[Clearing the Ice 01.0] This Piece of My Heart

by Robyn M Ryan

  “Now I’ve seen Missouri and Illinois,” Caryn said as she took a picture of the river through the window.

  “Ever visited Chicago?”

  “Not yet.” She reached for one of his French fries. “See how you’ve broadened my horizons already?”

  “I guess I should scratch the Sears Tower—now the Willis Tower, I think—from the bucket list too?”

  Caryn looked at him reproachfully. “Drew, even looking at Niagara Falls made me dizzy.”

  “Good thing I didn’t pick that penthouse suite, then. We’d be spending the week in the lobby.” He reached across the table to hand her the plate of fries. “Enjoy. I don’t need to eat these.”

  “And I do?” she countered with a smile as she chose another fry.

  “You do appear to be enjoying them.” Andrew nodded toward the river. “I’ve heard that the river is actually low right now. I can’t imagine it any wider than it is now.”

  “Those spring floods. Makes our lake effect snow pretty lame, doesn’t it?”

  “Not when you’re caught in the middle of the storm. Tom doing a good job with your sidewalk?”

  Caryn laughed. “Poor Tom—you shouldn’t have asked him to take care of it. It always seems to snow just as soon as the sidewalks and streets are clear. I try to keep up with it.” She shivered at the thought. “I’ll be glad when it’s spring.” She smiled at him feeling warm inside. “Spring also means you’ll be coming home soon.”

  ***

  Sunday dawned inevitably, the day Caryn had dreaded all week. She awoke long before Andrew, content to nestle with her head against his chest as she thought about the weeks to come. She made a mental list of what she needed to accomplish the following week—talk to her advisor about changing minors, dropping or withdrawing from that metrics course, getting a resume together for the internship interview, and reacquainting herself with her other coursework. Luckily, the study group would reconvene Tuesday, jump-starting that process.

  She knew Lauren would expect a “prospects report” as soon as she returned to her townhouse, the thought making her smile as she moved closer to Andrew. His voice surprised her.

  “Guess I’ll need to offer more than a penny for your thoughts.”

  She leaned on her forearm so she could see his face. “I didn’t know you were awake.”

  He grinned as he lightly touched her cheek. “You seemed deep in thought…and that smile…”

  Caryn laughed. “You know what Lauren’s going to ask as soon as I get back.”

  “I can guess. Maybe you can bring her to a playoff game, if we’re still playing when the semester’s over.”

  “We’ll see…I’m not sure I’d want to share a second of our time together, even with Lauren. Maybe when you play the Leafs next time.” She leaned to kiss him. “I wish I didn’t have to leave.”

  He closed his arms around her and gently brushed his hand against her skin. “It’s almost April. I’ll be home soon.”

  “But I hope you win the Stanley Cup,” Caryn said, only a tad half-heartedly.

  “Once your exams are over, you can join me on that quest. We make it past the first couple rounds, I’m sure the team will make arrangements for families to travel to the games. You up to city hopping?”

  “Do I get to go on the planes with you?”

  “If I say no, is that a deal breaker?”

  “No…” Caryn’s hesitant reply produced a laugh. Andrew hugged her tightly. “As far as I know, families travel with the team. Don’t worry about that now. We have a long way to go before we face that possibility.”

  “This week has been perfect, Drew. Everything I could have dreamed—and more. Thank you for making it special.”

  “If you’d only gone up to the top of the Arch with me.” Andrew pretended disappointment, but his blue eyes contradicted his words. He leaned over her and kissed her gently. “How about a shower and we’ll go to Starbucks for breakfast?”

  Caryn slipped her arms around his neck. “How about a shower and breakfast in bed?”

  Andrew pretended to check his watch. “That may work if we set an alarm. You go ahead and shower—I’ll order some room service.”

  Caryn began to stand but reached for his hand. “Let’s save time—shower with me.”

  TWENTY-SEVEN

  By the end of the following week, St. Louis felt like a distant memory. Back in the flow of classes, deadlines approached quickly as professors began the push toward the conclusion of the semester. Her advisor assisted her in changing her minor and mapped a course schedule that would enable her to graduate the following spring. She’d need to take two classes over the summer to accomplish this, but she didn’t mind. Her marketing metrics professor was not as accommodating, refusing her request for an Incomplete and assigning a withdrawal with no grade attached. She knew it would affect her overall GPA, but without the added pressure of meeting her father’s expectations, she shrugged off the hit to her grades.

  Her study group, however, would not let her ditch the course so easily when she announced her decision at their first session after the break.

  “Are you sure you want to withdraw? Even if no grade’s turned in, you’ll get a zero for the course,” Bill asked. “That will really have an impact on your grades.”

  “You weren’t failing anyway,” Lauren put in. “I’m treading water in there too.”

  Caryn set her backpack on the floor. “Anyone want coffee, tea?”

  Kevin stood. “My turn to get it. Sit down, Caryn. Usual, everyone?”

  Caryn complied with a sigh. “You can’t imagine the relief I felt when I dropped that course. It was like a huge boulder just rolled off me.”

  “It’s a tough one,” Bill agreed. “But I think we can get you through it. I took it last winter, remember? I had Professor Fletcher, too. I gave you my notes, didn’t I?”

  She nodded with a laugh. “Your notes are wonderful. My brain just doesn’t want to deal with it. I won’t need the class, anyway. I did get my advisor to help figure out a way to change my minor to marketing communications. That’s my good news.”

  “This is good,” Lauren said. “But a zero on your GPA can hurt your chances of getting into the grad school you want. Weren’t you talking about maybe applying to Stanford or NYU?”

  Caryn shrugged. “You know, right now I don’t care.”

  Kevin put the drinks on the table and looked at her doubtfully as he sat down. “That doesn’t sound like you, Caryn. We’ll make sure you at least pass that course, hopefully more than just that.”

  She hesitated, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. “I’ve already turned in the withdrawal sheet—on my way here.”

  “I’m sure you can get it back,” Lauren said. “Fletcher will reassign you to the class. Come on, you can’t desert me in that class.”

  “I’m not deserting you, Lauren. It’s just that class.”

  Bill reached for a textbook and changed the subject. “Let’s get to work or we’ll be here all night. Think about it, Caryn. If you want to try to finish that class, we’ll do everything we can to help you ace it.”

  Caryn nodded with a smile, touched by her friends’ offer of help as she opened her textbook and pulled her iPad from her bag. “We’ll see.”

  ***

  After a restless night, frustrated that she was unable to talk with Drew, Caryn second-guessed her decision to drop the class. The team was playing in western Canada, three hours earlier than Toronto. When she got home yesterday after classes, he was just starting the team’s morning skate. She left a message for him, but knew their schedule did not mesh that day. He didn’t call during her study group, and by the time she returned home, his game had started in Vancouver. Now it was only three a.m. there—no way was she going to call and wake him up. Instead, she dashed a quick text to him, hoping he’d see it first thing.

  She wasn’t worried about grad school applications; getting that MBA no longer an inevitable continuation for her education. However, sh
e had never given up on a class before—even passing calculus when all she’d wanted to do was run away from it. Does dropping a course I no longer need make me a quitter?

  Again, she wished Andrew were there to share his opinion. Her study group’s encouragement and offer to help tempted her to tough it out. Her mind had already focused on what her father would say, the word ‘disappointment’ echoing in her mind—if he even cared anymore.

  Her mother’s words at the restaurant last fall flashed through her mind; how she had set aside her dream of becoming a fashion designer to support her future husband’s career. Her father no longer expected Caryn to take the place of the son he’d obviously hoped would follow him and one day take over the business. For the first time in her life she could make her own choices and decide what she wanted to pursue. Who’d have guessed something as simple as changing a minor would feel so liberating? She alone could decide whether or not she’d drop that marketing class, even if she knew deep down it was her own small act of rebellion—one that her father would never discover.

  Caryn didn’t have the luxury of waiting any longer for Andrew’s advice—if she wanted back into the class, she needed to speak with the professor right away. Sometimes she hated the time zone differences—it was hard remembering when he was three hours behind her.

  Caryn laughed out loud as she gathered the books she needed and shoved them into the backpack. If the professor even allows me back. He hadn’t been that accommodating when she first approached him. She pulled on her coat and opened the door to check the temperature. Surprisingly mild—for Toronto in April—she decided to walk to campus, hoping the exercise and fresh air would clear her mind.

  By the time she entered the hallway of the business school, she decided to seek advice from the professor. She was early—perhaps he’d have a few minutes before class. She hesitated by the door to his office, took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door. Feeling a tinge of disappointment when his voice invited entry, she pushed the door open.

  “Ms. Stevens,” Fletcher greeted. “What can I do for you today?”

  “I’ve been having second thoughts about dropping the course,” Caryn said as she set her backpack on the floor. “I was hoping you could give me some advice.”

  Fletcher smiled as he leaned back in his chair, indicating that she should sit in the chair opposite the desk. “Your father have any role in this change of heart?”

  Caryn shifted in surprise. “No, I haven’t talked with him. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s no secret among the faculty that your father is grooming you for the future as CEO of his company.”

  “I had no idea anyone knew who I am.”

  “Oh, we do. Your father has been very involved in your education behind the scenes. That is why I was caught by surprise when you asked for an Incomplete for this course.” Fletcher met her eyes. “My assumption was that this was a decision you had made.”

  “That’s correct.”

  “And you were willing to accept the consequences of withdrawing when I said no to the incomplete.”

  “Yes,” Caryn drew the word out slowly. “I’m feeling very lost in the course. I changed my minor this week and learned that the metrics class was not required to graduate.” She shrugged. “I guess I took the easy way out.”

  “And your father wants you to tough it out and walk away with a grade that won’t hurt your GPA,” Fletcher responded.

  “Actually, my father doesn’t know I changed minors or dropped the class. My study group says that I can get through the class.”

  “Who’s in your group?”

  Caryn told him and Fletcher nodded. “I agree. They’re all good students. They could help you more than pass this class.”

  “So you’ll let me withdraw the withdrawal?” Caryn asked with a smile. It faded when Fletcher shook his head.

  “I applaud you for making the decision based on your reasons, despite any consequences. I don’t know if this course will be of benefit to you or not with your new minor.” He smiled as he reached for his briefcase. “I will give you an Incomplete. You can take your time and decide if you need the class. If you don’t, no hit to your GPA.”

  Caryn took the cue to stand. “Thank you. I appreciate you talking with me.”

  “Bring me the form and I’ll sign it.” He followed her out of the office and turned toward her. “Takes courage to do what you have—it’s hard to make your own decisions when you’ve had no choice. Stay strong. You can do whatever you wish to pursue for a career.”

  Caryn digested the revelation that her father had actively interacted with the administration and that her professors all knew his plans for her career. So much for anonymity. At least she didn’t need to think about that going forward. She intercepted Lauren before she entered the metrics class, explaining what she’d worked out with Professor Fletcher, and then took advantage of the free time to work ahead in her graphics class. She enjoyed the two new classes so much; she found it hard to focus on her other subjects. Once again, the study group kept her grounded and on track. She wondered what path she would have pursued had her father not scripted it long ago. She may never know, but she intended to explore non-business related courses as much as she could while not delaying her graduation. She remained determined to prove to her father that she could succeed without his money.

  She glanced at the time while starting up the computer. Still too early to expect a call. She pulled her iPhone from her pocket and entered an alert for fifteen minutes before her next class. She lost all track of time when she began experimenting with the software’s more advanced features, especially Photoshop and Illustrator. The previous day’s interview with the bank for the internship flashed through her thoughts. She admitted she had no desire to serve as a business intern, even though the pay would help fund the next semester’s expenses. That job would just lead her further down her father’s path. Why hadn’t she looked into something more creative, in the new areas she was pursuing? Caryn said a silent prayer that she wouldn’t get a job offer, immediately feeling ashamed of herself. I insisted I could do this without any help, and I refused to accept Andrew’s offers…The only reason she could pay her bills now was because he had purchased the townhouse for her. Accepting the internship, any internship, was the least she could do. She’d stop by the placement office later to see if she had any other options. Surely she’d find something a bit more interesting. If not, she’d take the bank internship, if offered.

  Before she knew it, the alarm beeped on the phone and Caryn saved her work to her flash drive before leaving the lab. She felt the phone vibrating in her pocket as she left the lab. Finally. Drew.

  Grabbing her phone, she started to unlock it. But it was not Andrew’s photo that appeared on the screen. Her mother? Why was she calling?

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Caryn swiped the screen to accept the call as she walked outside. “Hi, Mom.” She tried to keep her tone neutral. “Everything all right?”

  “We’re fine, dear. How are you doing?”

  Caryn ignored the warmth in her mother’s voice. “I’m great. Heading to my next class. Organizational management.”

  “Ah, an easy one for you.”

  Professors Fletcher’s revelation came to mind. Is that why she’s calling? “Comparatively easy, when I think about marketing metrics or accounting.” She waited for a reaction from her mother.

  “Oh, I agree one hundred percent with you on that.” Suzanne laughed. “I know you’re rushing to class, but I wanted to give you a head’s up.”

  “On what?” Caryn’s voice was wary.

  “You may get a text or email from your father sometime today. I told him it wasn’t a good idea, but you know how he is.”

  “What’s this about?” Caryn paused on the steps to the ivy-covered business building.

  “Hopefully, nothing you need to worry about. I don’t agree with him sending this, but please know I have tried to dissuade him.”

  �
�What’s going on?” Caryn took a deep calming breath. “You’re talking in circles. Just tell me what I may or may not receive in a text or an email.”

  “Honey, I prefer not to. Either way, if you want to talk later, I’ll be here.” Her mother disconnected before Caryn could stop her, leaving her so frustrated she nearly threw her phone against the side of the building.

  “Hey, hold on!” Lauren laughed as she reached Caryn’s side and grabbed her phone. “What’s that all about?”

  “Just my mother making me crazy.”

  “Tell me about that! Mine’s always on my case about something. Come on, you’re going to be late to class.”

  Caryn slipped her phone into her pocket and followed Lauren to the classroom. She felt the vibration signaling a text message and set her books on the desk before she pulled the phone out to glance at the screen. Not Drew. Her father. She briefly considered opening the text, but as she glanced and saw that the professor had stepped to the lectern, she reluctantly shoved it back into her pocket.

  She might as well have just skipped the class. She didn’t register a spoken word, didn’t copy a single note from the whiteboard and stared into space. Lauren tried to get her attention several times, but Caryn ignored her. The phone burned in her pocket. What could her father have sent that her mother felt compelled to warn her? Probably just going to rub it in about dropping that class. No reason to feel anxious. Or maybe he’s going to get me tossed out of the program. Caryn almost laughed out loud at that thought and the wave of relief that washed over her considering that possibility.

  ***

  Finally, Caryn could leave the building, her iPhone burning in her pocket.

  “You were definitely in another world,” Lauren laughed as they walked outside. “Anticipating Andrew’s homecoming?”