For All The Wrong Reasons

by Brownell, Rachael

  My voice fades when I realize I’ve been rambling on as I scrub my hands. Rambling is my tell. Jade’s aware of this, which is probably why she’s staring at me in the reflection of the mirror as she leans against the far wall, arms crossed over her chest and a satisfied grin on her face.

  Fuck.

  “Right. All part of the plan. And what happens after you two break up?” Her use of air quotes when she says ‘break up’ isn’t necessary, and she knows it.

  “We’ve decided to avoid each other for a few weeks while things die down, and then things can go back to the way they were.”

  “And in those few weeks, what are you going to be doing?”

  After shutting off the water, I reach for a paper towel, allowing me to turn to face her so I can throw air quotes back at her. “Getting over my broken heart.”

  “Right. Aren’t you supposed to run into Gavin’s arms? Isn’t he the reason you agreed to all this?”

  “He was.”

  “And now?”

  “I don’t know. He’s not the person I thought he was,” I admit even though I shouldn’t. “I’ll always love him, but I don’t think I want to get back together with him anymore.”

  “And Quinn? Is Kara falling for your impeccable acting skills?”

  “I think so. She had some nasty things to say to me the other night when I stayed over.”

  “And you think Quinn’s going to seek comfort in her arms?”

  God, I hope not. He could do so much better than her. Sure, she’s beautiful and mysterious, but she’s also a bitch. She treats him like crap, uses him any chance she can. If he does run to her for comfort, it’ll be short lived. By her choice, not his. She’ll use him to satisfy her own needs and then toss him aside as soon as someone else comes along.

  I’ve seen her do it. A lot. Especially these last few weeks. I’ve heard the rumors around campus. Even if a small percentage of them are true . . . damn. She’s gotten around lately.

  “That’s what he wants. That’s why we’re doing all of this, remember? It was his idea.”

  Stepping up and placing one hand on each of my shoulders, Jade looks me square in the eyes and shakes her head. “Plans change, Gabs. Sometimes you don’t see the changes coming. Sometimes you’re not meant to. I can say with absolute certainty that neither of you want the same things you used to. That’s fine. What you need to admit to yourself is that you want each other. It’s the only way either of you will ever find happiness. All it takes is a conversation to change course. One sentence, maybe two. All truths, no lies. Lay it all on the table so you don’t regret it.”

  Heat rises up my cheeks at the thought of being in Quinn’s arms. In his bed. Waking up next to him with a smile on my face. I’ve never felt as safe as I did in his arms that night.

  I should call him. Going to the frat house tonight is a mistake. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I don’t want to pretend to want Gavin. I think it’s time to admit to Quinn that my desires have changed.

  But how do I tell him that I have who I want already? That he’s the one who’s stolen my heart and I don’t want him to give it back? Because if he still wants to win Kara over, who am I to stop him?

  The heart wants what it wants. You can’t control it. Whether it’s love or a pan of fresh-baked brownies, the heart won’t stop until it gets the object of its desire. It has no concern for reality.

  In a way, the heart is fearless in its pursuit. It ignores every red flag you throw at it and continues to want, even convincing the brain, at times, to get on board.

  Right now, my heart craves Quinn’s.

  My brain is still trying to play catch-up thankfully or I’d be in my car, on my way to his house, ready to lay all my cards on the table.

  Oh, wait.

  I am in my car. I am headed to his house.

  Laying all my cards on the table is the last step in the process . . . except I can’t do it. I can’t risk losing him forever.

  Slowing my car and pulling into the parking lot of the grocery store, I stare straight ahead. There’s a young couple walking into the store, hand in hand. He’s smiling down at her as she laughs. Could that be us? I try and picture what would happen if I confessed everything to Quinn.

  Would he let me down easy?

  Wrap me in his arms and kiss me as passionately as he did that first night when our bodies took control?

  Or would he be as shocked to learn how I feel about him as I feel right now by my own confessions?

  This wasn’t supposed to happen. It was a stupid plan to make two other people jealous. To make them realize what they wanted, what they were missing.

  I wasn’t supposed to fall in love with my best friend.

  My primary focus was on Gavin, winning him back. It was on the future I planned with him. The desire to live out that fantasy. To grow old with the one man I envisioned growing old with.

  Now, when I think about being in Gavin’s arms again, I cringe, the thought sickening me. My future is a blank canvas, waiting to be painted. The person sitting next to me, watching the sun set as it cast shadows on our graying hair . . . it’s not Gavin.

  I had a dream about a year ago, and I woke up crying, freaking out. I was old. There were kids playing in the yard, and I was laughing. Then a man came and sat next to me. I didn’t pay attention to that man until he called my name. When I turned, I recognized the face, but it wasn’t Gavin’s.

  It scared me.

  I knew the man was my husband. I felt the love I had for him and the love he held for me. But when I woke up and realized that it wasn’t Gavin’s older face I was staring at, I cried. I wanted so badly to fall back asleep and change my dream. To alter it so I’d be staring into an aged, wrinkled version of my boyfriend that I didn’t get out of bed until almost noon that day.

  My attempts failed.

  The dream haunted me for weeks until I was finally able to forget about it. Until now.

  There’s no way to know if I was foreseeing my future in that dream. I know some people believe in that kind of stuff, but I’m not one of them. But now, remembering the dream gives me hope. Hope that whoever’s eyes I was staring into is the man I’m meant to spend the rest of my life with. And that the love he felt for me is real.

  One day I’ll have that kind of love.

  It won’t be with Gavin, that I know for sure.

  As far as Quinn goes . . . I think I need to take a step back. I’m jumping into this heart first, which is dangerous.

  Yes, when he kisses me, I feel like every fiber of my being is alive. There could be multiple explanations for that, starting with my current state of sexual inactivity. My body has needs, and it’s responding to his body.

  Yes, I miss him when he’s not around. Like right now. That could also be because we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Before this little plan of his, I was spending more time alone than I care to admit.

  And yes, I think I love him. Maybe I even do. Or maybe I’m just reacting to the damn situation we’ve put ourselves in.

  No matter the real reason, I need to turn around, go back home, and get ready to put on an exceptional show tonight at the frat house. It’s our last chance to show off because, in only a few more days, this is all over.

  We’re breaking up on Halloween.

  Life will go back to the way it was a few weeks ago, and I’ll be feeding my loneliness chocolate for every meal in the form of brownies. In fact, I should probably go inside and pick up a few boxes while I’m here.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  QUINN

  My bedroom door was wide open when I reached the top of the stairs. Anger washed over me until I saw Kara perched on the edge of my bed. The smile on her face caused me to stop abruptly.

  When our eyes connected, I saw something in hers that I didn’t recognize. Hope, maybe. Innocence. The smile on her face slowly morphed into one that held promises I had once longed for as she stood, setting something on the bed and crooking her finger
at me.

  Walking into my own room never felt like such a bad decision before in my life. It was my sanctuary. The one place I treasured most. The only place I could truly be alone.

  Still, I crossed the threshold, drawn to her like a moth to a flame. To the temptation I’ve always felt toward her. My sole focus was on Kara as I kicked my door closed, the motion causing a gust of air to rustle her long, black strands.

  My attention is drawn away from her when I notice a piece of paper floating to the floor next to her leg. Watching as it lands, my handwriting scribbled across the page, my shock doesn’t register until I hear Kara call my name.

  “Where did you find that?” I ask, ignoring her pleas to look at her.

  “Does it matter?” Her voice is filled with venom as she practically spits each word out. “I get why you wouldn’t want anyone to see it. All your lies spelled out in black and white. You and the princess in cahoots for what? What was the ultimate goal? What did you plan to get out of it? As far as I can tell, she’s the only one with something to gain. And in the end, you’ll be the one losing more than you bargained for, not her.”

  My plan to win Gabby over, to avoid our upcoming breakup, is staring me in the face. Our dates. When I was planning on kissing her. Things I needed to remember for each day. Every idea I could come up with is written on that piece of paper. Every way I was planning on trying to make her choose me over Gavin.

  Every. Fucking. Detail.

  “Get out of my room.” My voice is barely audible as I growl at Kara, finally lifting my eyes to meet hers.

  “Why her, Quinn?” she asks, not moving an inch.

  “Because she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” I begin, taking a step toward her and then another. I can see the panic in her eyes as I block her escape. When I’m only inches from her face and I’m sure I have her attention, I continue. “She’s worth the effort, worth the fight. I could give you a million reasons why I would choose Gabby every single time, but I don’t owe you an explanation. She’s it for me. She owns my heart, and at the end of the day, that’s all that fucking matters. Now, get the fuck out of my room. Please.”

  Kara slips out of my room quickly but silently, the click of the latch as she closes my door behind her alerting me to her departure.

  Bending to pick put the forgotten list I’d made almost a week ago, I scan it quickly before crumpling it into a ball and throwing it in the corner.

  Kara knows everything, and as angry as I am, I’m also scared. Afraid she’ll out us for the game we’ve been playing. For the act we’ve been putting on. Because as much as that list gave away my intentions to win Gabby over, it also gave away so much more.

  She knows we’re not really dating.

  She knows we’re purposely rubbing our ‘relationship’ in Gavin’s face.

  She knows we’re planning on making a huge breakup scene on Halloween.

  What the list didn’t include was anything about Kara. She has no idea this was all my idea. That this all started because I was infatuated with her. That I had to convince Gabby to play along.

  If she says anything to anyone, it’s going to make Gabby look bad, not me, and I can’t let that happen. I can’t let her get hurt over a stupid idea I came up with. I’ll never be able to forgive myself.

  I need a new plan. One that paints Gabby as the victim she’ll become when Kara decides to use this ammo against her. It’s not a matter of if she uses the information, it’s when. Because knowing Kara, she’s going to wait until the perfect moment to crush Gabby like a bug.

  The little black dress that’s hugging every inch of Gabby’s body is going to be a complete distraction tonight. I have to adjust myself as I step out of my truck before helping her down so she doesn’t stumble in her heels. I adjust myself again when I watch her walk away, her perfect heart-shaped ass teasing me.

  She’s like a god damn present waiting to be unwrapped, and I want to be the lucky son-of-a-bitch that gets to peel that dress from her body and worship her all night.

  “You coming?” she asks, tossing me a glance over her shoulder.

  Almost, I want to confess as I tear my eyes away from her ass. All it’d take is one touch from her and I’d combust. That would make for an interesting evening.

  “Right behind you,” I say instead, pushing her still open door closed.

  The frat house is already alive with music and sweaty bodies as we make our way inside, Gabby walking with purpose through the crowd. I stay close behind her, avoiding touching her at all costs while I attempt to think about my naked grandma and cute puppies to calm my raging hard-on. Both things I’d rather not think about but reciting the alphabet backwards didn’t work last time this happened so I’m taking a different approach.

  The mental images I’m conjuring don’t seem to work until I spot Kara and Tess standing in the kitchen next to the keg. Panic douses my hormones and the need to shelter Gabby, to keep her safe from my roommates takes precedence.

  What the fuck are they doing here?

  That’s when I notice who’s holding the tap, pouring three beers.

  James fucking Camden.

  Kara would run back to him after I pissed her off this afternoon. I should have seen this coming. That explains her presence but not Tess’s. She swore these parties off long ago so the only reason I can come up with for her being here tonight is to keep Kara out of trouble. And wherever James goes, trouble usually follows.

  “Look who’s here,” Kara announces rather loudly to the mostly empty kitchen.

  Aside from the one pledge guarding the booze and a few other frat brothers pouring themselves fresh drinks, we’re the only ones in the kitchen.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here,” I say, directing my attention to Tess as I wrap my arm around Gabby’s shoulder, pulling her close.

  She rolls her eyes at my comment and takes a sip of her beer as James hands it to her. “When Kara said we were going to a party, this isn’t what I thought she meant.” You can hear the contempt in her voice. She doesn’t want to be here. This isn’t what she agreed to.

  Figures. Kara lured her here under false pretenses. Which means she has a plan and wants Tess to witness whatever havoc she’s about to cause.

  “Nice dress, Gabby,” Kara comments, looking Gabby up and down, assessing her.

  “Want a drink?” I ask, stepping into Kara’s line of sight. Gabby looks up at me with concern in her eyes. Even she can tell something is wrong. When she nods, I guide her across the kitchen and pour each of us a rum and coke, heavy on the rum.

  We stay there for a few minutes, sipping our drinks, ignoring my roommates and the piece of trash who’s currently massaging Kara’s ass. Turning around to both face Gabby and block her from Kara’s view, I contemplate our next move.

  “She’s gone,” Gabby finally says.

  “I think we should leave too. I have a bad feeling,” I admit.

  “About what? She’s obviously jealous. The plan is working. You’re getting exactly what you wanted. Why would you want to leave?”

  Because I don’t want her anymore.

  Because I’m in love with you.

  Because Kara knows we’re faking it, and she might out us in front of everyone here.

  Because if Kara opens her mouth, the only person who will look bad is you.

  I want to confess everything to her, but more than anything, I want to protect her. Kara will make a scene eventually. It could be here. It could be tomorrow at the house. Hell, she might not say anything for months. Until she does, I’m going to be on edge. I’m going to be constantly wondering when and freaking out every time she and Gabby are in the same room as each other.

  What did I ever see in her?

  Why was I ever attracted to her?

  Was it because I couldn’t have her? Because she seemed unobtainable? Mysterious? Different?

  The good girl who looked like a bad girl. She’s gorgeous on the outside, but the more I learn about her, t
he uglier she becomes. She’s a user. Selfish. Hateful. Vengeful.

  She will out us unless we do it ourselves.

  Or unless I give her what she wants.

  “You looked uncomfortable, so I thought you might want to leave. Let’s mingle,” I suggest, a plan forming in my mind as we leave the kitchen.

  Kara and Tess are grinding against each other on the dance floor. James is standing next to them, watching like the freak he is. Gavin’s nowhere to be found, but that doesn’t stop me from pulling Gabby close and moving my body against hers.

  I don’t care that she can feel how aroused I am right now. My only concern is to keep Kara staring in this direction. To give Kara the impression that I want her.

  I need Kara to figure out the one thing that wasn’t on that paper, what I wanted to gain from my little agreement. Once Kara realizes that, maybe she’ll keep her mouth shut.

  I may have to play a different game in a few days, but as long as Gabby doesn’t get hurt, it’ll be worth it. That’s the only thing I care about right now.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  GABRIELLE

  Rum and coke tastes much better going down than it does coming up. I knew I should have stopped after the second drink. Quinn was mixing them stronger than I’m used to, and I was already feeling a little light-headed, but I was having too much fun.

  For a minute, I forgot about the stupid plan.

  I forgot that Quinn and I were supposed to be pretending to be together.

  I forgot that everything was an act.

  We were a real couple last night. We danced together, if you could call it that. My body was glued to his. His arousal was pressed against my core. We were basically having sex in the middle of a crowd of people.

  And I loved every second of it.

  Especially the part where he pulled me off into a corner and we made out. I remember him lifting me by the ass and trapping my body against the wall with his. I remember the feel of his zipper as it scraped the inside of my leg while he devoured my mouth. The hint of mint from his gum as it overpowered the taste of rum in my mouth.