Terry Persun's Magical Realism Collection

by Persun, Terry

  Monday morning couldn’t come quickly enough. Taking Friday afternoon off had been a big mistake. He wanted to be at work. Yet, once he settled at his desk, his wanting waned in a few hours, and he began to feel anxious. He carried on, interacting with everyone as though things were all right. Towards the end of the day, he felt like he was going to explode. He made a final phone call to California at 6:00, trying to get Kevin Bacon to do a spot for him. It was a no-go for the moment. He’d try again.

  The next day wasn’t much better. By Thursday night Lew needed to blow off some energy, so he went up-town to Farley’s Bar. The crowd poured in from the streets. Farley’s was a dive; Lew knew from experience that if he needed trouble he could find it there. With his smoldering anxiety, it was easy to get irritated and to irritate others, to quickly connect his anxiety to anger, and his anger to physical confrontation, he hoped.

  By eleven the three neat bourbons made him volatile. When three guys innocently shoved by him as he returned from the men’s room it happened.

  “Yo buddy, watch where you’re headed,” said a dark-haired, muscular man.

  “Up yours,” Lew said, knowing exactly where things would lead. His instincts took over. He could read the man’s expression and movements like road signs. He stood firm rather than walking on. Then he made a quick disgusted look with his face and turned his head as though blowing the guy off, as though the guy wasn’t worth the trouble. It was enough to get a reaction.

  “What’s with you, asshole?”

  Lew met the other man’s eyes defiantly. “No, what’s up with you?” And with his last word, Lew pushed his finger through the other man’s personal space, poking his chest, high, near the clavicle.

  One of the man’s friends said to Lew, “Man, don’t be a jerk,” but it was too late, both men were locked—two magnets wrapped up in each other’s negative fields.

  When Lew lifted his finger and flicked his wrist near the man’s face, it was too much.

  “Don’t, George,” one of the friends warned, but George had already begun his swing.

  Lew ducked and threw a punch to George’s stomach, but there wasn’t much power behind it. Still, George stepped back and pushed against someone standing behind him. He stumbled to regain his balance, and in that moment his two buddies grabbed Lew’s arms. George threw three punches into Lew’s head and face, then his two buddies dragged Lew quickly, pushing through the crowd, out the door and onto the sidewalk.

  Lew felt dizzy and his face hurt. He had wanted to exert some energy, but instead had been contained. His insides pitched between anger and sickness, and the sickness won over. He threw up in the street near where he had been thrown. He turned around; the two men had already gone back inside. He forced himself to stand. Reaching under his arm, he felt a rip in his suit coat. His hands were dirty. He walked slowly to the corner and hailed a cab to take him home. He didn’t tip the driver, and listened as the man yelled an insult at his back while he climbed the stairs to his apartment entrance.

  Lew kicked the leg of the sofa, hurting his foot. He fell to his knees and began to cry for his own salvation. He didn’t cry to any god; he cried to the memory of his father, a man who would backhand Lew whenever Lew did something his father didn’t like. Often something as simple as saying “uh-huh” instead of “yes” drew the lightening-fast backhand, or when Lew, concentrating on his homework, didn’t hear his father ask a question at all. Lew cried, looking at the faded white speckles of the ceiling.

  “Stop hurting me,” he said out of nowhere. The pain he felt on his face reminded him of those slaps, his father’s hard knuckles, the ring that cut him. And there was never anything he could do. He tried to stand up to his father once, when he was in the seventh grade, but his father was a strong man. By the time Lew reached high school and was equally as strong and quicker, his father was gone, moved out. In a few years he died. Lew had never faced him.

  Now, he cried out his name, which was the same as his own. He called it out as his mother used to do when angry, “Llewellyn, let me alone,” he cried. “You can’t keep this up. Finish dying.” Lew wept into his hands. How long had it been since he had gotten this emotional? He seldom cried, yet lately had felt it coming on often. All he wanted to do was get into a big fight and hurt someone, just as he’d been hurt so often.

  The tears tired him and he went to bed. Early the next morning, he noticed the black and blue marks on his face as he stared into the mirror in disbelief. What had he done? He cleaned up the best he could, and took the early train to work. He shut his office door for privacy and called Joe to tell him what had happened.

  “So, what do you want me to do, wave my hand and get rid of your bruises?”

  “No,” Lew said, “talk to me. I don’t know what to do. I’m falling apart. I cried last night. Don’t you get it? I don’t do that. I don’t know where that even came from. And still my insides are screaming. I pitch back and forth between wanting to kill someone and wanting to cry. Joe, I need your help.”

  “All right, Wolf, all right. But I’m at work. You’ll have to wait for me to get off here.”

  “Thank you.”

  “What was that?”

  “Don’t make it worse than it is.”

  “I’m sorry. It’s just not like you to even ask for help. Not directly, anyway.”

  “I’ll be home tonight….Joe, will you call?”

  “Yes.”

  Lew hung up and then called Gary, who was much less sympathetic. Still, in his own ham-handed way, Gary tried to help. “You won’t believe this Wolf, but you’re a lot like me.”

  “That’s probably why we have this love-hate relationship,” Lew told him.

  “It may be. But whatever the reason, I understand how you feel. I know that doesn’t help, but I do understand. Sometimes there’s so much going on inside me, that I just want to end it all.”

  “So what should I do, Gary?”

  “Joe told me what he told you last Friday after you two left the cookout, and I concur.”

  “Take a vacation?”

  “Go somewhere where you can get physical. Hike, canoe, ski. It doesn’t matter as long as there are few people to interact with. Talk to yourself. Review your life.”

  Lew leaned onto his elbows, slouching in the chair behind his desk. He felt terrible. “Maybe,” he said.

  “You think about it. In the meantime, I’ve got to get ready for court.”

  Lew nodded and hung up. He knew Gary didn’t want to stay on the phone and resented him for it. It was only ten o’clock, so Lew began to review some account files with intention of making an appointment or two for early the next week.

  About noon, Lynne called to say she’d heard he was in a slump and would he like to meet for lunch and talk awhile. Lew didn’t know whether he wanted to talk or be alone, but his instincts said go, so he agreed to her proposal.

  “Where do you want to meet?” Lynne said.

  “I don’t know.” Lew thought about his bruises and changed his mind about lunch. “Maybe we shouldn’t. I don’t feel like being in public.”

  “You have to eat.”

  “I’ll order in.”

  “You sound like you need a friend. Why don’t you meet me at your place? I’ll bring a picnic basket. Maybe it’ll cheer you up a little.”

  Lew took a deep breath and agreed. He got his desk in order quickly and left his office.

  “Shit, man, what happened to you?” Craig, one of the account reps asked. “We were wondering why your door was shut all morning, now we know.”

  “I got jumped last night.”

  “I’m sorry,” Craig said.

  “So are they.” Lew passed him a quick glance that said, “Now lay-off.”

  Craig took the hint and ducked into another office.

  A lot of people stared at Lew, which made him wonder just how bad he looked. This morning in the mirror it didn’t seem so severe. Trying to keep his head turned away from people took a lot of concentr
ation. His anxiety level rose quickly. By the time he got to his apartment, he needed to release some energy, big-time.

  Lynne stood just inside the entranceway, dressed in a white sleeveless button-down and a short navy blue skirt. She kissed him when they met, then said that he looked pretty rough. “No wonder you don’t want to be in public.”

  “Don’t rub it in.”

  “Sorry, I didn’t know you were so sensitive,” she said.

  It sounded like something Gary would say, and Lew remembered how he’d been blown-off at the end of their conversation. Without responding to her remark, Lew led her up to his apartment.

  “Nice place.”

  “Thanks.” He hadn’t noticed before but Lynne carried a large basket, larger than what she’d need for a few sandwiches. She placed it in front of the sofa while Lew headed for the kitchen.

  “Want something to drink?” he said.

  “Sure, water’s fine.”

  “Water?”

  “I’m dieting.”

  “The woman’s curse,” Lew said. When he walked back into the living room, there was a blanket on the floor and Lynne was setting out wrapped sandwiches and small plastic containers of salad.

  “Here you go,” Lew said, holding out the water glass.

  She stood and met him half way to the picnic spread. “Off with the coat and tie,” she said, reaching for him.

  He let her remove the tie while he slipped his jacket off, careful not to spill the water he still had in his hand. She smelled clean, like she’d just showered, and the odor interested Lew. He began to notice things about her. Like she had put on makeup, washed her hair recently. Her brownish hair and gray eyes held his gaze longer than was healthy for a married woman.

  “Let’s sit, Wolf, so you can relax.”

  “You don’t call me Wolf very often.”

  “It’s an odd nick-name.” She tossed him a smile. “But it fits you. It really does.” She sat on the blanket, her knees together and bent to one side.

  Her skirt rose well above mid-thigh and Lew quickly checked his initial responses. His head interjected the thought that seducing Lynne would be a perfect way to get back at Gary for being so insensitive earlier. Any moral dilemma that tried to creep in didn’t have a chance against his growing need to release his anxiety and frustration. He sat cross-legged on the blanket, pulled each shoe off and set it aside.

  “Good idea,” Lynne said, removing her open-toed shoes as well.

  Lew followed her movements out of the corner of his eye, while pretending to be focused on unwrapping his sandwich. Lynne’s legs parted enough for Lew to see white between her legs. Her skirt hiked up another inch also, but she didn’t pull it back down.

  “So, what happened?” she asked.

  “Got in a fight. Things haven’t been going well lately.”

  “Work, too? I thought you were the hot-dog over there.”

  Lew shook his head. She was a lot like Gary, the way she came across so sarcastically. Did he really want to get close to her? “I’m their top account rep, but that doesn’t mean I always win—only that I usually do. Does Gary win every case?”

  “Let’s not talk about Gary right now.” She darted her eyes away suddenly like a frightened animal. A quick darkness flashed over her expression, one of concern and confusion.

  Lew knew, suddenly and certainly, that she was toying not so much with him, as with herself, seeing how far she might go. Things were bad at home; he’d noticed the same signs of frustration coming from Gary on more than one occasion. He reached over and touched her knee. “You all right?” he said so calmly that the fury inside him was hidden, the still cage with the wild tiger inside.

  Putting her hand over his, Lynne smiled. “We came to talk about you. What’s bothering you, really?”

  She’s blocking, he thought, then said, “Everything in my life seems to be falling away.” He stopped there, hoping to open Lynne up, get her to become vulnerable by discussing her own problems. He worked on his sandwich slowly.

  “I know what you mean.”

  “You do?”

  “Believe me. So what’s happened lately?”

  “The past year, you mean? Because this has been going on for awhile, bit by bit. The divorce, Julie’s remarriage, their move, not seeing Michael. I lost two big accounts the last month and only gained one. On top of all that, Sharon and I are over.”

  “You are?”

  “It’s been coming on for a while.”

  “I’m sorry. Boy, there is a lot going on.”

  “And there’s more. Please, though, I’d really rather not talk about it. Let’s switch to you and Gary. How is it at home?”

  Lynne frowned. “Oh, I don’t know.” She put her hand over her mouth.

  Lew slid over near her, his knees touching hers.

  “We always seem like we’re at each other’s throats. You can’t say anything without some comment. I’ve noticed, lately in particular, that it’s not just Gary. When he says something, I get irritated and snap back. No matter what it is. ‘How’s your day been,’ he says, and I slap him with, ‘How would yours be if you had to la-de-da,’ and I pull something out of the air, just to get back at him. I hate it. I hate what I’m doing to him and I hate what he’s doing to me.” She started to cry.

  Lew put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer, letting her head rest on his shoulders, hoping that her mascara didn’t stain his shirt. “That’s all right, Lynne. I understand.”

  “What’s wrong with us?”

  “It’s just a rough time.”

  “You should know. At least I’m not beaten up.” She lifted her head and gently touched a bruise over his eye.

  It was time and Lew moved without remorse. He leaned in and kissed her, assertive, yet gentle. She gave in to him and let herself fall forward.

  Lew rubbed her side, next to her breasts and then up her back.

  When their lips pulled apart, Lynne put her face next to Lew’s neck and sighed. “I know that wasn’t right,” she whispered.

  “It was only a kiss,” Lew said, quickly giving her permission, letting her know that he didn’t think badly of her.

  “Still….” she said.

  “Shush, you needed to be close to someone. So did I. You’re helping me, too.”

  She looked into his face. “I didn’t mind helping.”

  Yes! Lew thought, the invitation. He kissed her again, this time longer than the first. It wasn’t overly exciting for him, but he knew how to make it seem as though it was. He shifted his head and mouth, moved in a circular motion as if enjoying the contact. He thought about work. His eyes were open and he glanced at the clock.

  Lynne held his shoulders.

  As he pulled her closer, he felt her legs part in order to get out of the way. He let his hands drop to her thigh and she made a start, but quickly relaxed.

  There was only so much time before he must return to work. He didn’t want to risk rushing too quickly, yet he was becoming impatient with the progress he was making. He kissed her neck and shoulder and slid his hand up the inside of her thigh, slowly, then stopping, then further until he met with the softness of silk. Lynne took a deep breath, but didn’t remove his hand, so he rubbed slowly, in circles, increasing the pressure until he felt her getting damp.

  Then Lynne, too, reached for Lew’s crotch, rubbing with the palm of her hand until she could easily trace the length of his penis with her fingertips.

  Lew pushed her back onto the blanket and brought his hand up to unbutton her blouse. He gently opened her bra and slipped each cup off separately. Her breasts were soft, too soft for Lew’s taste, and reminded him that she’d had a child. She was small-breasted, but the stretch marks were very noticeable. He tried not to concentrate on it and leaned in to kiss her neck while he flicked her nipples hard. Then he moved his hand back to the hot spot. Lynne continued to rub around, and occasionally over, his penis. Suddenly Lynne brought both her hands to his chest and pushed. “
No,” she said. “I can’t do this. It isn’t right.”

  For a moment Lew was shocked and just looked at her.

  “It’s not you, Wolf, really. I just can’t. It’s me.”

  He was surprised and thankful and disappointed all at the same time. Sure he wanted to get back at Gary, just one more thing he’d have over him, even if Gary never found out. At the same time, Lynne just wasn’t his type. He chastised himself for going too fast. He knew that if he’d slowed things down he’d have had her begging for it.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “You’re right. I should know better as well.”

  Lynne rolled to her side and sat up, her breasts jiggling as she did so.

  “We were vulnerable,” he said, “not thinking straight.”

  “It’s okay,” she said. “I’m just not ready for this.”

  You would have been, if I’d have taken my time, Lew thought. He reached up and touched her cheek. “Don’t beat yourself up over it. Nothing happened. I’ve got enough bruises for both of us.”

  He glanced at the clock again, this time making sure she would notice.

  “Oh, you’ve got work,” she said, slightly disappointed.

  “No, that’s all right. I can go back late.”

  Lynne put herself back together and stood while still buttoning her blouse. “You don’t need to. I really should go anyway. And you haven’t even finished lunch.”

  “Neither did you.” He stood with her.

  Lynne touched his chest. “Save it for later.”

  Lew thanked her, then bent down to quickly clean up. He wanted to be going, and it seemed that she was just as eager to leave. There was no reason to postpone it.

  While he took their lunch into the kitchen to put in the refrigerator, Lynne wrapped up the towel and basket. “Just leave the water,” he said, “I’ll deal with it later.”

  Trying to avoid one another without insult, they left the apartment, Lynne hailing a cab and Lew heading for the subway. They hugged politely before separating and going their own way, but there was no eye contact.

  Sitting on the subway, Lew reviewed the situation and took satisfaction in the fact that he had taken advantage of Lynne and that Gary would never know. He realized it wasn’t right, but rationalized that it was as much her game as his, and quickly turned his thoughts to work.