players eyeing her as they walked toward their chartered bus. Andrew glanced over his shoulder, and then slipped his arm around her shoulders as he stepped closer beside her.

  “Did you park down here?” he asked Tom.

  “Yep. Thanks for the pass.” Tom pointed towards his car a couple rows away. “I’m going to take off. Thanks for the win—and the first class accommodations. Caryn, enjoyed watching the game with you.”

  “Thanks for answering all my dumb questions.”

  Tom shook his head. “You know a lot more than you think.”

  As Tom walked away, Andrew turned Caryn so her back pressed against the door and he rested his hands on either side of her. She saw the smile tugging on his lips. “I never would have gotten you this jersey if I knew how hot you’d look wearing it. First thing tomorrow, I’m putting in for a larger size.”

  Caryn felt her cheeks growing warm as she swatted at his chest. “It was a last second decision. I wanted you to know how proud I am of you.” She smiled as she continued, “And to stake my claim on you after the game.”

  Drew chuckled as he leaned to kiss her gently. “From now on, my eyes only.” His blue eyes darkened as he stepped back and slowly looked her over. He gently turned her to see her back side. “Yep, too hot.”

  Caryn knew her cheeks were flaming as she turned to face him again. “I could say the same thing about that suit. I would have dressed differently if I’d known you’d be so formal.”

  Andrew scoffed as he guided her to the passenger door. “Dress code. At home and on the road.” He held the door open and offered his other hand as she slid into the seat. “You want to get something to eat?”

  Caryn waited until he was seated beside her before answering. “After all that fabulous food you provided, not to mention the luxurious suite? That was amazing, Drew.”

  “Good thing I’m not superstitious,” he commented as he started the car.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’d have to get you and Tom in that same suite for every home game. I hope you didn’t get too spoiled. Your seats will always be good, but nothing like that.”

  Caryn reached to rest her hand on his arm. “I would never forgive myself if I hadn’t decided to come to the game.”

  Andrew glanced at her. “Last minute decision?”

  “Not last minute. I did get here before the team intros.” She changed the subject. “Are you hungry? I’ll be happy to have a drink while you eat.”

  “You got anything in your refrigerator?”

  “I can make you a sandwich or two. If you like whole wheat bread.”

  “Sounds great. Let’s just go there. We can talk.” He looked at her, and then nodded with a slow smile. “And only I will get to enjoy looking at you.”

  “Stop,” she begged him, knowing her face had to be beet-red. “I’ll never wear the jersey in public again.”

  Andrew rested his hand on her knee. “I’m just having fun with you, Cary. You look adorable in the jersey. Makes me proud to see you wearing my name. Maybe just pair it with jeans next time.”

  “Please. Stop. Please.” Caryn could barely speak through her giggles. “I promise. Okay?”

  Andrew lightly brushed his hand along her legging, Caryn swallowing her gasp as the sparks ran through her body. She started to protest when he removed the hand to make a turn, but he posed a question in a quiet voice. “Is this going to be a good time to talk?”

  “If you’re not too tired after the game?”

  She saw him shake his head. “Just make a couple of those sandwiches and I’ll be good.”

  Caryn grew quiet, her mind returning to the previous few days’ turmoil. Could she make him understand why she ran? And more importantly, convince him that she did trust him with her heart and the rest of her being?

  ***

  Andrew kept the conversation casual as they sat at the kitchen table while he ate the quick meal they’d prepared together. He answered her questions about the game, then he asked if she’d caught up on the missed assignments.

  “I met Lauren the other day when I was leaving.” He stood to clear the table, motioning Caryn to stay seated.

  “I know, she told me.” Caryn felt her nerves begin to flutter. “She’s a good friend.”

  “She seems really nice…not to mention cute. I’m surprised you haven’t tried to get her and Tom together. She have a guy?”

  “Not at the moment. She’s been after me to ask you to introduce her to any single guys on the Leafs.” Caryn stood to get a damp cloth to wipe the table.

  “She said you’d had a migraine?”

  “Not a full-blown migraine. On a scale of one-to-ten, it was just a four.”

  Andrew turned toward her as he leaned against the counter. “But enough that your best friend thought I’d been there taking care of you. What’s with that, Caryn? I don’t care what’s going on between us. If you’re sick, I want to help you, be with you. Bring you my mother’s chicken soup.”

  Caryn smiled softly. “I’m sure that would have been wonderful. I didn’t know what to do, Andrew. I was confused, overwhelmed.”

  “That’s why you didn’t take my calls?”

  “Partly. When the headache got stronger, I went up to take some Advil and a nap, and then woke up around four in the morning. I sent Lauren a text that I wasn’t going to class and fell back asleep for another twelve hours or so. It’s not an excuse, but I feel like I’m in a fog when I get one of those headaches. All I do is sleep, take more Advil, then sleep some more.” She risked a glance at him, relieved to find his blue eyes sympathetic. “I was going to get in touch with you, Drew, I promise. But then you came by—you know the rest.”

  He nodded and reached to brush the hair away from her face. “I’m sorry you had to find out about Monique that way. That she ambushed you. I promise you, I would have told you about her if I had any idea she’d show up at my door.”

  “Is she still in love with you?”

  “Hardly. We were never ‘in love.’ I’m not sure she understands the meaning of the word.” Andrew paused a moment and Caryn felt him searching her expression. “When I met her, I was getting tired of living the clichéd pro athlete’s lifestyle. Hooking up with different women finally got old…”

  “Drew, you don’t need to tell me all this.”

  “I want you to know everything so you can decide if you want to see where we go from here.” He reached to touch her lips when she started to protest. “I thought Monique was someone interested in a steady relationship. So I invested time in getting to know her—as it turned out, the person she wanted me to know.” He took a drink of water before continuing. “I ignored the signals that it was not going to work. We fought as much as we had…” His expression softened with regret before he completed the thought. “…sex. Turns out, that’s all we had, a mutual physical attraction. She obviously enjoyed what she saw as the perks of being with a pro athlete. She liked to spend money, lots of money that she didn’t have. Guess who wound up bailing her out?”

  “That must have been hard on you.”

  Andrew shrugged. “Nothing compared to everything else she did. Sometimes I need to be hit over the head with a shovel before I recognize what’s going on. In this case, after two year
s of this dysfunctional relationship, I caught her with another guy.”

  Caryn felt her eyes well up. “She’s a fool. Maybe she’s realized she made a mistake and wants to make it up to you.”

  “It’s too late. I made it clear I’m not interested.” He stepped closer and touched the hair that fell against her temple. “Since I’ve known you, I’ve discovered that relationships take on a whole new dimension when you meet someone who’s not playing games or doesn’t have an agenda. I’ve never known anyone like you, never felt the way I do—I care for you a lot, Caryn. Probably more than I’m willing to admit right now.” He smiled wryly as he dropped his hand to her shoulder. “I’m sorry Monique caught you off-guard. If I’d had any idea she’d pull something like that, I would have told you. I didn’t even know she was in Toronto. I was happy thinking she was six-thousand kilometers or so away.”

  “I shouldn’t have listened to her. But she seemed to know so much about us…” Caryn’s voice trailed off. “She knew my name and when we started dating. She thought it was ‘sweet’ that we had a summer romance.”

  “I haven’t checked, but there may have been something on the Internet. Also, she has her ways about getting information she wants.” Andrew shrugged. “It’s all a game to her, and I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire. That will not happen again. I promise you that.”

  “I believe you.”

  Andrew pressed his lips against her forehead. “Forgive me?”

  Caryn shrugged, a smile hinting at the corners of her mouth. “Nothing to forgive, Drew. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you and believed her lies.”

  “You know, you can ask me anything. I’ll never lie to you. Please don’t shut me out like that again.”

  “I promise. I won’t.”

  Andrew lifted her chin, his blue eyes darkened by emotion, and leaned to kiss her. Caryn’s lips were eager as she closed her arms around his neck, pressing her body against his, silently expressing her relief that he didn’t want Monique back. Drew wanted her, he cared for her—maybe even felt as strongly about her as she did about him. She felt the tingling anticipation as he held her close, nibbling at her ear as his hands pulled her jersey above her hips so he could trace his fingers against her spine. His hands were warm against her skin, and she pressed closer to him, lightly fingering the hair that fell against his neck. Is this what I want? Am I ready? Do I need a commitment first? Doesn’t Drew deserve to know about me after he’s just opened his whole life?

  She reluctantly pulled away. Andrew held her in front of him, his darkened blue eyes asking the silent question.

  “You told me everything, Drew. I need to do the same.”

  “Cary, I know you’re nothing like Monique or any of those other women I’ve…been with. Your past doesn’t matter to me.”

  She looked up at him, biting her lip, trying to find the right words. “I don’t have a past. I’ve never… I’m…” Just tell him. Don’t make him guess. Say the word. She felt herself blushing and averted her eyes.

  Andrew hooked a finger under her chin and gently raised it until she met his eyes. The hint of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Cary, are you trying to tell me you’re a virgin?”

  Caryn knew her face was flaming. “It’s not that I’m a prude or anything. I just hadn’t met anyone I wanted to…be with.”

  “And you want your first experience to be with someone…?”

  “Someone I lo...have strong feelings f-for,” she stammered.

  He pressed his lips against her forehead. “Good for you. I agree with you. Your first time should be with someone who’s committed to you and a relationship.”

  She averted her eyes again. “I’m hoping you’re the one,” she barely whispered the words.

  He pressed his lips against her forehead. “You know this is a game changer.”

  Caryn pulled back. “What do you mean?” She took a deep breath to steady her voice. Please don’t say you don’t want to take our relationship in that direction.

  “You do deserve commitment before giving yourself to anyone.”

  “But…” she prompted, willing her eyes not to fill with tears.

  “I want to be that guy for you. But not until you’re one hundred percent sure that you realize that I am fully committed to you and that this is not just us having some fun together. I told you I’m done with meaningless hookups. I definitely never want you to feel you’re in that category. Let’s not get caught up in an emotional moment. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

  “Monique said you wouldn’t go to bed with me,” Caryn said, only half-teasingly.

  Andrew’s eyes darkened in sudden anger. He started to speak, but instead opened his lips against hers, pulling her tightly against him as he kissed her with an intensity that swept her into a raging current. Andrew lifted her up on the counter, and pressed his body between her legs, his hands tangled in her hair. Caryn clung to him, at first matching his kiss with her own intensity. His kisses grew more demanding, his hands touching her with none of the tenderness he’d shown before.

  His voice was raw as he whispered in her ear. “Your call, Caryn.”

  Overwhelmed, Caryn pressed her hands against his chest. He pulled back so he could read her face, but she cast her eyes downward, not meeting his. “I’m not ready…”

  “…to have sex,” he finished for her. “That’s not what I want with you, either. I don’t want to just ‘go to bed’ with you.” He cupped her chin in his hand and coaxed her eyes toward his.

  Caryn pressed her hand against his cheek. “I know what you meant. I’m not sure if I am ready for that kind of commitment, or if it would mean the same to you as it would me. But then Monique gets in my mind…I guess I feel it’s a way to hold onto you, and it’s like she has a part of you that I don’t.”

  Andrew was silent for a long moment, searching for the right words. “You have a lot more of me than Monique ever did, Cary. I hope you’ll believe that one day.” He studied her eyes carefully. “With all that’s happened this week, let’s not rush things. Okay?”

  Caryn nodded. “So it’s not that you don’t find me…attractive that way?” A smile crossed her face.

  “You mean sexy? Come on, Cary. You know better than that. When I left the arena and saw you in my jersey, I wanted to grab you right there and find an empty room.” He traced her lips with his fingers. “And I sure as hell didn’t like my teammates or those Canadiens looking at you with that thought in mind.”

  Caryn laughed softly. “I’m just glad Tom was there. I was starting to feel like I was one of those girls…what did you call them?”

  “Puck bunnies. You, my angel, will never have that term associated with you.” His blue eyes suddenly flashed as a smile spread slowly across his face. “Just don’t make a habit of coming to the games looking so sweet and sexy.”

  ***

  Feeling lighthearted and relieved, Caryn hummed as she ran up the stairs, happy that she and Drew had talked about everything. She felt his reluctance to leave—that sure made her heart skip a few beats. Her lips felt bruised from his kisses, and as she touched them, her skin tingled as her mind wandered. Would they have had sex…no, would they have made love right there in the kitchen? Despite herself, a shiver of expectation consumed her. She shut her eyes, remembering how it felt to be kissed that way, her body’s reaction to his demanding touch. Every nerve tingled where his hands had touched her.

  Caryn undressed, but pulled the jersey back on before she climbed into bed. She let her imagination drift, the what if’s consuming her thoughts. She held the puck he gave her just before he left...from his first goal in the game. That’s why he’d said something to the linesman. She slipped the puck under her pillow, hoping it would bring good luck.

  SIXTEEN

  Caryn was happier than ever that fall, able to fill in the gaps when Andrew traveled with the team by concentrating on her courses, working with her study group and hanging out with Lauren, who continued to
lobby for an introduction to one of his friends.

  “Are you sure you want me to ask, Lauren?” Caryn walked with her friend between classes, both huddled against the brisk northern wind as they cut across campus. “I don’t know any of his teammates. I have met a couple of guys who play for the Blue Jays, but really, I don’t think you’d want to go out with the one who’s single.”

  “Don’t be too sure.” Lauren laughed. “No one’s knocking on my door.”

  “I still think Kevin’s interested. He’s shy—you should encourage him a bit.”

  Lauren shrugged as she leaned against the door to her next class. “Maybe. Really don’t want to mess up our study group by dating one of the guys. Can you at least see if you can take me to a game? I can scout the guys and let you know who to ask Andrew about.”

  Caryn laughed as she turned toward her classroom. “Talk to you later, Lauren.”

  ***

  Caryn’s parents arranged a trip to Toronto late in November, her father combining business meetings with a long-overdue visit. When her mother called to share their schedule, she suggested that Caryn invite Andrew—“her grad student friend”—to join them for dinner. Caryn had yet to correct that misconception. She wanted her parents to get to know Andrew as she had, without jumping to any stereotyped conclusions about him as a professional athlete. She knew they would never approve of his high-profile career unless they met him first and got to know Andrew as a person.

  As she dressed for the evening, Caryn questioned her decision not to mention that Andrew played for the Leafs. On the other hand, she had not discussed her father’s extensive business interests with Drew, preferring to stay in the anonymous cocoon she’d managed to create since moving to Toronto over two years earlier. She hoped that they could just meet and get to know each other—just like she had with his parents. Maybe that wasn’t the wisest decision? She said a prayer that the evening would go well and that details for both her parents and Drew could come later.