Wild Within

by Mima

  * * * *

  That night, after they’d spent the day trying to keep their hands on the outside of each other’s clothing, Freezha and Vyur came in.

  “I'm sorry to bother you so late, but…” Freezha looked quickly at Rylan, then at the floor.

  “Freezha needs to talk to you,” Vyur said quietly, his arm around her shoulder.

  KarRa thought Freezha looked better, although the area under her eyes looked bruised. “I'm happy to speak with you now. Are you sure you should be up? Do you want to go sit in the lounge?”

  “I’m fine, and will be fully healed after a good night’s sleep. This won’t take long. I would like to sit somewhere I can talk privately with you.”

  The men went out together.

  Freezha drew designs on the tabletop, seeming strangely subdued. “We only have a day left. I wanted to be sure I said goodbye. Vyur is taking me to Sandhome the morning after our matebond night. I don’t know when I’ll see you next. He’s assigned here as the instructor to the women, but there aren’t any women to train at the moment, and he’s asked someone to cover his duty “until I settle.” Whatever that means.”

  KarRa stayed silent, letting Freezha work up to the reason she was troubled. “There will be nineteen witnesses at our matebond ceremony.” Freezha’s voice was utterly flat, and nearly a whisper.

  KarRa’s mouth sagged open. She was speechless.

  “I feel like I'm going to be on display…”Look what I've got.”“ Her voice was a mocking bass. “Like I'm being offered to the group, and judged. I've never even watched anyone before. I mean, I've seen people playing, but not everything.”

  KarRa realized Freezha was talking about fucking. “Nineteen?” KarRa’s voice was as weak as Freezha’s. She was having a hard time with four.

  Freezha covered her face. “I know I’ve gone on so about men. It made me eager and hot, to think of taking a Beast mate. Now it’s actually here… By the Earthmother, KarRa… I keep thinking my first time is not really going to be with Vyur, but his Lizzeed, and in battleform at that.”

  “Freezha … have you thought about taking verra wine?”

  She burst out into a strangled laugh that was half cry. “It's all my spiritmage has been talking about since the day after my choosing when I told him I’m a virgin. I know I’ll love fucking, KarRa. I've always been enthusiastic in my pleasure. But all day today, I look at Vyur, and feel so … stressed … about this first time being so important, and so wild, and so witnessed. I've flirted and fantasized…”

  Her eyes welled. “Just when I start to even think I can do it, all I see is those bodies in the fight today. Their teeth and claws. I hear the snarls in my head… Vyur—he’s been so controlled all his life, but even he is worried about hurting me. I know this is not his doing, but the tradition of these people, and it's really for our safety, to settle their Beasts.

  “He keeps looking at me, and I can see the heat, the need in his eyes. Then I think of claws ripping into my skin! He’s like a hero among his people… What if I shame him? Winds, what if I start to cry? What if I try to run like I did yesterday? I feel like such a baby for feeling this way!”

  She jumped up from the table to hobble to the magelight, dabbling her fingers over the glazed ball, making the room jump with shadows. KarRa thought how she’d feel going into such a ceremony if she hadn’t seen Rylan in his battleform so often the past few years.

  “Are you happy, KarRa? I mean, now that you’ve had time to adjust your thinking about Rylan?”

  “Yes. I have so much to learn still. As does Rylan. And we'll be leaving for the Nest soon—a new place and more people to learn. I’ll miss you, Freezha. Rylan and I…” KarRa looked down at her forearm, running her fingers over the blue feather. “We will find a way, together. I just need to find something that I can offer the Clan. Something that I will feel comfortable and confident at. So that I can feel like I contribute something besides growing the babies of a beautiful, magical Beast. I have no magic, no beauty, and no talents…”

  Freezha cried, “Not true!”

  But KarRa waved her away. “A talent for getting into trouble doesn't count. I can't believe I will truly have a place at Rylan's side until I understand what I have to offer him. Something I can be proud of and good at, so he will have a full partner to offer his Clan.”

  Freezha went to crouch down next to KarRa, winced, and scooted the chair closer to perch on it.

  KarRa wouldn't look at her but Freezha whispered, “You have power, KarRa. You will find your place, but a duty isn't going to make you believe in yourself.”

  She reached over and pried one of KarRa's hands from her lap, then took it to hold against her face. “KarRa, you are alive. No other woman I know could have fought so well today! Not many could even still be speaking normally after a day like that. Day after tomorrow, I will think of you to lend me courage, that solid strength in your spine. Because of you in my life.

  “I will imagine your steady eyes, seeing your expectation that no matter what happens you will face it, deal with it, get by it. Remembering your strength will keep me from losing my mind. Confidence is who you are KarRa, without a hint of arrogance. You have worth! In your steady friendship, in your curious and open mind. If Rylan were dead and you were barren, wandering back in that lawless maze of death, you would have worth.”

  KarRa let her eyes move to Freezha’s. Their rare sky color took her breath away. Her fingers moved under Freezha’s grip, and Freezha let her hand fall. KarRa looked at this strong, beautiful woman with the kindest, most open spirit she'd ever known. She stroked Freezha’s thick, silky hair and tucked it behind her ear.

  “Thank you,” she whispered. The women looked at each other long moments full of love. “Do you want me there? One for you to make an even twenty? They can’t keep this thief out.”

  Freezha strangled on a laugh. “I’ve thought and thought of it. When I heard of the crowd, I threatened to invite every man I knew here just to make Vyur as upset as I am. But I don’t really want people I know to see me and Vyur. At least not like that. You’re the only person I trust to see me that fuzzed out, and women aren’t allowed.” She fiddled with her skirt. “I want to prove to myself, and Vyur, that I can do it, that I’m not just a pretty pearl. I think if I can just hold that image of you wading through those men like nothing could touch you… I can try.”

  KarRa's hand rested on Freezha’s shoulder. “It will be your own courage that sends you into that circle to your mate. Talk to him about all this. Ask to see his battleform tomorrow so you won’t be faced with it among strangers. Freezha, it’s so clear to me that he loves you. I’m sure he’ll do anything to make this easier on you. Maybe … maybe there’s a way to make it not your first time at the matebond.” She almost admitted to the loving in the bath but Freezha jumped in.

  “I’ve tried every flirty trick I know to get him out of his pants. He’s such a prude. And I get so angry thinking there’s a chance he won’t even remember what his Beast does. I waited a long time to give this body to a man, and I want him able to appreciate it!”

  This was much more like the Freezha KarRa was used to. “Try not to think of the Lizzeed inside Vyur as a separate being, but as another kind of Vyur. That’s how I see Rylan. I know fun and silly Rylan, serious and sneaky Rylan, and wild and dangerous Rylan. It’s just another Rylan. This ceremony is once, and they say that our pleasure is required in the ceremony. Lizzeed-Vyur wants to bond to you, not attack you.

  “Afterwards, then Vyur can finally show you the fucking you’ve always craved. But it will be better because it will be a loving as well. This will lead to the relationship you’ve dreamed of, Freezha. Your spiritmage will help you from running away, and it will be over. As for your tears, no one will judge you for them.”

  Freezha chewed her lip fretfully. “That’s what I keep telling myself. It’s just this once. They’re his family, and closest friends. They’ll be kind. I’ll face it, then move on.” She
nodded once, a decisive if terrified princess, and KarRa smiled at her fierceness.

  Still rubbing Freezha’s shoulder soothingly, KarRa pressed, “So, this pearl will handle nineteen witnesses and a mate in battleform for her first time?”

  Freezha went white, flags of red scoring her cheeks. She swallowed audibly, but gave a firm nod again. “I will.” Her voice wavered but her eyes held steady. She dropped her eyes. “Well, I’ll try one more time to seduce him and I never even thought of asking to see his battleform… I think it would help. Thanks.”

  KarRa nodded back and stood, helping Freezha to stand, both laughing at her groans from her leg.

  They went into the lounge. They shared tea, but it was clear Vyur was only being polite, and he firmly said to Freezha, “It’s time we left,” after she finished her mug.

  Freezha asked, “We?”

  “You’re not sleeping here in the women’s caves again tonight. I need you near me,” Vyur said. His voice was low and intense, but his hands stroked hers softly. “Let’s get you packed. The last two nights you’ll stay with the Lizzeed.”

  Freezha shyly agreed.

  Rylan looked at KarRa, or rather her lips. “I like that idea too.”

  “Sounds good,” KarRa smiled.

  They made the long trek up to the Owls’ rooms. KarRa trailed her fingers over the sweeping wings, hooked beaks and talons carved on the doorway.

  When they were tucked in, KarRa wearing a borrowed tunic and Rylan a clean pair of cloth trews, and the magelight turned low, both of them ignoring his erection as they always had, she told him of Freezha’s difficulties.

  He nodded. “I guess I didn't realize it, but you've seen me like that dozens of times for years now. It never bothered you?”

  KarRa shook her head. “It was always just how you were when you were angry. Really angry. But most women wouldn't even recognize their mates probably. Freezha… I can't see her falling apart at that moment. She'll be too determined.”

  After a pause, KarRa whispered, “Ry, I'm scared.”

  He grew cautious in the darkness. “Why? We shared love today. It will be just as beautiful at the ceremony.” The words were gentle.

  “What if I start to think of Vili? And those days afterward? The years afterward? What if I start to think of Merk and Grif watching?”

  Rylan was now rigid next to her, and she waited, as limb by limb he forced himself to relax. “You weren't thinking on those memories when we were in the bath today, and I don't believe you'll think of them at the ceremony.” He seemed to hesitate.

  “Merk will help you,” he said grudgingly. “Grif told me there is a bond between woman and spiritmage, not nearly as strong, and different, than ours. Through this bond he can direct your thoughts, keep others away.”

  KarRa whispered in shame, “He told me he'd keep thoughts of the rape away.”

  Rylan tightened his arms around her again, this time in fierce comfort. “By the deep Waters, I'd forgotten you'd told me you didn’t like men behind you. Oh KarRa! You told me a few years ago those memories were put away for you. Has this brought them back?!”

  She shook her head. “Just a flash, when he was telling me what would happen.”

  He held her close and said gruffly, “Don't think of it. Don't let the shadows and doubt in. We're starting a new future, KarRa. We're together. We're strong. Today, my Beast chose to protect you rather than attack and we were lucky. But I also take it as a sign of the bond we have. We belong together. I love you. Keep those words, in my voice, repeating in your head and we'll get past this ceremony. We're never going to be hungry again. We're going to have help watching our backs, and I believe these people value us. This ceremony… I am scared too.”

  KarRa tilted her head on his shoulder to look up at him, even though she could only see the outline of his chin and nose in the faint light. “We go through these days together and you are the KarRa I have always loved. Fierce and watchful, taking every moment as it is. But inside, I am seething. I feel my Owl clawing at me to get to you.” He flexed his hips against her side and his cock leaped and pulsed.

  “I still want you. I always want you. I haven't stopped, for one second, since that attack in the women’s caves, and it seems you are as comfortable with me as if I were a pet bird.” His voice lowered to a rumble in her ear.

  “I want to pin you down and fuck you until you lay limp beneath me from pleasure upon pleasure. I crave your blood in my mouth. I'm finally going to be able to claim you, and he will be there. I'm going to try not to acknowledge them in any way. But my Owl is too aware. I'm terrified I'll do something drastic to prove to myself you've chosen me and not him.” This last came out a hoarse growl, his hips swirling against her.

  He threw himself out of bed and turned the magelight up. He stood with his hands braced against the wall, head hanging between them.

  KarRa sat up on the side of the bed. “You didn't hurt me in the park, by the river, or even in the bath. I trust your Beast, Rylan. And if you need to add a scar to this collection to set your spirit at ease, I love you enough to give you as many as will quiet you. Pain passes. A bodymage will be waiting. You say you will love me always.”

  He spun to her, his eyes glinting green. “Air to Fire! KarRa don't encourage me!” He took one step toward her and stopped. “I can't sleep here. I'll go to Kor's room.” He paced a pair of steps toward her despite his words. “The ceremony can't come fast enough. I love you. Claiming you was the sweetest moment of my life but I'm not satisfied in the least. I want more, and more and more.”

  He threw his head back and drew in an enormous breath that did lovely things to his bare chest.

  He snarled. “Don't do that! I can feel your interest! I'll see you later. Sleep.” He spun on his heel and stomped out.

  KarRa blinked at the heavy curtain for a few minutes, turned out the light, and lay down in a bed that smelled of Rylan. Surprisingly, she did not think of their loving, or the battle of the day. Her mind went to the image of his joyous face greeting a little boy named Tam, tossing Tam in the air, laughing at the boy’s antics. Sleep was a long time coming.

  * * * *

  She awoke to the drag of lips along her arm in the darkness. Smiling at the warm happiness that curled through her at his presence, she turned her head toward him and murmured, “Change your mind?”

  He had turned the light up low, and was dressed. He was holding her pants. “Up my love, my soul, thief of my dreams. I want to show you something.”

  She dressed, sipped some water, and followed him through the still silent halls. She realized it was not yet morning and felt like grumbling. He led her back out to the main landing and into the cat-carved arch. At the now familiar triad of hallways, there was a fourth door, only waist high. He knelt and motioned for her to go through. She crawled for what seemed like the length of ten shaks but was probably only two in truth and emerged into the cold night air.

  They were on an open slab of rock, the shape of a twisted tree to the left, and the faintest light coming from a vast space to the right. She took a step back toward the mountain at their back, but he laughed and pulled her along a trail she didn’t see, guiding her down and up until they came around a large boulder twice his height to a short shelf of rock with a natural hollow.

  He laid the blanket he'd brought from his bed down, sat, and gestured her down between his legs. As she nestled her rump up tight against his erection, he drew the flap of blanket around them, slipping his arms around her ribs. She sat against him, utterly relaxed in the fresh air.

  She had long admired the lack of scent around the rooms at the mountain. Mostly there was the scent of dry earth. Occasionally she caught the musky scent of an animal, as if she were in the shak of someone who had a dog, and sometimes there were arrangements of flowers, or the scent of food. But there was never a bitter stink, a sour odor, or rancid stench.

  This air was even more pure. She scented moisture, and dust, and pine. The sky began to lighten,
and color came to be. There were tans and golds in the rocks around her, and the sky was alive, breathing with a subtle wave of change that constantly kept her eyes wandering up and down, side to side. Eventually the clash of cool and warm color flattened, not so dramatic, and the sun rose, a ball of blinding force.

  Rylan drew her tighter to him and said softly, “This is the image you hold in your mind tomorrow KarRa. This. Our Dark is gone. When I press you over into the furs, when I send my flesh into your body, when I pour myself, magic, cream, and soul, into your keeping, this is what you keep in your mind. We will take each other in the light, and never look back.”

  His cock pulsed between them as tears flowed down her cheeks. She wanted to be blinded by the light, so that it was all she would ever see. She wanted to freeze this moment.

  She whispered, “We only go forward now.”

  He kissed her ear softly, flicking her lobe into his mouth to suckle briefly. Letting it go with a soft pop, he breathed, “Yesss. I love you, KarRa.”

  * * * *

  They breakfasted with Kor and Alto, two Owls Rylan had been sleeping with. KarRa was pleased to see they had a comfortable bond with Rylan that reminded her of her friends. They talked of useful books to learn of the Truxet, and directions to a certain treasure room, and how to get trunks delivered. KarRylan were going to fill a trunk for their future home, planning to decorate a shak they’d never have to defend. Both of them agreed that Vyur’s room had a wonderful feeling of comfort and simple wealth they’d like to model.

  After they ate lunch at a vendor down by the river, they went to KarRa's room in the women's caves. Already it no longer seemed like it belonged to her. She was visiting a place of fond memories, from a distant perspective of growth. She checked, but Freezha was still out.

  In her room she found a vase from Cro with two notes. One said, “So sad to hear of the attacks. So glad to hear you are well. This is for you. Thinking of you! Congratulations, Cro.” The vase was wide at the base, flowing up in a rounded sweep to a narrow neck only two fingers wide, the lip curling open to fall like a wave. After a moment KarRa saw that it was meant to look like water—the ceramic was glazed in all shades of bright and deep blue and purple. It reminded her of Freezha’s eyes. There was a painted motif around the bottom, interesting water creatures in a vivid dark green that was raised off the blue glaze. She recognized the style. Proteus had painted it. And she'd bet Cro had made the vase. An object of beauty, a gift unstolen, and she’d never have to trade it. It was hers.