Dead Moon Rising

by Caitlin Sangster

  Dread pricks inside my stomach, wondering where the cocky, calm version of him went. Howl clears his throat. “I’ll try. You have to be scared, trapped in there the way you are. Stories are what we’re made of, you and me. They’re the only thing left that isn’t broken.

  “I never finished the one about Hou Yi, the archer.” He laughs a little. “The one I told June as she…” As she fell Asleep, but I’m glad he doesn’t say it out loud. “The archer in that story was really a man. I just thought June would like it better if it was about a girl like her. After Hou Yi shot down the suns, the gods rewarded him for saving Earth. They made him a king and gave him a pill that, if he ate half of it, would give him eternal life—a life up in heaven’s court in the sky. He got married to the girl he loved—her name was Chang-e—and they were happy.”

  Pause. Happy. I can feel him tasting the word. As if the world is a place with something in it other than war and guns and blood and SS. Where things are simple enough for a boy and a girl to decide they like each other and have that be the end of it. Or the beginning.

  Howl’s words even out a little as he continues. “Chang-e and the archer decided they wanted to stay on Earth for as long as they could before going to live in the sky. Every day together was a dream, with everything anyone could ever want, but all they wanted was each other.” Longing strings through his voice.

  “But,” he continues, “after years and years together, the archer forgot about the suns he’d shot down. He forgot the people he took care of at the foot of his castle. He even forgot his beloved wife. All he could see were the gold coins piling up in his treasure rooms and the beautiful gems his servants wove into his hair.”

  He forgot? My insides seem to go cold, wondering why Howl is telling me this particular story.

  “ ‘Am I not beautiful enough for you?’ Chang-e asked her husband, but he was too busy counting his coins to hear her,” Howl continues. “The archer king had heard of the riches in the sky where the immortals lived and decided he wanted to take it all. He called his swordsmen, his archers, his riders. Set a day on which he would take the pill of immortality he was supposed to share with his wife and use it to find the way into heaven, lead his soldiers where they should not have been able to go, and take the riches of the gods. Chang-e, the girl he’d loved so much for so long… She couldn’t see the man she loved anymore.” His voice grinds down to a strained whisper, the words far apart.

  Silence. For too long.

  Howl’s finger runs again down my arm, so dangerously close to the tube feeding directly into my vein, the serum waiting to go in. Ten minutes until the guard patrolling this section of the garrison passes, he said. How much of that time has passed?

  His story continues in that awful whisper, as if every word pains him: “When Chang-e heard what her husband meant to do, she went into his rooms in the dead of night to steal the pill. It glowed like a light in her hand as she snuck out, and the guards outside his room called out an alarm to wake him. And the archer king—her best friend, the man she loved for so many years of her life—chased her down the hall, his bow in one hand, an arrow in the other.”

  Every inch of me wants to move, because I can hear the end coming, and the tube connected to my arm feels as if it’s on fire. What are you trying to tell me? I want to scream, but the words are trapped in my dead, dead mouth.

  “Chang-e ran until she came to a window, and though there was a cliff below, with nothing to gain but death, Chang-e shoved the whole pill into her mouth, and the light went inside her, every inch of her glowing. Then she jumped.”

  She jumped? Chang-e married the man she loved, lived with him her whole life, and then, when he decided he hated her, she jumped out a window?

  “I love you, Sev.” Howl’s voice tingles through me. “If you don’t hear anything else, please try to hear that. I came here for you. Sole was going to kill me, and you too, because it might be the only way. She says there’s no cure. That the whole world is going to die. And instead of letting her try, I came here.”

  There is a cure! There’s no way to tell him. If he puts the serum into my arm, no one will ever know. My silence has killed the whole world.

  “I never told you about Helix and the others. You asked me before why they were all so scared of me. Why they hated me so much,” Howl says. “You said it didn’t matter, but it does. I said I’d never lie to you again.”

  Mei told me. I know what people said about Howl. There were rumors he got people killed on his own team on purpose, but there was never any proof. I don’t believe it, because that’s not who Howl is, no matter how people have decided to paint him.

  “Helix… everyone… thought I let people who trusted me die. That I sent anyone who picked a fight, disagreed with me, to their death.” Howl is still for a moment. “It’s all true.”

  My heart, already so, so silent, stops.

  “I mean, it might as well be.” Howl’s voice breaks. “I didn’t kill anyone. Not on purpose. But I wonder now if I did something without even knowing it. If, back then, I was dead enough to any kind of feeling that I saw the world wrong. That there were ways to keep everyone safe and I couldn’t see them. I have hurt a lot of people, Sev.” His voice is fracturing into little shards and he curls next to me on the bed, shaking, shaking, shaking. “I almost let Dr. Yang kill you. Led you right into his web when I knew he wanted to suck you dry, that he’d take you as an offering instead of me. It’s the only way forward I saw, because I couldn’t see anything more important than myself.”

  You didn’t send me to my death. You wanted us to switch, for me to be the cure, but the moment you saw I was a real person, you couldn’t do it.

  “And when I found out you were back here, I… did it again. I led people here who want revenge, who want to kill anyone with City stars. All to get to you. What does that make me, Sev?”

  You wanted to kill everyone with City stars not too long ago! The fact that you’re even asking these questions matters The world isn’t made of right and wrong, because that would be so much easier. I want to yell it, want to force him to look at me, to lift up his shoulders where I can feel them sagging. I’ve never seen you hurt people just because you could. You’ve always tried to do what was right.

  “And here I am hoping you’ll run away from everyone else, leave everyone else to die because there’s no hope. But that’s what you are to me: hope.”

  That he’s sitting here now, saying these things before I’m awake as if he couldn’t get them out otherwise… It makes me love him even more. He’s trying to do the right thing when I’m not sure right things exist.

  Tai-ge

  I manage to catch Helix before he falls to the ground, the knock sounding again at the door. Dragging him to the desk, I pull Dr. Yang’s chair back and shove Helix in the empty space, fitting myself in beside him just as the door opens.

  “Director Chen?” a voice asks. Helix’s eyelids clench, his forehead creasing with pain. I hold absolutely still, my weight against him to keep him from flopping sideways.

  Footsteps come into the room, and there’s a swish of papers riffling against one another. But then the footsteps walk back out, and the door shuts. I let Helix spill out from under the desk, pulling his bootlaces free even as he groans, his hand traveling toward his head. I wrench his wrists behind his back and tie them, then turn him facedown on the floor to tie his feet. Once that is done, I go to the table, trying to choose a paper that doesn’t look important. But in the end, Helix begins to make noise, so I grab one at random, crumple it up, and stuff it into the Menghu’s mouth.

  With no other leads to go on, I try the desk drawers, the cabinets, even run my hands along the walls for hidden compartments, but there’s no device. Denial, fear, failure a burning inside me, I grab all the loose papers I can, each one covered in sciency gibberish I don’t understand, and cram them into my coat pockets.

  Sparing one last look for Helix where he’s shoved under the desk, I run toward S
evvy.

  CHAPTER 40 Sev

  “THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, Sev,” Howl whispers. “I thought it was just that I’ve spent my whole life trying to keep from drowning, but not even Sole thinks I’m worth anything alive anymore.” The admonition takes the last breath out of him. “I came here hoping to be with you. Hoping we could escape, that I could make you happy. But when you wake up, I’ll be the same as I’ve always been. Me plus whatever it is that’s wrong in my brain that made me such a good Menghu.”

  His arms fold around me, his voice against my neck. “Only a few weeks ago, you thought I was going to chase you to your death.” His voice whittles down to nothing, a whisper I almost can’t hear. “You jumped, just like Chang-e.”

  You didn’t want gold and jewels. You wanted to live. It’s not the same thing. I want to say it. I command my mouth to move, but it doesn’t. I want him to kiss me. No, I want to wake up so I can kiss him and tell him he’s wrong. The plastic edge of the syringe digs into my arm. What will Howl do if I die from that serum, with him the one who put it in me?

  “Things are going to get worse,” Howl whispers. “With no cure and not enough Mantis out there, I’ll have to be… whatever it is I am. Could you live with someone like me, who will defend you? Who will want you to defend me too?” He turns so his breath dusts across my nose, warm enough I can feel him close. “Is it wrong to defend yourself if it means someone else might die?”

  It’s the same question I’ve asked myself over and over, wondering how that day in the tower at Port North—Tai-ge dragging me up the stairs, taking the device from my shaking fingers—would have gone differently if I’d only had a gun. I don’t know all the answers! I want to yell. I don’t know what is right and what is wrong.

  “I’m scared that when you wake up, you’ll jump again. That you’ll fall the way Chang-e did, and then—”

  SLAM. The door’s rusty hinges scream, and the metal echo splinters inside my ears. Howl is off the bed, and all I can hear is the vicious sound of flesh hitting flesh, the grunts and muffled swearing of a fight.

  A breeze from the hall beads across my skin. The bed jerks to the side, and my foot falls over the edge. There’s a squeal of rubber on cement: shoes on the floor.

  And then a horrible, deadly silence.

  But then Howl speaks. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “What are you doing here?” Loathing. Self-righteous. Indignant.

  My gut clenches. Tai-ge?

  “If you think for a second I’m going to let you lay a hand on—” Tai-ge’s voice makes my insides crawl, as if he still thinks I’m a little doll he wants to sit on his bed.

  “Last I checked, it was you she was trying to run away from, Tai-ge. You’re the one who called in the Menghu who made her Sleep.” Howl’s footsteps creak closer to the bed. “Put down the gun. We both know you don’t have the balls to shoot me.”

  Gun? Every inch of me screams to get up.

  “I didn’t realize balls and trigger fingers were linked for Menghu. I know at least one who’d be happy to shoot you. You’ll have to tell her she doesn’t have the right body parts to pull it off.” Footsteps retreat to the opposite corner of the room. When Tai-ge speaks again, his voice is strained. “I didn’t know Dr. Yang was tuned into my link. I called for Reds. My mother promised Sevvy would be safe. Which is more than the promise of a murderer.”

  Howl’s voice is right over me as if he’s all that’s between me and Tai-ge. “Your mother promised Sev would be safe? What makes you think coming here is going to end up differently than what happened at Port North? The Reds are doing exactly what Dr. Yang says.”

  “Not Mother.” Tai-ge clears his throat. “And I came alone this time.”

  Howl’s hands on the bed next to me press hard into the mattress. “You know a Menghu who’d be glad to shoot me…?”

  “They got me in the door, but I’m not going to let them have Sevvy. They just want to cut her up.”

  “The ones Sole sent. Does she know you’re with them?”

  “I don’t know.” There’s some shuffling, Tai-ge’s voice inching closer. “There are helis here, and I’m going to fly her out. What was your plan exactly?”

  Howl’s weight leaves the mattress. “I’ve got the serum to wake her up.” The tube in my arm shifts, and all the sickness inside me wells up, waiting. Mother cries. “Why don’t we ask her who she’d rather go with.”

  “No, wait!” The bed jerks to the side, and the tube in my arm goes slack. All I can hear is fabric tearing, skin and bones and muscle hitting the floor.

  Does Tai-ge know the medicine will kill me? Or is he just trying to get rid of Howl? I hope for the former so hard it makes the insides of my head warp, sucking in as if I’m holding my breath. Could Tai-ge fix something for once instead of screwing it up?

  If Howl will listen.

  Which it sounds like he is not. The bed lurches under me again, Howl letting out a muffled grunt that turns into a gasp from Tai-ge and then his voice, strained from the floor. “Get off. It killed Jiang Gui-hua because—”

  “She was old.” Howl’s voice draws close again, and his arms fold under me, moving me to the side of the bed. “She was Asleep for eight years, and they didn’t know how to take care of her.”

  No. He sets me on a hard, flat surface, the cushioning thin enough I can feel the metal bars beneath it. A gurney. No. The tubes twitch again, pulling against the tape on my arm as Howl picks up the syringe. NO.

  Tai-ge coughs, his voice strained and coming from the floor. “There’s a specific way it needs to be given. In doses.” The words stretch tight from the floor as the tube in my arm flexes. “Please, Howl. She was my best friend. If you kill her now, that’ll be the end of our hope to cure SS.”

  The tube in my arm relaxes a hair.

  Howl’s voice is rough. “There is no cure.”

  A blare of sound shatters the air, my ears screaming. Everything inside me wills my hands to move, to cover my ears, to get my body away from the awful shrieking. An alarm.

  The gurney jerks underneath me, my body lurching to the side and my brain lurching with it because I don’t know who is moving me or where we’re going. Out in the hall, the sirens blare even louder.

  Suddenly, the gurney gives a violent spasm under me, and then I’m somehow on the floor in a mass of pain, my arm and side pressed to the cold, hard cement, my IV pulling at my skin. The floor rumbles underneath me, a noise even louder than the sirens pounding through my head. Was that a bomb?

  “What was that?” Tai-ge yells over the sirens.

  Howl is coughing, but his hands find me, checking my arms and legs and ribs for breaks. His voice is tight. “I… stole some bombs from someone, and I probably should have realized they’d notice. They were supposed to be headed for the camps. Help me get the gurney right.” His arms inch under me and lift me from the cold floor, my shoulder and hip aching from where they hit. But it’s hard to concentrate on that. Bombers. That Howl led here.

  “What do you mean, they were supposed to go to the camps?” Tai-ge demands.

  Howl’s heartbeat is a deep drumbeat against my ear, racing too fast, his breaths too shallow. “Get away from me. Away from Sev. You’re all dead anyway without a cure.” He adjusts his hold on me, one arm shuddering under my weight.

  “Mei was right about you.” The black in Tai-ge’s voice sends cold shivers up and down my body. “You’d kill anyone if it meant—”

  “You can tell me you’ve never hurt anyone before, Tai-ge? Intentionally? Unintentionally?” Howl’s moving, his voice rock hard, but I can hear the cracks.

  Boots sound against cement, and my head lolls to the side as Howl starts walking. Hair slides across my face, itching on my forehead and tangling in my eyelashes as shouts echo closer, until suddenly a door shuts and everything is a little quieter. I think back to what I remember of the hall outside my door, my last look at the world before Dr. Yang put me under. We must be in one of the ot
her labs.

  A radio crackles just outside the door. Howl crouches next to me, his muted swear a breath of hot air in my ear.

  “Do you know your way around the garrison?” Tai-ge asks, and I feel Howl nod, his whole body moving with it. His arm supporting my legs is shaking now, my weight too much for him. His shoulder, I remember. The gore bit his shoulder. “There are probably soldiers down both halls on this side of the bunker. If we get out through Dr. Yang’s living quarters, there’s a helipad outside—”

  My head lurches back. “Take her,” Howl says urgently. “Take her.”

  Every inch of me rebels as Tai-ge grabs hold of me, the buttons of his uniform pressing into my ribs through the thin hospital gown. Shouts start in earnest, and I hear my name among the words. We have to get out of here now, and I can’t so much as take a step.

  A door slams up the hall. Then another, a little closer. They’re checking all the rooms.

  Howl’s voice, a few feet away: “If we could just get back to the gurney… There’s a way onto the helipad, you said? After that, you march right back to whatever soggy rice terrace you crawled out of, understand?”

  “You can’t take her. There was a cure at Port North.”

  Another door slams. This one closer. “No, there wasn’t.”

  “There was. I took it. Then the Menghu took it from me.” Tai-ge’s arms hug me closer. “My best guess is that she knows something—that it’s hidden or coded in a way that only Sev will understand.”

  Slam. They’re coming closer.

  “Why would Dr. Yang put her to Sleep, then? Sole told me the device was empty.” The doubt in Howl’s voice feels tangible, angry, and disgusted all in one. I want to reach out and touch him, make him look me in the eye and give him hope. There is a cure. And I know where it is. I know where it is!