A Reason to Sing

by Michelle Lindo-Rice

  He made a point to come home and play with Cooper. Megan gritted her teeth because she knew Ryan did this to annoy her. He knew she didn’t want him building a relationship with her son, but he showered Cooper with attention anyway. Cooper had wailed, kicked, and screamed until Megan’s ears rang the first day she snatched him out of Ryan’s arms. From then on, she hovered but didn’t interfere.

  On the thirty-first day of their marriage, with three hundred thirty-four days remaining, the doorbell rang. It was ten minutes after Ryan had departed for work.

  Megan looked through the peephole and saw two imposing men. She was tempted to ignore her visitors when the bell rang again.

  Megan clutched Cooper close. After Brian’s warning, Megan kept Cooper with her at all times. She knew she needed to re-enroll him in daycare or preschool, but Megan’s overprotective nature made her paranoid. What if Ryan decided to pick up her son from school without her knowledge? Megan would lose it. She didn’t allow Ryan near him if she could help it. Of course, that didn’t stop the bubbly boy from waddling to Ryan, yelling, “Daddy!” or “Dada!” every time Ryan came home. Every. Single. Time.

  Megan opened the door. She shivered as the two men stared her down.

  “Mrs. Oakes.”

  She gave a terse nod, resisting the urge to say she was “Mrs. Higgins.”

  “Can I help you?” she asked, her voice shaking slightly. She struggled to keep Cooper away from the doorway as he wiggled in her arms.

  The men held up their badges, identifying them as FBI. The FBI had been trying to reach Megan by phone but she had ignored their calls.

  Megan blinked. The FBI was at her door. She never dreamed they would show up to where she resided.

  “May we have a word with you?” one asked.

  One was dressed in the stereotypical suit and tie. The other wore jeans and a plaid shirt. Both looked like ironmen. After examining their badges, she clutched Cooper close to her and invited them inside.

  Cooper reached for Mr. Plaid Shirt. She had already forgotten the names she had read on their badges. Megan attributed it to her nerves.

  “Hey there, little fellow,” he said. He tucked Cooper under the chin.

  Cooper jumped out of Megan’s arms into his.

  Megan pursed her lips. She had to talk to Cooper about his taste in men. She chuckled awkwardly. “He’s, um, friendly.”

  “I love kids,” the agent said. “They always gravitate toward me. It’s like they know I walk around with lollipops.”

  Cooper giggled. “I want lolli,” he said, drooling all over the man’s shirt.

  Plaid Shirt pulled out an orange lollipop and looked to Megan.

  “Sure,” she said.

  He undid the wrapper and placed it in Cooper’s little hand, and Cooper stuck it into his mouth.

  She took Cooper out of his arms while the other agent, whom she had dubbed “Mr. Serious,” headed into the living area and sat on the couch. She noticed him assessing the fifteen-foot ceiling, the imported draperies, the ornate coffee table and French provincial couch and loveseat. Megan picked up one of Cooper’s trucks and rested it on the mantle. She had been afraid to have Cooper play in this area of the house, but Ryan had waved off her concerns.

  “You don’t have any wedding pictures up, Mrs. Oakes,” Mr. Serious said. He eyed her with grave suspicion before sitting on the edge of the loveseat.

  Megan stiffened. “Have a seat, gentlemen.” She refused to respond unless she had been asked a question.

  “You have to forgive Agent Wilders,” Plaid Shirt said, sitting on the couch. “He’s blunt. He could use a little butter on his tongue.”

  Agent Wilders cleared his throat. “Agent Gray and I won’t waste your valuable time. We know you were married to Jackson Higgins and surmise that this marriage is a sham.”

  “No, I—uh—” Megan stuttered, and then straightened. “That’s none of your business. I’m free to marry whom I choose, and unless that’s a crime, I don’t have to explain myself to you or to anyone.”

  “Easy now,” Agent Gray said. “We’re not here to comment on your marriage. We simply wondered if you would be willing to help us with our investigation. Kyle Manchester has approached us several times regarding your husband’s—er—former husband’s alleged suicide. Though we didn’t pursue that matter, we have opened an investigation on your current husband’s activities. We suspect Ryan is involved in some illegal property acquisition both locally and overseas.”

  “Wow, that’s a mouthful,” Megan said. She hunched down onto the couch. She couldn’t wait for the wingback chair she’d ordered to arrive. Megan grabbed a wipe from one of the tubs she kept around the house and wiped Cooper’s cheek. He continued to chomp away on his lollipop.

  “I understand we’ve dumped a lot of information on you, but we could use your help,” Agent Wilders said in a much friendlier tone.

  Megan suspected it was an effort for him to make small talk. She could feel the suppressed energy emanating from him.

  “What would I need to do?” she asked, shuddering.

  “We’re not asking you to do anything but be our eyes and ears. If you hear or see anything…” Agent Gray retrieved a card from his pocket. “Anything at all. Even if you think it’s insignificant. It’s the small stuff that leads to big victories.”

  Megan took the card and read the names. Her hands shook. “I’ve never done anything like this in my life. Hearing you’re investigating Ryan makes me want to run. I have a child to protect.”

  “I completely understand,” Agent Gray said. “You have our number.”

  Both men stood.

  Megan stood as well. She wiped her hands on her jeans and bit her lower lip. “I don’t know if I can do this.” She had entertained thoughts of finding out about her husband’s death, but her insides were quaking. “I’m not built for deception.”

  “I know you’ve suspected your husband in Jackson’s death,” Agent Wilders said. “I also know you attempted to take out a restraining order on Ryan, and then married him about six weeks later.” He cocked his head. “Makes me wonder what you might already know but aren’t saying.”

  Megan wrapped her arms about her. “How do you…?” Of course they knew. This was the FBI. Megan felt claustrophobic. She released several calming breaths, but her heart started racing. Megan wiped her brow. It felt as if her life had been recorded by hidden cameras and was now played out for all to see. “This is too much.”

  She scurried to the front door and cracked it open. “Please leave,” she commanded in a shrill and sharp tone. She could hear the fear in her voice but lifted her chin.

  The agents went through the doorway.

  Agent Gray turned. “Don’t lose the card.” In synchrony, they put on their shades and strolled toward an Oldsmobile.

  Megan closed the door with a thud. She placed a hand over her chest. “Lord, what have I gotten myself into?” She shoved the card into her pocket and willed herself to keep calm. She had been saying Ryan was guilty. Even before she met him, Jackson had warned her about Ryan. So why was she nervous?

  Megan’s hands were still shaking when she took Cooper into the kitchen and placed him in the playpen. Ryan had purchased three of them, one for each level of the house. He had urged Megan to decorate his sparse home and add her touches, but other than the wingback chair she had ordered, Megan had refused. She didn’t intend to build a life with Ryan.

  She took out a steak to prepare dinner and then took out two pans and a couple of wooden spoons for Cooper to play with. Ryan had wanted to keep his personal chef, but Megan convinced him to let her go. Megan loved cooking. It kept her occupied, and that was her way of paying for her stay. She kept the housekeeper because this mausoleum was too much house for one person to keep.

  Megan stood on tiptoes to reach the spices to season the meat. Her hands felt like jelly and her lips quivered, but she pressed on. She would make mashed potatoes and broccoli to go with the pepper steaks.
r />   The card burned in her pocket. Megan realized finding evidence against Ryan was the quickest exit from her marriage, and she would get the money. She chewed on her lower lip. Ryan deserved to pay, but she wasn’t sure she was the one to help bring justice. Her constitution couldn’t handle the stress. Even now, her stomach churned. She thought she was a tough cookie, but one visit from the FBI ended that thinking. She would stay in her marriage. She had eleven months to go before she could get out of this…sham, and then she would take the money and run.

  Megan forced herself to sing to calm herself while Cooper banged on the pots and pans.

  “Are you a drummer?” she asked, ruffling his head.

  “Drum...” Cooper banged even harder.

  “I might have to get him a drum set, but I don’t think my ears would recover.”

  Megan jumped at that voice. “What are you doing here?”

  Ch. 20

  “What do you mean what I’m doing here? I live here.” Ryan entered the kitchen and went to squeeze Cooper’s cheeks. “I do live here, don’t I?”

  Cooper quit banging the pots and wobbled to stand. He reached out of the playpen to tug on Ryan’s pants leg. “Up, Daddy.”

  Ryan saw Megan’s jaw clench. Though she had a picture of Jackson in Cooper’s room and made sure to point him out to Cooper every day, Cooper still bee-lined for Ryan. One day she would understand that Cooper was too young to understand. Ryan was here and Jackson wasn’t. That’s what Cooper knew. His reality was different from hers.

  “Up, Daddy!” he cried.

  Ryan bent over to pick him up, and Cooper squealed with delight, using Ryan’s face as a drum. Ryan chuckled and moved his head away from Cooper’s flying fists. “I missed you both, so I skipped out of work to come home.” Holding Cooper, he sauntered over to where Megan stood.

  She dallied behind the kitchen island as if it was a shield. Ryan went around to peck her on the cheek, but she turned her head away before his mouth made a connection. He held back a sigh.

  “Do you need anything?” he asked. No way was he showing how much her avoiding him hurt. He knew his breath was on point because Ryan made sure to freshen up with a mint before entering the house. A man had to be ready for the day his wife gave him their first kiss.

  Megan shook her head. “I have everything I need.” She delivered her response with the same monotonous tone and expression as she had every day for the past thirty days.

  Ryan was determined to remain cheerful. “I’m playing hooky from work. I thought it would be nice if we took Cooper to the Bronx Zoo.”

  “I’m busy.” She mumbled something under her breath.

  “What did you say?” Ryan asked.

  She turned to him with eyes filled with venom.

  Ryan stepped back.

  “I said I wish you would stop acting like Cooper’s father. He has one.” She placed the meat into the pan and covered it with foil. Megan proceeded to spray the counter with her bleach water and wipe it down.

  Her furious strokes made Ryan think she might be imagining that was his face. He made up his mind. Megan wasn’t going to rub him out of her life.

  Ryan rested his hand on hers to still her movements, and she seemed to tense under his touch. He waited for her to look at him. Her eyes flashed with fury and something else. Guilt?

  “I don’t have to have Cooper’s blood to be his daddy.” He pointed to his chest. “I’m here. I’m a man. I love Cooper with all my heart. I’m married to Cooper’s mother. I am Cooper’s father.”

  She stiffened. “His real father would still be alive if it weren’t for you.”

  “You’re back to that,” Ryan said. He set Cooper in the playpen so he could confront Megan. He was tired of the animosity. It was time it ended. He walked back to where she stood and got into her face.

  “I didn’t make Jackson tie that rope around his neck. He did that all on his own. I’m under stress. I’ve been accused of murder. A few months ago, my son, Brian, was in an accident and I had to learn he wasn’t biologically mine. I’m taking flack from the woman I fell in love with every day and night, and I’m not seeking to end my life.” He spoke through his teeth. “And you know why that is? Because I’m not a coward, that’s why. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.” He slammed a hand on the counter.

  Megan gasped. “What are you saying?” Her eyes narrowed into slits.

  Ryan took her arm and led her out of the kitchen. He kept Cooper in his sight. “I’m saying Jackson was a weakling. He shouldn’t have taken his life and left you to fend for Cooper.”

  Her eyes flashed. She opened her mouth but didn’t say anything.

  “You agree, don’t you?” He moved into her space. “You’re disgusted with his decision. Now be woman enough to admit it.”

  She poked him in the chest. “Don’t you say that about Jackson. We had our rough patch like any other couple, but he loved me. He didn’t take his life.” Her voice broke. Her lip quivered. “Jackson wouldn’t have done that. You had him…you did something. I know it. You wanted him out of the way so you could keep your money. You don’t have a heart. You did this to him.” She broke apart before him.

  Megan leaned into his chest and sobbed. Ryan lifted a hand to comfort her even as she accused him. His conscience whipped him as he rubbed her shoulders. Her tears soaked his shirt.

  “I…I didn’t…” He couldn’t deny causing her husband’s death when he wasn’t sure if he had. Seeing her broken hurt like a knife piercing his heart.

  Why had he called Frank? What had Frank done? Had Jackson really been taken care of? Ryan wished he had the guts to ask Frank what that meant. Then he would know for sure if he were the murderer his wife believed him to be.

  “I f-f-found him.” Megan gripped his shirt.

  He could feel the warmth of her breath on his skin. Ryan tensed and attempted to release her, but Megan tightened her grip. Her small arms circled his waist and warmed his heart. Ryan hugged her close. His eyes grew misty.

  “You don’t know what it w-w-was li-like coming up the st-stairs and se-seeing h-h-him hanging there.” She wailed.

  Ryan suspected Megan had been holding this all inside. He was glad she was letting it out, though it was torture holding her like this and not being able to comfort her the way a lover could. He closed his eyes and saw Jackson hanging in his mind. Had he done that? Ryan shook his head. He had wanted Jackson gone but not like that. Not like that.

  “I’m sorry,” he felt compelled to say. The apology tore from his soul.

  “You didn’t do anything,” Megan said. She pulled away to look at him.

  He watched her eyes widen. He knew when she saw him—Ryan, the man—because her mouth popped open and her eyebrows rose close to her hairline.

  He glanced over at Cooper, who was lying down with his butt sticking into the air, and then returned his attention to Megan.

  Ryan’s chest constricted at the wonder in her expression. He felt as if his wife was truly looking at him for the first time.

  Megan reached up to touch his face.

  His breath caught at the caress. Her touch was light and unsure. Ryan stood still. He didn’t want to risk spooking her like a deer when it saw headlights.

  Megan moved her hands down his cheek and touched his lips.

  Ryan’s body reacted, but he kept his hands at his sides. He ached to make physical contact but knew he had to leave Megan to her exploration. He willed himself to be patient. His heart thumped in his eardrums as he anticipated her next move.

  She licked her moist, pink lips.

  Ryan couldn’t hold the groan. He bit down on his own lip to keep from kissing her.

  “I think…you’re a beast.” She shook her head even as she stepped closer. “But I’m seeing…” She rubbed a finger against his lip and closed her eyes. “I’m seeing you holding Cooper. I’m seeing how he responds to you. I’m seeing you helping me with him that night in the hospital…” Her finger was still on his lip. She ope
ned her eyes and allowed them to tell him the rest. Words weren’t required.

  Her eyes darkened. He could hear her heavy breathing and felt her chest moving up and down against him. He saw doubt and desire wrestling and relaxed when desire won.

  Ryan opened his mouth to let her finger slip inside. Then he closed his mouth.

  Megan gasped. He read desire in her eyes. With a moan, her body curved into his. He felt her lightly kiss his shirt. He knew she was ready.

  Ryan hugged her and closed his eyes.

  And in that darkness, he saw Jackson hanging.

  Ch. 21

  She still shared Ryan’s bed. Every night. However, Ryan no longer insisted on it. In fact, he had encouraged her to get her own space. Megan had declined. Every night, she waited for Ryan dressed in the skimpiest ensemble she could find. Every night, she held her breath as he entered their bedroom. Megan had her full assets on display. She could tell the precise second he spotted what she was wearing because he would emit a sound between a growl and a snarl. Then Ryan would stomp into the bathroom, shower for at least twenty minutes, and then plop into the bed. He kept his back turned. Megan wouldn’t let that deter her.

  She would curl into his warmth, enjoying the feel of his muscles flexing under her arms. Ryan worked out religiously every morning, and Megan thought about joining him. She knew some yoga poses she could do. Naked. She chuckled. She found she quite enjoyed the role of seductress, though the man in question refused to be seduced.

  In the last months of her marriage to Jackson, their sex life had been almost nonexistent. She had been ill and he had been depressed. The last thing either of them had wanted was sex. So it had been a while. Megan’s body reminded her of that every night.

  She huddled under the covers. The lacy undergarment had her shivering, but she was determined to keep it on. The air conditioner had been set at 70 degrees. Every time she pushed it up a couple degrees, Ryan lowered it. She was sure he was a vampire and no one knew it. That could have explained why he still wasn’t home at eleven p.m. Megan pictured him at his office waiting until she was asleep before coming home.