For All The Wrong Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  Glancing at the clock, I’m surprised by how early he’s texting me. It’s only a little after nine o’clock in the morning. He left here less than seven hours ago. I’m surprised he’s not still asleep.

  Maybe he had a restless night like I did.

  ME: Okay. I thought we weren’t meeting up until later.

  QUINN: Wanted to talk a little before then.

  Well, fuck.

  What if I’m not ready to talk? What if I still have no idea what I’m doing? What I want?

  How’s that conversation going to go?

  Hey, Gabby. I think we should stay friends. You good with that?

  I can’t disagree with him. I want to be his friend. My heart aches at the thought of losing him as part of my life.

  Then again, what if he wants more? How do I validate risking our friendship for a chance that things may or may not work out between us? Our friendship works, but that doesn’t mean a relationship with him would.

  Which means I need to be the one to speak first.

  ME: Sounds good.

  As much as clearing the air sounds great, it scares the shit out of me.

  Pacing the length of my living room until I hear his truck pull up in front of my building, I focus on my breathing and block out all thoughts of losing Quinn. Deep, cleansing breath. One foot in front of the other, pivot, repeat.

  Out of habit, I look through the peephole when he knocks even though I know it’s him. Who else would it be this early in the morning?

  He looks tired. His t-shirt is slightly wrinkled, untucked, and he’s tugging at the hem, as if he can stretch the fabric out and flatten the wrinkles before I open the door.

  “Hey,” I greet him as I open the door and motion with my hand. “Come on in.”

  “Morning,” he replies.

  Not ‘good’ morning. Just the one word, which tells me it’s not a good one.

  “I’m glad you came over,” I start, wanting to be able to speak my peace before he does. I have a plan, and I need to be able to get it out, all of it, before I lose my nerve.

  He seems genuinely confused. “You are?”

  “Yeah. After last night, I think we need to talk.”

  “I agree. Things got . . .” He doesn’t need to finish his statement. I was here. I lived it. I know exactly how far out of control things got. The feel of his lips against mine is permanently embedded in my brain.

  “That’s my point. I think we’ve lost focus. We need to get this train back on the tracks.” I can’t believe the words that are spewing from my mouth. They make me want to vomit. The lies. They cause a stabbing pain my chest, and I have to turn my back to Quinn or I won’t be able to finish. “Playing this game is stirring up feelings in both of us that aren’t real. You want Kara. I want Gavin. We need to focus on them if we’re going to make this work. So I have a suggestion.”

  I don’t wait for him to reply before I continue. “I know the bar Kara works at hosts a big Halloween party every year. That’s where we should break up. It’ll be front-page campus news before the night is over. Plus, I know for a fact that both Kara and Gavin will be there. The frat likes to host their own party but last year the police broke it up early and most of the guys ended up at the bar. They had such a good time they canceled this year’s celebration. What do you think?”

  “Sounds like you have it all planned out.” His voice is flat. Void of all emotion, making it hard for me to tell how he really feels or what he’s thinking without turning around and looking at him.

  Which I can’t do right now for fear of him seeing through the façade I’m putting on.

  “It’s the perfect plan,” I lie. More lies. They seem to be all I tell these days. To Quinn. To our friends. To myself. “We’ll continue with the rest of our plans until Halloween and then we’ll break up.”

  “And after that?”

  “I guess we probably shouldn’t be seen together for a little while. Maybe a few weeks. After people forget, things can go back to the way they were.”

  “Right, the way they were,” he repeats. “If that’s what you want.”

  No, it’s not what I want, but it’s what’s best to ensure Quinn’s always in my life. So I don’t lose him forever. Because of all the options, of all the scenarios that have run through my mind, this is the only one where I don’t have to give him up.

  I can handle a few weeks without him if that means we can be friends until the day we die. I can’t handle a few months with him if I lose him at the end of it.

  “It’s settled, then,” I say, sucking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly as I turn to finally face him. “Ten more days and then this is over.”

  “Ten. More. Days.” With each word, Quinn takes a step in my direction. My heart lodges itself in my throat, and I can’t breathe. I can’t move. All I can do is stare at him as he slowly approaches. “Halloween,” he says, confirming the day as he comes to a stop in front of me.

  Nodding, I stare into Quinn’s eyes and find them filled with determination. When he leans in and whispers in my ear, I finally let out the breath I was holding.

  “See you tonight, Gabs.”

  Then he’s gone, and I’m left standing in my living room, shaking from the sensation of him being so close to me but not touching me and the smell of his cologne still assaulting my senses.

  What have I done?

  I made the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make in my twenty-two years on Earth.

  I decided to give him what he wanted from the beginning. I’ve guaranteed it. Kara will want to be the one to console him after our breakup. She’ll be there for him. They’ll grow close. And over the next few weeks, I’ll take every opportunity that presents itself to make her jealous of our relationship, ensuring she’ll want to be with him as much as he wants to be with her by the time we break up.

  What he doesn’t know is that Gavin won’t be present at the party. The rest of his frat might be, and I’m sure they’ll all be happy to pass the message along that Quinn and I broke up, but he refuses to step foot in the bar Kara works at. He’s never given me a reason other than it’s a shit hole, which it kind of is. But it’s good enough for the rest of campus. They have decent drink specials. Aside from the aging building and outdated decor, it’s a great place to meet up for a drink.

  I have exactly ten more days of hell, and then this will be all over with. After that, I can cry my eyes out and eat all the brownies I want for a few weeks while I heal my broken heart. Then I’ll plaster on my fake smile and go back to life before I agreed to this stupid plan.

  Before I risked losing my best friend.

  Before my heart realized there was someone out there for me who wasn’t Gavin.

  Because if there’s anything I’ve learned from this horrible mistake I’ve made, it’s that I don’t want to be with him. He’s not the man I thought I loved. He did me a favor when he broke up with me. He set me free.

  Chapter Sixteen

  QUINN

  She was lying, and I plan to prove it. Her resolve faltered at the end. At first, I thought she was telling the truth. I believed she didn’t want to be with me. It broke me a little, but if that was how she felt, I was prepared to accept it.

  Then she said Gavin’s name, and from that point forward, all I could hear were the lies.

  She doesn’t want him.

  She sees him for who he really is.

  The way I see it, I have less than two weeks to prove to her that she’s making a huge mistake. To show her that this is real, whatever is going on between us. To make her realize it’s worth fighting for because, if she has the same fear I have, it has nothing to do with wanting someone else and everything to do with losing her.

  Something I’m not prepared to do.

  I will fight.

  There will be no breaking up.

  This may have started out as a ploy to get the attention of other people, but that’s not the way it’s going to end. There’s only one acceptable ending to
this scenario, and it’s Gabby in my arms, in my bed, in my life. Not as my just my friend, as my everything.

  Now I need a plan. One that needs to be bulletproof and come together in the next eight hours.

  The way I see it, I have five occasions to really show her how I feel without her questioning my motives. She’s staying over tonight and next Saturday night. We’ll have lunch twice this week and are going to the frat house on Friday. After that, Halloween will be here.

  Halloween . . .

  Costumes.

  Masks.

  Everyone will be pretending to be someone they’re not that night. And that gives me an idea.

  ME: What’s the theme of the Halloween party this year?

  KARA: Superheroes. Why?

  ME: Gabby and I are planning on coming and wanted to pick out costumes this weekend. Thanks.

  KARA: Yep. No problem. Can’t wait.

  Her sarcasm doesn’t go unnoticed, but I don’t have time for her shit right now. Before, I’d have been thrilled to she was jealous of Gabby, but that time has passed. Everything I thought I wanted in life has been weighed and measured.

  Kara didn’t make the cut.

  There’s only one woman on that list, other than my mother.

  ME: Meet me at the costume shop on Fifth Avenue at five o’clock.

  GABBY: Okay???

  ME: For the Halloween party. We need to dress up.

  GABBY: Depends on the theme. Last year everyone was practically naked.

  Yes, yes, they were. Including Kara. The theme started out having something to do with fashion trends and turned into a lingerie party. The girls didn’t hold back, showing up in everything from sheer robes and slippers to corsets and thongs. Even the guys got into the theme, wearing silk boxers and nothing else. One guy showed up dressed as Hugh Hefner.

  ME: Superheroes.

  GABBY: As long as I’m not wearing body paint and nothing else, that’s fine.

  I wish I could conjure up an image of Gabby in only body paint, but she was one of the few girls dressed appropriately last year.

  ME: No body paint, but I have a few ideas.

  GABBY: Care to share?

  ME: Nope.

  GABBY: Fine, but I get to pick out your costume, then.

  ME: Deal. See you later.

  Convincing Gabby to wear the costume I have in mind is going to be hard. She’ll be covered but not as much as I’m sure she’d like to be. And definitely not as much as I’m going to want her to be since we’ll be in public.

  Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe I should dress her in a potato sack so guys won’t look at her.

  Or she could be Scarlet Witch. She only shows a hint of cleavage.

  No. I’m sticking to my plan. For two reasons. First, if she really wants me to believe she wants to go through with the plan to win Gavin back, she’ll be expecting me to pick something that will catch his eye. Two, her costume is supposed to make her feel empowered and beautiful.

  Strong.

  Resilient.

  Brave.

  And as much as it’s going to kill me to not be able to sucker punch every guy who looks in her direction or stares at her, I want this for her. Because the sooner she realizes her worth, the sooner she’ll hopefully see me in a different light. See us as an option.

  My plan is starting to come together, one piece at a time. Slowly but surely, I write everything out and start making plans accordingly. Noting when and where I should kiss her. My opportunities to hold her hand. To compliment her and make her feel loved.

  I have every opportunity to win her over planned out by the time I leave for the costume shop. I’m confident about it. Ready to put plans into action.

  Then I walk into the costume shop and stop dead in my tracks when I come face to face with Kara in the exact same outfit I was planning for Gabby.

  “Hey!” she greets me, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing tight even though I don’t reciprocate her actions.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask.

  “Your text reminded me I needed a costume still. This place has almost everything, so Tess and I are meeting up. Where’s Gabby?” Looking around me as if she didn’t notice her come in, I almost want to laugh at Kara’s insincerity.

  “She’ll be here shortly. Is that what you’re getting?”

  “I don’t know. What do you think?” Spinning around to give me the full effect of the costume, Kara smiles and places her hands on her hips while she waits for my assessment.

  “What about Cat Woman? You like leather. It looks good on you.”

  “This is leather. Fake leather, but still leather. You don’t like it?”

  “I just don’t think it suits you. It looks nice, but it doesn’t match your personality.” I regret the words as soon as they slip past my lips. “What I mean,” I quickly say in an attempt to recover, “is that you’re more of a Cat Woman kind of girl. You know, take action, and go after what you want. You don’t care what other people think.”

  “True, but I’m a huge fan of Wonder Woman. I envy her. She’s fierce. A princess and a warrior. True strength on the inside and out.”

  I know all about Wonder Woman. There’s a reason I picked that costume for Gabby.

  “You should get it, then.”

  “I’m actually debating. As much as I love Wonder Woman, I was also thinking I might want to be Harley Quinn. She’s just a badass, and I’ve been thinking of going back to my natural hair color, so this would be the perfect excuse to do it.”

  She’s naturally a blond? I had no idea. Ever since I met her, Kara’s hair has been black as night. It suits her. She rocks the gothic look with her tattoos and piercings, black nail polish and clothing.

  I picture her as a blond in a cheerleading outfit, pom poms in each hand, rooting on the football team.

  And now that I think about it, that stereotype is probably why she dyed her hair in the first place. Everyone would have expected her to be bubbly and energetic, outgoing, when she’s more low-key and introverted. She keeps her inner circle smaller than most people.

  “You don’t need an excuse to change your hair color, but if you’re looking for one, you have it. Plus, Harley would be fun to play behind the bar on Halloween. Especially if they let you carry around her bat.”

  She seems to think it over as people continue to browse the racks of costumes around us. I’m about to push her further when the bell above the door rings. I pray it’s not Gabby. I don’t want her to see Kara in the Wonder Woman outfit and have her think I only want her to wear it because of Kara.

  Or do I?

  She probably wouldn’t question my choice if she saw Kara right now. She’d assume it was all part of the master plan.

  I’m not lucky enough for it to be Gabby, though. Instead, Tess graces us with her presence, insists that Kara changes, and throws a Harley Quinn costume at her. I’m so distracted by the scene Tess is controlling in front of me that I don’t notice Gabby as she slides up next to me. It’s not until she slides her hand in mine that I turn my attention away from Tess and Kara.

  I know she’s only doing it because we’re in public, but I like the way it feels. Her hand is small and delicate and fits perfectly in mine.

  “Hi.” One word and it comes out making me sound breathless.

  “Enjoying the show?” she asks, raising an eyebrow at me. “Are they fighting?”

  “No, Tess is being brutally honest with Kara about her costume, and Kara doesn’t like it, but she’s already relented.”

  “Who’s Kara going as?”

  “Harley Quinn, I think.”

  “Is she really a superhero?”

  “No, but she’s a badass, and that’s kind of the same thing. Plus, Kara can’t enter the costume contest anyway, so it doesn’t matter if she’s a true superhero or not. You, on the other hand, need to play the part,” I say, looking down at her. Her eyes are sparkling with delight. Or it could be the florescent lighting above us. Either way, the small f
lecks of gray around her irises catch and hold my attention for a few beats longer than they should considering no one is paying us any attention.

  “So who am I going to be? You seem to have this whole thing figured out.”

  “I do. I’ve picked out the perfect costume for you,” I say, grinning at her in anticipation of seeing her in the corset and short skirt.

  Chapter Seventeen

  GABRIELLE

  He’s up to something. I can tell. After Kara and Tess left, we browsed the shop for at least fifteen minutes before he sent me into the dressing room to change. When he handed me the costume over the door, my jaw almost hit the floor.

  I should have known it would be revealing. Why else would he have kept it a secret until now?

  “What do you think?” he asks as I pull the costume from his hands.

  “I think I’m going to freeze my ass off. Especially since it’ll be on display.”

  “The skirt’s not that short. Don’t you have some of those special underwear girls own that go under skirts or something?”

  I unbutton my shirt and then take it off while he tries to explain to me the special undies I’m supposed to own that are going to solve my problem. Nothing is going to keep me from freezing my ass off. Not in this costume.

  “Are you talking about Spanx?” I finally ask, interrupting him as I hang up my shirt.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  “No, I don’t own any of those, but I’ll figure something out.”

  After folding my jeans, I set them aside before stepping into the skirt. As soon as it’s pulled up and secured, I remove my bra to begin the task of fastening the corset part of the outfit. It’s tight. So tight, in fact, I have to reach in and pull my breasts up, amplifying my cleavage more than it’s ever been in my life.

  Turning in the mirror to examine the costume before I step out and show Quinn, I’m pleasantly surprised at how good it looks. It’s not slutty. It’s definitely not as revealing as some costumes he could have picked for me. It’s perfect and somehow he knew that before I even tried it on.

  I release the lock, letting the door slowly swing open. Quinn’s waiting on the other side with his back to me. I clear my throat to get him to turn around. When he doesn’t, I start to get worried.