Pas de deux

by E. J. Noyes

  Seeing her right there, at my barn, sent a wave of emotion surging over me. Excitement, confusion, happiness, more confusion, a little bit of arousal, ecstasy and then a stack of emotions in between. I closed the space between us and flung my arms around her. Addie pulled me against her, snuggling her face into my neck. I felt her long exhalation against my skin, felt the relaxation sliding through her. She eased her grip to put a tiny bit of space between us, reached up to pull my face to hers and kissed me.

  The kiss felt tentative, oddly so, and for a quick panicked moment I wondered if she wasn’t pleased to see me. Then in the next heartbeat she seemed to relax and poured herself into me, and I felt her arms slide around my waist to hold me against her. Addie rested her forehead against mine. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  “Me too but I…what are you doing here? Did you get an earlier flight?” I asked dumbly. The answer seemed obvious given the truck and her uniform shirt—that she now worked at LakeVets. But the hows and whys were missing.

  “I sure did. I’m working for Emmett Lake.” Her smile was uncertain. “I bet you have a million questions, and I have a million answers for you. Teresa and Wren set this up.”

  “Ah, that explains Wren’s departure and Brandon’s absence.” I smiled. “I guess he doesn’t have a gross oozing stomach flu after all.”

  Addie’s eyes widened. “I hope not.”

  My throat tightened and I felt an unexpected prickle of tears. “You’re here.”

  “That I am.” She dipped her head to catch my eye. “Are you happy?” The question was quiet, uncertain.

  “I am,” I blurted, meaning it absolutely. “Sorry, I’m just trying to process…this. My brain has been getting set for Friday not today and I think it’s melting down.” I laughed. “I’m so happy to see you. I just don’t know what to say.” So I decided not to say anything and instead pulled her closer and kissed her again.

  Addie’s tongue skated along my lower lip before she made a sound of frustration and pulled away. “Ahhh, mercy. I’m technically working, and…” Smiling, she tugged her collar away from her neck, shaking it as if trying to cool off.

  I took her hands, turned them over, studied them, ran my thumbs over her palms as I tried to sort my feelings. Layered alongside my overwhelming pleasure and unrestrained joy at seeing her was the fact that she hadn’t shared this huge thing with me. “Why didn’t you tell me that you’d taken this job? That you’d moved? When did you start?”

  She glanced at her watch. “I started little over two hours ago. And as to why I didn’t tell you…” Addie leaned back against the truck. “You know, I’ve asked myself that same question nearly every day for the past few weeks since I quit my job. And every time, I get a different answer.” Her swallow was visible. “I wanted to surprise you and when Teresa suggested this it seemed like a good idea.”

  “You sure did surprise me.”

  “Good surprise or bad surprise?” she quietly asked.

  “Very good, I promise.”

  “Phew. I really am sorry I didn’t say anything. It’s just…these last few weeks have been mayhem. I signed the contract for a new job a few hours after I handed Seth my resignation. I had to make sure my Kentucky vet registration was still in order and I spent every second I wasn’t working packing up my tiny apartment. All my stuff, including my car, is on its way here so all I have is clothes and essentials. I took a red-eye last night after tidying up some last-minute things at work. I know I could have called or come around but it was so late, then I realized I didn’t even know your address.”

  If not for how confused I felt, I would have laughed at the fact we’d never exchanged such basic information. “Where are you staying?”

  “With Teresa and her husband until I can hopefully rent a place this weekend.”

  I was a few seconds away from going full U-Haul and suggesting she just stay with me, but thankfully caught myself. There was nothing about her that made me think she expected that either. I inhaled slowly. “Okay.”

  “Are you angry?” she quietly asked.

  “Not at all.”

  “Then why do you have that face on?”

  I smiled and indicated my face with a swirling forefinger. “This is not my angry face, Addie. Not at all. This is my I’m-so-happy-and-excited-but-trying-to-process face.”

  “Okay, good. I know none of that explains why I didn’t mention it, and I know we’ve got a lot to talk about, but right now probably isn’t the best time.”

  “So you’re actually here for Dougie’s consult?”

  “Correct.”

  “Sorry, usually I have the horse ready to go but you’re early.”

  She grinned. “Enjoy it, remember?”

  “I will.” I took her hand and pulled her toward the barn. “Come on, you can help me. Do you want a drink?”

  “Maybe after, thanks.” Addie laughed quietly. “Teresa said your hospitality was one of the best things about your consults.” She leaned into me. “I think I’m going to find something even better about coming here than you giving me a drink…”

  We collected Dougie’s halter and Addie made a detour to say hi to Dewey, climbing through the fence to hug him, kiss the side of his nose and tell him, “I missed you. Yes I did.” More kisses, which Dew tolerated because he knew kisses were always paired with treats. She gave him some licorice then left him to his grazing.

  “Who’d you miss more?” I asked once she’d climbed back through the fence.

  “Both equal.” She side-eyed me and her expression was perfectly deadpan. “Okay, you a little more.” After a long beat she said, “A lot more.”

  I nudged her, wrapping an arm around her waist. “Good answer.”

  She leaned into me. “For the record, I really did miss Dewey. He’s such a loveable guy.”

  “Yeah.” My other loveable guy, Dougie, came up to the fence and followed us along it to his gate. I picked up the long dressage whip and tapped him lightly on the shoulder to ask him to back off so I could enter. Given his stallion status, we were leading him with a bit attached to his leather halter for control and carrying a whip to remind him to keep his distance from whoever was leading him. He’d been so good but tended to forget his manners when he came within reach of other horses, and gentle reminders and clear calm guidelines would make him a productive member of society.

  He fidgeted a little but was well-behaved for all the hair plucking, blood taking, and general standing around while Addie drew his markings and brands, photographed him and scanned him for his microchip. She squinted, lips moving soundlessly as she read the forms and wrote details on them. Since we’d been apart I’d totally forgotten that she mouthed when she read, and this tiny Addie-detail melted me.

  She glanced up from the clipboard. “The notes said you were looking at having Lake—uh, us collecting semen from him and storing it with us? Just in case something happens to him?”

  “Right.”

  “Has he ever had semen analysis done?”

  “Before he left the Netherlands as part of the sale contract and seems he’s as fertile as they get. For an unproven sire.” No point in buying a stallion with the idea of breeding from him if he was a dud in the stud department. “I think it’ll also help him focus on work more for the next few years if his only romantic interludes are sporadic ones with a padded barrel on legs and an artificial vagina instead of living, breathing mares.”

  Addie grinned. “True. Did they test any frozen or just do fresh?”

  “Both.” Laughing, I shook my head. “You know, this is really not a conversation I thought we’d be having the first time we saw each other in over a month.”

  Her answering laugh was rich. “No, I suppose not.”

  Rasputin meandered out of the feed room like a teenager emerging from sleep. He paused to stretch then wandered over to wind his way between our legs. Addie bent to stroke along his back. “Ah, the infamous Rasputin.” The cat, having apparently recognized a kindred spiri
t, ignored me to focus on Addie who crouched to rub his face and under his chin. Once Rasputin had had enough petting, he wandered off without so much as a backward glance in search of a snack and a sun patch for a nap.

  Addie brushed cat hair from her pants then sat down on the bench outside the tack room to check paperwork and the lab samples for Dougie’s formal ID. “Right. I think we’re done here. Is there anything else you needed me to go over with you?”

  “Are you busy tonight?”

  Her face relaxed. “Depends on whether you’re going to ask me to come around after work or not.”

  “I am.”

  “Then yes, now I’m busy. I’ll bring dinner with me if you just tell me where to get it. Or are you cooking?”

  My anxiety spiked. “Uh. Remember those few mentions about me cooking? Or rather, how me and cooking are incompatible?”

  “I do. I thought you were joking.”

  “I really wasn’t. And boring, bland and shittily made food isn’t particularly romantic.”

  Addie’s eyebrows rocketed upward. “Romantic? Is that what this is?” The way she said it was sly, teasing, as if she knew that I’d meant to say it but obviously hadn’t meant to say it. Her voice lowered to a conspiratorial whisper. “Is tonight…a date?”

  Shit. “Can we just forget I said that and put all this weird expectation on us having dinner?”

  Her dimples flashed. “Nope. Not a chance. I’m gonna think about it for the rest of the day.”

  I was too. “So just to be sure, I don’t need to pick you up from the airport Friday?”

  She laughed as she confirmed, “No, you don’t.” Addie offered Dougie a peppermint, which he took from the flat of her hand then promptly spat on the rubber mats underfoot, curling his top lip upward. Addie gasped. “Don’t tell Dewey you just did that, young man.” She stepped away from him and gave me her attention. “And I’ll see you around seven after I’ve taken a quick shower. Emergencies pending of course but I’ll let you know if I’ll be late.” She kissed me quickly but not gently, surprising me. I opened my mouth but before I could prolong the kiss, she pulled away. “I don’t want to start something I can’t finish.”

  “You’d better start something later.”

  Addie backed away from me, her mouth curved into a promising smile. “Count on it.”

  Chapter Thirty

  Addie

  When Caitlyn had asked me to come back for dinner, I grew anxious at what exactly she meant by her invitation. I mean, she’d said romantic, but we hadn’t had romance, not really. We’d had connection, great sex, getting to know one another. But not romance. Still, I was all for romance.

  My first day at LakeVets had been comfortably busy with enough variation in consults to keep my brain engaged. Emmett and I agreed that I’d spend a few weeks getting to know my new colleagues, the area, and the clients, then I’d start moving into more specialized work with performance horses. When I’d popped my head into Teresa’s office after lunch to tell her I wouldn’t be around for dinner, she offered a sly smile and an even slyer, “Don’t forget to take underwear and a clean uniform shirt over so you have something to wear to work tomorrow. I’ll see you here in the morning.”

  And I’d blushed like a teenager getting ready for a first date as I’d thanked her for the reminder. Though I’d thought a lot about seeing Caitlyn for the first time since Rio, I’d kept blanking on the sleeping-together part. It made sense, with our regular and exciting sext and video sex sessions this past month that tonight would involve sex in one form or another but the idea of intimacy with her was overwhelming. Weirdly so.

  Given we’d been to bed a few times already, I knew there was no expectation between us—which was one of the most refreshing things I’d discovered about our relationship. When things got odd or rocky we seemed to find a way to negotiate it together. Even if it took a bit of time and discomfort. So why was tonight any different? If I wasn’t sure, I could just ask her and we could have a conversation like adults.

  I finished work a little after my scheduled end-of-shift time, which was super early by my standards, then ducked back to Teresa’s place to shower, change, and pack an overnight bag and my nerves. The small town of La Grange didn’t seem huge on takeout options, so I stopped by a supermarket and picked up ingredients for beef tenderloin with my favorite mushroom sauce.

  I parked behind a red SUV nestled in the carport, and was met on the front porch by Caitlyn, casual in faded jeans and a tee that might have been black once. I’d barely made it up the two steps before she’d nabbed me and pulled me in for a long, slow kiss that made me think maybe we should skip dinner and get right to the intimacy.

  When she pulled back, she murmured a breathless, “Come on in.”

  Caitlyn’s house was so…Caitlyn. Clean and modern, cozy and warm, and with evidence of horses lingering everywhere from the horse paintings and pictures of her and Dew, to the trophies and ribbons, including her two Olympic medals, on five shelves spanning the entire wall of her living room, to the brand new, still-had-tags bridle hooked over a chair.

  I held up the grocery store bag and bottle of red. “I bring dinner. Deconstructed. I hope you’re not starving because it’ll take about half an hour to create my masterpiece.”

  “You’re going to cook for me?” The way she said it was like no woman had ever cooked a romantic meal for her before.

  “I am. I had no idea of where to get takeout so I went with Option B—woo you with cooking. I was thinking about our last meal in Rio, the churrasco, and how much you seemed to enjoy steak.”

  “Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think about you being new around here. I do like steak and I’m always too scared to cook it for myself, so this is extra sweet.” She blushed. “Thanks for remembering.”

  “I remember more than just that about our time together.”

  “Me too,” she murmured. Caitlyn kissed me again then took my hand and led me through to her kitchen. “And no, I’m not starving. If you’re not either we could relax, have a drink? Just so you’re not sent straight to the kitchen the moment you get here, which feels a little like forced labor to me.”

  “Deal.”

  She left me to stash things in the refrigerator while she poured wine and made a small platter of nibbles for us. I fell into the butter-soft leather of her couch and set the platter on her coffee table, a single piece of unmilled but polished hardwood.

  Caitlyn settled next to me and put her feet up against the edge of the table. “How was the rest of your first day working for Emmett?”

  “Amazing. Peaceful. Interesting. Fun. Busy.” I took the glass of red, noticing right away that it was cold, like she’d put a bottle in the fridge for me before I’d come over. “Thanks. It was everything I wanted. Busy without stress. Great facilities and equipment. My colleagues are like angels sent from heaven, everyone seems to like and respect each other. Totally different vibe. Like moving from a favela to the athlete’s village.”

  Caitlyn’s smile creased her eyes. “I’m so happy for you. I know how much Florida was wearing you down.” She sipped a small mouthful of wine. “How’d you know about the job?”

  “Teresa called and told me Emmett was looking for another vet, but it didn’t really twig it could be me. Until a few hours later when a massive snowball of professional and personal dissatisfaction hit me and I just decided screw it, time to try a life change. Time to move my career and uh, maybe other stuff in the direction that I want.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, and the question seemed calmer than it had that morning.

  “Ah, yeah. We did say we were going to talk about that, didn’t we?” I tried to find the words, and eventually came up with, “I just didn’t know how. This whole time I was so excited for this move, to be closer to you and to start a great new job and then my excitement would tip over into this horrible uncertainty.”

  “Uncertainty about what?” she asked quietly.

  “I’m e
mbarrassed to admit that I was worried about money, which I guess is part of why I stayed so long in Florida. My old workplace was shitty but the pay wasn’t, and that little kid beggin’ for rides and wearing third-hand gear on her borrowed horse panicked a little that I would somehow spiral back into that if I didn’t have the best-paying job I could. Totally irrational, but I kept thinking it.”

  “Addie,” Caitlyn said gently. “I’m sorry.” She took my hands and held them in her lap.

  “Then I kept worrying if it was the right thing to do and thinking about everything that me moving here implied.” I didn’t give her a chance to ask what it implied, before I barreled on, “That I want a relationship with you. A real one. A long-term one. The kind where we share our lives like a couple. I mean, the long-distance stuff? It was fine, really. I feel like we’d kinda started figuring it out, and we would have kept refining it and figuring things out along the way. But I really missed the physical and the connection that comes with that. Me being here seemed like the logical step. I want to try making something permanent with you, Caitlyn. Something real and lasting. And it felt so good to think that, so…perfect and right, but then it’d fall into this panic that maybe it was pushing you into a situation you really didn’t want and then I’d remember my panic about changing jobs, and then it just got all messed up in my head. So I didn’t say anything. And the more I didn’t say anything, the more it snowballed.”

  “Did you think I would tell you to go back to Florida or something? That I’d say no to something we’d already agreed to try on some level?”

  “No it wasn’t that. But let’s be realistic. This is a big jump from us saying let’s see how it all goes when we get home. But I couldn’t stop thinking about being with you and I figured the first step is us being closer. And another upshot would be that I’d be happier professionally.”

  She nodded, slowly, as if trying to work through some mental gymnastics. “You being happier in your job makes me very happy. But, Addie,” she sighed, “I spend a few months a year in Europe, and the rest of the year I’m training or competing horses. My free time is basically nonexistent. I’m not going to be able to give you the attention you’ll want.”