‘Don’t be afraid to talk to him,’ Dani encouraged the terrified new mother as she hovered at the side of the high-tech isolette.
‘But he’s so small,’ Linda Prentiss whispered as tears welled up in her bloodshot eyes, evidence of the hours of crying she’d done since her tiny son, James, had been born. ‘And he jumps at noises.’
‘Sudden loud noises will do that to them, the same way it does with us. Just keep your voice to a gentle murmur. That way you won’t overload his little system.’
‘Surely it’s too early for him to be able to take anything in,’ she argued softly. ‘I wouldn’t want to do anything that might hurt him.’
‘Actually, it will probably do him a power of good,’ Josh interrupted, although Dani had known he was nearby. Her whole body seemed to be tuned in to his presence whenever he was near. ‘He already knows your voice, from all those months inside you. You’ll be reassuring him that you’re still close by in this big scary world.’
‘How can you possibly know that he recognises my voice?’ she challenged, the expression on her face a confusing mixture of hope and disbelief. ‘My in-laws are saying that he’s already so badly brain damaged that he’ll never be any better than a vegetable.’
‘I don’t believe that for a minute,’ Josh reassured her. ‘Of course, some very early babies do end up with permanent disabilities, especially if they have serious bleeding in their brains. But, so far, your son hasn’t had any problems like that, and we’re going to do our very best to help him to get out of here in the best possible health. Many premature babies go on to lead perfectly normal lives; some even become doctors and come back to take care of other premature babies, isn’t that right, Dr Dixon?’
‘I’ve heard of at least one case where that’s happened,’ Dani agreed, silently cursing him for putting her on the spot. He knew how easily she blushed, and the last thing she wanted was for the whole hospital to know that she’d once been a scrawny little scrap like their tiny patients. She’d far rather that they judged her on her performance as a doctor now.
‘But you really think he recognises my voice?’ Linda was too firmly focused on her son to have taken in any hints of a personal history. ‘How can you tell?’
‘The electronic equipment will tell you,’ he explained, and Dani held her breath as he paused for a moment, wondering if he was going to tell their patient’s mother the tale that she’d heard about all her life.
For the first time since she’d joined his team he actually allowed their eyes to meet and the feeling of connection was like an electric charge through her body.
‘Next time you come into the unit, you can test it,’ he continued with a slightly husky edge to his voice that told Dani he was reliving that long-ago shock of realisation. She’d first heard about it so long ago that it had always been a part of her life. ‘Before you say anything to him, watch the monitors, then see what happens to his breathing and his heart rate when you start talking to him. It might take a couple more days before you can see it clearly, because he’s had a traumatic few hours and needs to catch up with himself, but I shall expect a full report before the end of the week. OK?’
‘OK,’ she whispered, and Dani wasn’t surprised to see that for the first time since her son had arrived on the unit, Linda’s expression held more hope than despair.
‘He’s so nice,’ she whispered to Dani as Josh let himself out of the room. ‘From what you see on the television and in films, I thought consultants were all pompous tyrants, but he sounds as if he really understands what I’m going through; as if he really cares.’
‘He’s special,’ Dani agreed readily, then could have kicked herself when she saw the flash of speculation in the young woman’s eyes. ‘As you said,’ she continued hastily, ‘some consultants are terrible to work with. I haven’t been here long, but so far he’s been fine—a good boss and a good teacher. Now, how about making yourself comfortable in that chair beside the isolette? Do you want a couple of pillows behind your back? You must still be very sore after the delivery, and your midwife will be very cross with me if I don’t look after you properly.’
She hardly saw anything of Josh for the rest of that day, or the next, but that didn’t mean that he wasn’t constantly in her thoughts.
All it had taken was the retelling of the story of her infant self reacting to his presence to reawaken her teenage conviction that there had always been a special connection between the two of them.
As a little girl, she’d only known that Josh was the best big brother that any girl could have. He’d been endlessly patient with the way she’d slavishly followed him around, when her friends’ brothers were forever telling their siblings that they were pests. And as for those times when she’d succumbed to a childish illness, because his…their…mother had needed to be at work, it had always been Josh’s gentle ministrations that had soothed her feverish bad temper and distracted her with yet another story.
It had only been when she’d started looking at him with the new awareness of a teenager’s eyes that everything had changed.
At first, she’d been frightened by the way her feelings towards her adored big brother had altered. There had been security in being his little Dani…the name he and his mother had compromised on in memory of the baby brother he’d wanted to call Daniel. The trouble was, each time he’d come home from medical school she’d seen how much he had changed while he’d been away, and even though a part of her had longed for the security of their old relationship, it had been impossible to go back.
It was only after the disaster of her eighteenth birthday that she’d realised that the changes had all been on her side. The look of horror on his face when she’d kissed him had proved that he’d been completely oblivious to the fact that she’d been growing up, that she didn’t see him as just a brother any more, and that expression was something she’d never been able to forget.
So, what on earth was she doing working with the man? Was she completely mad to put herself through six months of…of what?
She forced herself to think about the situation, calmly and rationally.
For a start, there wasn’t a post anywhere in the country where she would get a better grounding in her chosen field than in Josh’s department. In spite of his comparative youth, there were few who could equal his knowledge or his dedication. And if that came with six months of butterflies in her stomach whenever she heard his voice, or fighting down the urge to leap on him every time she saw him and beg him to kiss her senseless? Well, that was a price she was willing to pay.
Anyway, she’d never given up hoping. If she was lucky, her protective big brother might finally come to realise that she wasn’t his baby sister any more but an attractive woman who was as dedicated to her profession as he was.
‘But that won’t happen if I stand around with a besotted expression on my face when there are tests to perform and results to chase up,’ she muttered under her breath, and had to stifle a shriek when she saw the time. She’d come in early that morning to give herself some leeway, but now there was less than an hour left before Josh started the morning’s staff meeting, and the last thing she needed was to arrive late with half of the files incomplete.
Josh bent over the frail little figure in the isolette and had to work hard not to let his thoughts show on his face.
He couldn’t think of anything more that any of them could have done to help this precious little boy in his fight for survival, but with every passing minute it was becoming increasingly obvious that their efforts had been in vain.
Unlike the progress James Prentiss was making, at twenty-three weeks gestation, it had already been unlikely that Max would escape unscathed if he did win the battle. A series of bleeds deep inside his brain had almost guaranteed that he would be severely disabled, but his parents had been so desperate that their last hope of a family should have a chance that he hadn’t been able to shut their hollow-eyed expressions out of his mind long enough to sleep for more t
han an hour or two at a time. He hadn’t even been able to force himself to go home last night and now had the stiff neck that often came as the result of dozing off in a chair.
As if standing beside him and watching as Max fought for every breath would make any difference, he berated himself silently, especially with that deadly infection rampaging through his lungs unchecked by everything they’d thrown at it.
‘Max is going to get better, isn’t he?’ Letty Montgomery pleaded, but it was painfully obvious how hard she was having to work to try to sound optimistic.
‘Is your husband here, Letty?’ he asked, sidestepping her question with one of his own. ‘He usually comes here on his way to work, doesn’t he?’
‘He should be here any minute,’ she confirmed shakily, suddenly looking every one of her thirty-nine years as she collapsed onto the nearby chair as if her legs wouldn’t hold her any more.
Josh knew that, in spite of her hopeful question, he almost didn’t need to spell out the bad news. The look of misery in her eyes was mute evidence that she knew what he wanted to talk about, and that it wasn’t good.
‘When he arrives, would you get Dr Dixon to give me a buzz? I just need to chase up some of Max’s lab results.’ And take a couple of minutes to work out exactly how he was going to break the bad news.
The fact that he worked in an area of medicine where his patients often existed right on the very knife edge of survival meant that a higher proportion of them weren’t going to survive. As a depressing consequence of that, he had to go through this conversation far more often than most, but it didn’t matter how many times he’d had to do it, it never seemed to get any easier. In fact, he’d found out early on in his training that somehow it was always worse when it was a child involved rather than someone who had lived a long and fruitful life.
‘Mr Weatherby, I think Dani went up to the lab to chase up the results,’ Letty volunteered tentatively. ‘She took more tests when she came in this morning.’
‘Good,’ Josh said with a reassuring smile even as he wondered just what time Dani had arrived that morning.
Had she even gone home last night? he pondered when he saw the dark circles under her eyes a few minutes later when she arrived in his room with a small sheaf of paperwork in her hand. It was all very well, wanting to do a good job in a new post, but she wouldn’t succeed if she exhausted herself in the first few days.
‘Well?’ he prompted as he held out his hand for the printout of Max’s results, hoping against hope that the figures would give at least some grounds for hope.
There weren’t any.
‘Damn,’ he muttered when he saw the readings that confirmed the fact that Max’s infections were growing worse instead of better. And there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. That tiny body just didn’t have any spare resources to battle the invader. It had never been intended to take on such a foe at a time when it should still have been safely inside the shelter of a cosy womb.
‘Josh, you are going to speak to them…to warn them that…?’ He heard her swallow as she allowed the sentence to die away but they both knew how it would have ended. He had to warn the parents that their baby had very little time left. That it could be a matter of hours before the battle was lost.
Before he could speak there was a tentative knock at the door and Letty’s pale face appeared when he called an invitation to enter.
‘James has arrived,’ she said. ‘And Sister told me that Dr Dixon was already in here with you, so…’
‘Come in, please, both of you.’ He gestured towards the group of chairs in front of the window. ‘Would you like a drink? Tea, coffee or…?’
‘N-nothing, thank you,’ Letty stammered, her eyes wide with dread. She was visibly trembling as her husband tried to guide her towards one of the chairs.
Josh couldn’t help but be impressed that, even though she looked as though she would fall over at any moment, she stood her ground and forced herself to stare straight at him.
‘You’re going to tell us that Max is dying, aren’t you?’ she said in accusing tones, the very picture of a lioness defending her cub. ‘You’ve brought us in here to tell us that you’re not going to bother to do anything more to save our little boy…our precious little…’
‘Shh, love. Shh,’ her husband soothed as he wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders and pressed her into the nearest chair. ‘Let the man speak.’
There was something in his eyes as they met Josh’s that let him know that he understood what was coming; that he’d already resigned himself to the fact that he was going to lose the only child he’d ever have.
For just a moment Josh longed to be able to give them something to hope for, but that wouldn’t just be dishonest, it would also be unkind.
He flicked a glance towards Dani and wondered for an instant if she’d really thought through her career choice carefully enough. Of course there was an enormous amount of satisfaction in the work he did, but there was also so much devastation when there was absolutely nothing they could do for their tiny charges. Dani was a gentle, soft-hearted girl. Would it damage something essential inside her if she specialised in a branch of medicine where she had to deal with this sort of scene time after time?
Suddenly, he realised that the expectant silence had been going on for several beats too long while he’d been distracted with thoughts about his newest colleague. With a quick glance down at the papers in his hand to restore his focus, he deliberately stepped forward to lower himself into the chair opposite the Montgomerys and leant forward.
‘Unfortunately, I haven’t got anything good to report,’ he admitted with an all-too-familiar ache in his heart. ‘The latest test results aren’t any better than before. In fact, they’re worse,’ he continued bluntly when Letty would have interrupted. ‘Much worse because, in spite of everything we’ve been pumping into his system, the infection’s gained so much ground that his lung function is almost zero and without oxygen getting into his system…’
‘But he’s got the mask on and that’s connected to the oxygen…’ James Montgomery might think he was holding together well, but he was just as close to the edge as his wife.
‘That’s true, but normally the oxygen is taken up in the lungs to be transferred into the blood and circulated around the body. In Max’s case, even on the highest flow rate, the infection is preventing enough oxygen being taken up. That is pretty bad in itself, but these latest tests show us that the infection has broken through from the lungs into the blood, and has now spread throughout his body. Unfortunately, even when it was confined to his lungs we couldn’t find anything to get rid of it, so we’re very much afraid that it won’t be long before all his organs start to shut down.’
Damn, he cursed silently. He’d had all too much practice at coping with crying patients and their families, but even over the sound of their distress he’d heard Dani gulp as she fought for some semblance of professional control, but to see the glitter of tears in her eyes was enough to choke him.
‘H-how long before…before…?’ James stumbled over the sound of his wife’s heartrending sobs.
‘It’s impossible to say, but…’ Josh shook his head. He’d seen some babies struggle on for days, their lives ebbing slowly away, while others went rapidly downhill, seemingly in minutes. ‘Probably within hours,’ he suggested gently.
‘J—Mr Weatherby,’ Dani corrected herself quickly. Would it be all right if Letty and James hold Max while he’s…?’
‘Of course it would,’ he agreed hastily, silently kicking himself for being so distracted that he hadn’t suggested it. ‘We can detach a lot of tubes and wires so you can cuddle him properly.’
‘And you can talk to him and tell him how much you love him,’ Dani continued as she gently shepherded the two of them out of the room, the glance she threw his way over her shoulder just before she left his room so full of empathy with the couple’s plight that it was almost enough to break his heart.
F
our hours later, Max’s fight for life was over.
In spite of his own workload, Josh had been aware that Dani had hovered just outside the isolation room for most of that time, doing whatever she could to make the grim inevitability of the baby’s impending death at least a little more bearable. Tiny hand-and foot-prints had been made of the almost transparent limbs and precious photographs had been taken, for the first time without the ubiquitous evidence of all the technical efforts that had been keeping him alive.
The hospital chaplain had appeared with remarkable speed when the possibility of a christening had been mentioned, and an unbelievably tiny christening gown had appeared, apparently from thin air.
In the end, there had just been two broken-hearted people sitting side by side with an arm around each other and their son cradled between them as his tiny heart finally gave up the unequal struggle. Two people inside the room, Josh noted, but Dani was still keeping vigil outside, with her cheeks every bit as wet as theirs.
And why had he stood just out of sight in his own doorway, stupidly wanting nothing so much as to wrap her in his arms and promise her that she’d never have to cry again?
Stupid, that was the right word to describe him. As if she’d ever accept that sort of comfort from him. After a lifetime of battling against the odds, she’d be more likely to cut him off at the knees. It was useless remembering that one lapse in judgement the night of her birthday and wishing he’d handled the situation differently. It had probably been a minor aberration fuelled by a glass or two of alcohol and she’d doubtless forgotten all about it in the years since. A girl…woman…who looked like Dani, and with her bubbly personality and obvious intelligence, wouldn’t have been short of offers in the intervening years.
And the fact that he wanted to throttle any man who’d ever dared to lay a finger on her was his own stupidity.
Of course, he could always try to fool himself that it was a brother’s typically over-developed need to protect his little sister, but that wouldn’t account for the other feelings that swamped him every time he caught sight of her.
A wife for the baby doctor Page 3
